Expectations hurt. That was always the thing.
If Jihoon had expected Shane to act differently toward him at school, he was wrong. Shane ignored him all morning.
It was an uneventful day if you didn't count the many times he was distracted by the mere presence of the handsome man. He didn't acknowledge their conversation from the night before.
Jihoon found himself wondering whether he'd forgotten all about it. Then he realized that he was acting the same way a lovesick fool would and decided it best to carry on as he normally would, which meant napping through English class and skipping out to play video games. But he'd continued to sit watching the back of Shane's head as she scratched out furious notes.
"Don't you think quiet guys are so cool?" Seojun mused at lunch.
Jihoon glanced over to see what his friend was staring at. He shouldn't have bothered. Seojun was looking at a lone Shane, sitting in the corner of the lunchroom and resolutely ignoring all the students who tried to approach him. Well, at least Jihoon wasn't the only one he wouldn't talk to.
If loneliness were a flavor, Jihoon could taste Miyoung's like a bitter aftertaste that sat on his tongue. It wasn't just that he refused to engage other students in conversation; it was the way his shoulders hunched. How his face pinched and his hands clenched. As if the very act of socializing was causing him immense physical pain.
After school, Seojun abandoned Jihoon for the new afterschool academy his father had signed him up for. Which meant no distracting video games to help him ignore his worries. Minjae had gone out to some date. A junior girl had asked him out, and Minjae being impressed, went along with her.
So Jihoon leaned against the glass of the bus shelter and pulled out a pair of headphones while he debated just going to the PC room alone. He had a good view of the school gates and recognized Shane's tall and lean figure.
Pretending to fiddle with his phone, he observed Shane's slow approach to the bus shelter. He pinpointed the moment he recognized him among the students waiting by the pause in his step. Then he continued forward and took a seat on the bench, never acknowledging his presence.
Jihoon let his head rest against the glass and continued to shamelessly check Shane out of the corner of his eye. He sat staring straight ahead. He didn't know why it looked so odd until he realized everyone had their eyes glued to their phones. Everyone except Shane and a group of students chattering at the other end of the bus stop.
"I heard he got kicked out of his last school," said a boy short enough to look like he was still the first year. He had a sprinkle of freckles on an upturned nose and a pointed chin. He reminded Jihoon of devious elves from his grandmother's stories.
The group shot dagger glances at Shane. Their vitriol seemed overblown. Shane had only been at their school for two weeks. What could he have done to warrant such hatred?
"I heard he got kicked out of the last three schools," said a girl as she sucked on a lollipop, clicking it against her teeth as she spoke. Jihoon recognized them as friends of Kim Daniel, a crew that used intimidation and rumors to maintain their popularity. Shane slumped low in his seat, but his tall frame was the most noticeable thing there.
"I heard that's not even his real face." The girl had a slight lisp from the large braces decorating her teeth. They made her lips puff out and gave her a disposition sourer than the cherry lollipop she sucked on with utmost attention. "Didn't even know even boys got plastic surgery, what a shame."
Jihoon never wanted anything more than to punch that girl and shut her mouth.
"You're totally right. I can see the surgery scar," said the boy.
Fed up, Jihoon pulled his headphones from his ears and held them out to Shane.
When he only stared at them, he pushed them into her ears himself. She jerked back at the sudden contact, but he persisted until Shane had worn the earbuds.
Shane looked up, perplexed.
He gave her a grin and a shrug by way of explanation. Then went back to leaning against the bus shelter. Shane lowered his head but kept the headphones on.
The bus pulled up, and the catty clique boarded. Shane stood, but Jihoon held him back.
"Let's wait for the next one." He gestured toward the back window where the gossipers glared from their seats. Shane didn't reply, but he let the bus pull away without them.
"Why would you wear headphones without music?" he handed back the silent earbuds.
"If I listen to music, I can't hear what other people are talking about."
"So you spy on people?"Shane asked, raising an eyebrow. He couldn't lie but he was mildly impressed.
"I don't make them talk about their private life in public."
"Creep," Shane muttered.
Jihoon shrugged. "You have a funny way of saying thank you."
"For what?"
"They stopped gossiping. When they think you can't hear, they lose interest."
Shane stared at him so long he felt the urge to fidget. "You say that like you have experience with it."
"You say that like you care if I do," Jihoon said as the next bus rolled to a stop in front of them.
Shane's lip curled before she boarded the bus. He took a seat in the back and Jihoon slid in beside her. He scowled but didn't protest.
"Why did you let those kids talk about you?" Jihoon asked. "You could have taken them."
