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Samantha's POV
I barely slept that night. I kept repeating the words over and over in my head.
"You're so stupid Samantha, I would never hurt someone I love! "
Someone I love.
Love.
I couldn't begin to wrap my mind around the concept.
Before I knew it light began to pour through the blinds of the living room Window.
As soon as I heard the lock on the front door begin to jiggle I snapped my eyes shut knowing that Kiesha would have a lot of questions for me.
When Kiesha stepped through the door
I heard her put her bag down on the table, and then footsteps towards the living room. She must have been looking me over questioningly because the steps came to a halt. It must have been a tough night at work because instead of making breakfast she continued up the steps to her a room.
I looked over to the cable box to check the time as soon as I heard Kiesha's bedroom door shut.
It was 5am; I had an hour and half till Ihad to get up for school. I knew I was going to have to face Blake sometime, but I was going to avoid it as much as I possibly could.
I was going to leave for school early, before Kiefer and definitely before Blake. I know he would be waiting for me to come up there because he clearly thought I had to, and I really did need too. All my clothes were upstairs, but at the moment I didn't care. I went into the laundry room, which held mostly Kiefer's clothes because he would always take his time washing his clothes, me on the other hand couldn't go to bed with dirty clothes in the laundry room.
I was wearing a giants jersey and underneath a white wife beater. I was
so happy I slept with my bra on last night.
I was digging through a basket of clothes when I found a pair of grey baggy sweat pants. I held them up against me. They looked big but not big enough to fit Kiefer, they must have been old. But I didn't care I . quickly threw them on, and went to write a note to leave for Kiefer.
I put my converse on, grabbed my bag, and silently slipped out of the door.
I knew it wasn't the smartest idea walking to school when you had a gang leader after you, but to tell you the truth I was more scared of Blake's confession at the moment.
But I was thankful when I arrived at school with no disturbances.
I stopped at Starbucks on the way to waste a little time so when I got to school it was 7am and the doors were already open.
There were about 3 other kids in the hallway sitting by their locker finishing up some homework. I sat on the floor by my locker sipping my caramel latte, when after a while I felt someone come and sit by me.
I was afraid to look, thinking it might be Blake. But when I turned my head I saw Adam.
"You look like a frog." He said with a smirk. What actually made me laugh was Adam's big body trying to uncomfortably sit Indian style beside. me.
"You're so sweet. Sitting down is kind of a simple thing." I said as I patted his legs dog so that they stuck out flat in front of him.
"Well I'm sorry I don't sit on the floor very often. If someone walks by and trips on my legs I'm going to laugh hysterically."
"Well so will I but, I'll help them up before I laugh."
"Which makes us two very different people."
"Why are you here so early anyway?"
"Had to take a test, how about you?" He
asked.
"I don't know really." I said, he could obviously tell I was lying.
"Well you sure look like you know. With the way you look you probably ran out of your house."
"I get it, I don't look so hot."
"That's an understatement." Adam mumbled, which earned him a hit in the arm which probably hurt me more than him.
"Okay so I was trying not to bump into someone." I said.
"Kiefer?" He asked puzzled
"Not Kiefer. Listen your one of Kiefer's friends and I really don't feel comfortable talking to you about this." I said.
"I understand that but ever since I followed you around for a whole day I consider you my friend so you could trust me." He said with a sincere look in his eyes, which made me trust him.
"It's Blake." I said.
"Girl you need to stay away from him." Adam answered with a shake of his head.
"Yeah well that boat has sailed. He told me he loved me." I said, wanting to take it back as soon as I saw Adam's eyes wide, and his jaw dropped.
"You're kidding? When Kiefer told me to make sure Blake stayed away from you I thought he was crazy, because Blake Frost does not chase after any girls, they just come to him. But then I saw him trying to talk to you and I knew something was up with the boy I just didn't know it was love." Adam said.
"It really can't be love, its Blake. He told me like one of the first times he talked to me that he doesn't do the whole love thing, but there he was last night. I don't understand, it's so complicated. I don't believe in love. I care about him but I just don't, no- can't love him." I said.
"Honey if a boy like Blakr says the 'L' word he must mean it. I also know that you could tell yourself you don't love him as many times as you want but I can see it in your eyes you love him even though you don't realize it."
"You're crazy." I said.
"No babe your crazy who wouldn't want a hot piece of ass like Blake Frost all over them, please if he went my way I would be all over that." Adam said.
I looked at Adam questioningly.
"Oh you don't know? I'm gay sweetheart." Adam said so casually.
"Oh really? I had no idea."
"Yup, I'm straight as a circle." He said which made me laugh.
"So will you be the gay best friend I've always wanted?" I asked.
"I'd be honored." He said dramatically, with a hand over his heart.
"What am I going to do? He's going to want to talk about this; honestly he could be such a girl. I just don't know how to respond at the moment ugh!" I whinned, as I leaned against Adam's shoulder.
"Well for today I'll help you out, and keep him away from you. Don't worry I won't do it obviously like last week. But it's only for today, just to give you a day to sort out your feelings, but tomorrow Blake's all yours" Adam said.
"'Thank you so so so so so so so so so so so so much!" I said to Ryan as I wrapped my arm around him to give him a hug.
"What's going on? Oh you look horrible" A voice asked from above. I looked up to see Aya with a smile of her face.
"A lot! And gee thanks" I said as I got up with Ryan and told her everything that happened with Blake the night before.
"You love him!" She said after I was done telling my story.
"That's what I was trying to tell her!" Adam said.
"You guys don't know anything. I don't believe in love, it's just a way to set yourself up too get easily hurt." I said as I walked in between them to my first class.
"If Blake ever hurt you I would kill him" Adam said.
I looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
"I might be gay but I pack a punch, do you see these guns?" Adam said as he flexed his bicep.
"And plus Kiefer would have the whole football team after Blake." Adam continued.
"Yeah Sam, you know Blake makes you happy. Stop making everything more complicated than it already is." Aya said as we reached the class.
As I made my way to my seat all I could think about was the many things that Adam and Aya didn't know about. The truth was that everything was already complicated.
20 minutes after the bell rang and Blake didn't show up for class, I knew he was skipping.
I was thankful that I didn't have to deal with him, but a part of me wondered what he was doing.
Throughout the day I just thought about everything. I knew I cared about Blake, but caring and loving are 2 different things.
I couldn't let myself love him, I was going to get hurt. Being with Blake made me happy, and I couldn't deal if he ever hurt me and took that feeling away.
How could he expect me to return the feelings when I didn't know everything about him?
Could I love Blake without knowing everything? Maybe I could but I just wouldn't love everything, if that even made sense?
No, no.
I didn't even believe in love, and the whole not knowing everything about him made it worse.
You can't give someone your love, just because the part you know about them you love.
If, and I said if I was going to love Blake, it would have to be because I loved everything about him even all the bad stuff. But that couldn't happen if I didn't know the bad stuff.
It was dangerous. Blake was dangerous. He wasn't reliable, or trustworthy. Being with him would be like just handing him my heart waiting for him to break it and I couldn't do that.
I wouldn't do that, and that's what I was going to tell him.