Boxers thief: Did last night really happen?
Boxers thief: Hello?
Boxers thief: You there?
I stare at the messages because playing hard to get will get him hooked. I want to reply him but I don't want him to think I am too eager. Okay, maybe I was the one that made the first move. I might have been the instigator but now I want him to want me more.
My mind has been in a funk. I am still trying to come to terms with this new found sexuality that I have discovered. I know my mother wouldn't judge me, she is the most accepting woman I have ever met. I don't have any worries in regards that aspect but before I wish for acceptance, I have to accept myself first. Do i accept this new me?
I still don't know how I feel about it and it is okay. I will come to understand everything when the time is right. I am still staring at my phone when my room door opens and Jack barges in. He jumps on my bed and since it is so tiny, he squeezes next to me with our bodies pressed together.
I groan "Move away" I push him but he doesn't budge. I have the most stubborn best friend ever. If you all think I am stubborn, you should try living with Jack for a day. He will drive you insane.
"What are you doing?" he reaches into his jeans pocket and pulls out a packet of Twizzlers. This is our favorite candy so I grab it from him before he can open it "Hey" he cries.
I chuckle as I put one in my mouth. He collects the pack from me and we share it together. My phone is still pressed in front of me and he peers into it reading my message. I try to block him but it already too late. "Who is boxers' thief?"
"None of your business." I lock the phone, not wanting him to know anything about my new found excitement.
We have a weird relationship so me keeping this from him won't sit well with him. He raises a brow but the look on his face tells me that he is not done with the conversation "What happened at the party?" I am caught off guard as he grabs my phone from me and unlocks it.
Shit.
I try to get the phone back but he stands up and runs to the direction of the door. I watch him walk out of my room and I know he can't really figure anything out from the messages. I haven't talked to my beautiful stranger since I left him and I have been staring at his messages all day unsure if I should reply. The only think Jack can get from the messages are the fact that I met someone last night.
He won't know if the person is a guy or a girl so I don't care. It's not that I am not ready to tell him about this, I just don't know if it is anything serious. I haven't fully explored my feelings to know if this is real. I need full confirmation first.
Jack walks back in with a goofy smile plastered on his face. This must be exciting for him; I have never shown any interest in anyone before and the fact that we even have this to talk about must be interesting to him.
"You met someone last night?" the stupid smile is still on his face.
With an eye roll "No one important," I answer him.
He shakes his head and jumps on my bed roughly. He hits my left knee in the process and I groan out in pain "dude" I scream.
He apologizes.
"Who is she?" the gleam in his eyes are getting on my nerves. The fact that he automatically assumes it is a girl is wrong. We are in the 21st century. Being gay is not such a strange thing. Funny I take offence to his assumption.
"Who says it's a girl?"
His eyes open wide, the shock written clearly on his face "Hold up...are you serious?"
I nod.
He smiles and I watch him, waiting for his reaction. Jack is the least judgmental person I know. Deep down I know he won't judge me, or suddenly start hating me. That is the only reason we are still friends. He has been able to accept me with all the obvious flaws I have. No one can tolerate me as much as the boy in front of me.
We have so much history.
"Come on, spill it."
"It's not a big deal."
He shakes his head and grab both of my hands in his, squeezing it "Dude I am your best friend. You can't keep this from me, it is so fucking unethical."
I laugh "How so?"
He frowns still holding my hands "It's in the friend handbook. It's a rule man."
"Really?"
He is exaggerating right now but I get his point. He wants to know and I think I should practice coming out to him first. Although I still think I need to know for sure, if this feeling in me is real. I have to be a hundred percent sure.
I sigh "You must tell me."
"Fine, you win." I collect my phone from him when I hear a beep. It's another message from him.
Boxer's thief: I am starting to think you gave me a wrong number. *inserts sad emoji.
Jack shifts closer "Hmm...reply him."
"I don't know what to say," I tell him honestly. I have been racking my brain all day. I have delayed too long and now it seems weird saying just hello. I also don't want to seem too eager. This is a lot more complicated than I ever imagined.
"You need to give me details. I need to know how you guys met and what happened."
He is too excited. In fact, he seems more excited than I am. Someone would think he is the one that this is happening to. I tell him everything that happened yesterday and the smile on his face remains plastered. He listens to me attentively and eagerly.
