I kept on crying until I reached the street and there I rode a taxi but instead of going home sa playground ako nagpahatid. I was sitting on the swing and I stared at the see saw and I remember my memories with Xavier. I was hurting but I was also happy remembering those times.
Nababaliw na ata ako.
I was lucky that my brother was already sleeping when I got home and I also have my ever loyal dog Goofy to comfort me. He even slept in my bed that night. Maybe he was scared I'd do something ridiculous.
The next day I went to file for a leave but when I get back I plan to file my resignation. I don't have a plan to attend Xavier's wedding, that would be a torture. I don't want to make a scene at that white vail occasion. Baka topakin pa ako at sumigaw ng itigil ang kasal. A week have passed after his wedding maybe he is now enjoying the married life.
My plan is to be in MIA for a month I just told my brother, Nick and Donna that I'll be leaving for a month at di ko rin sila kokontakin. Wala akong pinagsabihan kung saan ako pupunta nangako lang ako na babalik ako after.I will just go on vacation away from the internet and any forms of stress.
I need to self reflect this year has been to much for I need to unwind. Kahit mahirap mabuhay I know it still have lots of things to offer. Sabi nila mamundok ka pag gusto mo mag move-on I don't need to move I just need to accept things as they are and have the courage to face them again. I chose to spend my vacation here in Batanes where my feelings began to realize.
I was standing at the top of the lighthouse while watching the sunset. It was a beautiful scenery.
"Ma'am tara na po at ihahatid ko na kayo pabalik sa hotel," sigaw sa akin ni Kuya Jun mula sa baba.
"Sige po baba na po!" sigaw ko pabalik.
Kaya tumayo na ako at naglakad pababa ng hagdan. Hanggang Sa makarating Sa tricycle niya.
"Ewan ko ba Ma'am bakit pinili mo pumunta dito nang mag-isa. Wala ka bang kasintahan na pwedeng yayain."
Basag trip naman to si kuya ehh.
"Wala ehh, may kakilala ka ba kuya na pwede mo ireto sa akin? Yung pogi ahh tapos yung di choosy," pagbibiro ko.
"Naku ma'am, may asawa na rin kasi anak ko ehh. Hayaan mo ma'am pag may nakakilala ako ng walang katipan, sasabihan kita."
Wow! Si kuya ang supportive sana all.
I entered my room.
It was silent.
It was empty.
I seated at the corner of my bed and started to write at my notebook.
~~~~
Xavier, masaya ka na kaya? Kasi ako hindi pa, I just watch the sunset at ikaw na naman ang pumasok sa utak ko. It's been days I thought telling you how I'm hurting would somewhat relieve the pain but it didn't. Two weeks have passed but I still love you.
~~~~
After writing I closed it and put it in my bag again.
I was holding my phone, gustong gusto ko nang I switch on ito. Pero natatakot ako dahil sigurado akong mga litrato pa rin Xavier ang makikita ko lalo na sa Facebook time-line ko.
I miss Goofy, I miss kuya, I miss Donna, I miss Nick and though I hate to admit it I also miss Xavier my old Xi.
Napahiga na lang ako sa kama, I'm not supposed to think of him, pero yun ang ginagawa ng utak ko. Dikta na rin siguro ng puso ko. If I wasn't too impulsive diko siguro siya kinaladkad papuntang theme park pinasakay sa ferriswheel at dun isabog ang nararamdaman ko.
I remember how he looked at me he was there and his eyes somewhat tells me to stop talking.
Paano ko kaya gagawin yun? Knowing that he was also suffering just like me. For me it was an emotional pain pero yung sa kanya it was both physical and emotional pain.
Yung tipong lumalaban ka kahit masakit na kahit di siguradong mabubuhay ka pa. He was struggling to live while I was mad at him for leaving me without reason. Now I know what he has been up to I feel guilty for not being there while his suffering and fighting for his life. I felt like I somewhat abandoned him.
He is right he did tried to patch things up but I just shove the chances away.
