Lance
"What happened?" he is standing above my bed with a worried expression on his face. He doesn't know what happened after I attempted to meet up with Ford. I ran out of his school like I was being chased by some monster. I don't want to think about the embarrassment of staring at him with a smile and not getting a smile back from him. There is an ache in my chest that is so new and scary to me. The look on his face when he saw me will forever be etched to my face.
"Lance, talk to me," he nudges my duvet to get my attention but I won't give it to him because I actually don't want to talk about this, I have no strength in me to explain what happened. The fact that Ford acted like he didn't know me made me feel so inconsequential. It was like he was upset to see me, makes me think he will never be okay with being with me in public.
"I am fine," I manage to speak out lies.
I am not fine; I am pissed and sad at the same. I want to hate him, I want to hate him so bad but all I can think about is how beautiful he looked with his uniform. I hate that I don't hate him.
Fuck.
I sit up on the bed and jack watches me, patiently waiting for me to talk to him. I haven't checked my phone to see if I have any messages from him because I don't want to be disappointed. I don't want to see anything that will hurt me more than I already am.
"What happened?" Jack sits down on the edge of my bed.
I sigh running my hands through my hair "He doesn't want to be seen with me in public. I knew that already but somehow I let you convince me and now I know for sure," I tell him gloomily.
"Wow, that sucks," he huffs.
"This is all your fault," I accuse him.
He places his hand on his chest "How is this on me? I was only trying to be a push to your happiness."
I roll my eyes and he lays down next to me. My bed is small, so he has to squeeze close to me. "You know, he is a fucking douchebag," he is being a best friend. Taking my side. I know that Ford wasn't ready to be anything with me, I could tell from the moment I met him but a simple acknowledgement would have been okay. He didn't have to act like he didn't know me, I would've pretended to be a friend. Anything to spend time with me.
"Has he called?"
"I don't know," I answer honestly.
"Do you want to check?"
I shrug and lay on my arm facing him, he is watching me with concern on his face "I am okay, don't worry about me," I assure him.
He sighs "You're right, this is all my fault," he concludes.
My lips tilt upwards for a smile "Yes, it is,"
"Where's momma dear?" he asks about mom. I shrug again because I actually don't know where she is. It is getting pretty late and whenever she is going to be late, she always calls.
"I should call her," I reach for my phone and see twelve notifications from him. He called me 6 times and left me 6 messages. I don't want to talk to him right now because I am afraid of what I will say to him. I am usually a jerk when I get upset and I am beyond pissed at him. I don't want to talk to him.
I dial her number, she answers on the first ring "Where are you, woman?" I ask her.
She laughs "Oh, someone is the parent now," I wait for her to answer and she continues "John got back early, we are spending the night together," she informs me and this gets another eye roll from me. I hear his voice at the other end of the line and she giggles like a schoolgirl. My mother is acting like a child. How does this even make any sense?
"So, you're not coming home tonight?"
"Yeah, you'll be fine on your own?"
"Yes, mother."
"Let Jack spend the night," she instructs me as if she can decide for me. Jack always spends the night. He would usually rather stay here than his own house. I can understand because of his father, so we are basically roommates all the time.
I end the call and look at Jack, he is on his phone and seems to be deeply into whatever he is doing "Momma dear isn't coming home tonight," I tell him.
He looks over his phone and nods "We can have a sleepover, I'll go get snacks," he stands up from the bed and I watch him as he grabs his keys. "Where are you really going to?"
His cheeks redden and I know he isn't really going to get snacks. He obviously wants to meet up with someone and I think I know who.
"Camilla."
"Aha, so you are ditching me in my sad times for a girl," I am guilt-tripping him. I will be fine alone; this is not the end of the world. I just want to make him feel a little bad.
"Just an hour, I promise," he pleads.
I sigh "Are you really going to bring snacks?"
He nods his head incessantly "A lot and all your favourites," he bargains and I smile.
"You're free to go."
He laughs and bows "As your majesty requests." he walks out of my room and I hear the front door close loudly. I lie back down and grab my phone tightly. I am tempted to reply to him, I miss him so much. I open the messages and they are all apologies.
*I am so sorry, I freaked out when I saw you. I didn't expect you to be so close and I panicked*
*I didn't know what do*
*I am sorry COD*
*Please talk to me*
*Please*
*Please Lance*
I sit up and my heart thuds from within. I want to talk to him; I want to see him and forgive him so badly. I hear a knock on the front door and frown because I wasn't expecting anyone, maybe Jack forgot something. I walk out of my room and open the front door "Nothing to sell here," I say at the same time.
Jack laughs as I come into view but all my attention is on Ford who is behind him. I don't know what is going on or why Jack brought him here but he is still as beautiful as ever and I want to just hold him tightly.
"Look who I found outside," he points with his thumb.
"Why are you here?" I manage.
He finally speaks up "You weren't answering my calls, I needed to see you." he explains with so much remorse in his voice. I want to feel bad for making him feel this way but he hurt me. He is the bad guy here, not me.
"I didn't want to see you."
Jack coughs uncomfortable to be in the middle of this conversation "Okay, I will leave you two to discuss. Call me if you need anything," he takes a step back and I watch him leave. This feels like an ambush, I don't like feeling ambushed.
"You should leave,' I try to close the door but he grabs the edge of the wood before I can.
"Please, let me explain," he begs.
"You don't have to explain anything. I get it."
He shakes his head "No, I have to. I didn't mean to do that to you, you didn't deserve it. No one deserves that," he cries.
"Well, it happened. Nothing you can do about that."
"I really care about you, Lance. You are the best thing that has happened to me all year, you don't know what meeting you has done."
I roll my eyes "Your actions say otherwise."
"I know, I panicked. People watch my every move. There would've been talk around school. I didn't know what to introduce you as, I wanted to hold you, kiss you when I saw you but I was terrified."
"You could've said I was a friend,"
He shakes his head "I don't want to lie about our relationship. I don't want to put you in that situation and I am not ready to say this out loud."
My hearts races against my chest. Just saying we have a relationship is making me all excited. Is this all I have become? A desperate boy searching for a purpose. "Please give me a chance. We have something special, I can feel it," he moves closer to me and grabs both of my hands in his. I feel the electricity that comes with his touch immediately.
"You are not ready for this."
"I know but I just need some time, my dad is getting married soon, I'll tell him after the wedding," he grabs my hand close to his lips and kisses all of my knuckles slowly "I missed you so much," he mumbles in between kisses.
"I missed you too," I say falling victim to his prey. I can't resist him, he has me at his beck and call.
Fuck.