I was waiting her to get off me, but she lied there like a sack of rice.
Her honey brown eyes gazed deeply into my own and her glossed pink lips that smelled sweetly of strawberries hovered centimeters from my lips.
I turned my face away.
"Get off already!"
"..." Without a word, she slowly stood.
I sat up.
I was surprised Agawa and Hagihara didn't come back to check on us but I was thankful.
She was very quiet, I had half expected her to blame me but she just headed for the door to put on her boots, I followed to lock the door after her once she left.
She placed a hand on the door only to suddenly turn around and seize my face.
My mind went blank from the soft and tender sensation pressing against my lips. When she parted my mouth with hers and snuck in her tongue, I leaned backwards nearly folding back my own spine.
"!"
"Um, look here, I barely know you!" I couldn't help yelling and seeing her calm state, only felt agitated, I tried to calm down. That felt soft and also good. But...
She licked her lips. Flustering me.
"Look, I think you and your band have a lot of potential, but you're dragging them down with your erratic behavior. What the heck is wrong with you?!"
She frowned at me, "...Earlier, you averted your face as you didn't want to kiss me, that pissed me off."
"Wha-then did you fall on purpose?"
"No!"
"Then why-
"Why are you acting as if I'm some fugly bitch you wouldn't even touch?" She leaned closer. "Do you think I'm ugly?"
"...No."
She had a heart-shaped face and doe-like eyes, that even the nation would find endearing to look at but that beauty vanished the second she opened her mouth.
Her lips curved in triumph. She leaned forward to make me back up but I pushed back her face with my whole palm.
I spoke flatly, there was no use in being polite to her anymore. "It's because I have my own idea of what professionalism is, attention whore-san..."
Her jaw dropped. Face flushed.
"What did you just call me?! Hey!"
Grabbing both her wrists before she could get violent, I pushed her back with my body. She resisted, turning her around, I shoved her by the back out the door. She stumbled onto the floor.
"You jerk! Hey!"
"You should go see a therapist," I left the door open a crack to say this before closing it. She banged on the door cursing at me but eventually gave up and left.
Once the silence ensued I became conscious of the pink slime on my lips and felt a silent rage well up inside me.
For some reason, it lasted throughout the week. While recording in the studio with the Helens, my eyes kept flickering towards the mouth of girls and I would remember my stolen first kiss. My face would frown each time.
"Is something wrong, Fukuda-san?"
I was listening to the playback with Kanna-san. The girls sang their lines but they had no soul, it was a good song, and the vocals aren't bad but... were they even trying? My mood continued to dip.
"What's his deal? What is it? If we did bad just say so!" Anya-san for some reason she always picks up an attitude with me, she was the one who laughed at me when Mio-san hit me with the door. It was a given I disliked her by default.
I couldn't help glaring.
"Who the heck do you people sing for?"
"Huh?" Haia who was standing in the booth with the others, squeaked and looked to her bandmates.
"Why are you doing music?"
The girls fidgeted.
"Who was the one who revised these lyrics?"
Haia and Mio raised their hands.
"This..." I wave the paper up for them to see.
"It's a love song. Just because you can sing you think that's enough? If the singers sing without purpose those that listen won't feel anything."
The girls were non-responsive. Some looked elsewhere, while others looked at the floor, while some seemed spaced out altogether.
"Listen here, it's my job to make skeletons, but it's you're job to breathe in life!"
Listening on, Anya became frustrated. "What the hell are you talking about? Explain it away we can understand!"
My frustration was reaching its tipping point. In a way, you could understand huh? Fine. Hopefully, you can understand this.
"You all sing with 0% sincerity! No one can feel the love in these lyrics! It wouldn't even pass even if you sang it a funeral!"
"C-come on now Fukuda-san..." I could feel Kanna-san hovering behind me with that sheepish expression. She herself knew the situation of this group but her timid personality wasn't serving them well.
"The heck is wrong with all of you?! Don't you love music?!"
The girl's faces looked back at me blankly.
I raked my fingers back through the front of my hair, feeling that if I said anything more I might say too much. At the end of the day, if they didn't speak I won't know what they're thinking.
"I'm sorry, I can't record you guys today, a half-assed song like this won't reach anyone. When you're all feeling better we'll do it then."
------
And like that he gathered up his things and left. Kanna-san called out after him but was ignored.
"Who does he think he is treating his seniors like this?" Anya muttered. "Acting like a hotshot just because his former band got famous...how ridiculous!"
