19. FRIENDS
Meanwhile in Azkaban, Sirius sat in his small dark cell, shivering as another Dementor passed his cell. Harry's Patronus had long faded. Maybe Harry wouldn't come back for several weeks, all the paper work, maybe he needed a lawyer, maybe he wouldn't come back at all.
Maybe he hadn't even been there, after all it was about time that he went insane. Maybe he already was; he doubted that you were aware of becoming insane. But if he had only imagined Harry, wouldn't that mean that he could will him back? After sixteen years in Azkaban insanity seemed like a remarkably good prospect.
He closed his eyes, leaning more heavily against the cold stone wall and tried to imagine Harry. How he would smile at him, caress his cheek with thin fingers, kiss him; how warmth and love would radiate off of him; how his eyes would sparkle, his skin would glow, his hair feel under his fingers, his voice whisper something in his ear that would send a pleasant tingle down his spine.
"Sirius?" Fast steps approached his cell and he slowly blinked his eyes open, focusing his attention on the door that painfully slid open.
"You are not Harry," he stated, watching Remus with something akin to disinterest as the werewolf nervously lingered in the doorway.
"No, I'm not, Sirius," Remus answered hesitantly, unsure what he should think about this attitude.
"I guess I'm not insane enough then," Sirius muttered.
"What are you talking about, Sirius?" Remus asked, carefully sitting down on the cot next to the Animagus; the door was left open.
"I tried to imagine that Harry was here, like I've seen earlier." The black-haired man shrugged. "Instead you came."
"Harry was here, Sirius," Remus replied. "Severus didn't want him to go to Azkaban once more so I came instead to get you. I can go again if you want me to. I just thought it would be nice if someone familiar was here to fetch you."
"Fetch me?" Sirius whispered disbelievingly. "For what?"
"You're free, Sirius." Remus smiled sadly at him. "You're innocent."
Sirius raised an eyebrow skeptically, his mouth twisting into a hard, humourless smile. "As if that makes a difference."
"It does to some," Remus said softly. "And Harry has a lot of influence. You wouldn't believe how much power he wields. I'm sorry I didn't believe you."
"Ah, so you believe me now?" Sirius returned still in a far-away voice. "What changed your mind?" Before Remus could answer, he continued, "But I guess I can't expect you to trust me when I didn't trust you, can I?" Sirius shook his head.
"Please, forgive me," Remus asked.
"Only if you do, too. I thought if anyone was the traitor it would be you, with you being together with Snape and all. Pettigrew, he just seemed... We've both been exceptionally stupid."
"That's true." Remus laughed in relief, hugging Sirius fiercely, who returned the hug albeit stiffly. "Let's get you out of here. Harry is waiting for you."
"He still wants me?" Sirius asked lowly and the cot gave a groaning noise as they stood up.
"For him only three days passed, Sirius," Remus reassured him. "And he loves you or do you think he would have gone to Azkaban just to see some random criminal?"
"I had hoped not." Sirius smiled without much humour and followed Remus out of his prison.
It was strange to walk the corridors without the presence of Dementors or guards that were usually there when they took him to his health check every half year. That was the only time he had got out, anyway. He could sense Remus throwing him surreptitious glances as he stumbled several times, but he was still surprised when there suddenly was a supportive arm around his waist and when Remus put one of his own arms over his shoulders, hoisting him up.
"Come on, Paddy," he murmured encouragingly. "We're almost there."
Sirius groaned, his legs protesting already. The Dementors didn't invite you to do some kind of fitness training and even if he had wanted to do something to keep his strength and muscles intact, the cell was too small and the presence of the Dementors too heavy. The Dementors robbed him of any motivation he might have had.
"What will happen now?" he croaked, trying with all his might to ignore the nauseating rocking motion of the boat in order to keep the chocolate Remus had given him down.
"They are going to question you under Veritaserum," Remus said softly, chancing a quick look to the shivering man beside him. "That is if you want to see Harry. If you don't want to, you're more or less free to go after they checked that you're really Sirius Black."
"Of course, I want to see Harry," Sirius exclaimed incredulously.
"Then you'll have to bear with some tests and Dumbledore's and everyone else's surveillance," Remus stated. "I doubt that they'll leave you alone with him any time soon."
"Doesn't the Ministry want some proof that it happened like I told Harry?" Sirius asked.
Remus gritted his teeth and his eyes turned a bit more yellow than amber. "Pettigrew was hiding at the Weasley's in his Animagus form. Severus and Harry captured him and Severus handed him over to the Aurors. From what I've heard so far, he gave a full confession and Severus also told your view of the story. I don't think that you'll have to testify until Pettigrew is tried."
