, The senior year was very stressful for most students. In that year, everyone has to work harder for their study before the entrance exam, and soon they will be graduating from high school, entering a new phase of life. Yi Ling had always anticipated being in her senior year, she always had plans and excited about what journey about to come. She dreamed about going to a good university where she would learn and meet new people, experience different kind of new life that would make a story once she grow old. However, once she was in her late senior year and about graduate, reality hit her. she became unsure and confused on what she want to do after her exam.
"How can the society and everyone expect high schooler without any work life experience to make decision about our own future, when we don't even know what we really want to do?" For the first time, Yi Ling began to ask herself this. She began to realize, no matter how good and bad her grade is, when she didn't even know where she's heading to, it is hard to make decision for the precise direction. She was not alone in this subject matter, in fact, most of her peers felt the same way. not everyone, but most of them.
It was one afternoon during their lunch break. Yi Ling and An Ran had majored in the same class and choose to not study science class. Meanwhile, excellent student like Chen Yang, whom seemed to have such a promising and bright future even before he entered university went to study science. Because of this, Yi Ling didn't communicate as frequent as before with Chen Yang as both of them were busy preparing their awaited gao kao. That afternoon, Yi Ling and An Ran were having their lunch at the school canteen. The atmosphere were lively filled with students, some even bringing their textbook during their lunch time. The three musketeers as Yi Ling would referred them, Chen Yang, Chu Ying, and Jin Sing approached them, holding their respective tray. As the three musketeers sat down, Jin Sing put down a bottle of milk in front of Yi Ling.
"Where is mine?" An Ran looked at Jin Sing accusingly. Then before anyone answer her, she took the milk from Yi Ling and drank it for herself with a proud smile.
"The rest is for you." An Ran said proudly as she gave her leftover milk to Yi Ling. Yi Ling looked at her friend and smacked her forehead.
An Ran rubbed her forehead and glared at Yi Ling. "So stingy! tomorrow I'll buy one carton for you!"
Chu Ying, the boy didn't take mind about the girls' fight and continue to eat his lunch as soon as he sat on the chair beside Yi Ling. Chen Yang did the same. As expected, only Jin Sing who found the girls' little fight interesting.
"If you dare, punch each other!" said Jin Sing with a mischievous smile as he suggested. Yi Ling and An Ran were quiet and stared at him. Just then, Jin Sing received a strong hand smack from An Ran.
"You want to receive a good punch? Don't you know we are a sworn sisters? I will punch you first before I punch her!" An Ran scolded. Yi Ling nodded and agreed with what An Ran had said before continue to eat her rice.
Chu Ying who had been silent and disinterested with the whole scene shook his head. "I don't understand how the mind of you guys works. Too complicated for me to understand."
"Don't mind them. They are a bunch of children." Chen Yang who had been eating his lunch and hasn't uttered a word said as he picked another mouthful of rice using his chopsticks. As expected, something that came out from the smarts student like them. Sometimes Yi Ling wondered, how did smart students like Chen Yang and Chu Ying always managed to put on their serious poker face and how they would take banters from ordinary people like her, An Ran and Jin Sing into literal meaning and couldn't stand joking around. At that moment, Yi Ling beginning to realize the distance of how her mind works from people like Chen Yang.
"Let's ignore them! Both of them only know how to study and doesn't know how to have a little of fun." said Jin Sing as he brushed off Chen Yang and Chu Ying. An Ran and Yi Ling nodded.
"Our gao kao is around the corner and soon we will be entering university. You still have the guts to have some fun?" said Chu Ying as he chewed his meat. " You all better study hard now before having some regrets in the future!" even Chen Yang agreed with what Chu Ying had said. The three of them became quiet and didn't see to continue with their banter after hearing those.
Hearing what Chu Ying had said, Yi Ling remembered her earlier thoughts about what she wants to do after graduating from high school. She somehow became confused and unsure with the uncertainty.
"You all know what you want to do after this?" Yi Ling asked. Yi Ling had been staying up all night thinking about this earlier that night. somehow with the thought of uncertainty, she became scared. She wanted to ask her third uncle for some consultation and advice nevertheless she choose not to for fear of getting scolded.
"I'm applying for law school in Beijing. My mother already ask her friend to get me in. But my mother said, I still need to take the entrance exam for that law school after my gao kao." said Chu Ying. Although they didn't know each other for long, Chu Ying had always expressed his dream of becoming a lawyer.
"I didn't expect myself getting into first or second tier university. Since I'm not good at studying, my mother ask me to help her out with the family business." Jin Sing spoke as he drank his juice.
