'You're the only one I've allowed to ask me anything...'
'Go out with me...'
Hansel remembered the sweet nothings Derek had whispered to him before. Words like these, which he told him every now and then, warmed his heart but crushed something inside of him as well. [Reference to chapter 16]
He understood perfectly what Derek meant when he had asked them to start 'going out' before, but he couldn't help but feign ignorance. If he were to tell Derek that he had lied about his feelings, would he feel betrayed? Would he punish him for that or forgive him?
But if he wanted to know the answers to these questions, he would have to confess first. Just wondering about the face Derek would make while listening to him made him lose confidence.
"Umph…" Derek moaned in his sleep as he curled up in Hansel's arms. They were lying on the bed in one of the rooms of the guild. Hansel was surprised when the manager had insisted on escorting them to this room instead of his office, but he was thankful anyway. He felt more at ease here than in a room full of important files and a door which could crack open by anyone at any time.
Hansel stroked Derek's soft, black hair with the same hand he was using to pillow his head while he was lying on his side, facing his master. His eyelashes looked long as he was lost in dreams, unaware of the knight's gentle gaze on him. His warm breath hit Hansel's chest and his legs were wrapped around his thin frame. This moment was so peaceful that it made Hansel shiver in dread of their uncertain future. He suddenly became uncomfortable and freed himself from Derek's grasp, lying on his back now.
He was leaving for the south tomorrow and after he returned, he was doubtful things would remain the same for him. Derek was already at his prime. And with his handsome face and 'Wintern' attached to his name, he doubted any girl would mind throwing herself at him, not to mention that he also possessed exceptional skill with swords and was kind at heart. There was no knowing if Hansel could even return to his side after coming back. A cozy evening like this with him lying beside Derek might be the last one they ever spend together and the next time they meet, there might be someone more deserving standing beside him.
There were just too many 'might' situations he could imagine and not even a single one could put his mind at ease. Suddenly, Hansel's heart sank. Without knowing, he had turned too greedy, to the point that he wouldn't mind being locked in a room with Derek for the rest of his life.
"Hansel…" Derek muttered in sleep, feeling the lack of warmth beside him. He opened his eyes at once, just to see that his precious knight had escaped to the other side of the bed, away from him. Without any thought, he scooted over to Hansel, capturing him in his arms once again and burying his face in his nape.
"What are you thinking about?" he whispered in Hansel's ears, feeling too lazy to let his voice out, which had turned hoarse while he slept.
Hansel didn't reply anything. His hands just found their way to Derek's hair once again and brushed through them gently. It was as if he was trying to put his master back to sleep so that he doesn't ask something he couldn't answer.
But instead of crawling back into sleep, Derek's ears had perked up for an answer. Anything would have been fine as long as it was a word in Hansel's voice but his silence was what shook Derek's lethargic-self awake. He raised his head to look into his eyes and was surprised to see Hansel's pale face.
"What happened? Do you have a fever?" Derek immediately had one of his hands pressing his forehead and the other pressing Hansel's to compare their temperature, but it was his own temple which was warmer. He sighed in relief. He had to see the knight off tomorrow and it would have worried him if Hansel had caught cold.
"Then what happened to make you look like this?" he asked, caressing Hansel's cheeks with his thumb.
The knight began thinking how to refute but had his lips captured instead. Hansel was shocked when his mouth was invaded suddenly and his lips were sucked and bitten at hungrily. He couldn't believe Derek was so energetic just after waking up from a slumber. Before long, Hansel was breathless. He pushed at Derek's chest, hinting him of his shortness of breath but Derek left him only after he had had enough.
"Are you going to tell me now?" he asked, brushing Hansel's hair back from his forehead as he saw him panting for breath. "Hmm?"
"Th-that is…" Hansel hesitated trying to say what was going on in his head but there were no good words he could think of for speaking his inner thoughts.
"Yeah?" Derek kissed his eyes and entwined his fingers with Hansel's, trying his best to coax the knight into answering.
"Are you going to marry someone? No, I-I mean, you're good looking and have a promising future so I thought there must be many…willing…to exchange…vows…" With every word he spoke, Hansel saw Derek's complexion darken. The blue eyes he was looking into, turned icy-cold in a moment, the expression in them so foreign that it made Hansel shiver in fear.
Just because Derek had been a little kind to him, he had forgotten that he was talking to his master and unexpectedly blurted out something audacious. After all, what his master did was none of his business. Hansel felt bitter for some reason. It would have been better if he had kept his mouth shut. Why did he have to-
Hansel's train of self-ridicule got interrupted when Derek finally opened his mouth after a long silence.
"Are you going to be okay…seeing me with someone else?"