23. NORMALITY
Sirius carefully disentangled himself from his still sleeping mate and then leant down to whisper into Harry's ear to keep on sleeping. When he was sure that Harry would heed the gentle command, he slipped into his trackies and left the room.
He had set himself a tight training schedule to regain his strength and though most days he would like nothing more than to snuggle back into bed and pull Harry close to his chest, he still got up every morning to run a few laps around the quidditch pitch, do sit-ups and crunches.
The result was nothing to sneeze at, if Sirius said so himself. Now, almost three weeks after his release from Azkaban and one week after Pettigrew had been sentenced to the Dementor's Kiss, he was almost back to his old form. He had gained some weight, built up his muscles, and his skin had acquired a healthy glow and a nice tan. His hair, though still short, was glossy again and formed something that you could safely dub a hairstyle, opposed to the tufts of cropped black hair that had previously decorated his head.
All in all, he was quite satisfied, but he still kept to his routine, enjoying the chance to run, run, run without boundaries or restrictions, feel the freedom rushing past him and feel the strength return to his weary bones. The strength he needed to care for Harry. But that was not a problem with his training and the many talks he had had with Remus and also because sleeping with Harry in his arms had kept the nightmares of the years in Azkaban at bay.
Remus sometimes joined him in his training and this morning as well, the werewolf was waiting for him in the Entrance Hall, welcoming him with a gentle smile and a warm hug.
"Ready to go?"
"Of course. Let's hurry so that I can hurry back to Harry."
Remus laughed, but set into motion, easily keeping pace with Sirius, carefully reigning Sirius in when he was being overly eager and encouraging him when he was having a low.
"Enough, Paddy, don't overdo it," Remus admonished him, stopping his friend from starting another round of sit-ups. "You still got an entire day ahead of you."
"Okay," Sirius agreed, feeling reasonably sweaty and exhausted as he reached for Remus' hand to pull himself up. "I want to get back before Harry wakes up, anyway. I see him seldom enough as it is."
"Sirius..."
"I know, Moony, I know. Harry has a life here, he needs his friends and his freedom, but he needs me, too," Sirius answered, shaking his head. "He needs me."
"That is out of the question, Paddy," Remus appeased him, patting Sirius' shoulder.
"Then how come I'm playing only a secondary role, huh?" the Animagus demanded. "Harry has too much responsibility, too much work and if I expected him to spend more time with me, I would only add to his stress, but if I don't he'll feel neglected... And I certainly feel neglected."
"How about I arrange for Harry to have the day off so that you can take him out on a date?" Remus offered with a large smile. "I happen to agree that we all could use a break, Harry especially."
"A date?" Sirius asked sarcastically. "Your optimism is all well and good, Moony, but there's no chance that Dumbledore or the Ministry will let me go anywhere alone with my mate. Even if you somehow manage to get Harry out of training for today we'll still be shadowed and escorted and observed like two fucking criminals. Or one criminal and his innocent and helpless prey."
"Don't speak like this, Paddy. Don't make yourself, or Harry, something you aren't," Remus reprimanded him. "I know you could never be as bitter as you would have a right to be."
"I think I'm doing a pretty damn good job," the black-haired man muttered as they reached the Entrance Hall. "I'm so sick of it! All of those awkward, suspicious looks or the pitying ones that are almost worse. I'm sick of being watched and of Harry dropping almost dead from exhaustion because he trains too hard because Dumbledore drilled it into his mind that it's his fucking responsibility to save the whole world, which it's damn well not!"
"Sirius..."
"I know. Calm down, take a deep breath. Haven't I heard that before?" Sirius murmured sarcastically. "Whatever, Remus, I'm tolerating this whole arrangement because I want Harry safe and they have the means to make sure that he is, but I'm not going to like it or play by their rules. They want to keep Harry from me? Let them try! But I'm not going to beg them for even one moment of time with my mate and demonstrate to them just how desperate I am by inviting them to intrude on a date with my Harry. Forget it, Moony."
