Kay was caught in the cafe waiting for the falling snow to lessen a little. He smiled as he recall how sweet Yan Lan was sitting opposite of him watching Kay drawing his face as Yan Lan dropped his chin on to his rested arms on the table just watching Kay ....both starring intensively as though the whole world around them didn't matter.
"I really miss the happy times together " he recall reading Yan Lan's message last year. "I'll be back here still"
He took out his phone and retrieve their past photos of their holidays here. He was preparing to open up and just embrace the pain and happiness as it comes. "I feel I'm living in a life where the movie is being filmed on us real time... there are so many script writers around us that builds up the expectations on how they want us to end up, but my script for us is that you stay safe and happy... I miss you deeply" he replied to the last text.
He smiled looking at the photo they took on the chairlift, Yan Lan pushed Kay's head on his shoulder leaning into him and snap a selfie of them. He touched the screen on his mobile as he smiled yet as he did that he suddenly feel a warm stream of tears trickling through his face. He gripped the pen on his hand pinching it so tightly as he held on to the pain and misses deep in his heart while a drop of tear escaped down to his sketch book smearing the writing on it. The misses truly bring about a suffocating feeling internally for him, just too hard to keep. He took his neck scarf to wipe it but the pain in the heart seems to linger longer and the next thing he knew, memories of them sitting on this spot, sound of laughter, their hugs by the snow bed, their lovely actions synchronising hand in hand down the ski slope ....it all came back at once overwhelming him. He took a deep breath looking up trying to contain it but it feels even more suffocating. Needing to get it out, afraid he would breakdown here. He summon himself to pick up his stuff into his back pack and headed out to put on his ski. He hates having to feel this way. He took his ski pole and went straight down the tracks just taking in the wind, the snowflakes that hit his face as he swing forward faster felt harsh, he was lost in trying to loose this helpless feeling. "Yan Lan! I miss you!! He cried out loud as he skied down the slope as fast as he could just wanted to let it out, wanting to loose this feeling.
Yan Lan came back to this place every year, he had always been as how he promised Kay. It was his space where he remembers their time, where he continues to believe it is just a matter of time. He wants Kay so badly but the discord sowed had seemingly caused so much discomfort and misunderstanding that they choose to manage the interactions given the sensitivity all around.
And this time he packed his gears feeling hopeful
"Kay left for a break, he took his winter gears with him" so he heard from some mutual friends.
He was out perfecting his snowboarding and skiing skills - a day after Kay arrived. And in the corner of the cafe when Kay was engrossed in his thoughts, Yan Lan sat quietly when he entered the cafe later - all wrapped up. the moment he saw the familiar figure seating there, his heart leap out but he choose not to approach the table seeing Kay's réaction deep in his thought. He knew him so well - seating on the same table scrolling through his phone and just drenched in his thoughts. He wanted to reach his hand out to just touch his face and hold him, just wanted to be there with him, next to him..... Kay came back here, that's all he needs to know. But before he could leap happily across to the table, Kay left in a hurry with his back facing him he couldn't really see him clearly. As soon as he got out, Yan Lan was stunned, he followed after but there wasn't any trail of him.
Two souls on the same place, separated by just coldness and snow... how much harder can it get to just let them have their time alone.
Yan Lan ran through the tracks on his ski, through the chair lift and the usual routes he was familiar with Kay but there still wasn't any sign of him. He paused and took out his phone... he stared at it first but put it back again, he was adamant to find him and leave that option to the last resort.
The sky is getting dark, and Kay came back to this new spot he found through a new route after ramping down the slope earlier and back up through the gondola. A little quieter than usual but he was conscious to get back early. The ranger guide around the area had reminded everyone the chairlift service stops in the next 30 minutes and so several routes will be shut leaving him with only a limited routes left otherwise he had to make his way back on foot through the walk way path . It didn't matter to him, he wanted time out here. As it started to snow heavier, he zipped up his sweater and put on his hood. As he passed another junction. He spotted a few tiny movements by the frozen bushes and stopped. Rabbits! a group of them. He stopped, removed his skis aside and his gloves while quietly taking his camera out from his back pack. He quietly took a few pictures and followed them into a small trail. There were wild berries by the side of the frozen bushes, there were birds flying around, given food seem to be abundant here. He continue snapping photos but stopped after a while realising his hands were now freezing cold as he had left his gloves with his skis out at at the side of the tracks.
He quickly turn and made his way back figuring out the trail back to the tracks. And as he walk back slowly along the trail, stepping through the thick snow he was deeply engrossed looking at the photos on his camera, beautiful rabbits and wild berries. So beautiful even in such harsh cold winter, he thought smiling now and pleased with his photography skills, eliminating his earlier emotions from the cafe. As he walked back to his abandoned skis, he was alarmed to see his gloves were missing and as he looked up further where the snow falls in the open, he stopped.