Chapter 18 Liar Liar
Lily found a charmed note on her bedroom desk Saturday night when she went up for bed. At school, they were usually birds or butterflies to pass notes around class, but this was the first time she had ever seen a parchment monkey. The outrageously long, curled tail was a nice touch.
The monkey's tummy had the written message:
L ~
Everything fine.
See you Monday.
~ S
Sundays were Evans' family day with church, brunch, full tea and dinner with fancy dessert, all dressed in their best. Lily had already thought about running off tomorrow to go to Sev's house to get at least the short version of the story.
Sev was so sneaky sending a preemptive note. First darned Sunday after getting into his house, something big had gone on, and Lily wanted answers.
And where did he learn how to make a monkey note? This was so cool. It had a nice range of movement too. Hm, maybe Lily could improve the charm once she got it out of Sev. It would be cuter if it scratched its underarms, uncurled its tail then rolled it back up, and maybe stuck its tongue out too.
The note seemed content to hang out on Lily's desk. She'd let it pace around there till it lost its magic, and then put it someplace safe for keeping. Not that it was a love note … no, just a note from her best friend that she had kissed twice. Stupid of Lily to take a Saturday Sev-free. Now it'll be two whole days till she got a chance to get a third kiss.
At Hogwarts, she could go fine for days in between Potions class without talking to Severus. Sometimes she was so mad at him, they didn't even talk during lab.
Impatient to talk to Severus, Lily joined her father for breakfast on Monday morning. She did not ruin dad's impression that she was down here special for him. As she ate, Lily thought it really was silly to think that Sev would be here this early. She couldn't think of a time anyone mentioned that he ate breakfast with her dad. Sometimes, her father crossed paths with him for lunch on Saturdays. Maybe she should go back upstairs after her dad left for work. Wouldn't want to give Sev a reason to smirk when he found her waiting for him, she thought as she picked up her Daily Prophet. Lily was already in the kitchen doorway to go back to her room when her mother said, "Severus will be here within five minutes."
"How do you know?"
"He doesn't come round the corner till your father's car has passed."
Lily stared out the window over the sink. Sure enough, Mrs. Evans was right. Although she knew that he didn't know that she was watching him through the kitchen curtain, he had to be intentionally aggravating her with his slow progress as he meandered a path that took him to both sides of the street, with an occasional pause to study something that caught his attention.
She folded her hands over her chest and watched Severus head to the back of her house and then, nothing. Lily stood waiting. She looked at her mother.
"Oh, you wanted me to let him in, Lily?"
"Huh?"
"Severus doesn't just walk into our house," Mrs. Evans replied as she took a mug of tea over to the back door.
Lily rolled her eyes. Of course not, but normal people knock instead of lurking.
He followed her mum back in, and she asked "Well?"
As he started to sit at the counter seat, Lily corrected him, "Come sit over here," and pointed at the seat her father vacated so he wouldn't be in Petunia's way.
"Got in a bit of trouble for casting," Severus answered as he went to the seat Lily chose for him.
"What did you cast at them?"
"Oh, not them. They were already taken care of by the time I got there. My father had me fetched after that."
Lily swallowed and leaned a bit forward, waiting expectantly to hear more.
Mrs. Evans put a bowl of porridge in front of Severus while there was a pause in the conversation.
Severus knew Lily would not appreciate the duplicity of the muggle gang. Once Tobias found out from his son that these two were a couple of minted nobs, in addition to being disrespectful gits, it was child's play for the 'dumb' and 'scared' muggles to trick the superior smart wizards.
These muggles had certainly never been scared of Severus, though he felt that some of his dad's mates were awed by his reductos, especially the one that reduced the entire Gents to white ceramic powder.
If Potter and Black were stupid enough to let his father take their wands, then they were stupid enough for Severus to use them for all the bad 'muggle-hating' spells. He was not going to suffer a thrashing from his father for those sods to ride off laughing into the sunset on their broomsticks.
"I rennervated the muggles they stunned," he said, and actually used the slightly beaten and stunned bodies of Potter and Black for that once they had been placed tied up in the basement.
"I also tried to reparo a few things, got a table and some chairs together, but a lot of things were ruined because parts had been banished." Yeah, banished to a shed two blocks over in case the plan went awry, and Severus was left reparo'ing everything himself.