"How did Harry know that he was there?" Sirius questioned, almost falling from his seat as the boat harshly thumped against the quay.
"He's friends with the whole family. Their youngest son is his best friend." Remus offered Sirius his hand to help him out of the boat. "You look like shit," he observed, seeing Sirius' emaciated, pale face for the first time in the dim light of the torches that lined the quay and the way to the administration building.
After a look into Remus embarrassed, uncomfortable face, Sirius gave a bark-like laugh, doubling over as tears started to stream over his cheeks.
"Ah, Sirius, how good to see that you haven't lost your humour." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he approached the two Marauders; a disgruntled Severus followed him.
Sirius slowly straightened up, slipping a mask of indifference over his face. "Headmaster."
The old man's smile dimmed, but he nodded in understanding. "I'm really sorry for this, Sirius. I hope you can forgive me one day."
"I would like to see my mate now, if you please," Sirius said sharply.
"Of course, Sirius, if you could just give me an hour of your time." The Headmaster smiled benevolently at him. "I think you need to sign some papers for the Ministry and then I would also like to have a word with you."
"You don't trust me," Sirius stated evenly.
"Not with Harry, no, I don't," the white-haired wizard agreed honestly. "You will understand that we all are a little cautious when it comes to a submissive elf."
"I don't trust you with him, either." Sirius sighed, but then allowed Remus to lead him to the small, shabby building.
He had to sign several discharge papers and got back the few possessions they had taken from him all those years ago: his wallet, his bunch of keys, a flyer for a joke shop opening that was of course a long time in the past, a pocket knife, his part of the two-way mirror he had shared with James and at last his wand.
The atmosphere was tense as everyone, bare Snape, seemed to be embarrassed and feel guilty about his imprisonment. The burly, old wizard who he quite acutely remembered had laughed and spat at him as they brought him in apologised profusely, offered him tea and his lunch sandwich, both of which he declined. The chocolate from earlier was still rebelling in his stomach.
Finally, they were allowed to go and Dumbledore held out a portkey that was supposed to bring him to the Weasley's, his Harry. But as they landed, he not only lost his footing, which had never happened before, but he also emptied the meagre contents of his stomach in the grass. He had been aiming for Snape's shoes, of course, but the professor had reacted too fast and so he didn't even have that small satisfaction as he puked his guts out.
He was than manoeuvred into a small, homey kitchen, overflowing with bustling people and the clattering pots and cutlery. He blearily stared down at the worn table, trying to ignore the droning voices that were debating his fate, considering if they should cart him off to St. Mungo's or better yet to the next best graveyard. Snape's suggestion, of course. Bastard. Where is Harry?
He must have asked that out loud because suddenly there was a hush in the noise and Remus almost crooned in his ear that Harry was sleeping, but that he would be able to see him soon. If he would like a tea, perhaps?
Sirius very much doubted that Remus had actually expected an answer to that because soon his cold hands were wrapped around a warm pot of tea. It smelled like herbal tea, too little sugar, but although Sirius grimaced at the taste, the hot beverage managed to revive his spirits and his eyes gained focus again.
Remus was sitting next to him, his forehead creased in harsh worry lines that contrasted sharply with his warm amber eyes and the encouraging smile that lifted his lips. Dumbledore was sitting opposite of him, merrily and patiently rocking on the newly transfigured rocking chair as if he didn't have a care but all the time in the world. The dark, thin shadow of Severus Snape was the complete opposite of that and Sirius glared at him as a feeble attempt to bring his life back into its usual course. The Weasley couple was also in the room, he thin and slender with thinning red hair and she a motherly plump woman with her arms elbow-deep in a pastry bowl.
His situation wasn't that bad, definitely better than in Azkaban.
"Feeling better?" Remus for the forth time put his hand on his forehead to check for fever, and Sirius merely rolled his eyes and tiredly batted the werewolf's hand away before taking another long sip of the tea.
"I'm fine, Moony," he growled in annoyance. "Just tired and I would really like to see Harry now. What are you waiting for? Just give me Veritaserum or whatever you deem necessary. I can feel him just upstairs and if you don't get this over with, I'll go see him without your permission, Headmaster. I've done my waiting."
Dumbledore gave Severus a sign, who extracted a small vial from his robe pocket and held it out to Sirius. "Two drops should be enough."
Sirius nodded, obediently dribbling the clear liquid into the rest of his tea and then gulped everything down.
