Shane could not help but shiver as an early winter wind swept into his jacket. he sat on the steps beside the sports field, watching the kids who braved the cold to play soccer. The cold was a weirdly effective tool against the ghosts that still swung in and out of her peripheral vision. Like it slowed them down. Shane shoved his hand into his pocket and wrapped his fist around the cross she'd bought from Minjae. It helped ease the incessant buzzing in his ears.
Shane didn't even glance up as Jihoon sat. He pulled out a banana milk and held it toward him.
Shane looked at it with a frown, feeling a sense of déjà vu from when he offered him a pair of headphones.
"I have two. It's a waste if you don't drink one," Jihoon said.
he tried to reject it, but he wrapped his hands around the banana milk, holding them cupped between his. The warmth of Jihoon's palms seeped into his cold skin.
Shane carefully took the bottle and watched Jihoon warily as he picked up his own.
"Are you going to finally tell me what's wrong?"
"I'm not used to trusting people with my secrets."
"Well, I know most of them already." Jihoon shrugged. "Seems like we could ignore that, or you could just take advantage of a willing listener."
He was right. Jihoon knew more than anyone, even Loralie.
"Why do you try so hard?"
Jihoon tensed shoulders half expecting SHane to hit him with a bat but then relaxed when he saw nothing.
Shane realized the buzzing in her ears was gone, like for a second talking to Jihoon had chased them away. Or maybe he'd just distracted him for a blissful moment. Either way, he didn't want to lose this slight reprieve.
"You're hurting." it wasn't a question.
"Does it hurt?" Jihoon asked .
"It does," Shane admitted. "Sometimes I feel like the Monstrous part of me will come out any second."
Jihoon swallowed, but he squared his shoulders and scooted closer to Shane, until shane felt the heat of his body against hisside. "Can I help?"
"You are," he admitted. "By being here, you're a pretty good distraction."
Jihoon smiled and tilted his head to look at the sky. "I can see why you sit out here. It's nice to get some sun."
Shane leaned back, too. "It's easier if I sit out here. It's quiet and it helps me relax a lot.Plus if kids are going to use food as a weapon, I shouldn't go where all the ammunition is."
Jihoon glared toward the windows of the lunchroom. A few students peered down at him and Shane curiously, like people staring at animals at the zoo.
"You should go inside before they get ideas about covering you in flour."
"I don't care what they think." Jihoon gently turned Shane's gaze from their spectators. "And neither should you."
"I can't wait for the day you realize you should run away from me."
'Liar,' a voice said inside his head.
'Shut up,' he told it.
Everything felt like it was shifting, creating a break in his shields, a crack in his heart. She had to be strong, but a part of him started to doubt this was strength. Why did he think depending on others meant she was weak? Because everyone said so?
Minjae's words echoed inside his head.
They were silent as they finished their milk. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For trying to protect me from Daniel. And for lying and saying I'm your boyfriend. I know you hate lying."
Jihoon faced him. "Then maybe we should make it the truth."
Jihoon's words scared Shane because he realized he wanted to say yes.
"Listen," Shane began slowly, trying to find the right words. "I never knew people like you existed. Someone who could know so much about me and still want to know me. It's scary. I'm not used to people liking me."
"What's so wrong about me liking you?" Jihoon asked.
"There's nothing wrong with it, except it's making me want you right back and I know I can't have you."
"Why not? I'm right here. Do you still not trust me?"
"It's not you. My sister and I never stay in one place long. I always make a mistake eventually. People are already suspicious of me now that Daniel's told them what happened at my last school."
"What if you didn't leave this time?"
"We will," Shane insisted.
"Okay, but let's just imagine, what if you didn't?"
he didn't want to play this game that already made his heart ache, but he gave in because that was his power. Jihoon made Shane want to hope.
"If I didn't leave, then maybe we could go on a date?"
"Yeah?" He smiled and that damned dimple folded in his cheek. Shane wanted to kiss it, place his lips right on top of it. And because of it, SHane pinched his lips tight, as if he thought they'd go rogue.
"What kind of date?" Jihoon asked.
"I don't know," Shane mused, using the guise of thinking to settle his speeding heart. "Namsan?"
Jihoon let out a laugh, then stopped when he saw SHane's frown.
"Namsan Tower? That's kind of a cliché, don't you think?"
"I don't know. I've never been," Shane bit out, suddenly embarrassed. She started to turn away.
"Okay, okay," Jihoon said, grabbing his shoulders so Shane faced him.
"We'll go to Namsan and I'll buy you one of those giant hot dogs with the fried potato around it."
"And an ice cream," he said. And then he realized that he wasreally starting to hope that they could go on this ridiculous, cliché date.
"The bell is going to ring."
"Okay, but don't forget that you owe me a date now," Jihoon said, letting go of Shane's shoulders. Shane's skin suddenly felt cold where Jihoon's palms had been.
"Sure, one day when you've decided you won't move, we'll go on this date."
"Good," Jihoon said with a smile.
The bell rang and Shane stood quickly, rushing to make it back inside. His chest was hurting, like something was pressing against his ribs. Or as if his heart was swelling because it was suddenly so full. A feeling he was so unused to, it hurt.