"Why would they banish anything?"
"They're berks. When it's easy for another wizard to reparo something, and they don't want it fixed, that's all they need to do to keep it broke. Magical Law Enforcement and some other Ministry workers had to do a lot of transfiguration. Made Forever United look posh," Severus added with a laugh.
"That's so wrong!" Lily said indignantly. "Bad enough they were breaking up a muggle place of business, but to try to make it so wizards couldn't fix it, that's just atrocious."
"Yes," Severus agreed while keeping his face blank. He then added, "I was really surprised when I found out Potter's father went round the pub and offered to pay for anything that couldn't be sorted."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Why's James such a toerag then if his dad's a decent sort?"
Severus shrugged in response.
"Was it a lot?"
"I think it just turned out to be new televisions and some of the bar taps. The owner was tickled by some of the transfigured items and decided to keep them as is. Somehow during the scum's interview, they got the impression that all the muggles there knew I was a wizard due to my father and mother and let them keep their memories."
Mrs. Evans frowned at Severus's inappropriate term for the police. His father had a reputation for being a bit dodgy, but Severus had never caused the Evans any trouble.
"Is that good?"
"I think they lied because I can't imagine my father boasting about me to his mates."
"Were his mates awful to you?"
"Uh … well, I guess they could imagine if I can sort out anyone stunned by Potter and Black, that I could just as well stun them myself."
Lily laughed. She was then hit with the sober thought that if Sev really was the vindictive thug the Gryffindors said he was, why wasn't Tobias Snape restricted to eating through a straw by now?
"What about Black and Potter?"
"They ran off. They left their wands so I don't know how they got out of the cellar. I think that lot would know how to tie up a bloke, but it doesn't matter 'cause they got caught when they got back to Potter's. That's why his father popped 'round so quick, I guess."
"Why's that?"
"They didn't get there quick enough to cover their tracks. The filth were waiting there to catch them."
"Confessed?"
Severus shrugged, "Knowing them, I doubt it. I gave their names, and with two wands here, and them missing wands, it was cheaper to pay for some tellies, rather than have to bribe their way out."
"They wouldn't! Oh, you didn't mention, how did their wands get taken away?"
"I think they underestimated muggles. Rather than running out the door like the pub was on fire, they jumped them when they started breaking things. I'm a little impressed that only two got stunned."
"It's a rough Manc pub," Lily explained before feeling tactless because Severus's father was from Manchester, and although Sev was from here, he had picked up some of the mannerisms. Not the good ones either.
Petunia decided not to wait in her room this morning till Lily and her freak friend left, and came in for breakfast.
"Who told you that you could sit at the table, freak?"
"Petunia," warned her mother.
Severus smiled. "Good morning, Tunie."
She sniffed as her mother served breakfast of porridge, toast, juice, tea and a soft-boiled egg.
"Do you want to go upstairs, Sev?"
Since he rarely contradicted Lily directly, he just shrugged in reply, then followed her up to her bedroom.
Lily wavered as she closed her door over, would her mother get suspicious if she closed it to just a crack? If she played her cards right, she could close it a little more each day, and it would be almost closed by the time they returned to Hogwarts.
"I wrote out those letters," he commented when she got done adjusting the door.
"One can be sent now."
"All right. Should I seal them up then?"
"Why didn't you seal them?"
"Thought I'd save you the trouble of opening them, Lily."
Lily glared at Severus. He made her sound like a snoop. "Everyone knows you Slytherins use invisible ink and then write it in varying code based on the position of the planets, and the daily special at Florean Fortescue's."
"As long as you realize the futility then," Severus teased as he sealed the letters.
Lily opened her owl's cage, offered it a treat and then handed her over to Severus for instructions.
After the owl was let out the window, Lily said, "Prepare yourself."
"For what?"
"I'm about to kiss you, Sev, and I don't want you tipping out the window when you twitch away."
She saw his eyes glance at the door, which confirmed they were unlikely to be seen because the door's hinges were closer than the doorknob. He continued to stand still, and his eyes shifted to look directly into Lily's.
Since he had nowhere to go unless he jumped on her desk, Lily decided she didn't have to clutch his shoulders this time. She placed her left hand flat in the middle of his chest, and reached behind him with her right hand, letting it hover in indecision as her lips got closer. When their lips touched, her free hand decided to land on the back of his neck, under his hair.
