Chapter 1: Regina the Queen Mum
Ten Years Later: Storybrooke, Maine
Regina Mills flipped through the summer Victoria's Secret catalogue that had been delivered to her house as she took her usual Saturday night soak. She was probably the only person in town to receive such a catalogue or for that matter to receive mail outside of Storybrooke.
She was trying to decide what lingerie set she wanted to purchase for a quick rendezvous with the town's sheriff when she heard a knock on the door.
"Just a minute, Henry." She hissed.
He knew better than not to disturb her during Saturday soak time. She needed her alone time; she had made that perfectly clear to her ten-year-old during one of their many fights.
"I need to pee, Regina." The ten-year-old said.
Regina rolled her eyes. Henry hadn't called her mom in such a long time. A part of her knew she should've been upset about it, but at this point she had a fairly apathetic view about things at this point in their relationship. Raising a child had not been what she expected; ever since she adopted him Henry had been a thorn in her side.
"Just go to the bathroom downstairs. Or the one next to your room. God knows, I think we have four of them in this house. You're just doing this to bother me."
Henry laughed.
"It's not funny, Henry. I've told you time and time again that Mommy needs her alone time on Saturday."
"Yes, before you shag Sherriff Graham, I get it. But I left one of my Transformers in there and—"
"I don't care about your stupid toy," Regina said. "You'll have to wait and if you don't, said toy might be going down the toilet drain."
Okay, so she wasn't exactly the nicest mom ever. She couldn't help it. She was the Evil Queen after all, and there was something freaky about her son.
She didn't realize this though when she adopted the boy. She had been so lucky that Sidney had been able to locate a child so quickly for her to adopt. Really, she had been worried about his skills, he was no Rumple, but he had surprised her. Of course, she really wanted to have a child biologically, but that was impossible. Since one of the downsides of the curse stopping time, thus being sort of a semi-permanent birth control.
Now though, that she had been child rearing for the better part of ten years, she saw that aspect as a bit of a blessing rather than a curse especially if most children were like Henry.
There was something ridiculously eerie about the boy, she thought. She didn't know what. She had Graham investigate his birth mother's file—a woman who had been incarcerated for life and lost all parental rights. There wasn't really much to go off of there, save for the fact that his mother was a murderer. But Regina's mother was a murderer too, and she turned out just fine. There was nothing regarding the father, and she never could find out anything. It had been one of the reasons she allowed Graham to remain out of town as long as he did, but rather than actually finding useful information he began to have an affair with some bushy haired librarian.
Regina scowled as she thought about finding her booty call hunched over in the library with that woman—no, she was practically a girl—it was a good thing that she had grown to be a much more generous person in her later years. A few decades back and it might've been enough for her to squeeze her huntsman's heart into dust. However, Regina liked to pride herself that she had grown up a lot since she had cast that curse twenty some odd years ago.
She was after all a respectable law abiding mayor here, who hadn't killed anyone save for a random hiker. But that had been a necessity more than anything else.
At least that's what she told herself.
She shook her head. God, why was she thinking about the past? This was, after all, her world.
Besides, she could still hear Henry pacing outside her door.
Didn't he understand that this was her time of solace?
"You better stop pacing. That toy is so going to get flushed if you don't stop that nonsense."
"You'll have to call the plumber if you do that." She heard Henry snap.
It annoyed her how much of a mouth that boy had on him. The bug—who she had been sending him to twice a week for the past year—said he was just testing her authority. Personally, Regina thought he was just annoying her.
Again, why did she decide it was so necessary to have a baby?
She had been so happy being alone. She had Graham if she needed a decent booty call. And God knows, if she wanted to eat a swanky dinner she could always call on Sidney. But no, that hadn't been enough. She was getting the almost twenty year itch as she liked to call it, and decided to adopt.
Henry had been a cute baby, if a bit freakish. But all babies, Regina thought, were a bit freakish. Still she could remember how those goldish green eyes had peered at her the first time.
That color, there was something about them that freaked Regina out. She couldn't pinpoint what it was. And as Henry grew he continued to put her on edge. Always brought the worse out of her.
Shaking her head she thought about what she was going to do with his toy. He was right, if she threw it down the toilet it would plug the pipes up and that was the last thing she wanted to deal with—having a former troll unplug her pipes on Saturday night. Instead she merely took the toy and decided she was going to hold it ransom.
Henry glared at her as she walked to her bedroom.
"That's mine." He stated in an eerie voice.
"Finder's keepers." Regina said before adding, "I told you to leave me alone, Henry."
He glared at her. "I hate that name."
