Someone once said, time will flown by quickly. Without us realizing, an hour will become a day, a day will pass by the week, and the weeks suddenly turns to months. When we realized, the years fleets by in a fast run. The younger gets older, and the elders will lose their strength, become weak and fading; where their bones will become hooked and crooked.
Recently, her grandfather was not doing very well with his health. His old and worn memories slowly fading. As Yi Ling grow older, her body become stronger and she come taller while her grandparents grow weaker. These days, her grandfather would stare into space, as if he was breathing and yet, his eyes blank as if he was empty. At first, no one had noticed his strange behavior. They all thought he was just getting older. It is common for old people to often forget what they are doing. As days passing by, her grandfather slowly losing his memories, and his forgetfulness worsen and at some point, there was one afternoon where he wandered around and he couldn't find his way home. The road he passed by almost everyday, the familiar place, suddenly he couldn't remember any of those. Fortunately, there was an uncle who knew her Third uncle and send grandfather home.
''Thank you. Thank you. Sorry for the trouble. Thank goodness you found him and send him home,'' Third uncle thanked the man. The uncle seemed to be the same age as her Third uncle, if not probably a little older. Later Yi Ling found out the uncle who had send her yeye home was a colleague of her third uncle.
''No trouble. No trouble, senior.'' said the man. Yi Ling simply sat by her yeye side and listened to the elders speaking. Then she realized, her yeye's hands were cold, probably because he was out for a long time. As the fall of autumn approaching, the weather was getting colder. She looked back at her yeye, he was not dressing according to the weather. Yi Ling covered her yeye's hand with hers and began to rub them to give some warmth.
''Yeye, your hands very cold.'' Yi Ling voice came out like a whisper. She didn't ask anything. Yi Ling could see her grandfather was very confused with the situation he was in. A sadness flodded her heart. Her yeye used to be a strong man in his younger days. He would work hard days and nights for his family. When there were hardships, he would pass them bravely and fearlessly. He was not afraid of falling. Her grandfather used to be very strict with his children, he would scolds them if any of them were in the wrongs and guide them as they grow. Looking at his current condition, weak and old, Yi Ling wondered how she would be like when she comes to such age where she become old and weaker. There were things flooded her minds.
Just then, her aunt came out with drinks and served it to the man. ''Thank you so much for sending him home. Recently, his health condition is not doing very well.'' her aunt said her gratitude to the man.
''It's not a trouble. I'm very happy to help senior and his family. I have an old mother at home, she has been suffering from Alzheimer for about four years now, I totally understand senior's family situation.''
Her third uncle didn't speak for a while. ''Alzheimer? I haven't take my father to go for check up for a while. Junior Wu, do you still remember what happen to your mother before she was diagnosed? I'm quite concern with my father's recent health condition. Maybe you can give us any advice?''
Yi Ling's learned that the man's sure-name is Wu. so she called him Wu uncle from that day onwards. ''My mother, at first we didn't notice that she was behaving strangely. Then she keeps forgetting where she put her things, after that she began to forget where she put her dishes and cups, she forget how to use the washing machine and she put the milk and vegetables in the patio instead the fridge. slowly i keep receiving a call from the police station that they found my mother wondering around the street as she forget where she was going and she often lost her way. Fortunately, some of the officers were someone that I know of.''
Third uncle was listening to him. ''Senior, i think it will be best if you can send your father for a check up as soon as possible before his condition worsen. My mother now cannot remember her name, she don't know who she is. She don't know her children, and often she would throwing tantrum like a little child. This kind of illness, you need to be very understanding.''
Hearing this, Yi Ling became interested to listen the elders. Her grandfather seemed to be still staring into space with his blank eyes, as if he was not conscious. Her grandmother who was by the side of her third uncle, became worried as she heard the man mentioning the disease. The concerns were written on her wrinkled face, Yi Ling could see them very clearly. Alzheimer, Yi Ling had heard about this disease before from her English teacher Teacher Xiao. They began mentioning about this disease one afternoon during English class session. In their textbook, there was a poetry by Francia McNelly which mentioning about Alzheimer.
Teacher Xiao had asked Yong Wai, one of Yong Wai's classmate who was very good in his English pronunciation to recite the poetry and it starts like this, ''I cannot remember sometimes . . . , All the things that I should.'' Yong Wai's pronunciation was very good. Since most of his family members were abroad, it was no wonder Yong Wai's English was good.