"I wasn't suggesting that you should, but would it be so bad if you invited Severus and me to come on a double date with you and Harry?" Remus asked.
"You'll never be able to convince Dumbledore of this plan of yours." Sirius shook his head.
"I might not, but Severus certainly has enough power to back up his arguments," Remus stated confidently. "Just trust us. We'll come by in, let's say, an hour? Great."
"I'll trust one half of that 'us'," Sirius called after him, but returned to Harry's and his rooms, feeling rather elated and relieved.
After one quick look into their bedroom to assure himself that Harry was still asleep, he took a refreshing shower and then, with only a towel around his waist, he sat down next to Harry, smiling in amusement when he noticed how Harry had wrapped himself around his pillow. He carefully pushed the blanket down, revealing Harry's silky skin as he was only wearing his pyjama pants, thanks to Sirius' power of persuasion.
Or, in other words, Sirius had hidden Harry's pyjama top and after he had assisted Harry on his unsuccessful search for a couple of minutes, he had convinced Harry that he was very able to keep him warm and safe through the night and that Harry really didn't need more clothing. He planned to convince Harry to abandon his pants in the same way.
Sirius let one of his fingers wander along the curve of Harry's small body, smiling a little more as Harry immediately tried to get more contact. He kissed Harry's neck and then quietly moved to Harry's other side so that he was facing Harry's front before he pulled the blanket completely away. Sirius lay down next to Harry, who was still sound asleep and wrapped around his pillow.
Very carefully he scooted lower and let one of his hands wander under the waistband of Harry's pants, gingerly pushing them down. Harry sighed, shifting a little, but didn't wake as Sirius slowly began to massage Harry through his underwear. He applied a bit more pressure, avidly watching the elf's face. Harry's hands fluttered as he tried to press closer to the veela, his mouth slightly open and his brow creased as if he wasn't sure what he should think of the feelings coursing through him.
Sirius smirked as his small mate began to trash restlessly and soft mewls escaped his mouth. He lowered his own lips to the by now visible bulge in Harry's pants and began to suck gently on Harry's erection through the thin material of his boxers, while one of his hands teasingly played around one of Harry's dusty pink nipples. The moans became louder as the elf began to toss his head from side to side and arched his hips towards Sirius, who had focused his whole attention on making Harry come.
"Sirius." A small sigh fell from Harry's lips as the elf found his release.
Sirius chuckled lowly when sleepy and slightly glazed eyes fluttered open. "Good morning, beautiful, did you sleep well?"
"What?" Harry sat up, looking down at his lap and his soiled underwear and promptly blushed. "I'm sorry."
"Harry." Sirius opened his arms for his mate. "Why are you apologising? I assure you this was the effect I hoped to achieve with my ministrations."
"Oh." Harry's blush deepened. "So you...?"
"Yes," Sirius answered. "I couldn't resist. Does it bother you?"
Harry quickly shook his head and Sirius sighed in relief. "Thank you."
"It was my pleasure." Sirius smirked, allowing Harry to snuggle closer. "I miss you, Harry. I hardly see you anymore, you are always training or in class or spending time with your friends and all I do is wait for you. Is it too much to ask that I want to see you as well?"
"No." Harry shook his head before nestling into the crook of his neck. "I'm sorry, Sirius. I miss you, too, but..."
"I know it's not your fault, Harry," Sirius appeased him. "I know how much stress you're under, and I also know how hard you try to make some room for me in your life, but I just wished that it was more like it used to be. Without Voldemort to worry about. I feel kind of useless, like you lead your own life and I have no part of it - and I want to be part of it."
"I want you in my life as well," Harry murmured. "You are my life. But what should I do? I can't just not come to training anymore or miss classes or ignore my friends or - "
Sirius sighed, running his fingers through Harry's hair. "I know. I thought we could spend today together. Remus said that he'd arrange for you the day off. It's Sunday, for Merlin's Sake, you deserve some rest! Remus and Snape will come with us to keep an eye on us."