***
Mag-isa akong nag aagahan sa banquet hall nang may naki-upo sa mesa ko. Di na ako nag abalang tignan kung sino 'yun at nag concentrate sa pag kain ko, meron pa rin kasi akong pupuntahan.
I was about to leave the table nang bigla na lang nagsalita 'yung naki upo sa akin.
"Hindi mo man lang ba ako titignan Gabby," anito.
Sa mga oras na yun napatingin na ako sa kanya.
"Nick?" kunot noong sabi ko.
"Anong ginagawa mo dito?" mabilis kong tanong. Nginisian niya ako.
"Nagbabakasyon, and what a coincidence andito ka rin," sabi niya.
"I'm not buying it Nick."
"Okay na rin na nandito ako. Baka may masamang mangyari sa'yo, the last time I was away alam mo na," aniya.
"Bahala ka nga diyan." I walked out.
...
"Kuya Jun sino po ba yung makikisabay sa atin? Akala ko ba exclusive tour guide ko kayo?" taong ko.
"Ma'am naman ehh, 'wag na po kayong magtampo. Diba ma'am sabi ko kapag may nakilala akong single ehh ipakilala ko agad sa inyo?" pagpapaalala niya.
"Ang agap mo naman kuya Jun, gwapo ba yan?" biro ko.
"Lamang lang po sa akin ng sampung paligo," sabi niya.
Natawa ako sa sinabi ni Kuya Jun dahil sa facial expression niya.
"Kaya lang kuya late na siya. Ligwak ganern na siya."
Nakita ko ang pagkadismaya aa mukha niya na lalong napatawa sa akin.
"Hi guys!" Pareho kaming napalingon ni Kuya Jun sa sumigaw.
Kitang kita ko ang abot tenga ng ngiti ni Nick habang papalapit sa amin.
"O ma'am andiyan na pala si Sir,"
"Siya ba yung tinutukoy mo kuya?" tanong ko.
"Opo Ma'am, Sabi sayo pogi diba?" proud na sabi ni Kuya Jun.
Napangiwi na lang ako.
"Hi Gabby! Miss me?" tanong niya nang tuluyang makalapit sa amin.
"Magkakilala kayo ma'am?" tanong ni Kuya June.
"Kuya Jun, stalker ko yan ehh," sagot ko naman.
"Stalker?" takang tanong ng matanda.
"Grabe ka naman, stalker? Sa gwapo kong to stalker?"
"Hindi ba? Bakit ka andito?" kwestiyon ko.
"Bakit sayo ba ang buong Batanes?" kontra niya.
Bwisit! Nagbalik na siya sa pagiging kabute niya. Akala ko nagbagong buhay na siya.
He is too enthusiastic habang naglilibot kami sa bawat site na pinupuntahan namin. He was too busy taking photos while I was just staring at the place appreciating its beauty.
Sa last stop namin today we went to another hill and watched the sunset like I usually do.
"Gabby!"
Napalingon ako sa kanya saka nag flash ang DSLR niya. This happened before. The only difference is that it was Xavier taking my photo.
"Okay ka lang Gabby?" tanong ni Nick.
"Oo naman," takang sagot ko.
"Why does your eyes says otherwise."
"Ha? Anong meron sa mata ko?" takang tanong ko. Nang ipahid ko ang likod ng palad ko sa mga mata ko saka ko na napansin ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko.
Bakit na naman ba ako umiiyak?
Pilit kong pinupunasan ang mga luha ko pero ayaw tumigil.
"Kailangan ko na atang mag-pacheck up ng mata kusang umiiyak," tumatawang sabi ko.
Nilapitan ako ni Nick saka niya ako niyakap palapit sa kanya.
"It's okay to cry kapag nasasaktan na Gabby. You don't have to pretend to that you're okay because we both know you're not," sabi niya habang hinahaplos ang likod ng buhok ko."
Di ko na na pigilan ang paghagulgol ko. Nick always comforts me everytime I'm in pain.
