IT was one late summer. Yi Ling was caught with fever and cold. Strangely, usually one would caught when winter come. But Yi Ling was unfortunate to have been very sick during that summer. Her third uncle and aunt had to make trips to Hainan for a relative wedding. Her cousin had come along with them. Initially, her third uncle wanted to bring her along, but her aunt refused, fearing for the child's wellness.
"Third uncle and aunty, just go ahead to Hainan without me. Grandma and grandpa living nearby. anything happen I can go to them." Yi Ling reassured her third uncle and aunty. Her aunt hesitated to go along with the plan. she was concern with her niece. At last, her aunt told her grandparents to often check on her. Yi Ling understood her aunt's concern, grandpa health is poor, he had to hold his stick to walk around. On the other hand, although grandma still healthy, due to the coming of age, Yi Ling notice her body was not as strong as she used to. It is amazing to see try the motion circle of life. A relative of hers had an eight month old baby. There was one time during the family gathering, Yi Ling witnessed the baby trying to walk using his walker, while on the other hand her grandpa was walking using his stick. The young ones was learning to walk, the old ones barely able to walk without his stick.
It was one night, when Yi Ling's fever taken into terrible condition, the girl's small frame was weak, her temperature was high, Yi Ling would need to wake up and open her eyes slowly after her short nap otherwise she would feel dizzy and her head was pounding with achiness. Yi Ling didn't want to trouble and give concern to her old grandparents. Instead of troubling them, Yi Ling called Chen Yang's mother who was a close friend of her aunt since they moved to the neighborhood compound.
''Aunty, this is Yi Ling. Can you send me to the clinic?'' Yi Ling asked politely over the phone as soon as Chen Yang's mother pick her call.
"Yi Ling. Your third uncle just drop me a call to check on you. Why? Are you feeling very unwell girl?" Chen Yang's mother asked over the line.
"I feel really dizzy and my body temperature really high now." Yi Ling felt a harsh shiver brushed down her spine and she felt cold although it was early summer where the weather warmer than the spring.
Chen Yang's mother came to her house with her husband. To her astonishment, Chen Yang came along with them. Yi Ling greeted both elders and didn't say anything with Chen Yang. Somehow, Yi Ling feel that, especially with her ill condition, she wasn't able to look at Chen Yang with her direct gaze. Only later when she became a matured woman, when youth fading and only memories staying, she understood, why such feeling exist in her youth. In her youth, she wanted to look at her best self and her prettiest version especially in front of her crush.
Chen Yang's mother pressed her palm against Yi Ling's forehead. " Aiya, this girl fever seems very high. Yi Ling, have you taken any Panadol ?"
Yi Ling is always like this, even as she got older, whenever she fell ill, her emotions would be very weak and often her eyes would be watery. Suddenly she thought back of her mother who was staying in a foreign country, alone. Yi Ling craved for her attention, but her mother was too far for Yi Ling to reach her. Both mother and daughter were separated by thousand miles from the seas and mountains. Yi Ling understand why her mother had to work so far away. Nevertheless, at times like this, her eyes couldn't help but to feel the itchiness from her sorrow. After all, she was then a little girl. After she grew up, having her own career and became a matured woman, she thought she wouldn't be feeling the same way as she was younger. Yi Ling was wrong, even as she grow older, she is still someone's daughter, her mother's daughter, and even as she grow old, her inner child often calling out for her, and then she only realised, deep inside of her heart, she is still a girl.
Chen Yang's parents seemed to noticed Yi Ling's sorrow. Chen Yang himself was quiet as he looked at the girl with his silent gaze. He had seen her eyes watery as she looked down facing her toes. Afraid of embarrassing her, none of them dared to bring up what's wrong with her sorrowful watery eyes.