"You don't know his name?"
I nod.
"Oh, so this is like a secret relationship. What is he afraid of?" I asked myself that question all night but because I don't know his story, I cannot understand. He might have homophobic parents, or friends. It seems like he is fighting a lot of demons. To understand I need a clearer view of his life but right now we are still strangers that just kissed.
"We are not in a relationship," I correct Jack.
"But you want to be in one with him?"
I shrug "I don't know. I just know that I had such an intense attraction towards him and I want to explore every bit of this completely."
Jack smiles at me teasingly. This is a first for me, so he has every right to be this hyper over this. "Reply him dude. He is sad."
I look at my phone "You are the one that is good with words. Tell me what to say."
"Tell him, last night was amazing."
I frown "That doesn't seem like something I would say. It is too cringy." I don't want to seem lame. That's a lame reply.
"You want to be your jerky self with him?"
I nod.
I don't want to pretend to be someone I am not. This is who I am and I want him to see that; if he likes me the way I am, then great but if he doesn't, that would be a bummer.
"Okay, since you want to be Stick in the mud Lance. Tell him, New phone, who this?"
I furrow my brows "What does that even mean?" today seems like a bad day for Jack.
He is not making any sense. He laughs obviously enjoying this a lot. Glaring I bellow
"Seriously, you are of no help."
I tap the screen of my phone and finally reply him.
Lance: I'm here. How are you?
Jack huffs "Such a lame reply. You are so new to this." he is looking at my phone and we are both waiting for a reply. I see the 3 dots appear and my heart pauses its breathing as I wait for his reply. The dots disappear and I am still holding my breath, waiting.
"He went offline." I cry.
"Uh oh. Maybe he is busy."
My phone starts to ring and a smile creeps up to my face as his name pops up. He is calling me. I am so excited from just a phone call. This is new for me and very scary.
I look at jack and he is waiting for me to answer the call. This is none of his business
"Dude, can you go home?"
He shakes his head and lies down on the bed. "Now" I glare at him. He grabs his phone like he can't hear me "You're so annoying." I sigh in defeat. He doesn't want to leave, considering I didn't even do all this with his own girl, so why is he all up in my business.
"Hello." I answer the call.
I can hear breathing at the other end of the line but he doesn't say anything. I remain quiet too. After a couple of seconds, he speaks "I thought you gave me a wrong number." his voice is as deep as that night. It is like music to my ears, so soothing.
My heart thuds in my chest "Why would I?" Jack giggles and I roll my eyes and slap his leg.
"You didn't answer any of my messages."
"I'm sorry. I've been busy." I lie.
He laughs "You read them all though."
Guilty as charged, my cheeks redden from the guilt trip he is sending me to. "You didn't know what to say?" he asks but it sounds rhetorical.
"This is weird."
"Totally" he agrees. I remain quiet, he adds "I thought about you all night. Seeing you at that party was an escape I needed and then you went into my room. I knew I could use that as my opportunity."
His room?
We were in his room. So that means he had a shower in his room and wore HIS clothes.
"Your room?" I have to ask.
He laughs "Thought you'd figure it out. I had pictures all over the walls. You probably weren't paying attention." he releases a breath and adds "You heard the part about me thinking about you?"
He is hammering on that, he wants approval "I thought about you too."
"Did you?"
I nod even though he can't see me. Jack is watching me and his expression is annoying. Almost like this is fun for him to watch. I turn away from him and he laughs so loud.
"How are you?" I change the topic, still not used to flirting.
"I'm great."
"Do you want to see me again?" he asks. His voice sounds hopeful, he is nervous. I like that I make him nervous.
"Do you? I ask him back.
He laughs nervously "Yes I do."
"When?"
"Now?" this is a question. He wants to see me now. What do I say to this? If I remember correctly, he doesn't want to be out in the open. So how will this work.
"Is that possible?"
"Yes, if you come over. There's no one home. It'll just be us. Like last night." he is waiting for my response. I don't know what to say, is it too soon to see him again.
Being with him feels great and I need to explore my sexuality. I need to know if this is real.
I already know what I am going to say.
I have it bad.