An Ran and Yi Ling stared at him. They knew Jin Sing family run their own business. the whole town knew about that. Since coming from such family, there was no big concern for Jin Sing to think about his future unlike Yi Ling, who had come from ordinary family.
"what about you girls?" Jin Sing asked. The girls went silent. Who doesn't confuse making decision during their youth? especially decision that would impact their future and dreams? Only later Yi Ling understood those time in her youth where she became confused when she was asked to make decision regarding her future, as those precious time was a part of growing up. Back then, she wanted to blame the system that she had been taught, she wanted to blame all her confusion to the system. Only when she grow old she would laugh about it and say, 'Oh, those young days'.
''I don't want to think about it now. My focused right now passing my gao kao and able to get a decent grade where universities would at least accept me in.'' An Ran, who was silent spoke up with somber thinking about her upcoming future, at the same time, deep inside of her, she was excited and waiting for the time where she can enjoy the college life with fulfillment. Yi Ling often amazed with how An Ran could be so calm and easy going. An Ran is always like this, following the flow of the chart. Unlike Yi Ling, she often overthink and had a kind of vision where no one could reach her in her own realm world. Especially when it was quiet, when there is a sudden breeze of imagination swept her mind, Yi Ling could easily lost in her own space and living in that visionary world.
Yi Ling who was carried away with her own visionary, decided to speak up. ''The past few weeks I have been thinking about what am I going to do after this. Yet, I became really confused and unsure. My third uncle told me to focus on my gao kao first, he was afraid this would impact my grade.''
Jin Sing could only nodded, the same as Chu Ying. They could somehow understood the girls' feeling at that moment, living in their youth themselves and often experiencing the same flow of life. Somehow, opening up about her confusion to her friends, Yi Ling felt a huge comfort and relieve although there were nothing much to be said as most of them were feeling what she was experiencing. Telling the elders are different, although the elders could give her advices. She didn't feel the same comfort as she was feeling when she opened up with her peers. The most, the elders would say, get a good grade and study hard, then get into a good university before securing a comfortable job-and this cycle of talk, would be repeated over and over throughout the generations to generations.
Chen Yang who hadn't uttered a word when they had this conversation, suddenly made a shocking announcement. ''I'm going to Germany. My mother already found a university there through her connection. After my Gao Kao, I'm flying there. Everything has been decided and settled.''
Hearing this, Yi Ling felt a sudden tightness on her chest. She held her pair of chopstick tightly and stared down on her rice. Everyone was silent as soon as Chen Yang finished his announcement. An Ran stole a glance at her best friend, whom she had shared her childhood stories and journey with. Yi Ling looked calm and as if Chen Yang's announcement didn't impact her mood. People who don't understand Yi Ling would thought she was alright. However, knowing Yi Ling and being one of her closest person since childhood, An Ran knew Yi Ling didn't expect such news from Chen Yang by looking at her tight grip on her chopstick. Nonchalantly, Chu Ying and Jin Sing didn't noticed Yi Ling's tension.
''WOAH, da ke. Sure, rich kid is different! Most of them are send abroad by their parents to continue their generation!'' Jin Sing said with a praise. ''Really can! Da ke, I should call you my Da Ke now right? After you reach there, I will go find you and we can play hard there with a style. I should wear my most expensive clothes and go all fashionable. When I come back to China, I can show off to everyone that I've been playing abroad, one of my wildest dream! People in the town will envy me to death!!'' Jin Sing said with a laughter. Chu Ying and An Ran rolled their eyes and An Ran gave a hard kick on his leg under the table before Jin Sing groaned in pain.
''Childish! A child will always be a child.'' An Ran shook her head with a sigh and Jin Sing returned her kick with a smack on her head before messing her hair. An Ran screamed at him before she gave him a deadly glare.
''You two are the definition of children!'' said Chu Ying after witnessing the playful fight between the two. Yi Ling didn't have any mood to join the banter and she choose to keep her silent as she eat her rice. Chen Yang noticed her tension and stole a peek before returning his gaze to his lunch.
That whole day, Yi Ling didn't only experience the feeling of confusion in her youth. That day, she felt both confusion and a pain on her heart. She had been watching and crushing on Chen Yang for years, looking after his back as he walk or ride his bike in front of her be it during the summer, fall, spring or winter. She had been silently stole few glance at him, at a time when she became his desk-mate, she was so happy and most of the time she was looking to go to school and suddenly at some point Chen Yang had become her motivation to study during her youth.
Being young, she hasn't understand the true meaning of being understanding and selfless. She was hoping that Chen Yang would enrolled in one of Beijing universities like her. The sudden announcement crushed her little dream. Inside the classroom, feeling so down and unhappy, Yi Ling couldn't focus the rest of the lesson and she often lost in pace. Since she was sitting beside the classroom's window, she could see the view outside clearly. The maple tree brushed by the wind, some of its leaves falling to the ground. The wind probably was too strong for them to hold on the tree. The sky that has been so bright and azure, such clear weather where most of the times she would enjoy the view, suddenly became so somber and solemn in her eyes.