"Come girl. Aunty and uncle will bring you to the clinic." Chen Yang's father spoke and broke the silence. for a moment, Yi Ling noticed he seemed to be signaling something with his wife using his gaze. Chen Yang's mother understood her husband signal, she held Yi Ling hand and lead her outside the apartment. Chen Yang help her to check the apartment and make sure the door is properly lock before all of them heading downstairs to the car park.
The nearest clinic took them for about 15 minutes drive from her aunt's house. Chen Yang's mother was sitting in front of the passenger seat. Chen Yang and Yi Ling were both occupying the back seat while Chen Yang's father driving the car. After the visit from the clinic, Yi Ling felt drowsy from the vaccination given by the doctor to reduce her fever.
"Yi Ling, I already called your third uncle. I told her it will be better if you re staying with us for the night and your third uncle agreed. later, aunty will make porridge for you," Chen Yang's mother said with a smile. Yi Ling nodded.
"Thank you aunty. I've trouble you and uncle." Yi Ling said politely. On the ride back to Chen Yang's house, Yi Ling felt the extreme drowsiness. Her temperature seems reducing although overall she still felt weak. Her eyes felt heavy and just like that she fall into a deep slumber. At that moment, although the memory felt really hazy, Yi Ling head seemed to be leaning on a hard yet warm shoulder. Unconsciously, her heart feel very contented. This feeling very unfamiliar yet warm-hearted. Later, she didn't realsed how times flown by quickly, but they've reached Chen Yang's house.
"Ling, we are here. Wake up," Chen Yang woke her up gently. At first, he didn't want to wake her up. Looking at her tired and pale face soften his heart. Especially when her eyes were watery and she held back her tears, he could feel her sorrow. Chen Yang looked again at the girl who was sleeping and leaning on his right shoulder.
"Ling, wake up." the second time Chen Yang woke her up, Yi Ling opened her eyes. At first, she was very confused, then only she regained and recall what happened. She looked back at the shoulder she was leaning previously. Yi Ling didn't speak, she didn't ask, and her face reddened bashfully. Yi Ling didn't dare to meet Chen Yang's gaze.
Chen Yang's noticed her blushes on her cheeks. He didn't make any comments on that. He knew, the girl was embarrassed by the circumstance. " We are already here. My ma and pa already went in. They ask me to wake you up."
Yi Ling could only nodded her head and follow Chen Yang. He made sure the car was locked like he did before they went out from her aunt's apartment.
That night Yi Ling who was still in drowsiness due to the vaccination, walked behind her childhood crush with bashfulness as she recall the hazy memory earlier. She stared at his shoulders, suddenly she felt her youth blooming. The feeling of being young suddenly filled with flowers and happiness. although in her life, there were times when she is extremely happy, and there were times when she feel very unhappy. But at that moment, Yi Ling get to experience a new discovery in her youth for the first time, the warm-hearted feeling of her leaning on her childhood crush shoulder. The memory was hazy, but Yi Ling wanted to grasped it embedded in her heart.
Chen Yang who was walking in front of her suddenly stopped. His sudden movement was unexpected to her. Before she knew it, her head bumped into his strong back.
"Why do you like to walk behind people? You need to walk in front, only then you will find someone who can treated you well. In the future, you need to find someone who can treated you well, who wouldn't allow you walk from behind." Chen Yang's voice suddenly became firm. He seemed to be scolding her. Yi Ling could only nod. That night, after receiving a good scolding from Chen Yang, Yi Ling Walk in front of him.
When they went inside Chen Yang's house, his mother already start occupying the kitchen. Yi Ling feel really guilty, she wanted to help out but Chen Yang's parents insisted she should take a rest as her body still recovering. At the end, she listened to them. Yi Ling came by to Chen Yang's house couple of times with her aunt and third uncle. Although some rooms she dared not to go in and roam around, she was familiar with Chen Yang's house. That night before going to bed, Yi Ling had dinner with Chen Yang's family. After dinner was done, this time Yi Ling insisted to help out with the dishes. Chen Yang's mother refused but Yi Ling insisted, she feel really guilty for disturbing and troubling them and Chen Yang's mother seemed to picked on her feeling and at the end she just smile at her.