"Cool." Harry smiled happily, shyly kissing his cheek. "Where are we going?"
"I thought we could go to the cinema and then eat something." Sirius shrugged. "But if you want to do something else, I'm sure we can arrange it."
"No, that's sounds great," Harry replied. "Thank you."
"Erm, Harry." Sirius uncertainly poked his petite mate, who had closed his eyes again. "If you like my plan then you should probably get dressed and ready for the day."
"Give me five more minutes," Harry mumbled pleadingly, tightening his hold on the veela, who only chuckled.
"Okay, but only five minutes."
Harry murmured something unintelligible, and Sirius smiled to himself and enjoyed the moment, though he knew that Remus and Snape would be there soon. A knock sounded through their quarters and startled Harry.
"Who's that?" Harry asked nervously.
"Remus and that git you claim is the best person ever." Sirius disentangled himself with one last kiss to Harry's brow. "I'll go and open the door and you can get dressed, alright, tiny?"
He hastily threw away the slightly wet towel, pulled on his boxer shorts and a t-shirt and then went to open the door.
"Good morning again, Sirius," Remus greeted him cheerfully. "Can we come in? Where's Harry?"
"He's still a bit grumpy." Sirius grinned at him. "I guess he'll need some time to wake up completely."
"I told you we were too early," Severus snapped at the werewolf. "I could have finished that potion."
"You can finish the potion when we are back, Sev," Remus admonished him.
"Why do we even have to go with them?" Severus grumbled. "As if we don't see them often enough, and don't you dare to liken me to a petulant child because I am right and you know it. This day will end with us having to watch as they make out, and you will be too scandalised to do anything other than staring at them to make absolutely sure that they don't go too far instead of just telling them to stop because of course they deserve this and can use the time together."
Remus shook his head. "Severus, do you want to stay here?"
The Potion's Master floundered. "Now you're asking me?" He finally sneered. "That's a bit late now, isn't it? I have no mind to sit through yet another talk with Dumbledore to explain to him why I neglected my duty of keeping the Boy-Who-Lived safe as I had to promise him so that he would agree to this ludicrous excursion."
"If that's what you want," Remus answered mildly, before turning to Sirius once more. "Is it okay if we have breakfast here, Paddy?"
"Sure," Sirius answered. "I wonder what is taking Harry so long. Harry, are you coming out soon?" There was no reply and so Sirius called out again, "Harry, come out so that we can have breakfast."
The door opened very slowly, and Harry peeked out before hesitantly stepping outside with only a towel around his waist.
"Why aren't you dressed, Harry?" Sirius blinked, noting that it was his towel around Harry's waist, and then hastily went to black Severus and Remus' view on Harry's exposed body.
"My clothes are in the bathroom," Harry mumbled, clearly embarrassed.
"Then why didn't you wear your pyjamas?" Remus asked in confusion.
"They got... kind of... wet." Harry squeaked, blushing all over, and fled to the bathroom.
"Wet, Sirius?" The werewolf turned towards the veela with a deep scowl, "Why, pray tell, are Harry's pyjamas wet?"
"Things like that happen." Sirius shrugged nonchalantly, backing away slightly at the low growl that erupted from Remus' throat.
"Sirius Orion Black, you are not having sex with Harry while he's still in school and barely of age, are you?" he asked dangerously. "I had assumed at least so much responsibility of you as not to take advantage of your... of Harry."
"Come off it!" Sirius retorted. "I'm not sleeping with Harry - not that it's any of your business. And I don't plan to while Harry is still in school. I may be horny, but I love Harry and I know very well that he's not ready."
"Then how did his pyjamas get wet?" Remus challenged.
"Surely you know how teenage boys are." Sirius smirked. "Always so very... excitable. I only helped him along a bit."
Remus blushed brightly, and Severus groaned in exasperation, not really keen to think of anyone else's sex life. Sirius' smirk grew wider.