"You hate your name?" Regina said. "Really? Well, when you're eighteen you can change it. I personally find it to be a lovely name, one you should be proud to have."
He glared at her some more.
"What?" Regina said as she walked up to the lock box where she held important documents and things she didn't want Henry to get his grubby kid paws on. "No witty come back."
"I want my toy." He stated. "It's mine."
"No, you left it on the bathroom floor and ruined my time of tranquility. And now I'm not going to look my best for tonight."
"He'll still shag you though, even if you don't have time to bleach your moustache." Henry said, "He always does."
"Enough, I don't even know how you know such a word. But I will not deal with such disrespect. And I do not have a mustache."
Though she could do with a good bleaching. Damn, Henry Senior's genes. She guess she should be glad she wasn't born male and didn't have his back hair issues.
"I'm telling the sitter that you're to go straight to bed tonight after you do your homework. No playing video games or whatever you do during then. No dinner. You're grounded."
"For what, asking for my toy?"
"No, for disturbing me. And saying I have a moustache."
"But you do." He said. "You could really get a job at the circus if you grew it out, it would be sort of cool. Probably the only cool thing about you."
"So, help me, Henry, I swear—"
"What?" The boy said.
"Just let me get dressed." She said, "Don't you have that reading assignment that Mary Margret gave you."
He frowned, "Yeah. The book she gave me is weird though. All the characters look like people in town. I mean, I haven't read it yet. But the pictures are sort of surreal."
"Don't be ridiculous," Regina said. "I'm sure they don't look like everyone."
"Well, there are a couple of people I've never seen before in there." Her son said as Regina flipped through her clothes. "But there's something off about the whole thing."
"What's it called again?" She asked.
"Once Upon a Time," He said. "We're learning about fairytales."
"Fairytales?" Regina said, knowing that that was the code word for the Enchanted Forest. "That is just ridiculous. Henry I don't want you reading that shit."
"Well, you said I needed to do my homework," The kid said.
"Yes, and you won't be reading Once Upon a Time. Besides, you said it was creepy I thought you'd be relieved that you didn't have to read such drivel."
He sighed heavily. "Well, now that you don't want me to read it—"
She shook her head, "Can't you ever be normal?"
"I am normal. You're the freak." Henry said. "I guess I better get started on that book. After all, you want me doing my homework rather than playing those horrid video games."
"I want you to do something that has educational value," Regina snapped. "Not reading fairytales. Now get me that book."
"Um, no." Henry said. "It's school property so I'll return it to the library."
"Fine," Regina hissed. "But if I hear you reading such drivel."
"Yeah, yeah, I know." Henry said. "Your really might want to think of bleaching that thing off your face. I think it's gotten thicker in the past few minutes."
Regina glared at him, but sure enough one glance in the mirror and she knew he was right. She practically could be a bearded lady with the way her upper stash was growing. She frowned not remembering it being that noticeable before, but shook her head wishing for once she could use magic before she went back to the bathroom to bleach it.
When she was finally ready to go, Henry was nowhere in sight. It was just as well. Regina wasn't the sort of person who showered her child with affection, let alone a child like Henry.
She frowned as she waited for a sitter. She hoped that Mary Margret didn't flake out on here. She shouldn't. She had programmed her to be a freaking lapdog in this curse. And it had worked for the most part, except for that blasted book.
She'd be having a word with her soon enough about that. She wanted to see said book, but Henry had made a point of hiding it from her. She'd find it soon enough though. If he took it back to school with him to hide it—well, she had ways.
"Mayor Mills."
There she was, her prodigal traitorous stepdaughter, her prime source of torture. "You're late." Regina hissed.
"I'm sorry, but I thought I had some time. I saw Graham on the street he was busy hauling Leroy off for public intoxication again, and said I'd have a little time."
"Of course," Regina said. "That dwarf is always drunk."
"I think the proper term is little person, Mayor Mills."
Regina rolled her eyes. Technically, Mary Margret was right. At least in this stupid world, but in their world they called Leroy (originally Grumpy) dwarves. "Whatever. I have something else to talk to you about anyway. This reading assignment you gave Henry."
"Isn't it great, we're studying the origin of folklore."
"I don't want Henry reading such drivel." Regina said. "He's already having enough problems as it is. He doesn't need to get anymore foolish ideas in his head."
"They're just stories, Regina." Mary Margret said. "It might do him some good finding about the origins of said stories."
"He said the artwork in the book you gave him looked like the people in town. I think it's best that you assign him an alternative project. He's already confused as it is."
"Confused? I knew he was seeing Archie, but I don't see how reading fairytales is going to make things worse."