"Bakit kasi ang sakit pa rin, alam ko paulit ulit na akong umiiyak sayo. Paulit ulit mo pa rin akong sinasamahan. Kahit alam kong nasasaktan ka dahil sa akin andiyan ka pa din. Sorry Nick, sorry kung paulit-ulit kitang nagagamit para gumaan ang loob ko. Sorry kung ang selfish ko, you were the for me for three years but I still didn't look your way. Sorry Nick kasi nagpapakatanga ako para sa ibang lalaki gayong andiyan ka naman. Sorry for breaking your heart everytime," I said in between sobs.
"I knew from the start that your heart will never be mine, but I still tried. It's not your fault, it is my choice to have my heart broken by loving someone who loves someone else."
"I'm okay, don't worry about me," niluwagan niya ang yakap sa akin para tignan ako.
"Sorry for being unfair," sabi ko habang nakatingala sa kanya.
"You're not, being true to what you feel is not unfair," sabi niya at kinalas ang pagkakayakap sa akin.
"Mabuti pa bumalik na tayo sa hotel, baka nayayamot na rin si Kuya Jun. Wipe your tears baka pagbintangan pa niya akong nagpa-iyak sayo," sabi niya sabay punas sa mukha ko ng mangas ng sweatshirt niya.
...
Naglalakad kaming dalawa sa hallway papunta sa kwarto ko at nag usap sa harap ng pinto ng kwarto ko.
"Nakapag-usap na ba kayo?" tanong niya.
Napatingin ako sa kanya.
"Oo, parang ganun na nga."
"Hindi ko maintindihan," naguguluhang sabi niya.
"Being the impulsive me, I didn't let him talk again. Kahit ano namang sabihin ko sa kanya magpapakasal pa rin naman siya sa iba diba?"
"I can't say that," sabi niya.
"Ano bang gusto mong sabihin sa kanya?" tanong niya.
"Na mahal ko siya, despite everything that happened and just get back together and maybe ask for his hand?"
"Ask for his hand? Really?" di makapaniwalang tanong niya.
Tinawanan ko lang siya.
"Why don't you say him that directly?"
"Ha?"
He was not looking at me kaya sinundan ko kung saan siya nakatingin. My heart began to race when I saw Xavier's face.
Anong ginagawa niya dito?
Bakit siya andito?
I looked away before I get drawn by his eyes.
"Bakit siya andito?" tanong ko kay Nick.
"I don't know, maybe it's a chance for you to talk," tense na sagot niya.
He's too obvious he is his bestfriend afterall.
"Alam mo Nick, why don't you grab him out of here, the last thing I want to do is to ruin someone's marriage."
Then I opened the door to my and immediately entered it and tried to close the door as fast as I could. Pero bago ko pa magawa yun Xavier was fast enough para maiharang ang kamay niya rito. Walang kahirap hirap niyang itinulak iyon at pumasok sa loob.
"Maiwan ko na kayo," paalam ni Nick saka naglakad palayo.
Langya ka Nick!
Xavier closed the door and locked it, then turned to face me.
"Ano sa tingin mo ang ginagawa mo Xavier?" tanong ko.
"Making sure you're not running away again."
"Alam mo kung anong tinutukoy ko," sabi ko.
"No, Why don't you tell me," he demanded.
"Alam mo di ko maintindihan, kakontsaba mo pa ata si Nick para dito? Ano bang gusto mo?"
"I wanna talk," aniya.
"You wanna talk? Okay let's talk," I sat on a chair and gestured him to sit too.
I was glad to sit down dahil pakiramdam ko nawawalan na ng lakas ang tuhod ko.
"Anong gusto mong pag-usapan?" tanong ko.
"I wanna talk about us," sabi niya.
Us? Bakit? May kailangan pa bang pag-usapan?
"What about us?" tanong ko not sounding confused.
"Why did you run away without letting me say a word?" tanong niya. Ang tinutukoy niya marahil ay ang nangyari sa ferriswheel.