''However, I know I still love you. Like no one else ever could. So please do not forget me, Nor the person I once was. When you feel frustrated, Please just stop for a pause.'' Yong Wai continued. He recite the poetry with the right emotions, it was very well delivered. Yong Wai listened. ''Please put your arms around me. Guide me through the day and the night. And tell me, my sweet child, That everything will be alright.''
'I cannot remember sometimes . . . , all the things that I should' The phrase heavy with pain and frustration from someone who was in so much agony. Teacher Xiao had explained to the class, the Alzheimer disease currently have no cure. The people who suffered from the disease, could only sustain with medication and strong support from their family. Teacher Xiao said, the people who had the disease would lose themselves, it is important for the family to be understanding and be patient with them. Their brain will slowly shrink, their memories will slowly fading away, and when that happens, their body will be weakened and only death is awaiting for them. She wondered if that was how her grandfather was feeling. As she listened to Uncle Wu's mother early symptoms of Alzheimer, how Uncle's Wu mother forget where supposedly to put her vegetables and milk into the fridge, how frustrating it must be for her to not recognized her own children, and how much in pain it must be to not know herself. Yi Ling began to wonder if that is how her grandfather would be feeling. She began to wonder how would her grandfather take it when comes to the time he did not know who is his name, his family and his home. She began to wonder if her grandfather would just pass his day in wonder, confusion and frustration. Her eyes began watery, but she held back her tears.
''Yeye, next time, I will accompany you to take a walk.'' Yi Ling rub her grandfather's cold hands as she spoke heartbrokenly. After that day, Third uncle brought grandfather to the hospital for check up and the doctor officially diagnosed grandfather's Alzheimer. Yi Ling kept her promise to accompany him to take a walk, and it become her routine every evening to take her grandfather's for a walk. As expected, grandfather's memory slowly shrinking. He began to call everyone passing by son and daughter, but he couldn't remember his own children. Yi Ling's mother who was working in the States was informed with her father's condition. Since her mother's remarriage, she had came back to China twice with her new husband. Yi Ling was not very close with him, but she would greet him with a polite manner. Yi Ling introduced herself to her grandfather every time she see him. There were times, she become confused herself sometimes. Her grandmother, was very dedicated to take care of her sick husband. Yi Ling could detect the sadness in her eyes whenever her husband couldn't recognized her.
''It's okay. It's okay to not remember me. It must be very hard for you to not remember yourself. But don't worry, I will accompany you along this journey. Although you cannot remember yourself, i will not forget you, it is enough for me to always remember you, Old man.'' One day Yi Ling heard her grandmother said this to her grandfather.
There was one day, one snowy day outside Yi Ling's grandparents house, she saw her grandfather was cleaning the snow on outside. There was no one who accompanying him. Yi Ling just got back from her math extra class with Chen Yang. That day, Chen Yang had send her back to her grandparents house instead of her aunt's.
''I have to take yeye for a walk later. So i'm going back to my grandparent's house.'' Yi Ling told Chen Yang.
''Okay. I will send you back.'' Chen Yang told her.
Yi Ling took her bag and carried her books. ''No need. I can walk alone. You have to do your homework too.'' Yi Ling didn't want to trouble Chen Yang.
''I'll send you back.'' Chen Yang was very firm when he told her this. She was familiar with this tone. Yi Ling did not say anything, afraid of getting lectured by him. So she just nodded. ''Wait here, I need to take my coat.''
They walked together on that snowy day. Yi Ling didn't say much to Chen Yang. It is like this especially when you are young and your childhood crush was walking you back home. They feeling was exciting but she was shy to say anything else. She hide almost half of her face underneath her grey wool scarf that was wrapped around her neck as she was blushing.
''How is yeye condition?'' Chen Yang broke the silent as they walked towards the sloppy snowy road. He was wearing a thick blue coat. Yi Ling was walking beside him, although slightly behind of him. Since Chen Yang was a tall man, Yi Ling could see the back figure of his from the side. It was a scenery she was familiar with. She was secretly stealing a few glance towards his side. When he caught her of guard, Yi Ling became embarrassed.
To covered up her embarrassment, she cleared her throat and looked away. ''Yeye, he is like that. We could only be there for him.'' Yi Ling said.