Severus brought his hands up to rest lightly on Lily's shoulders. Briefly, she cursed the luck that she was wearing a shirt with sleeves today, but then considered that she was touching Sev's bare skin and could slide her fingers lower and under his clothing, if she wanted.
His vertebrae were bony, did hers poke out like that, or was it just the way the felt, but not the way they looked? Continuing to explore the neck above his stretched-out collar, there was something raised in a straight line but it wasn't completely vertical so Lily stroked it in order to make a diagnosis, and then followed it further down into his shirt. That's where it got really confusing because she found a similar feeling line, crossing the one she was following.
Suddenly, Severus flexed his shoulders and leaned back from the waist from Lily. He removed his hands from her, and pulled her hand out of the back his shirt. "Stop it," he said with a jerk of his head, which was enough to swing his hair forward.
"What?" she asked, trying to box him in bodily as she saw him pivot to escape and put space between them. "Did I hurt you?"
"No," he replied sullenly, even as he accomplished his goal of getting out from between Lily, the desk and windows.
Severus stopped a few feet away, in an open area of floor, and folded his arms over his chest. He left his head tilted forward and a little to the side, to purposely cover his face with his hair.
"Why … ?" Lily stopped verbalizing the rest of the question, can't you act normal, Sev?
Her only reply was a deep sigh with a slight sway of lank hair.
"Lily," her mother said as she opened the door without knocking. "There's someone here with questions about that phone call you made on Saturday."
Lily was confused. Severus made it sound like it was all sorted.
Flipping his hair back, Severus was equally skeptical, but asked, "Did you let him in the house already, Mrs. Evans?"
"Shouldn't I have?"
A pained look crossed his face, but he did not scold Mrs. Evans. Mildly he said, "It would have been polite for the person to write for an appointment so you and Lily would know when to anticipate the visit. There shouldn't be any need for urgency two days later for someone to show up at your door unexpected."
"I've already offered him tea," Mrs. Evans replied as she left Lily's room, expecting them to follow her downstairs.
"I'll go first, Lily. Don't be on the stairs at the same time as me, and after that we should stay physically separated, until we can confirm the identity of this visitor."
Severus's paranoia must be rubbing off, thought Lily as she grabbed her wand. He was making excellent sense, for once.
Entering the Evans' sitting room, Severus recognized the wizard from Saturday night. He had been at Forever United briefly, till it was discovered Potter and Black had run off. That did not necessarily mean it was the same wizard, or that his visit was benign.
"Mr. Snape," he said pleasantly. "We meet again. Miss Evans? I'm Alastor Gumboil, Magical Law Enforcement."
Severus stuck to the plan and stood on the opposite side of the room from where Lily sat down.
"Since you are underage, Miss Evans, I'll just wait for your mother to return before we begin. All right?" Gumboil asked with a smile meant to relax his possible suspect.
He turned to Severus, and started, "I may have one or two ..." pausing when Mrs. Evans came in with tea, biscuits and some toast, laid it out properly and began serving.
"As I was saying, I may have one or two questions for you, Mr. Snape, if you wish a parent to be present."
He glared at Gumboil, and pointed out, "Mrs. Evans is a parent."
Even though Mrs. Evans knew Severus could have a sarcastic sharp tongue, she was touched in a small way when he said that.
Gumboil didn't have any questions yet for Snape, so didn't bother clarifying. "I'm just following up on a minor complaint from Saturday's investigation. Really nothing of consequence, Miss Evans. However, considering the families involved, every possibility, no matter how unlikely, must be followed through."
Knowing what 'families' meant, Severus let out a weary sigh. Potter and Black were throwing their weight around, rather than admit they did something wrong. If they had waited a week, they could have claimed Lily invited them to Forever United for her sixteen and a half year birthday party. The only reason anyone ever believed their lies was that they were just so outrageous.
"You called the phone number given to Hogwarts muggleborn students during the holidays for emergency use only?"
"Yes," Lily responded. Why wouldn't he think a couple of students blowing up a muggle pub wasn't an emergency?
"Very good." Then he asked, "Were you at the pub at all?"
"No. Severus called me … I think from the pub. He gave me the address and I called once he told me there was a lot of damage caused by other students."