"Just promise me that you'll act like an adult." Remus sighed. "You know that you will be bonded if you have sex and that could have detrimental effects, on you and Harry, if you haven't completed the emotional and mental bond, yet."
"I know, Remus." Sirius rolled his eyes, smiling at Harry, who was slowly inching into the room.
Harry's cheeks were still slightly pink as he nervously shuffled closer and slipped into Sirius' lap, now fully dressed. Sirius pressed a kiss to his temple and wrapped his arms around his thin waist.
"You can stop blushing now, beautiful." Sirius chuckled lightly. "And you can consider yourself lucky that you missed Remus' lecture."
"Oh," Harry murmured. "What did you mean with emotional and mental bond, Remus? I thought it was only about... about... you know."
"Sex, Harry, you can say it." Sirius grinned, kissing Harry's blushing cheek.
But Remus saved him from his embarrassment. "The first step in your mating is the emotional bond, that you fall in love with each other and admit it. You've already completed that bond. The next step is your mental bond, which is established through getting to know each other and building up your trust. It will help you to know where the other is and what he feels. I'd say you are in that phase at the moment. The last step is the physical bond, which you have heard of already. It will seal your union, making it irrevocable."
"We'll take it slowly, Harry," Sirius said calmingly when he felt Harry tense. "You have absolutely nothing to worry about."
"Do you promise?" Harry asked in a whisper.
"Yes, Harry, I promise," Sirius answered. "We'll do this right, love."
Harry nodded gratefully, snuggling into the veela.
"I thought we were going to have breakfast." Severus impatiently tapped his fingers on his knee.
"Harry, would you get us something?" Sirius asked gently before he turned to the others. "Whenever he orders something from the house-elves they fall over themselves to fulfil all of his wishes, vocalised or not, within less than ten seconds."
"That's not true," Harry argued, while three hasty house-elves set the table with everything they could possibly desire from fresh rolls, croissants, pretzels, cereals, fruits, yogurt to eggs, sausages, pancakes, jam, marmalade, chocolate cream, peanut butter, bacon, cheese, ham and even ice cream.
"Of course it is, sweetheart." Sirius laughed at him. "Now eat something. You're much too thin."
"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Harry grumbled. "I'm not that thin!"
"In comparison to what, imp?" Severus sneered. "Just face it you are thin and small in comparison to almost everything and everyone."
Harry stuck out his tongue. "So what? It's not my fault; Lucius says I am supposed to be small and thin - for some reason or another. What is your excuse, Severus?"
"Cheeky brat." Severus scowled at him, and Harry laughed.
"I love how you look and that's why you look like you do," Sirius murmured seductively into his ear, and Harry blushed. "But I still want you to eat. I don't want to be afraid that you'll break if I treat you a bit more roughly.
"You aren't going to treat Harry roughly at all." Remus had caught what Sirius had whispered with his enhanced hearing and was now glaring at the veela, while Harry was once again reduced to blushes.
"Geez, Moony." Sirius rolled his eyes. "You act as if I'm a notorious brute and not madly in love with my little beauty. I'm not meddling in yours and Snape's love life, either - I'm no masochist and I don't enjoy nightmares!"
"Sirius!" Harry exclaimed. "Don't be so mean. They look cute together."
"What Black said was less offensive than that." Severus glared at Harry. "I don't do cute and I would really prefer it if you would keep me out of your quarrels."
"Oh, don't be so snarky!" Harry chastised him. "All I meant is that you're happy and that Sirius shouldn't be making stupid comments. Sorry."
Sirius sighed as Harry turned apologetic eyes on him. "Don't even think about apologising, beautiful. I think we should just change the subject. I thought we could explore Muggle London before going to the cinema, would that be alright with you? What film would you like to see?"
To Harry's horror Remus and Sirius wanted to see Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds". Severus had never been to see a film before and though he didn't want to admit it, he couldn't really conceive an idea of it and so claimed that he didn't care and just agreed with Remus.