Chen Yang nodded his head. He didn't ask further. Truthfully, he already knew the whole condition of Yi Ling's grandfather from his parents as they were closed with Yi Ling's third uncle. Yi Ling's third uncle often drop by their house and his friendship with Chen Yang's father gradually become closer and closer ever since they move to the town. Sometimes, Yi Ling's third uncle nd Chen Yang's father would go fishing together as both of them likes to go fishing as their hobby.
"Have you thought which class you want to enroll in?" Chen Yang asked. For a moment Yi Ling was confused. Then she remembered, they are going to step towards their senior year soon. They would soon saying goodbye to Junior highschool's life, and Yi Ling knew senior year is not going to be easy for everyone. In fact, it will be the most busy year for her, she expects the day writing countless schoolwork and studying, preparing for their gao kao. The thought of filling he says with books and school, made her a little depress, especially when she had to work harder since her grade was just average. However, she was excited, the thought of growing up, graduating from highschool and entering university life before becoming a working adult.
Yi Ling nodded. "An Ran and I are studying Art class. Student like us, is better to not aim for science class. What about you?"
Chen Yang didn't answer for a moment. "Science," he took a deep breath for a moment before meeting her gaze. "Your family didn't say anything?''
"At first my mother didn't agree. Third uncle and Teacher Xiao help me to convince her. Besides, I'm really not good studying for science class, it'll be a lot pressure with my current grade." Said Yi Ling. Actually, Yi Ling already expect for Chen Yang to be studying in science class since his grade was good. She felt a little sad knowing they would be studying in different class during their senior year, but for her to be studying in science would be really hard and unreasonable. She will be put under extreme pressure. Because of that, An Ran and Yi Ling had decided it will be best if they choose Art class over science.
"What is your plan after graduating?" Chen Yang asked.
Yi Ling thought for a moment. "I don't know. Maybe I will be leaving for Beijing or Shanghai. I really don't know. An Ran just the same as me, and she said she will go along with the motion. I will do the same as her. You? What do you want to be?"
"I'm going to study Architecture. There is this university in Germany I'm aiming." Chen Yang said with enthusiasm. Germany, a country that is far away within her reach. She felt a little sad knowing there is possibility Chen Yang would be going there to study. Someone like her, could she go that far away?She didn't say anything more.
"Yi Ling, senior year will just fly like that. You really need to think what you want to do in the future. Before you know it, it will be our gao kao.'' Yi Ling knew what Chen Yang had said was right. She really need to think about her future. However, no matter how hard she think, she really was not sure what she wanted to do. Yes, the thought of growing up and becoming real adult at that time excite her. However, sometimes she feel scared not knowing what is her future plan.
Before, she had so many ideas. One day she will have a thought of becoming a doctor, then a pilot, then later she was inspired to become an engineer. Reality hit her, her grade was not good enough to satisfied those qualification. Gradually she realized, those were just childhood dreams that would constantly changing. Sometimes she wondered, how she could choose? Where would be the right path to enter? How can they expect her to choose er future when she don't have any life experience to make such decision? Then again, reality hit her hard, this was just simply how the society expect from everyone else. And she had to fit in to tht society. This concept only later she understood very deeply when she become working adult trying to fit in to the expectation of the society. That time, she really wish she could turn back into her youthful days where she don't have to worry about those expectations.
Chen Yang was different. From the beginning to the end, he was very clear with what he wanted to do in the future. So he work hard for it, and strive for it. Yi Ling thought, Chen Yang and herself were truly different kind of people. She often wondered how future would be like for them.
When they were about to reach her grandparents house when Yi Ling noticed a familiar figure of her sick grandfather. He was sweeping the snowy ground. He wore his long sleeves wool shirt with long pants but he didn't wear any coats. His lips paled. Yi Ling quickly run to him. Yi Ling looked around and there was no one accompanying him.
"Yeye!" Yi Ling quickly run to him and Chen Yang follow her quick steps. She unwrapped her wool scarf from her neck and wrapped it on her grandfather's neck. Yi Long then took out her winter coat and covered her grandfather's back with it to keep him warm, although the coat seems so small for him. "Yeye, you must be very cold."
Chen Yang took out his blue coat and took out the one which covered her grandfather's back and return it to her. "Let yeye wear mine. Yours too small for him. And you will catch a cold if you don't wear them."
Yi Long wanted to refuse but Chen Yang was right. er winter coat was too small for her grandfather's body. Chen Yang help her grandfather's wear his blue coat and the coat fit him just the right size since both men have a big body.