"I am his mother, a member of the school board, and not mention mayor of this town." Regina hissed. "You will get that book away from him tonight. Do you understand me?"
"I—well, maybe, I can assign him something else. Would Charlotte's Web work, Regina?"
"I don't care," She said. "Just as long as it's NOT fairytales."
Mary Margret nodded before she looked at Regina oddly, "Um, Regina, I didn't notice this earlier, but you, I—never mind."
"What now?" Regina hissed.
"Your upper lip," Mary Margret said.
"I just bleached it," Regina said.
"Well, I think you missed a spot." Mary Margret stammered.
"You're being ridiculous."
"You might want to try waxing next time," Mary Margret said. "It's a bit more painful but—"
"I am not talking to you about my upper lip," Regina said though she managed to excuse herself to the bathroom and noticed sure enough that she had apparently missed a lot of spots earlier when she bleached.
She sighed heavily, knowing she had no time. Henry was right, Graham would screw her regardless of whether or not she had what was basically a glorified mustache but she still hated not looking pristine. Maybe a little makeup would help.
Speaking of Henry, she saw her son out of the corner of her eye smirking at her. She hated that. Only one person before liked to appear out of nowhere in front of her, and she squashed his heart into dust. Not that she wouldn't do that to her own son—at least not yet, there might be a day though if he kept this act up if she could ever get her hands on enough magic.
"I told you to stay in your room."
"I thought you were going to bleach your mustache."
"The bleach must've been bad. It doesn't really matter, it's not that noticeable. And I don't want you do this appearing out of nowhere trash. It's freakish. Go to your room. I'm going to tell Mary Margret you're not to leave. Oh, and give her the book. You have an alternative assignment. Charlotte's Web, I think."
"That book's for babies."
"So are fairytales." Regina said glaring at him. At this point she supposed she should hug him or kiss him on the head or something, but she couldn't. Instead, she glared at him and said, "Do what I say and don't be such a freak."
"There's little I can do about that," Henry said. "When my mother is the bearded lady."
Regina just gave him a look that could care, as she tried to figure out what to do about her upper lip. Maybe she had enough time to bleach again. She was sure she purchased a box the other day.
The doorbell rang.
Damn it.
Thank God, Graham didn't say anything about her mustache, Regina thought as they went to the one romantic place in Storybrooke—The Rose.
Not the most original name, and it wasn't really the most romantic place all things. It was run by Regina's old cook. She felt she deserved the servant something, and The Rose was it. Grant it, her servant was really only serving a couple of happy couples.
Really one.
Regina and Graham.
And happy might not be the right word.
As far as he knew they were happy though.
"What was wrong with Henry?" Graham asked after they had taken their orders.
"He's just sulking. I swear that boy is more trouble than he's worth."
Graham frowned. He didn't like it when Regina picked on Henry, which seemed to be more and more often these days.
"I don't mean it exactly like that,. He's just a handful. I worry about him, Graham."
Graham sighed and held her hand. The touch really didn't do much for Regina; she never got the butterflies around Graham or really anyone. It was more of a power thing for her and she did like the sex. It didn't mean it was good sex by any means, but it was still sex and she needed something to spice up her Saturday night. And as far as she was concerned, Graham belonged to her.
"It's going to be okay, Regina." He finally said. "You have to remember what Archie said."
She shook her head. "I don't know why he hates me."
Actually she did. If there was one thing about Henry that she knew, it was that the boy was unnaturally perceptive.
"He doesn't hate you," Graham said oblivious to Regina's actual relationship with Henry. "He's just struggling. It's expected."
"I don't see why he would be struggling though," Regina said. "It's not like his life is that bad, Graham. He very privileged. You'd think he'd be grateful given the fact how I found him."
"Regina, you didn't tell him about the circumstances of his birth, did you?" Graham asked.
"Of course not," Regina said. "Henry doesn't even know he's adopted. I don't even know how I would tell him that."
Though knowing Henry, he'd probably throw a party, Regina thought. He'd probably prefer having a convicted murderer as a mother to her.
"Maybe you should tell him."
"What?" Regina said. "Do you really think it's a good idea if I tell him that he was adopted and that his birth mother was a murderer?"
"Maybe bring up the issue with Archie. Regina, I think Henry senses that you're keeping something from him."
The bug had told her as much too. That and Henry wanted to be nurtured.
"No," Regina said. "He wants a father. You should come to dinner more."
"I thought we agreed to keep things casual," Graham said. "I mean, I thought that was what you wanted."
That was what she wanted. Regina never really was one for relationships, and while she loved her Saturdays with Graham, she didn't know if she could handle if their relationship was any deeper than dinner and sex.