"All right then. Uh Mr. Snape, you didn't have the number to call yourself?"
"I'm not considered muggleborn, so no. I live in a muggle house with no floo, and my family does not have an owl. I was aware Lily was given a phone number years ago for an emergency."
"You didn't think that without a floo or owl, that maybe it would have been wise to also have the emergency telephone number?"
"I don't have a telephone either."
"You are not muggleborn?" Gumboil asked, circling back to an earlier piece of information.
"My mother is a witch." Severus then stated firmly, "She's rarely in good health so I think it highly presumptuous to assign her any responsibility for delinquent underaged wizards with neglectful parents that wander through the area."
"Ah, so that's why your father fetched you 'round, instead of her," Gumboil said with a nod, and now knowing why a number of muggles knew about witches and wizards around here. "So, Miss Evans, you were not at the pub at all, although it was suggested by Mr. Potter and Mr. Black that you were?"
Lily gasped indignantly. "Those toerags! And they are in Gryffindor with me! Filthy, lying cowards. No, I was not in the pub. I was at the library and then I was at home."
"Did you see them earlier in the day, while you were traveling to or from the library, perhaps?"
She spit out, "No." Then added, "But Black was bothering my sister, Petunia, at work. She called home to let me know, and I spent all afternoon looking out the window because if Black cast a spell near my house, I'd be the one in trouble because I'm muggleborn and underaged."
"If he's your housemate in Gryffindor, surely you don't really think he'd do something like that?"
"He sure would. They had no reason to be about here. Severus and I are the only Hogwarts students about here, and neither of us asked them round. If they hadn't been caught, us two would probably be your main suspects right now."
Severus kept his face calm. Lily was referring to the two of them as a team, and against Gryffindors.
"Possibly. Though you two have your wands, and our suspects left their wands behind. Do you happen to have you wand on you, Miss Evans?"
"Uh … yeah," she said as she handed it over.
"Do you do any magic over the summer, Miss Evans?"
Severus burst out in loud, uncharacteristic laughter. "Lily Evans? The perfect prefect break rules? Never."
Trusting Sev, Lily said, "No."
Gumboil cast a couple Priori Incantatums and was answered with the charms that Lily had done last week at the Snapes'.
Lily looked at Severus. He started this lie, and he better give her a clue.
"How can you be so lame, Evans? Prof. Flitwick didn't even bother with those because no one could give a crap, but you go practicing them anyway?" With his typical smirk, he teased, "I even think they are right after the other in the fifth year charms text too. You don't even read what these do before you insist on casting every spell in the book." Severus laughed some more.
"The only reason Prof. Flitwick couldn't get to them is that we have some slower students in our class," Lily replied with a pout.
"That's okay," Gumboil interrupted, cutting off any more childish arguing, and handed Lily back her wand.
He flipped his notebook back a page. "Do you think your sister would like to provide any information regarding this case? Potter and Black did not try to deflect any blame onto her so I …"
"She's not a witch," Lily said, "but she was very upset that Black singled her out at her job at the movie theater. I'd hate to have him think he could treat other ladies like that."
"Although I'm sure your sister would supply valid testimony, I don't want to have her relive any indignity or get her hopes up that there would be any justice. These two are slicker than bicorn poo. Nothing sticks to them."
Lily knew a couple charms that would stick many things to them.
They completed their tea and bid farewell to Gumboil.
Mrs. Evans showed their guest out.
"Really bold and courageous," Lily muttered sarcastically. "Picking on muggles and then trying to get other students who live in the town blamed."
Severus shrugged, "Rich muggles aren't any different. They're spoiled tossers who think it's their privilege to have the lesser people clean up after them. We should only be too grateful to serve them."
"Yeah, I'll serve my foot up James Potter's arse first." She wasn't going to let Potter and Black ruin her summer holidays. With any luck, their parents would take some responsibility for them and straighten them out with locking them in their palatial rooms and not serving them Grey Poupon.
Lily smirked at Severus, "Liar, liar, pants on fire."
He put his hand to his forehead in thought, "You taught me this one ..." His hand slid down to his mouth as he considered the next line, and when Lily's smile grew as she thought she had him, he replied, "Your nose is longer than a telephone wire."
"Oooh, I'll foil you next time. Mark my words," Lily threatened, as she and Severus helped clean up the tea things and returned them to the kitchen.
