Needless to say the past week I've been feeling drained and unmotivated. The Banshees have been practicing these past days on the revised song while I work with the Helens for their album.
I thought it was just one song and the other composers would swoop in but Hanabusa-san said Kanna-san pestered the higher-ups for me to compose songs for the whole album.
Why?! My mood became foul as I stood there waiting for the cross-walk sign to change. I'm new to this, I would have liked to work with pros, to learn something you know? I was looking forward to that...
Such a dispassionate group, they were draining to work with. The days I would work with Phoenix, the guys would listen to the song and our lead singer would come up with words on the spot. That chemistry, that beautiful connection... It can't just be that we were the only band like that... right?
"Hmmm, hmmmm hmm..." That day Amara was humming a song on our way home from school.
I had never heard her sing before but her humming itself gave me goosebumps in a good way. I became curious.
I leaned my face into her vision until she finally noticed me.
She raised her brows at me.
"What is it?"
"What are you listening to?"
"Oh...just...." She pulled out an earbud and held it close to my ear.
A swanky-sounding tune flooded my left ear. A trickle of jazz, funk, and a raspy voice with a thick accent. I could tell their words were impactful but I couldn't quite make out what they were saying.
"hmmm...it hits hard for even though I can't understand what she's saying..."
She flatly said, "My fridge is empty just like my heart, I cleaned out all its love when I left you."
"HA?!" Flustered, I stood up straight and stiffened. I really have a knack for pissing off women this week... my shoulders slumped.
Seeing my confusion she began to sing in japanese her voice mimicking the original singer.
~"Nothing is left but a freezer-burned space, whoever said love was enough? That's a lie! Love is patient, love is kind. But the moment you laughed at my heart, the love-tinted filter faded and I began to see clearly for the first time.
" The man that I needed, you never intended to be!
"You preach but your love, it's a self-serving gospel;
"You preach that you love me, but you're a self-serving man.
"When I think, of all those doors you opened just to get in my pants, I want to kill that love before it grew the legs to stand."~
The pedestrians that gathered at the light all stared, and I could feel my jaw dropping slightly.
Her voice which was normally high in pitch but husky, sounded softer and even richer when she sang, suiting the jazz genre perfectly.
Upon noticing the staring, Amara paused and looked down at her phone. "Well, you get what it's about."
"You never told me you could sing!"
"I can't- what are you talking about?! My voice is just naturally..." She plugged the earphone in her ear. "It's not like... I know how to sing I'm just mimicking..." she muttered softly.
"But your voice is still moving, I was touched."
She stared straight ahead. Pretending to be deaf.
"It was moving really!"
"The light's green." She sped walked away, and I trailed after her, repeating the song aloud. It was to make her feel better about singing publicly but maybe she thought I was mocking her because her stare felt pointed, as she followed me circling her.
"I'm not mocking you, really, I thought you were cool."
(; u ; )
She squinted at me but when I innocently blinked back at her, she was convinced.
"...Thank you."
I didn't go to work that day. Amara noticed me trailing after her.
As we passed a familiar area I pointed.
I asked. "Want some ramen?"
"..." She glanced at me. "I'm in the mood for a beef bowl actually..."
At my favorite Ramen Hall near our neighborhood, we sat at a table booth.
"I'm...thinking of moving out," I announced.
Amara's brows knitted as she chewed. She hated talking while eating because she hated having to talk in between bites, if she did neither her food would get cold, still, I felt like I needed to talk to someone about this.
I clasped my hands in apology and explained to her my situation.
"Hmm...well from a male perspective, I could understand how you'd feel coddled... maybe it'll also help you become more independent..." She sounded as if she wanted to say "but" but, she kept silent to the very end. It felt like her true thoughts were left hanging in the air. Invisible.
"What? You don't think I should?"
She stabbed at her beef with her spoon. "I was just wondering how you'd wake up in the morning, as well as to whether or not if your mother would be lonely... you already come home late these days..."
I shouldn't have asked, now I was beginning to feel guilty. That's right having a busy husband must be tough for her already but now her son is too and if that wasn't enough wants to move out?
"And also...I'd also miss you...I guess." She quickly added the last bit but her words had already made me smile.
Her gaze remained fixed on her food. "They're irrelevant things, it's important for a budding young man to be able to handle their own issues without their mothers meddling."
After talking to her I had decided.
"I've made up my mind, I'll sleep at the company dorms when I need to and at home when I have nothing going on that day."
She finally looked at me. A question sign hung over her head.
"Why you suddenly change your mind?"
"Since you can't live without me after all."
Her jaw dropped. She clamped it shut but her eyes had narrowed into slits. Scooping up some food onto her spoon using her chopsticks, she said this, "On second thought I'll help you pack."
I laughed and tried to appease her. "Don't be like that..."~
She slapped her chopsticks down, her shoulders hunched up to her ears."Shut that sugar spewing mouth of yours before you give me diabetes!"