In my mind, I swore.
((This damn plush boy- ))
It was as if I walked around a corner and got blindsided with a brick.
As I stared back at that damnable smile staring back at me so innocently with expectance, I had half the mind to cover those eyes that quelled my anger and half the mind to pinch his cheeks until he begged for mercy.
Either one would make me feel terrible. Was he being like this because he was conscious of the fact that I tolerated him?
How could I get angry or even feel anxious when you look at me so hopefully like that?
I felt as if I was being forced to put a lid on my anxiety, which only made me frustrated even further.
If I did bad I didn't just embarrass myself but him as well!
How dare you put me on the spot! You damn plushie!
-----
She seemed to be cursing me with her eyes, I patted the song sheet.
After glaring at me for a bit longer in silence she finally sighed and closed her eyes.
"Amar-
She pinched my lips shut. That negative black void I had always sensed so often before had suddenly emerged within such close proximity, I swallowed.
She quietly growled at me in English through gritted teeth, "Shut up! Right now, I really hate you!" It was a side of her I had always been scared to see.
My soul nearly left my body for a second, it returned after seeing her pointed gaze that was glistening with fear. It was then that I came to my senses and once I did, I felt like an ass.
She wasn't my co-worker, nor did she aspire to be in this line of work so me suddenly expecting her to sing must've made her feel burdened.
Ack!... I ...what was I thinking? Of course, this wouldn't fly with her! After all, an introvert's greatest nightmare was suddenly being put on the spot.
Still... I'm not asking Akemi.
I was beginning to regret my choice, and felt slightly flustered as well but I had already started to play the music. No matter what I'd rather die then ask Akemi.
I glanced at her,
Amara seemed to be actually reviewing the lyrics with a begrudging expression.
Listening to the song, seemed to calm her down a bit because her tense shoulders finally relaxed.
She held the song sheet to her chest, closed her eyes, and exhaled, but her hands were trembling.
Guilt made me avert my gaze. I'm sorry! I'm sorry dammit, please don't hate me!
"..." She opened her eyes.
She looked ready so I said, "Then I'm going to play just the instrumentals."
-----
The atmosphere suddenly got intense all of a sudden, as both Amara-san and Fukuda-san became frustrated with each other.
After a while, Fukuda-san quietly told her he would be playing the instrumentals.
Amara-san silently stood.
The second the instrumentals began the heavy tension in the air was demolished by a silk husky voice, I expected her singing voice to sound deeper but it was the opposite, as free and floaty as a bird's.
"I told myself I wouldn't fall again,
but I lost my balance the moment you shot me down with your machine gun smile."
There were some parts her voice sounded unstable when she sang, but the emotional way she sang, no, her voice itself had its own appeal... I don't think anyone would be able to replicate this...
"Damn this heart! Why does it beat for you?
Why do I become an idiot whenever you're around?
I've exploded before, crash landed and burned.
I hauled my smouldering self out of the crater,
Breathed life back into my own skull.
It took me so long
to look in the mirror with perfect confidence
so tell me why, why, why!-
Whyyyy? Now I can finally dance again,
Whyyy? Right when I can finally breathe,
Whyyy? When it feels so good to be me....dammit!"
But I think was the most shocking of all...
"Another detonator's been sown inside my chest~"
Was the fact that she seemed like such a serious girl but managed to sing so cheerfully and angrily while keeping a straight face, it felt unnatural, for a second I wondered if she was a voice actor in her spare time or had a split personality.
"Damn this heart why does it beat for you?
Why do I become an idiot whenever you're around?!
Honey~ Don't. You. Think,
I'm going down without a fight,
I'll make sure you'll never ever ever in your life
manage to forgeeeeet meeee!"
I was beginning to get a sense of what Fukuda-san expected as well.
The entire time he watched her sing with folded arms and an unreadable expression.
As she finished, he looked to Senpai who was looking at Amara with a curious expression. His eyes were dripping out questions.
My gaze flickered back to her, she put the paper down on the table and looked to Fukuda-san who smiled back politely in return.
"Thank you."
She took in his expression before moving back to her end of the table and collecting her things.
"Eh, are you leaving?"
Her tone was pouty. "Are you blind?"
"Eh, but why-
"It's awkward, I feel like I'm suffocating!" She spat these words at him and he flinched, though his expression was funny it looked like he was electrocuted.
Her honesty caught me off guard, even though she sang like that, well, it's not that I don't understand.
When I first auditioned in front of a live audience, I felt weird afterward. Even during club, I could never warm up to performing in front of others, Senpai specifically. I got better only after he left and was able to cultivate my confidence then.
"You... were really good! For someone who can't sing." Senpai spoke up, that last remark he added, he was teasing her wasn't he? To let her know he could understand English.
The interest he held in his eyes unnerved me. It couldn't be... well he lived in America at one point maybe... his range of interest in women has also like Fukuda-san's evolved...
"Huh?" She blinked at him and nodded to herself as she let his compliment soak in. "Oh, thanks..." Still, she collected her things.
"Right Fukuda-san?" Senpai looked to Fukuda-san who blinked.
"R-right! You did well!"
"My voice cracked."
"It's fine."
"It wobbled as well."
"Didn't I say this was just for fun?"
"But I know, it's for work..."
As she tried to leave Fukuda-san stretched out his arms.
"You needed help with question twenty-seven right? I'll help you in a bit."
She ducked underneath his arms and proceeded towards the door. "You're busy, I'll come another time."
"Amara, noooooo!" he scrambled after her, only for her to shut the door in his face.
He let out the heaviest sigh I've heard from him then.
Senpai finally voiced his thoughts. "Amara-san is... shyer than she looks huh?"
Fukuda-san with sagging shoulders returned to his seat.
Senpai continued to babble. "That's interesting you two are opposites then. Fukuda-san you look shy but you're actually not, and Amara-san looks serious but she's actually shy. It's sort of funny."
"Huh? I don't think I'm that serious though...I think we're both shy or serious depending on the situation..."
No, no, no, you definitely are serious! I wanted to say that but after seeing him interact with Lady Amara I think either he has a soft spot for her or maybe that's how he normally is? Since he wasn't stern with us in the beginning, I wanted to assume so, so I kept my mouth shut.
We continued our talk with Fukuda-san but he seemed gloomy in Amara's absence.
I was thankful for Senpai's presence, if it was just me and Fukuda-san I don't think I would have been able to say anything, whenever his gaze falls on me, I feel like he's trying to read me... of course which is what I'm doing as well but... there's just something about his polite intensity that intimidates me.
Like that, he sent the track to Kanna-san, and I'd join the girls tomorrow for Senpai's training suggestion.