Michiko-san sighed while listening to Anya, "That...well if we want to be technical here since he wrote songs that became successful he has an eye for what will sell at the very least, he's our senior in terms of sales..."
"A lot of people are..." I muttered.
The day Kanna-san told us that a former member of Azure Phoenix would be helping us write a song, the girls became intimidated.
Perhaps we expected a flashy character or stylish character like the cool and passionate Izanagi or some of the band members, but he came in blue jeans and a unique denim jacket with a tiger and bunny seated at a table embroidered on his back, I remember seeing it when he turned around to put down his stuff. It was so cute and unexpected that I became distracted. Where did he get it from? I really want to ask.
He seemed simple, original, and overall like an easy-going person.
So when he lost his cheerful aura, he became intimidating to downright scary, and I couldn't help but feel responsible for this change in him. These days we've been constantly practicing but nothing we did seemed to satisfy him.
In the past, the people we worked with had dull expressions, so the fact he complained about us made me wonder about our previous composers as well... All the countless sighs, and pinching of the noses bridges...
His words replayed back inside my mind, our group was one of the first bands that signed on but we had the lowest sales compared to the other groups. Well before that, I'd be lying if I said I thought our group was perfect, we were all talented but for as long as I could remember there's always been a wall between us.
"Haia-chan?" Mio called out to me, everyone had left the studio, I didn't even notice.
"A-ah..."
("Who the heck do you people sing for?!") his words shot me right in the core, as the memory came back to me, I remembered...
There was once a senpai at my school in the light rock club, he was so cool, I remember always watching him in the crowd, he played in music festivals and during school events. That brilliant energy of his that pumped everyone around him, I remember thinking I wanted to be like him one day. It was after he left for America that I realized my feelings of admiration weren't quite that.
I was leaving the hall when I bumped into someone.
"Sorry..."
The leather jacket in front of me didn't budge.
"Eh? Aren't you HaiHai?"
There was only one person to ever tease me by that name and...that voice!
I lifted up my head to see a familiar blonde looking down at me.
"Ken...ichi-senpai?"
A wide grin stretched across his lips.😁
"Ahm."
We had dinner at a cafe, with the dim lighting and jazzy music trickling in, it felt like a date.
We caught up, Ken-kun joined our label. How did I not even notice...
I congratulated him.
He waved his hand dismissively.
"Not at all, you joined them 1st so that makes you my senior, please take care of me senpai."
I felt both happy and devastated at that moment. Our band was the least popular group in the label... knowing this I felt embarrassed. He was bound to find out.
I must have looked off because he asked, "What's the matter?"
I felt like the dam to my heart was struggling to keep itself closed but before those hazel brown eyes of his, I found myself spilling the beans.
"Fukuda-san? Ah, I know him! He's a good guy, a bit too nice if you ask me." Ken-kun said.
I felt telling him then may have been the wrong move.
"I thought he was a pushover but it seems like he doesn't budge when it comes to music, huh..." Ken-kun inhaled. "Haihai, sing for me."
"Huh?"
"Sing what you were supposed to sing in the studio."
"..." I sang, the entire time he listened with a serious expression when I finished he nodded.
"Mmm. I see. Now I understand." He nodded. "I don't think he's wrong... it's not that big of a deal but... if all your group members are like that, it's definitely a problem. It'll be something too hard to ignore..."
As he gave his objective opinion, my heart sank.
"You can sing, but there's no emotion invested in it at all... normally..." Ken-kun leaned forward. His expression was still the same but a sigh escaped him.
Just like all the other producers and composers we worked with. Ah, there went my last wall. Tears dribbled down my cheek.
Ken-kun's eyes widened in panic.
"You're crying?!" He seemed flustered.
I could feel the eyes of others and lowered my head.
"For the longest time... I always wondered why everyone said we weren't doing well...wuuuuu...."
A hand patted my back, I could feel its warmth seep in through the back of my shirt.
Unexpectedly, Senpai sat next to me and slowly pulled me into a hug. His expression was slightly awkward.
"It's okay, I've... also been in your shoes. Once you overcome the mentality you should be fine. Singing is like acting, once you've identified the emotion to use and your audience, it'll be fine. It'll be okay..."
I leaned my head into his chest, deep down I must have thirsted for this, his smell and presence nourished my soul like sunshine to a dying plant, his comforting words were like water.
I wanted to rub myself against him like my cat Mifuyu and share his warmth. "But my band members..." I remembered this suddenly.
"Ah, yeah... that..." Continuing to pat my back, Ken-kun sighed once more before he softly muttered. "Looks like an intervention will be needed."