Thus, while Harry really enjoyed walking through the Muggle part of London and especially the boat trip on the Thames, their visit to the cinema was less than agreeable and Harry was left clinging to Sirius throughout most of the film. The resentful part of him pointed out that this had most likely been the idea behind Sirius choosing such a film.
"Oh, come on, Harry," Sirius whined. "It wasn't that bad and it's over anyway. You can stop shaking."
Harry half-heartedly glared at him before he once again buried himself in Sirius' jacket. "I'm going to have nightmares, and it's all your fault. I hope you're happy now."
"Harry..." Sirius looked down at the small elf helplessly. "You don't have to be scared; birds don't attack people, least of all you. Don't you think that if you can handle a full-grown werewolf, birds should be no problem for you?"
"I will never be able to look at Hedwig like before," Harry complained. "And the ending was just plain weird, they could have at least found a solution. Then I would feel better."
Sirius shook his head in amusement. "It was just a film, Harry, and you barely saw half of it because you hid your face behind your hands or against my shoulder."
Harry glared at him. "You could at least act like you cared about my feelings!"
Sirius blinked. "Harry, I do care about you, but your fear is totally unfounded and a bit hilarious." He gently wrapped his arms around the delicate youth, looking appealingly at Remus. "What is really the matter?"
"I don't want birds to attack me," Harry whispered. "I can deal with Voldemort and Death Eaters attacking me, but I... I can't deal with animals hating me, that would be like you hating me."
"Harry, lovely, no one hates you. Well, okay, Voldemort hates you, but he's insane; what do you expect? I certainly don't hate you. Hedwig doesn't hate you, either, and I didn't see any of these doves trying to attack you, yet." Sirius sighed, starting to regret his idea of making Harry go to a horror film. "Do you want me to feel bad, Harry?"
"No," Harry exclaimed, looking up at him with wide green eyes "I'm sorry. But I really didn't like that film."
Sirius chuckled. "I had noticed. I promise you no birds will attack you. Believe me."
"And if you could believe him within the next half hour, I would be grateful," Severus interrupted with a deep scowl on his face. "That film was about as realistic as Trelawney's usual predictions and who cares anyway if birds are particularly fond of you or not."
"That's easy for you to say." Harry grumbled, but allowed Sirius to tug him into the Italian restaurant they had been standing in front of.
"Yes, I know, no one likes me anyway." Severus sneered.
"That's not what I meant, and you know it," Harry argued. "Don't twist my words."
"You have to excuse me, but I'm hungry," Severus retorted. "And your little touch of paranoia has delayed us long enough."
"I like you," Harry muttered as he slipped onto the bench beside Sirius and snuggled into him. One of Sirius large hands calmingly squeezed his under the table as he held the menu in front of them.
"Don't I know," Severus replied, glaring at Remus when the werewolf dared to mimic Sirius' actions. "I can hold my own menu, wolf."
Remus replied with a gentle smile, offering his own menu to his partner and reaching for a new one.
They didn't have to wait long before a bouncy red-haired waitress came to take their order. "What may I bring you, gentlemen?"
They ordered and then talked quietly, but as Sirius continued carefully stroking Harry's sides and back to comfort him, Harry was fast asleep by the time their dinner arrived. They decided to let him sleep and asked the waitress to pack in his meal.
"He worked himself into a right fright," Severus commented with a quick look at the sleeping boy. "Are you sure you can handle him, Black? It took you quite long to calm him down."
"I surely would be able to form a stronger connection with him, if he wasn't kept away from me so often." Sirius retorted sharply, but still in a soft voice so as not to wake Harry. "But as it is, I hardly see him."
"Stop your whining." Severus sneered. "That's the reason for this day, isn't it?"
"I think Harry only reacted like this because he didn't see you for so long and only for short periods of time," Remus offered. "Plus, all the stress he's been under because of all the additional training. He's bound to be unsure and easily agitated because he can't be sure that you are not planning to leave him. Today, his self-control, which had veiled his fear and insecurities, burst. The film was merely the proverbial last straw."
