I am sitting at surgery department's emergency room area staring at a huge buoquet of flowers sent to me by Kurt's fans. Every hospital staff who passed by teased me about it and I had to explain every time that it's not from a boyfriend. It came with a note saying 'Cheer up, Raya! We are here for you. Happy Valentine's day!
It's a relatively benign duty. There are no patients to watch over, and so far, no new patients coming. Since comprehensive exams are over, I do not have to spend all of my free time catching up on my readings. It's been around four months after I became a hot social media topic. I've been mustering my courage to open all messages from people I don't know of and to check tweets about me. The flowers must be a sign for me to do it today.
I opened my phone's messenger app and started scrolling down to the first message. I almost jumped off from my seat when a kitkat suddenly appeared in front of me. I looked ahead of me and found Andrei grinning, making fun of my reaction.
"Jesus! you're gonna kill me from heart attack, Andrei!"
Andrei laughed and said, "Happy Valentine's day." My heart skipped a beat when he winked at me. Andrei started walking away and my heart sank down when he gave another intern the same kind of kitkat he gave me. Then, he gave a nurse, a resident, a janitor, kitkats as well. He gave every girl he met kitkat. I almost forgot how Andrei makes every girl happy on Valentine's.
I refocused myself on the messages on my phone. I finally reached the first one.
'Hi! Is this your real account, Raya Valdez? If this is you, how long have you known Kurt and what's the real score between you?'
'Hi, Raya! This is Divine, your elementary classmate. I saw your pictures on twitter and I just want to ask how you're doing? Can you introduce me to Kurt? Hehe'
There really are some people who only contact you when they need something. We're not even that close back then.
'Good morning, Ms. Raya. This is Alphonse Roque from Entertainment Daily. We would like to feature you on this month's young influential people. We are hoping that you could give us an exclusive interview about your life in medical school and future plans? I'm leaving here my phone number so you could contact me.'
Wooah. Did I really get an offer for a feature story on an Entertainment Magazine? What do they mean by young influential people? People who suddenly trend on twitter for some lame reason? Sorry, Entertainment Daily, but Kaye already snitched an exclusive interview of me.
'Hi, Ms. Raya Valdez. This is Nathalie Flores, the president of Kurt de Guzman PH Official, Kurt's official fans club in the country. We hope you are aware of the impact of your recent sighting with Kurt. It has created divisions among the club members. If you have any care at all for Kurt's career, please be careful of your actions. I hope you understand that we are only protecting him.'
I've been busy with internship and has not really been fond of the entertainment industry ever since I was born. I do not know the dynamics of Kurt's career. I had no idea that my actions, or lack thereof, has affected his fans that way. Kurt has helped me cope with medical school stress. Not everytime I can rant to my colleagues so he's someone I can air my frustrations to. A part of me believes that I have become his emotional punching bag as well. Although we do not get to reply to each other's messages right away, the fact that someone listens to your musings without judgement is enough. Sometimes we just need someone to be there for us, not expecting him/her to say something to console us or not expecting an advice from them; just ears that can actually litsen, not just hear, or should I say, eyes that can read our messages in our situation. Do I have to distance myself from that person?
I scrolled up to see the next message. My eyes froze when I read the name Lexi Buencamino on screen. I opened the message right away.
'Hi! Can we talk?'
Wait, how do I even know she's the real Lexi Buencamino? For all I know, this is just a troll account. Why would Lexi message me anyway? It's unlikely that a celebrity would get him/herself involved in another ceberity's life, at least according to Kurt. Well, he said he knows the boundary line between work and personal life and he would not get himself involved in his co-stars lives, not even Lexi. He lets them deal with their own issues.
I ignored the message and moved to checked other messages.
'Hi Raya! I'm a fan. I also want to become a doctor someday. Do you have any advice? :)'
Wow. I have a fan. Why though? A smile broke on my face from the absurdity of the message. How would you become a fan of someone you hardly know? I mean, I'm not even a public figure.
'I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.'
From a message from a 'fan' to a hate message real quick. How do these people even found my messenger account?
There are still unopened messages from my inbox, but I got really curious about twitter posts on me. I closed my messenger app and openen twitter from my browser. Good thing, you can search through twitter even without an account. I typed 'Raya Valdez' on the search bar. Lo and behold, the latest tweet about me was 20 minutes ago. It is my latest profile picture on facebook that I posted around two weeks ago. How in the world does my private photos reach the public? It only means one or some of my facebook friends, whom I all know personally, are spreading my private stuff. Should I make a post on facebook asking them to stop grabbing my photos and posting them in public? Should I just delete friends and limit my list to my immediate family and closest friends? Or should I just let this go, and just be more cautious about my posts next time?
I scrolled down and there's a photo of me and Lexi side by side. The caption says 'Raya's face can't even compete with Lexi's armpits'.
Woah, hold it right there. It's a picture of my bare face from two years ago vs Lexi's with full hair and make up on captured by some professional photographer. Not that I have that kind of photo to level with her; the most decent photo I probably have would be my college graduation photo. But even that can't comepte with a modeling photo!
There's another tweet comparing my face and Lexi's face and again, I have no make up okay! Fine, I know I can't compete with her even with full make up and hairdo but she's a celebrity right?! She's expected to look good. I laughed at my own thoughts. Why do I have to defend this to myself?
Next tweet is still photos of me and Lexi comparing our side profiles. The caption says '
Lexi be lookin' fine with that side profile'.