"Yeye, why are you here alone? And what are you doing?" Yi Ling asked her grandfather's with her soft voice. But he gave filled with concern. She didn't know how long her grandfather had been outside in such cold weather without his coat. She grabbed his hands and it was very cold.
"I'm cleaning the snow." Her grandfather said suddenly, with a smile like a little kid who was excited of being praised because he had done a good job with his homework. Yi Ling looked at him.
"It is snowing. My daughter who had suffered so much during winter because her health is not good during cold weather, but she has to go to school." Grandfather said. "But you see, the road is very slippery and when it snow, she must have trouble walking with her weak body."
Grandfather continued to clean the snow after he said those. Yi Ling felt a sudden emotion rush into her as she heard this. Her grandfather's unconditional love for his daughter suddenly made her think of her estrange father who had been very distant with her. At that moment, she felt really bitter, and she missed her mother so much. She looked at her grandfather. He had been silently guarding and protecting his children. Although he was a strict father, but behind his children he would clean their troubles, he would clean the snow outside his house during winter so his children would not have a hard time walking in the slippery ground, he would secretly giving them money when they are in need to without asking much about their problems, he would worry for them, and he would be waiting for them to come home to gather with the family especially during new year. When his daughter had been so lost after the divorce, Yi Ling who was very young back then had seen him hugged her and told her it's going to be alright, giving the comfort of a father who cares for his daughter. When his third uncle got into car accident, grandfather had taken care of him and looked after him everyday in the hospital.
Yi Ling couldn't help to hold back her tears. She looked down at her winter boots. The thick snow tht covered the ground had been cleared by her grandfather. This time, the tears couldn't stop falling. She was embarrassed, Chen Yang was standing beside her and seemed to notice her crying.
"Your daughter. . . ," Yi Ling felt her throat was burning as she spoke. But her tears couldn't stop from falling. "She have the best father in the world."
Grandfather looked at her with a huge smile. He stopped cleaning as he looked at her. "Really, I hope she thinks like that. I just want my children not to slip on the ground."
He began cleaning the snow again before he stopped and looked at Yi Ling. "You be careful too. The floor very slippery during winter."
Yi Ling couldn't help but to move forward and gave her grandfather a hug while her tears keep falling. Chen Yang was quite this whole time and didn't say anything as he watch them. Grandfather stopped cleaning and embrace her warm hug. She patted her grandfather's back with her hand, as if she was comforting him. Her grandfather seems to be aging faster than before. She often wondered how much in pain her grandfather was experiencing. Some said, people with Alzheimer wouldn't remember anything. They wouldn't conscious what happen to them. However, she once heard from her grandfather's doctor that people with Alzheimer also have feeling. They are like a normal human being. Sometimes Yi Ling came over to her grandparents house to stay overnight. She had seen her grandfather woke up from his sleep and told his wife; "I'm sorry. You must have a hard time today because of me."
Then only she understood. Sometimes her grandfather would remember and most of the times he would forget. How painful it must be to fall into such state. She wouldn't understand her grandfather's pain. But she understood the family's struggles. Yi Ling keeps patting her grandfather's back. Then she loosen her hug and grabbed his cold hand and covered them with hers. "Yeye, you can stop doing this now. Your children are all grown up. Even if they fall, they know their way back home. Yeye, you must be very cold. Let's go home."
Suddenly her grandfather reached his hand to touch her face and wipe her tears. "Such a beautiful young lady, don't cry. Let me wipe the tears for you. You must be cold too."
Hearing this, Yi Ling felt very touched and felt really warm. She then remembered the poetry in Teacher Xiao class, 'Please, out your armd around me'. Although her grandfather didn't remember himself, and he didn't remember her, she knew he needed that comfort. She nodded her head. " Yeye, let me introduce myself. My name is Yi Ling. I'm your daughter's daughter. You are my grandfather, the best grandfather in the world and the best father for your children. Yeye, Let's go home."
Her grandfather nodded and followed her. She was not sure if her grandfather recognized her or not, but that is not a matter anymore. She just wanted him to except himself. Yi Ling hold the left hand of her grandfather while Chen Yang hold the right hand of his. That day, Chen Yang accompanied her and grandmother to take a walk with grandfather before they had dinner together in her grandparents' house. That day, Chen Yang had seen her tears. he didn't say anything. He comfort her with his silence and understanding. Just like that, Chen Yang's name had printed very heavily in her youth.