"Yi Ling that poor girl, such a young child, but she's really sensible and mature. Sometimes when I look at her, I feel really sad for her. Her mother miles away in a foreign land and her father had his new family. her grandparents were old and couldn't really take care of her, at the end, her third uncle is the one who is taking care of her." Chen Yang's mother said to her husband. although her voice almost like a whisper, Yi Ling who was staying in the other room heard her.
"Old Su, I heard recently from the girl uncle that her mother is going to remarry." Chen Yang's mother whispered.
" Wife, lower down your voice. The girl might be listening." Uncle Su scolded on a low voice.
"I check few minutes ago, she's already sleeping." said Chen Yang's mother.
Yi Ling pretended to be asleep. Nevertheless, she could hear everything. She had heard her third uncle speaking with her mother over the phone and Yi Ling accidentally overhead their conversation one afternoon after she came back from school.
"Honestly, it's been a long time since your divorce. Everyone needs to move on with their life. Don't worry, I'll speak with your daughter and let her know that her mother also need to move forward and deserve to live a happy life. You don't need to worry, if you want to remarry and you think you already find someone who is reliable, just go on. Yi Ling that girl, she is very sensible and understanding."
Yi Ling was a young child. She was just like everyone else, an ordinary child with ordinary childhood life. She would be quiet and obedient when she was told to. However, she would gotten herself into trouble because she often following the shifting of the winds, especially when her troublemaker best friend dragging her into the trouble. She was not an A student with extraordinary grade. In fact, in order for her to maintain her grade, Yi Ling had to out hard effort into studying.
She thought she was an ordinary child with ordinary childhood. Only when she grew older Yi Ling started to realised that the adult's affair had greatly wounded her. She was not close with her father and his new family. In fact, whenever she came by for a visit, she would feel uncomfortable. Although her father's new wife was not a vicious step-mother like a written story in the cinderella script, Yi Ling knew, her father's new wife was uncomfortable when she is around.
Because of her parent's divorce, Yi Ling would moved around to live with her relatives as her mother had to work abroad. Living with her father's new family, Yi Ling would feel extremely uncomfortable. All this while, Yi Ling didn't have a fixed place to call home. Thus, when she grow older, one of her dreams is to buy her own home, a place where she can go back whenever she craved home. Thinking about her mother's sacrifices, Yi Ling feel guilty. She had seen her mother slowly losing her youthful eyes, especially when she was still being married with her father. although some memories were not clear, the unhappy eyes of her mother had been there, and Yi Ling could only watch her with her young eyes not knowing how to comfort her mother's sorrow. Marrying her father, her mother had loss so much, her youth and her dreams.
The society and her family once thought, a woman should be staying at home, raise the children, serve the husband and his family. Throughout this process, her mother had slowly losing herself and her self worth. She once was a beautiful youthful girl, suddenly there were too many wrinkles on her face as if she had been aging faster than her peers. She was unhappy. Then after her mother's flower withered, her father had seek comfort in another woman's warmth. Yi Ling did not want to hold by grudges, and she thought this problems were within the adults. Nevertheless, thinking of her mother, she felt pain and sorrow for her.
"Ma, if you want to remarry, go ahead. You also deserve to be happy. Don't worry about me, I will study hard. I want you to be happy, after all this time." One night Yi Ling decided to call her mother. When Yi Ling said her heart's content, her mother had been quiet. Then Yi Ling heard a sob, something she never heard before from her mother.
"Yi Ling, your ma is sorry. Really sorry." Yi Ling and her mother said nothing more that night, but to just listen each other in silent. At the end, Yi Ling wanted her mother to rest assured.
" Ma, you don't need to be sorry. You have done your best to raise me." Yi Ling said with a smile.
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