although this feels right I can't do this right now.
"sorry, Tony I can't do this right now." I get off of him. "look it's not like I don't like you" standing awkwardly in front of him. The hoodie almost as long as the dress my mom picked.
"so you do like me? But you don't want to be with me? Are you just trying to protect my feelings? it's not like I haven't been rejected before."
"dude stop" I say grabbing his face and kissing him. "I want to take it slow. I wasn't saying no, just not tonight. Maybe it's my girl showing but I want to talk more first, maybe make things official. Ok?"
"alright." he said still holding me.
"alright I'm going to take this girly shit off and then we can talk." I kiss his forehead before walking away.
I'm not in the restroom long. When I come out the guy from down the hall was there.
"hey, Steve what's up?" I ask leaving the restroom.
"Steve wants to talk to you about something personal he said, so I'm going to make myself invisible over here." Tony said putting in his head phones he is clearly upset. Although he is trying to act tough.
"so what's up?" I say pretending not to notice Tony's expression.
"so, um we are a quarter way through the year. I don't know if you noticed but we have some of the same classes. Well had. And you see I. Would like to see you more. What I'm trying to say or ask is are you into guys?"
"Hold up right there."
"so that's a no."
"no, it's not a no, but I've got my eye on someone else. I've finally gotten his attention. I appreciate the thought but can we just stay friends. I would love to hang out and stuff just as friends."
"alright." Steve doesn't seem to upset.
"well if you'll excuse us, I have something important to talk to Tony about." I wink.
"that explains a lot. " Steve laughed. "good luck with that one. he's a bit of a lady's man."
"I think I got this. See you later." I shut the door and go over to Tony. He really wasn't eavesdropping. Was he afraid of my reaction.
I playfully remove his headphones.
"so ... ready to talk?" I ask
"what did he want?"
"to confess his undying Love towards me. "
"and?"
"and what?"
"well what did you tell him?"
"I rejected him, I told him I was trying to get with someone else. "
"and? "
"Tony I want to be a couple. Like holding hands kissing, I want to take you to meet my parents, will you be my boyfriend?"
"And what are you? My boyfriend or girlfriend? Do I call you him or her?"
"good question. For tonight just call me yours."
"okay you're mine."
We kiss. For a while we just kiss.
" so James have you ever thought about being a guy for real?"
"yeah I've never felt much like a girl... But I don't exactly feel like a boy either. I mean.. like... I like my body. I just don't like the clothing I'm supposed to wear or the social expectations that society has."
"okay, so let's look into the future. Think about what if we had kids. Could you imagine being a mom? wearing dresses at church and meeting with the mom's for PTA meetings?"
"that's very bold to talk about kids right after we start dating."
" well I'm just wondering if you have ever thought about these things. I mean it's 20xx you can become a man if you wanted and still have kids."
"good point..." sigh "I think I like where I am now. I like living as a guy with the body of a woman. it would be easier with a man's body but for now... I'll continue to be like this. I'm not ready to make any changes like that."
"I'm going to call you my boyfriend then." he said kissing my nose.
"that's fine with me." I say cuddling with him.
"you have such a cute personality" he said holding me.
"why are you use to rejection? " He said something about that earlier, "you thought I was rejecting you and you said that."
"I'm rejected a lot because my father's from Mexico. People hear me speaking Spanish with my family and they say I don't belong here. That I need to go back home."
"that is terrible, is that why I've never heard you speak Spanish?"
"yeah, I only speak it around my family. They are super Catholic my Mama would die if I told her I had a boyfriend. She wants to be a grandma so bad."
"You should be proud to be a able to speak Spanish. I don't know any other languages. When it comes to your family you can introduce me as your girlfriend. I'll even wear a dress for you. "
"you don't need to when you meet my family I want you to be comfortable."
"I guess my indecisive body image may be a problem in some places."
"i suppose the school would freak out if they realized a girl was in the boy dorm."
" I tried to tell them, but I'm sure they would have me switch to the women's dorm."
"yeah."
" so will you come with me to see my family?"
"of course" he kisses me again. "Can we share a bed tonight? clothing on, no pressure."
"yeah."