Silence was running through the air, the emptiness of the wide field making it feel so much more harsh. It was a harshness that was almost crushing in a nice way, Raphael was noticing how much better it was here than in life. He didn't have to help other people, he didn't have to comfort someone. He didn't even have to eat, he could just exist in blissful silence. He was so happy, but he couldn't get rid of the punishment in the back of his mind. It was an angry beast slamming into a metal door that held it out of its head, it wanted so desperately to get free but the newfound joy was suddenly locking it back, his stress being hidden from him.
"I have a question, Luc..." Raphael said catching himself before the name, he had no intention of explaining his dream. She thought nothing of it and continued on until he raised his voice a second time. "Do you think what I did was wrong? Yesterday you didn't really know the circumstances and thought that I just did it for no reason but, I've explained myself now, for the most part." He asked as he lowered his head to deeply stare into thought and the deep gray gravel. He wasn't sure how she was going to respond but he knew that it would have to be more understanding right, It had to make me more positive at least.
"I don't think that the situation is black and white, in a way I agree, I couldn't see it but you were stressed, you didn't get too close to people, you put everyone else's problems on yourself because you didn't want to see them have to deal with them. You couldn't sleep, you were surviving off of coffee and a wage that was lower than it should have been. In that, I think you were doing something you thought was right, you didn't see another choice and you opened the darkest door. But you also hurt people by doing it. Your family, even if they weren't too close to you, now has to deal with your choice. Those people that were so happy that they had a shoulder to cry on, those who were so happy to see you when they did, now they can never see you again. Since so many people were hurt for what you did, I can also see it as a terrible act, and a worse choice." She said as she stared at him, saddened, she was almost put down as she saw him wallow in his decision.
"At the time I didn't think that people really cared, I thought I was useless, I thought that no one else cared about me because I was putting so many problems on me. I was scared of myself and my family. I didn't know what to do, I thought it was fine because I was almost non-existent, I thought it didn't matter." Raphael said regretfully, his eyes welling up again, his tears building into a couplet of quiet rivers. "I had such dark thoughts for so long and was so blind by my own stupidity. I didn't know because I didn't want to know." He was torn up, the more he thought about the choice the more he began to regret.
"You didn't know, no one knew, not even me. You were good at placing that joyful mask on your face and painting in your silver eyes that no one could know. When they find out you're gone, they'll feel the same as I felt when you got here, they'll be crushed. We all loved you, we just didn't show it because we were blind to your happiness that was so infectiously sweet." She said as she grabbed Raphael's arm. Pulling him into her she was to him what he was to so many other people, she was a shoulder to cry on, she was comfort to love. After she pulled him to her they just stood there, Raphael lightly weeping into her shoulder in regret. "We didn't make an effort to help, but you never asked as well. Both parties are at fault." she said, holding his head tight.