Sirius tenderly placed a kiss on Harry's forehead, and the small elf sighed softly and pressed closer to him. "I'll be there for you now," Sirius whispered before he looked up at the others. "You've been wearing him out."
It was more than a simple statement, it was a tight-lipped threat and Sirius' hand that wasn't caressing Harry clenched around his vine glass.
"Not angry," Harry mumbled sleepily, nudging Sirius. "Want to sleep."
Sirius relaxed immediately, pulling Harry a little closer. "Why are you so tired, little one? Didn't you sleep well?"
Harry shrugged. "Nightmares."
"About what? Why didn't you tell me?" Sirius asked.
"About Azkaban." Harry shrugged again. "I didn't want to upset you."
"Why do you have nightmares about Azkaban?" Sirius asked in confusion, and Harry ducked his head, mumbling something.
"What was that, Harry?" Sirius asked. "I didn't understand you."
"I said they are your nightmares," Harry repeated lowly. "You were tossing around and muttering and you were scared. So I tried to help you."
"How?" Sirius asked.
"I tried to heal you." Harry looked just as confuse. "And then I fell asleep and had your nightmares."
"Oh, Harry, I'm so sorry," Sirius murmured. "If I had known - "
"No!" Harry protested. "You were afraid, and I couldn't have slept with that anyway. I don't want you to relive your time in Azkaban, not ever. It's not so bad for me."
"You shouldn't have done this, Harry," Sirius argued, and Remus looked as if he agreed. "You should have at least told me."
Harry winced and began to tremble slightly. "I wanted to help you."
"Just be grateful for it, Black," Severus hissed. "You wouldn't have recovered so quickly if Harry hadn't done that for you."
"I know that," Sirius retorted before he once again turned to Harry. "I appreciate it, Harry, I really do, but I don't want you to suffer for me. You have enough to worry about. How long has this been going on? I didn't have more than three or four nightmares and I didn't notice you having nightmares, either."
"Don't know, two weeks perhaps?" Harry muttered, looking down at his hands as Sirius' eyes narrowed.
"Why didn't I notice?" Sirius challenged.
"You are a heavy sleeper, and I always make sure to stay silent," Harry said with a touch of defiance as if daring the veela to challenge his words.
Sirius sighed. "You shouldn't have done it," he insisted on his point. "I don't want you to take my nightmares anymore."
"Do you forbid it?" Harry whispered and Sirius seemed thoughtful for a moment. "I don't want to have to forbid it, Harry."
"If you don't forbid it, I will do it again," Harry stated, trying to reign in his growing panic. "And if you forbid it, I won't be able to sleep anyway and it will be worse for you and me."
"What do you mean?" The grey-eyed wizard furrowed his brow.
"I can't sleep if you are afraid because then I can't feel safe," Harry explained, his green eyes pleading. "As long as you're there to make me feel safe I can deal with nightmares, Sirius, I promise."
"I can just take Dreamless Sleep," Sirius argued.
"And become addicted." Severus rolled his eyes. "Oh, that's such a good idea, Black."
"Keep your greasy git out of this, Moony," Sirius snapped, making Harry wince. "Sorry, Harry." He carefully kissed his small mate, wondering if he could really accept that gift. "I'll allow it, beautiful, but only under one condition: You have to promise me to wake me after every nightmare. I don't want you to fight through the after effects while I sleep peacefully. And you'll tell me if there's anything I can do for you and you'll stop before it gets too much."
"That's more than one condition." Harry smiled up at him. "But I promise. You know that I've never slept as good as with you, don't you? And I'm catching up on the missed sleep now, you don't have to worry."
"I still do," Sirius returned softly, gathering Harry in his arms once more. "I can't help it."
"Neither can I," Harry mumbled before he once more snuggled into Sirius' hard chest. "I have to do this. Please understand."
"You're incredible," the tall veela whispered tenderly, making sure that Harry was comfortable when he scooped him up and brought him back to Hogwarts where he watched over his sleep.