Oh god. I, myself, hate my side profile. My side... does not have a profile. Let's not talk about my side profile.
Then there's a full body photo of both Lexi and me. I am on my uniform posing for a picture with my co-interns and our residents, but of course everyone else was cropped out. It was compared to a paparazzi photo of Lexi walking on short shorts and a blouse, which hugs her upper body. She has full breasts... or thick foamed bras... I'm not sure. I'm not a hater, okay?! She looked so sexy and her legs are to die for. But then again, why do they have to compare Lexi with that photo?
'Raya Valdez should just focus on becoming a doctor. She has proven nothing yet.'
I can take all those physical face and body shaming, but this kind of hate message breaks my heart. These people do not know the blood, sweat and tears I had to go through to reach this point of my life. It's not just me who sacrificed a lot for this but also my family. Invalidating my journey invalidates my family's work too. I stopped scrolling and stared at space for I don't know how long.
"Raya... RAYA!"
I stood up at the sudden call of my name. It was our ER nurse and she was smiling at me.
"Are you okay?"
I nodded my head many times.
"The triage is calling for you. Just go there, I'll man the ER while you're at it," she informed me.
I just nodded my nead again and walked towards the triage area which is watched over by a senior intern.
"Raya, someone's looking for you," the senior intern said, tipping his head towards the ER door's direction.
I turned my head and was shocked because Kurt's manager was standing there. He smiled at me and said, "He wanted to visit you before our flight." He motioned for me to follow him as he walked to the parking lot. Kurt's manager is a big man. He always goes with Kurt along with a bodyguard on guestings or shows or events.
I almost forgot he's going abroad for a work that will last for a month. I followed Kurt's manager to a black van parked in front of a wall. His manager opened the backseat's sliding door. I thought I had to go in but Kurt came out before I could take a step. My back was facing the wall and Kurt faced me. His manager walked to the other side of the car and went into the passenger seat.
Kurt's wearing a black cap, white fitted T-shirt that slightly reveals his masculine chest, black shorts that does not reach his knees, and black and white designer rubber shoes. Simple pieces of clothing but they really look good on him.
"What?" Was my greeting. "Someone might see you here."
Kurt looked around and I realized that their van is strategically parked and that he strategically faced the wall.
"I'm going to be away for a month, I just want to make sure you won't miss me so much," he grinned at me.
I laughed at his statement. "It's not like we see each other everyday anyway."
"We're going to be on different time zones, though," he said as he put his hands in his pocket.
"It's alright, we do not have a sense of timezone here," I pointed at the hospital with my mouth.
He let out a little laugh.
The wind suddenly blew. I looked at the sky and it seemed like it's going to rain soon. I looked at Kurt again.
"Oh. Uhhmm, I want to leave you this hoodie," he reached for a hoodie from his seat. "You told me earlier that you forgot yours. It won't fit my luggage anyway.. so just keep it for a while." He gave me the jacket. It's a green hoodie with a printed 'SIDE A' in front. I have no idea what it means... maybe it's the brand.
I decided to wear the hoodie just to seet how it fits and as expected, it's oversized for me. The length reaches the end of my butt and my hands are hidden from its really long sleeves.
"You look cute on it," Kurt said tugging at my sleeves.
I really like oversized clothes. They're the most comfortable things in the world. "You're going to fill my closet with your clothes in no time. I haven't even returned the clothes I borrowed last time when I slept at Kaye's unit."
"Nah, it's okay," he said while getting another stuff from inside the van. He raised a lunchbox. "I cooked food.. I did not realize I cooked too much until after I finished eating. So I packed them for you. This could last you 'til dinner," he handed the lunchbox to me, which to my surprise was heavier than expected.
"Ohh... thank youu!" I slightly opened the zipper of the bag, and a really appetizing smell came out. "You really cooked this?"
"Yup," he said proudly. "Okay, I got to go Raya. I'll work really hard abroad and see you after a month," he said spreading his arms wide.
I thought for a moment why he is doing that. He emphasized his arms and I realized he's asking for a hug. I stepped closer to him and gave him a side hug. Kurt suddenly broke the hug so I looked up at him.
"I'll be away for a month and that's the kind of hug you're giving me?!" He said with furrowed eyebrows. I did not know what to do since we never really did these kinds of things.
Suddenly, Kurt pulled me to a big bear hug pushing his body against mine. He rested his chin on top of my head. My arms were hanging awkwardly at his sides so I hugged him back. My face was smashed onto his chest so I adjusted it so that the side of my head now rests on his chest. I can't deny the fact that he smelled so good and his hug felt so good. We stood their hugging each other for some seconds until I felt droplets of rain on my hands. I pulled myself away from him and took a step backward.
"You better go back inside before it rains hard," Kurt said.
"Thank you for this and this," I said pointing to the hoodie and the food.
Kurt smiled at me and went inside the van. I waved goodbye at him as he closed the door. The driver started the engine and I walked back to the hospital. I slightly ran back since the rain was starting to pour harder.
Once inside, I shook rain droplets away from my hair and my hoodie. I put one hand into the front pocket of the hoodie while walking back to the Surgery ER. I felt something in the pocket so I took it out. It's a folded paper. I took my other hand to unfold it and read, 'Happy Valentine's day, Hiraya! :') '.
A wide smile spread across my face. Suddenly, I forgot all about the humiliation in social media.