While Lily was thinking about what she wanted to do next - here, Sev's, or just walking around, two owls arrived.
"Now what?" muttered Severus. He really didn't need any more letters about 'fancying'.
As Lily let them in, she got excited. "I think it's our test results."
"About time. Almost wasted a whole month, when we could be doing our homework."
Like Severus, Lily expected to pass enough tests to be in a number of classes. It seemed so wasteful to have sixth and seventh years that took hardly any classes. Instead of them concentrating on their strengths, they just lounged around the common room being a nuisance.
Mrs. Evans returned to the kitchen, and thanked them for clearing up the sitting room.
Lily waved her unopened grades in the air to let her mom know she finally had them, and handed Sev his envelope. He retreated to his counter seat to open his without Lily ripping them out of his hand.
Lily opened hers and … well, this isn't what she expected. She wanted all Outstandings. Damn. She glanced across the kitchen, what if Sev got all O's? He was really smart at magic. Her mom wouldn't think she was dumb and wasted her time going to Hogwarts, would she? Maybe Severus would lie for Lily and tell her mom that E's were better than O's?
Lily stared at her grades:
Astronomy E
Care of Magical Creatures O
Charms O
Defense Against the Dark Arts E
Divination E
Herbology E
History of Magic O
Potions O
Transfiguration E
There was a little wait before Severus angrily said, "It's all the Marauders fault. I could have gotten an Outstanding in Transfiguration. I knew they didn't like my History of Magic essay. Expecting me to puke out whatever Binns says, without thinking."
Lily was excited, she had an Outstanding in History of Magic, and Sev didn't. Ha!
When he didn't give any more clues, Lily used the same tactic he did, and said, "I didn't have a rapport with my tester for Divination. I knew my reading was going to be off."
"Ewww … Divination? Why didn't you just lie?"
"I don't make up my divination work."
"Everybody else does."
"Stop making fun of one of my favorite subjects." Severus made a face, just like Lily wanted him to. "What grades did you get, Sev?"
Rather than answering properly, he grunted and folded his grades in half.
Lily frowned. "I'll share my grades with you."
"Mmm." His grades were folded again into quarters.
"I know you tried your best. And mum knows that too," Lily suggested trying to keep her friend from sinking into those black moods of his. Severus wouldn't give her mother a hard time, would he? She fed him.
"Neither of us went for the easy Outstanding in Muggle Studies. We're already way too smart to stick metal things in electric sockets," Lily said, parroting Sev's stupid wizard argument back to him.
"I'm sure there must be more to a course than that, Lily," her mom chided.
"Not really. Electricity and batteries don't work in the school's magical field, so they can't even do anything hands on."
"It's really a waste of time," Severus commented.
"And since you think Divination is already a waste of time, Sev, I'll let you know I got an Exceeds Expectations. You next."
"I received an E in History of Magic."
"That's better than everyone that fell asleep in class," Lily said encouragingly. That couldn't be his highest grade, could it?
"I also got an E for Transfiguration."
"Me too," Lily replied. "And I need that class."
"For what?"
"For the list of NEWTs that I'll need for my career."
Seeing a confused eyebrow creep up Severus's forehead, Lily clarified, "If I want to apply for Healer training, I need a good Transfiguration grade because I'll need to be able to reverse accidents."
"Like Pomfrey?" Severus asked with a non-supportive look on his face.
"Well, no. I don't think I'd want to be a school nurse like her. I don't think I could take all that crying. When I took Willoughby, a first year, there after Black hit him with that witty Wedgie jinx that they've been casting for five years, it was horrible. Those toerags cast it so hard, that it's just not a reversal, but having to treat the injuries. He cried a good half hour behind that curtain."
Severus shifted a bit, being the victim of that many times himself. "I can show you the charm to lift it. Being you are a prefect and should be righting things."
Mrs. Evans frowned. It seemed that some boys at Lily's school should never have left lower school till they grew up a bit. Wedgies weren't even funny among lads without magic. And ripping her Lily's blouse open for a lark wasn't either.
"So now that I told you what I was going for, what career did you and Slughorn settle on for you?"
"Huh? Why would Slughorn care? I'm not in that dosser's Slug Club."
"Your head of house should have met with you, Sev."