"I don't know," She finally said. "I know that Henry needs someone though."
Graham squeezed her hand. "Let's think about it, let's not ruin a good thing. Okay."
She nodded as he leaned into kiss her.
She did not feel better, especially since he made a comment about how she of all people was giving him beard burn.
Really, the mustache she had was not that bad.
She frowned when she came home, completely exhausted and feeling grossly unsatisfied. Graham had an emergency to attend to, so she didn't even get her Saturday shag in like Henry called it.
She looked at Mary Margret. "Did you get the book?"
"He couldn't find it," She said. "But he promised to return it to the school next week."
"I want that thing outside of my house tonight," Regina huffed.
"Regina," Mary Margret said. "I think you need to calm down. A couple of days won't hurt. Henry's been in bed for a few hours. If you can find it tomorrow morning, I will be more than happy to pick it up."
"So, he behaved then?"
"Oh, he was a perfect little angel like always. How was your date?"
"Like I'd tell you," Regina said as she forked over the twenty dollars she promised to pay her.
She really didn't want to give her anything, but she kept up pretenses of trying to help the poverty stricken grade school teacher.
Mary Margret raised her eyebrow. "Okay, then. You were home early, I thought you wanted me to stay over night."
"No, Graham had an emergency to run. It's just as well any way, I have a bit of a headache. You can go."
"Alright then," Mary Margret said before leaving.
God, this night was terrible. All she wanted was a drink since she couldn't have sex. She was just glad Henry was asleep. That was something.
That was one thing she didn't think about children, when she decided to adopt. Maybe it was because was raised with the castle model, where children were occasionally seen when it was time for tea and then went back to God knows where with their nannies or governesses. In this world, there didn't seem to be any nannies or governesses that Regina deemed adequate enough or let alone anyone who she trusted enough to be a live in nanny. So, it was just sitters. And once Henry had become competent enough, she deemed that he could stay home alone as long as he didn't do anything too, too, crazy.
Not that there hadn't been moments where he had been dragged to her office by the ear because he decided to do something stupid like melt something highly inappropriate in the microwave just because he wanted to see what happened.
She sometimes hated that kid.
Sighing, after she finished her fourth martini Regina guessed she should check on the boy much like she used to when he was younger, before he started fighting back not idolizing her. Not that Henry ever idolized her. Even as a baby he and her had issues.
It sort of amazed her now how much she panicked that she sent Graham to make sure that the birth mother could never get her hands on her son. And she couldn't the woman was in jail.
Regina shook her head as she walked by the boy's room. The door was closed. She tried opening it but it was locked. Just as well. She'd talk to Henry tomorrow.
Sighing, she went to bed. It had been a long day and she hated sleeping alone on Saturday.
The next morning she woke up with something itching on her face. She knew she shouldn't have slept into her makeup. She frowned for a moment and groaned as she looked at her clock it was already noon.
She was surprised the little brat hadn't woken her up yet. Usually Henry made a point of being extremely loud post Saturday Shag. He knew Regina was always halfway hung over. It was, after all, the only day she allowed herself to get rip roaring drunk. And while she didn't have the shag last night, she still had the hangover.
She shook her head throwing on her bathrobe before heading outside her inner sanctuary. She knew something had to be going on. It wasn't like Henry to let her sleep in like this. A part of her was worried that he might've gotten sick. Snow did say he went to bed early after all, what if he caught something?
While he wasn't the son she expected, she wasn't exactly heartless. She didn't want him dying on her watch.
She was being ridiculous. Henry wasn't dying, he was probably if anything still asleep from reading books or some other contraband that she hadn't found during her periodic searches of his room.
She frowned again when she found the room locked. She sighed knocking.
He didn't answer.
"Henry," She hissed. "Henry, answer your door."
The boy didn't say anything. Regina groaned. "Really, Henry, do you want me to have to unlock the door. You won't like the consequences. Remember last time, I took your door off for a whole week. Don't think I won't do it again. Those puppy dog eyes of yours aren't going to convince me to give you another chance after acting like an ungrateful freak."
There was still no answer.
Usually the insult would do the trick. She hated admitting it, but sometimes the best way of communicating with her son was throwing back insults.
This time, Henry didn't take the bait though which meant today was going to be an especially bad day.
Regina rolled her eyes as she pulled out the key she had to Henry's room. After being locked out so many times during the past ten years, she had found it necessary to keep a key in her pockets at all time.
"I swear, Henry." She said, "You are not going to like the consequences for your behavior, young man."
However, when she opened the door it was completely empty. There was nothing there.
His bed looked like it wasn't even slept in last night.
Henry was gone.