"If I cause a scene, they'll start to pay more attention to me." Jihoon lifted a brow. It seemed they had something in common, a need for privacy. He tucked that tidbit away to chew on later.
"Thank you." The words were almost lost among the rumble of the bus and the chatter of the other passengers.
"What?" Jihoon asked, leaning closer.
"If you didn't hear, then I'm not repeating it," Shane replied, flustered at the proximity.
"You're welcome," Jihoon said. "It was no problem. I'm good at avoiding negative attention."
Shane studied him, his eyes so dark and direct that he wanted to lean away. "Oddly, I think I believe that."
The pitying look made Jihoon squirm. To combat the nervous tension in his shoulders, he stretched out like he had not a care in the world, draping his arm across the back of the seat in a leisurely sprawl.
"So what do you usually do after school?" He gave a cheeky grin that he knew would deepen his dimples.
Shane didn't answer and slid his eyes toward his hand, almost touching her shoulder. He retracted his arm for fear she'd rip it off.
"I usually go to the PC room," he said. "Do you play L-o-L?"
Shane stared out the window, ignoring him. That just made Jihoon more determined to get a reaction out of her.
"In the opinion of a resident gay guy, I think you're very hot," he said, earning a glare from Shane.
Jihoon grinned. He continued to glower, unmoved by his best weapon. His smile wavered and he decided to change the topic "Do you really not do anything for fun? Sports? Knitting? Ancient tea ceremonies?"
"I don't do things for fun," he finally opened his mouth.
"Why?"
"Why do you care?"
Jihoon shrugged. "Because it looks like you could use a friend."
"I don't need friends," Shane muttered.
"Everyone needs friends," Jihoon countered, despite the frown Shane gave him.
"Fine, I watch TV, read, eat." She ticked off her fingers for each thing.
"So things you can do at home."
"Things I can do alone," Shaneclarified, then turned firmly back toward the window.
Jihoon let him end the conversation this time. He figured a smart man knew when to stop poking at a sleeping bear. Or in this case, a sleeping hottie.
***
At dinner, Jihoon stirred his galbi-jjim, thick hunks of beef and potatoes swirled in a gooey brown sauce both savory and sweet. He plucked up a roasted chestnut, then let it plop back down into a pile of carrots. Lily Sat beside him, her tail thumping hopefully against the floor, but she knew better than to outright beg. At least not in front of the family. Unfortunately for the dog, tonight Jihoon was too distracted to sneak her a bite.
He glanced furtively at everyone, then back at his food.
He did this three times before his mother said, "park Jihoon if you keep staring at me, I'm going to think you did something wrong."
"No, I didn't. Lately," he added with a wry grin.
"I found this in your laundry," the grandmother said, pulling out the bright yellow bujeok. Jihoon winced, he remembered that his grandmother had given him and Minjae one each, "You're supposed to keep it on you at all times."
Jihoon frowned at it, he hated these things. Complete superstitions, he called them. Slowly he picked up the paper. "Halmeoni, I have a question about those fables you used to tell me."
"Yes?" grandmother set her chopsticks down and folded her hands in front of her to show he had her full attention. The family also looked at them, eating and enjoying the show.
"Are grim reapers handsome?" Everyone sat back, like someone settling in for a particularly interesting conversation. They sat on the floor at the low table in the living room. Grandma's back was to the sofa so she could lean against it.
"Why are you again talking about this again? You find a handsome grim reaper?" Minjae mused.
Jihoon sat cross-legged opposite her, thinking through his words.
"Just curious."
"It's not as simple as you're implying." Halmeoni's tone became didactic. Everyone knew that they grandma liked to take a circuitous route
to get to her points, but he always loved hearing her stories.
"Grim reapers were not always handsome, they were known to be faceless people roaming around the earth taking the souls of people, and handing them over to the king of hell, Death."
"Then?" Jihoon prompted, unable to help himself.
"Death was just as vicious as we all knew him to be, cunning and cruel. His reapers roamed the earth in broad daylight, just taking away the souls of men and women. Then he met Time, another vicious woman.
ONly goodness knows that Time was the true queen of hell. She taught death many more ways she could take away the souls of people maintaining the balance in all the three realms of hell, heaven and earth. She advised death that if grim reapers were handsome, then it would be easier to lure them in."
Jihoon frowned into his rice. Was this true of Shane as well? He had not yet confirmed his superstitions but could it be?
Then her eyes folded into a smile as she gave his hand a pat and went calmly back to her meal.
The rest of the night, all Jihoon thought about were myths and fables. The lessons they taught and the price they came with.