"I've never given him a gift, and he knows I never will. Greedy sod doesn't need more anyway. Can't even turn in his office come mid-December."
Lily thought it more likely that Severus chose not to keep his appointment. Prof. Slughorn was quite nice and helpful to her, and always willing to take time to give her advice. She wasn't even in his house.
"Well, if you could share your grades there, Sev, maybe we can come up with something, and then we can figure out what classes we'll be in together."
He unfolded his now mangled parchment, and commented, "I'm not going to settle for less than a Chocolate Frog Card model."
Lily rolled her eyes at him and grabbed his grades, before he changed his mind.
As she flattened the parchment, she tossed hers at him now that she saw there really wasn't a list of Os here. The scoring curve must be pretty strict. The only two people that Lily knew in their year that were better than her in class were Severus and the Ravenclaw with a forehead as wide as a billboard.
Ancient Runes O
Arithmancy O
Astronomy A
Charms O
Defense Against the Dark Arts O
Herbology O
History of Magic E
Potions O
Transfiguration E
"I see you got an Outstanding in Charms," Severus said as he studied Lily's grades. "So you are as much of a swot I said you were this morning."
"Your grades are good too, Sev. Other than modeling for a profession, what would you like to do in your spare time?"
He met Lily's eyes and raised an eyebrow. Then the smirk appeared, and he complained, "There's no way I could be bothered listening all day to dunderheads who turn their wands backwards and whine about every ache and pain they feel."
"I know the perfect job for you," Lily said with a serious look, before kidding, "You could train security trolls."
"They smell bad."
"If you are going to be so particular, I'm going to have to try to find the pamphlets I picked up from my career talk."
Lily then added, "Oh sorry, mom. Here's our grades."
James was tilting his chair back on two legs, feet resting on the table in front of him, reading Sirius's letter for the third time, as he rocked precariously.
Frowning, he was disappointed that Sirius looked through the Black family library. Sure, Padfoot was probably bored to tears with listening to his parents about the weekend's disaster and about his little brother Regulus poo'ing gold, but those weren't books of joke spells.
Maybe Remus would have an idea. James still waited for a reply to yesterday's letter.
When he lowered his chair to the floor, the leg came down on Peter's letter. Wormtail's letter was so whiny that James wouldn't be surprised if Peter started wearing knickers with Puffskeins printed on them.
With a sigh, Severus put down yet another of Lily's magical career pamphlets. "You were interested in all these?"
"Not really, but I thought the variety rather thought-provoking, and I didn't know what scores I'd get on my tests then."
"Mmm," he replied, not picking up any of the pamphlets that Lily now had laid out for him.
Lily didn't know what else to do. She told Severus this was important, and he wasn't doing anything about it. He could easily do any of these Ministry jobs, or be a curse breaker for Gringott's.
Her friend had been moody all morning. He was a master of deflection, and made the trouble two days ago sound like it turned out all right, but there was surely something missing. "Was your father really upset on Saturday?" Lily asked.
Severus looked at her like she was daft, and replied, "It was a Manchester United match." Like that explained anything.
"Yes, but it wasn't you … interrupting it."
"I'm not the only thing that makes him angry, Lily."
"What happened at the pub after Black and Potter escaped?"
He shrugged, "Filth were already there and tried to fix up the place."
"The … muggles were happy with what they did?"
With a snort, he explained, "Yeah. The muggles described what used to be there, and then a wizard tried to transfigure it. As I said earlier, it got posh quick."
"So … once you got home what … what did you do?"
"Locked myself back in my room. What do you think? That we'd have some big laugh over it, or some teary-eyed moment?"
"Uh … no, I just thought that maybe …"
"No. I got home, locked myself in my room. My father came home in a good mood so he gave my mother the hard one. He was so delighted by his fascinating day that they kept it up till almost dawn with all their loud carrying on."
Stunned, Lily slowly digested that Sev was saying his father and mother had a long, noisy celebratory shag. No, she was not understanding because that was just inconceivable. Parents of children their age didn't … do that anymore.
"Well … maybe with you being locked in your room, they could have been … doing something else."
"Don't treat me like I'm an imbecile. I've seen him get his leg over enough to know what's going on."
In Lily's mind, there was a monstrous difference between hearing something and seeing it. She was looking for the off switch for her brain