Noticing his student not listening to his lesson, Old Zhao threw the eraser to Yi Ling and unfortunately it smacked her left shoulder. The whole class became silent and watched the unfortunate event. None dared to uttered a word as some of them held their laughter silently.
''Are you coming to my class to learn or to space around? Have some self-awareness a little bit! Your exam is around the corner!'' Old Zhao scolded as he looked Yi Ling on the eyes with a deadly gaze. Yi Ling rubbed her shoulder to ease the pain and could only returned back her gaze and attention to her book. After that, the class returned to normal and Yi Ling forced herself to pay attention to Old Zhao's lesson fearing she would get into another trouble with him if she didn't do so.
The school's bell rang on time as the lesson for the day dismissed. Usually, the senior students had to stay back for extra classes until night. Since becoming senior student, Yi Ling had experienced the stressful life of senior student preparing for their Gao Kao, one of the most important examination in their life. However, since their teacher had something urgent going on, they didn't have to stay back until late night. Since the liberal art students and science some taking the same subject like math, history, and languages, their extra class often combined as one except for those subjects that are different.
As they walked out from their classroom, Yi Ling hadn't uttered a word although she had her face calm as if nothing happen to her. An Ran followed her best friend out and walked beside her.
''What?'' Yi Ling asked her friend as An Ran poked one of her finger on her shoulder.
An Ran looked at her with a big gaze. ''Are you okay?'' An Ran was concerned about her friend.
Yi Ling shook her head with a pout. ''If I say I'm not impacted by the news, I would be lying. Then again, I think back just now, eventually, I cannot be selfish and let him pursue his dream. It is great right, An Ran. At least, he was so clear about his future and knew where he is heading. Look at me, I'm still feeling so lost and unsure.'' Yi Ling looked at An Ran with a meaningful gaze. ''My third uncle told me, those who study abroad will have brighter future then those kids that stay behind. I have to let him be. Besides, there is nothing going on between us. There is no reason why he should be staying here for me.'' Yi Ling, for the first time, realized the pain of having unrequited love that she has been holding on for years.
An Ran could hear the youthful pain of her friend from the words that was spoken. An Ran, gave Yi Ling a comfort hug that a friend could offer in such time. Although she knew her friend had been living such ordinary life, ordinary childhood like most people, and had been living as a youthful girl like most everyone else, although her uncle and aunt had been giving her the best they could-An Ran knew, deep inside of her friend, she was living with an old heart and some part had been thorn living with longing. Yi Ling had never voiced out those things, but An Ran had seen what she went through. The longing of a father's love, the longing of being close with her mother, those longings she had been feeling, An Ran knew them but never ask and could only give her a warm embrace of a friend, or more like a sworn sisters as they had been labelled.
Only later both girls found out the truth about friendhood. As they grew up, as they grew and entering a new different kind of level in life, people comes and goes. They meet new people and made new friends. Somehow, those friends that they had known since childhood would stood out the most. And those people, those friendships that they made during those time, their names would engraved in their hearts, and they become someone unforgotten. Yi Ling embrace An Ran's hug tightly. She welcomed the warmth comfort.
''Do you want to go out and play?'' An Ran asked.
Yi Ling shook her head. ''No. I have to go back and take my grandpa for a walk. My grandma is already old, at least, the younger one, one of us have to always accompany them. Otherwise, it would be too much for my grandma especially with my grandpa condition.'' An Ran nodded with understanding.
That day, as they rode their bike, Chen Yang and Jin Sing passed by. Like before, Chen Yang rode his bike in front of her, and Yi Ling could only watch the view of his back from the back. Suddenly with her noticing this, this gesture had become a habit to her. Yi Ling knew, once Chen Yang fly to Germany, she could no longer watch his back like this. Who knows, when there is a chance, they could probably become old and worn like her grandparents. Life was unprecedented, filled with unexpected and mystery. They could be living and breathing happily now, and the next, such life could be taken away.
That night, Yi Ling couldn't sleep well. Her body was calling her to sleep and she couldn't. Her mind was else where. The stars shine so brightly in the night sky. She watched them with so much longing. Later, before she decided to sleep, by then it was really late night, she held her hand and she prayed. She prayed and wish Chen Yang the best of luck. She prayed for her parents. She prayed for her old grandparents. She prayed her her third uncle and aunt. She prayed for her cousin. She prayed for her friends. Then she prayed for herself before falling to sleep.