"I'll let you speak now, so tell me everything," I tried to sound tough for him not to notice that I'm nervous.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry for leaving not saying a thing about my illness, I should've told you. I was just too scared that you will get tired of taking care of me. Sorry for getting scared if I died I don't want you to be left alone that's why I left for you to move on earlier and Nick was also there for you but twist of fate happens I survived and came back. I thought If I came back we will be okay but that didn't happened You were kidnapped and it was because of me. I couldn't stand knowing it was me that put you in danger. Being the coward me, I avoided you."
I couldn't hold it anymore he sounded too sincere. I looked away as I wipe my tears.
Yung totoo? Buong gabi na naman ba akong iiyak?
"I've forgiven you since you left," I said as I swallowed the lump on my throat.
"You still love me right?" tanong niya.
I didn't see that coming, di ko alam kung bakit niya ako tinatanong.
"Yes, I told you already that," I admitted.
There's no point in denying it, but I know it's not right.
"But if you're going to ask me to be your mistress just because I love you, just leave."
"I am here to get away from the pain, tapos pupunta ka rito when you're supposedly in a honeymoon with your wife," I reminded him.
He smiled.
Ay Gago! Galit ako tapos gaganyanin niya ako?
"I'm not here to ask you that," sabi niya.
"Eh ano? "naguguluhang tanong ko.
Tumayo siya mula sa pagkakaupo, at kumapit sa akin.
Di ko inasahan ang sumunod niyang ginawa lumuhod siya sa harap ko and pulled out a ring.
I'm really confused, di ba kasal na siya? Don't tell me it's just a front para may valid reason na siya para iwasan ako.
"I know it's too sudden, but I can't afford to lose you anymore. If your afraid that I'm already married here is my proof," inabot niya sa akin ang cenomar niya at tinignan ko iyon. It's true, hindi nga siya kinasal.
I smiled a bit with the thought that he knew I'll ask for proof that he's still single. I even looked at the receipt to make sure it's new.
I burst into tears, knowing that no one has taken him away from me.
"Gabriela De Guzman, my Silang will you spend the rest of your life with me? Please marry me," aniya.
I didn't imagine this, after all the what we've been through. I hugged him, tightly.
"I love you, and yes I'll marry you," I whispered to his ear and looked at him.
He was also in tears but was smiling at me.
"H'wag ka nga umiyak ang pangit mo," biro ko sa kanya.
"I love you Gabe," sabi niya.
"I love you too Xi," tugon ko.
At last I could finally say it without worrying about anything. He reached for my left hand and put the ring on my finger. Tumayo kaming dalawa and hugged each other. It may not be as romantic as I dreamed before but at least his going to be my husband.
"Walanghiya kang impakto ka, don't you dare leave me again," banta ko sa kanya habang nakatingala sa kanya.
"I won't," he said looking at my eyes.
I let myself drown in his eyes, I missed him. He pulled me closer to him with hand on my waist while the other cupped my cheek and sealed everything with a kiss. I could feel butterflies in my stomach I answered his every kiss. I've forgot how it feels like and it seemed so magical. We both smiled as we parted our lips.
"I miss you so much," aniya.
"I miss you too."
"Uhmm, why don't you stay here for the night?" nahihiyang tanong ko.
He looked at me with confusion.
"H'wag kang mag-isip ng kung ano, matutulog lang tayo," mabilis kong layo sa kanya.
"Really?" paniniguro niya habang pilyong nakangiti.
"H'wag mo subukang galawin ako Impakto ka! Tatawag na talaga ako ng albularyo," Banta ko sa kanya.
"I thought you wanted the honeymoon to go first before the wedding," nakakalokong sabi niya.
Inismiran ko siya.
"Bwisit ka!"
I was ready to hit him when he started running away. We both laid on the bed nang mapagod kaming maghabulan. I turned to my side to face him, he did the same.
"Thank you for coming back," sabi ko.
"A second chance of 'us' is all I need. Promise I won't mess up this time."
I know that not everyone is given a second chance at love, I'm glad we were lucky enough to have it.
< End of Chapter fifty-two >
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