"What is your name?" Dumbledore asked as the younger man's eyes became glassy and his tense posture slumped a little.
"Sirius Orion Black," Sirius answered tonelessly.
"Were you or were you not James and Lily Potter's secret keeper?" Dumbledore continued and Arthur Weasley poised his quill to protocol everything.
"I was not. Peter Pettigrew was their secret keeper. I told James that it would be safer like this."
"Did you ever support Voldemort or one of his Death Eater's in their cause?"
"No, I have never supported them."
"Is Harry James Potter your mate?"
"Yes, he is. I have tried to find him since he left."
"Do you mean Harry any harm or do you plan to support Voldemort or one of his Death Eaters in future?"
"No, I love Harry. His enemies are my enemies. I will protect him," he said, slowly coming out of his daze. "Can I see Harry, now?"
Dumbledore looked pensive, but finally nodded and Sirius jumped up from his chair, swaying dangerously.
"Go easy on yourself," Remus reprimanded him, pushing him back into his chair. "It won't help Harry any if you kill yourself."
"But I want to see him," Sirius all but whined and Remus rolled his eyes.
"Maybe you should first take a nice hot shower or even better a bath and then eat something decent," Molly tutted. "You can stay here of course. I'll make you something to eat."
The thought alone of food turned Sirius' stomach and he told the bustling witch as much, who seemed to be really disappointed that her freshly made apple-pie would not land in his stomach.
"But a bath would be great," Sirius admitted, tugging in disgust on his matted hair.
"Of course." Molly smiled. "The bathroom is just up the stairs, the third door on the right. And then maybe a good night's rest? You can have Percy's old room, it's right next to the bathroom."
"Thank you." Sirius stood up much more slowly this time, managing to fight down the dizziness he felt. "Good night, everyone."
"Do you need help, Sirius?" Remus asked in concern, standing up as well. "I'll help you."
"I'm a big boy, Moony." Sirius waved him away. "I can wash myself."
Remus looked rather doubtful, but slowly sank back into his chair. Sirius carefully climbed the steps, wondering whether he was only imagining them to be so askew as his vision blurred and cleared in irregular intervals. Still, he purposefully followed the enticing smell that wafted towards him and finally gently and silently pushed the door open, stepping inside.
There was his small mate, sleeping peacefully between a brown-haired girl and undoubtedly another Weasley. Sirius growled softly, his veela side wanting nothing more than to throw those two out of the window so that they wouldn't dare touch his Harry ever again. Harry shifted a little, unconsciously distancing himself from the other two youths and moving a little closer to Sirius, who slowly approached the bed, smiling tenderly.
He carefully leaned around the bushy haired girl, pressing a soft kiss to Harry's forehead. "Sleep on, Harry, I will come for you later."
Harry sighed a little, leaning into Sirius' hand that was gently caressing his cheek, but didn't wake up.
"What are you doing?" The redhead suddenly stared at him, protectively putting an arm around Harry's waist. "Who are you?"
"Sirius Black," Sirius murmured lowly, only briefly shifting his attention to the other boy before turning back to Harry. "Would you be able to show me where the bathroom is?"
"What?" Ron asked in clear confusion. "You just have to go down the stairs. There's always a light on."
"I was trying to be subtle and polite in getting you away from my mate," Sirius growled at him. "Let him go before I make you. I don't appreciate you touching him."
"That's just too bad, isn't it?" Hermione had woke up as well and inconspicuously reached for her wand now pressing it against the Animagus' throat. "Because Harry is our friend. Off of the bed, now."
Sirius gulped visibly and then carefully straightened up, staring warily at them. He slowly raised his hands in surrender, smiling conciliatorily while he tried to tell his raging veela side that they did not mean Harry any harm.
"So you're Harry's mate," Hermione murmured more to herself, regarding him attentively, but relaxing her grip on her wand. "It's nice to meet you. I'm Hermione Granger."
"Hello, Hermione," Sirius greeted her, inclining his head lightly. "It's nice to meet you, too. Harry has told me about you."
"He did?" Hermione asked, surprised, but Ron interrupted her as she lowered her wand, "Are you crazy? He might be dangerous."
"Oh, honestly, Ron." Hermione rolled her eyes. "You were the one who said we should give him a chance earlier."
"Well, yes." Ron's ears tinted pink. "But that was before I found him leaning over Harry like that. He's crazy or something."
Hermione scowled at him. "Or something? How often have you tucked Harry in?"
"That's different," Ron protested. "Harry's my little brother, I'm allowed to do that."
"He's his mate, he's allowed to do that, too," Hermione argued.
"Since when are you on his side anyway?" Ron snapped testily. "Don't tell me he's another Lockheart."
Sirius noticed in confusion that Hermione started blushing as well. "You were the one lusting after Fleur!" Hermione retorted.
"That wasn't my fault, she's a fucking veela."
"My point exactly." Hermione smirked.
"That's not a point," Ron muttered.
"Look." Sirius finally had enough - he was exhausted, he was tired and he really wanted that bath now. "I just wanted to see Harry and make sure that he's alright. I'll just go and take that bath now, but I can't promise anything if I come back and you're once again in one bed with my mate."
"See, he's doing it again," Ron hissed at Hermione. "How can you be on his side?"
"He's just possessive, that's what veelas do." Hermione rolled her eyes, "And I'm on Harry's side. Think about what he would say to all this."
"But..." Sirius turned away, throwing one last longing look at Harry's sleeping form, and reluctantly went back down to the bathroom.
The bathroom was just as modest and askew as the rest of the house, but clean. It had a moderately sized tub, which began to fill with warm, clean water as he tapped the water faucet with his wand, something that he had seldom had and never in that combination in the last decade. He decided that he should really stop comparing everything to his stay in Azkaban before he started to consider Snape a sunny man.
Still, he hadn't thought that he had attracted so much dirt and grime. He grimaced as the water darkened after only a few hasty scrubs to his skin and he resigned himself to the fact that it would take much longer than anticipated to get clean. Sirius closed his eyes after he had got rid of the first layer of dirt and relaxed into the tub, soaking in the warm water. He had dimmed the light so that it wouldn't hurt his eyes and after also cleaning the water with his wand, he felt drained. He really needed to work on that and on his body. He scowled at his haggard form, the ribs that protruded, the sunken abdomen, the bony hands. Harry wouldn't want him like this, if at all.
What disgusted him even more was his hair, filthy, matted, greasy, plain disgusting. His eyes fell on a pair of scissors on the shelf next to the fogged mirror and after a bit of stretching and almost losing his balance he finally held them in his hand and started to radically cut his hair. He would rather walk around bald than with this louse-infected, sore excuse for hair!
After he had practically scrubbed his skin raw in an attempt to get rid of the age-old dirt, cut his hair so that there was barely a stumble left, had vigorously brushed his teeth and shaved properly, he felt much better.
"Paddy?" Remus called through the door right on cue as he was looking around the room for something to wear. "I've got some clothes for you here. Can I come in?"
"Sure," Sirius answered softly so as to not put a strain on his voice; the werewolf's fine ears would pick up his answer.
"Geez." Remus rolled his eyes, quickly closing the door behind him and turning away. "I thought you'd at least use a towel to cover yourself."
"Nothing you haven't seen yet." Sirius chuckled, gratefully taking the clothes Remus handed him over his shoulder; he noted with surprise that they were his own.
"I cleared your apartment," Remus explained as if he had sensed Sirius' confusion. "I rented it out and donated the money. Some of it goes to Harry. I didn't want it. I burnt most of your clothes, but I kept everything else. I gave it to Gringotts to put it in your vault."
"Why did you keep those clothes?" Sirius asked, slipping on the pair of stone-washed jeans and a dark blue hoodie sweater, his favourite clothes.
"Sentimentality, I guess." Remus shrugged, embarrassed. "I've seen you so often in those clothes. I didn't want to forget you completely, despite what I thought you had done. You're still one of my pack."
"Thanks." Sirius grinned. "You can turn around, you know?"
Remus did so, assessing Sirius critically. "You look better."
"Really, Remus, I could have pulled a paper bag over my head and I would have looked better," Sirius teased him.
Remus smiled agreeably. "Severus made you a potion to help you recover more quickly."
"So you're still together with that git?" Sirius asked, warily eyeing the potion.
"I'm still together with Severus." Remus scowled at him. "Well, not still, they was a time when I didn't feel like being around people." He didn't need to elaborate when this had been. "We got back together in Harry's third year when I was the Defence teacher."
"A teacher?" Sirius laughed. "I had always hoped, you would put that idea out of your mind."
"Sorry, to disappoint you." The werewolf smiled. "I'm teaching again this year."
Sirius shrugged. "It suits you, I guess. Are you sure that your boyfriend isn't trying to poison me?"
"Pretty sure, yes." Remus nodded and Sirius drank the potion in one go, supporting himself against the basin as another dizzy spell hit him.
"Merlin, this tastes awful."
"Come on, I'll get you to your room," Remus suggested, allowing Sirius to lean heavily on him. "You'll feel better in the morning."
"I couldn't possibly feel any worse." Sirius groaned pitifully as Remus gently pushed him into Percy's room that was much more orderly than Ron's and looked almost like a cell in a monastery. "Moony, I want to see Harry."
He struggled weakly as the werewolf resolutely put him into bed, changing him into a pair of Remus' pyjamas that hung loosely around his thin frame, though they used to be of similar build and stature.
"Harry is sleeping, Sirius," Remus reprimanded him gently. "And you need your sleep as well. Do you want Harry to worry about you when you pass out on top of him?"
"I haven't seen him for so long," Sirius whispered. "I miss him."
"I know, Paddy," Remus consoled him, performing a warming charm on the blankets when Sirius started to shiver. "But you need your rest."
"I'm fine, Remus," Sirius argued. "I didn't survive sixteen years in Azkaban to now die from climbing a few steps. I want to live again and not 'take it easy'."
"I don't want to lose you after I finally got you back," Remus growled. "Do you think it was easy to think that you had betrayed Lily and James and killed Peter? Do you think it was easy to tell Harry that the man he loved was the cause for his parents' death? Do you think I can brush it off so easily that I never doubted your guilt, that I never even came to ask for your reasons? Damnit, Sirius, I feel so guilty and I'm sorry that I'm annoying you, but that's the only way I know how to deal with this and to make it at least a little up to you - "
"Remus, you don't have to make up for anything," Sirius replied soothingly, patting the werewolf's hand which was curled up in a tight fist. "Even if you had come to visit me and had believed me it wouldn't have changed anything. There was no evidence and they wouldn't even have considered the words of a werewolf and a Black. I don't blame you, really, I don't. If I had been in your position I don't think I would have believed me, either. Sounds pretty crazy, doesn't it?"
"Harry believed you," Remus argued softly. "He knew you less than half a year and he didn't doubt you for a minute."
"I'm his dominant," Sirius stated. "It's in his nature to believe in me whatever foolish thing I do."
"Still, I should have known."
"It's over, Remus." Sirius sighed. "I'll recover and then everything will be back to normal. I'm fine."
"Are you really? Be honest," Remus demanded, locking his eyes with the Animagus. "How do you feel?"
"I'm relieved and happy and also really grateful, but I can't help to be confused and nervous," Sirius answered after a bit of hesitation. "My mate Harry is the same as my godson Harry? He came from the future and I searched for him three years in vain? My Harry defeated Voldemort, he's the boy-who-lived? Merlin, Remus, look at me, I look like shit and in comparison to Harry I'm an old man. Will he even want me now? What if he doesn't want me? What good does it do to be out of Azkaban if I can't have him?"
"Sirius, Harry is anything but superficial. He couldn't care less if you look like a top model or like the Scrooge. He loves you, that's the only thing that matters for him," Remus answered earnestly. "Like you said you're his dominant, don't worry so much, okay?"
"But he's still my godson," Sirius argued. "I'm sure Prongs didn't mean it like this when he said I should take care of Harry. That's like incest!"
"They wanted Harry and you to be happy." Remus sighed. "I know that you can make Harry happy. Do you think he can make you happy?"
"Of course," Sirius exclaimed.
"Then I don't see a problem, Paddy," Remus concluded. "Talk with Harry about it if you think it is necessary and let him decide if he wants you as his mate or as his godfather, but don't push him away just to protect him or something like that. And don't deny it, you have been thinking about doing exactly that."
Sirius mumbled something that sounded clearly displeased, but didn't protest openly.
"The potion doesn't work if you keep him awake, wolf." Severus opened the door without knocking first, scowling at the two Marauders. "I'm almost positive that Black doesn't need someone to hold his hand. Hurry up."
"Wolf? You are together and he still calls you wolf?" Sirius seemed to waver between anger and amusement.
"You know Severus." Remus shrugged. "It was either wolf or Lupin. I thought wolf was a bit more personal..."
Sirius laughed. "Better you than me, Moony. I wouldn't want to be in your place."
"Good night, Sirius," Remus didn't deign him a reply and got up. "And don't try sneaking off to Harry. I can still hear Hermione and Ron arguing."
Sirius had already closed his eyes, snuggling a bit deeper into the soft mattress and the warm blankets. Remus quietly closed the door behind him and then went downstairs to find Severus who was impatiently waiting for him.