My mood instantly soured as the Kid asked me that question. How had I been able to accomplish the feats of what appeared to be the Force in his eyes if I only knew as much as him? That was a talk I wasn't ready to have. He could tell right away that it was a touchy subject.
"Come on. Let's get back to the ship and get off this planet. This atmosphere of mourning is suffocating."
I stood and turned away from him and started to head back the way I'd come, purposefully taking the exact route I'd walked so as to calm down before getting back in range of the Jedi, and to cast off the shadow of my past that was creeping up. I heard him scramble to his feet and jog to catch up to me, even though he was malnourished and younger than I, his gait was still a step and a half larger. He would definitely tower over me once he was fed properly and grew a better way than he was used to.
"Sorry," I heard him mumble with his head held low. His hands were in his pockets and he refused to make eye contact with me. At least he knew that sore subject was hit.
"Look you've told me about your past aside from what I was able to figure out and I appreciate that. Not everyone can make it through that kind of stuff and come out sane or not broken. You're one of the luckier ones. And you'd know what I'm talking about, getting lessons beaten into you with the threat of something worse if you don't complete them to perfection. Getting," here I swallowed hard," used and discarded when the fancy hit them and being terrified whenever it did."
"But while you were broken into a compliant slave that didn't talk back and obeyed all orders, I was made into a being full of rage and hate," my fists tightened slowly. "To the point that rational thought had left and only the need to kill filled my entire being. Every day was a step further from what I was raised to be and closer to a monster even worse than my Master, something that would have needed to be put down like a rabid beast."
"But you're not like that!" The Kid jumped to my defense, for whatever it was worth. "I mean, clearly you're not," this time he mumbled it after realizing his outburst. "If you were, you wouldn't have helped us on the pirates' ship, or you would have attacked us on our way to Naboo or any number of times."
I let out a slight chuckle and relaxed my grip, feeling my body loosen slightly.
"You're right, I'm not like that. But only because I committed one of the worse sins of all. Something that snapped me out of my insane bloodlust and rampant Dark Side use. Something that I can never commit again."
I raised the hood on my robe and increased my stride slightly so that I was ahead of the Kid. It was the most obvious way of telling him to drop the subject without saying anything. There was a slight rustle and I figured he had done the same as me, which was good because a few moments later a large crowd of people came around the corner who were on their way back to their homes. It seems like the ritual of mourning the death of a person was over, or at least the public part. We both stepped aside and hugged the street wall so as to not disturb any rites if there were any at this time. My comlink buzzed at the same time and I indicated with my head to duck into an alley a little ways back up the street. I pulled it out and answered the call.
"Zavart you there?"
"I'm here Captain, go ahead."
"You found the Padawan yet? The Masters are getting anxious here."
"Yes I've found him. We were already on our way back when we stepped aside for the returning locals and you called."
"Good they're glad to hear that! The kid in one piece so I can give them some piece of mind and any time frame you can give me on your return?"
"Does Shaddoc think I cut the Kid into a few pieces?" I let the ghost of a smile appear on my face and the Kid rolled his eyes at my joke.
"Yes something like that," here her voice drifted away from the comm a bit, probably because she had turned slightly away. "In any case I think they'll be glad to not have another excuse to hold over you."
"Tell them he's in one piece, probably just shaken up a bit. It'll be about half an hour until we get back to you with the traffic we'll have to walk through so no need to have the engines prepped right away."
"Understood, we'll wait for you here then!"
The comlink switched off and I placed it back into my pocket. I'll have to get a utility belt sometime so as not to lose stuff if I need to run. Or maybe a wrist comm?
"It looks like the people have thinned out a lot. We can probably keep moving now."
"Good, then let's get out of here. A sunny planet will probably do us some good right about now."
___________________________________________
[~30 minutes later~]
Zavart ascended the boarding ramp first and gave me a nod before disappearing towards the cockpit. He slapped the close button and the ramp hissed behind me as it raised itself. Masters Wamo and Shaddoc appeared at the other entrance just in time to see his back disappear and I saw Shaddoc open his mouth and then close it in almost defeat. Master Wamo laid her hand on his arm.
"There will be time for that later."
He nodded his head and they both turned to me.
"Drazad it's good to see you. Do you mind if we talk?"
I nodded my head, I wanted to talk too. Needed to talk.
We headed to the common area of the ship, with the Captain and Zavart up at the cockpit, probably for a while since they both knew we were going to be talking there wasn't a need for secrecy. With everything that's happened I'm not even sure we should be keeping secrets.
They both sat on one side of the round table and I sat on the other. For a moment I thought this would be what it could feel like talking to my parents about something…..if I remembered them. That quickly left though and I steeled myself. I needed answers.
"Drazad—"
I held up my hand. "If you don't mind, Master Wamo, I'd like to talk first."
She pursed her lips but nodded.
"First I'd like to know when exactly you both decided to free me and take me on as an apprentice?"
"That's, kind of tough. Our primary goal as you know, was to find clues to the possible Sith Lord that was behind the Clone Wars and possibly the formation of the Clone Army that the Galactic Republic used. Master Mace Windu of the Jedi Council assigned us this task with our previous Padawan Kathrakah'n. We had been out in the very edges of Outer Rim for close to 2 years, after the close return of the Blue Shadow Virus to the Universe and the Assassination of the Separtist Senator Mina Bonteri, the Councel felt the power of the Senate was growing too large. The last straw was pulled when the banks were deregulated and the Councel deemed it fit to find who was really pulling the strings of the war. Some felt there was an overarching plot to destroy the Jedi."
Master Shaddoc picked up here "After that many clues came to us about a man who was staying on a planet that was acting as it's enforcer, this man had power not just physically but with some kind of ability that most on the edges of the galaxy hadn't seen before. We broached the subject to these people but they all had no idea what planet it was or anything else about the man. Luckily one of them pointed us to your old Master Gan—"
"Can we not call him my old master. It sounds dirty since I'm calling you both my new Masters."
"Of course. We were pointed to Gany'sha, the Ruler of Games and Bloodsports. When we sat with him and talked we brokered the information out of him and you as well when we saw you—"
"Which time?"
Again, Shaddoc was brought up short. He hesitated here and Wamo cut in.
"When we saw you in our second meeting we could tell you had a connection to the Force. We exchanged what Gany'sha thought was the same value of information and entertainment and on the third meeting you came with us."
"So it really was like the Captain said…"
"I'm sorry for it to be that way Drazad, we didn't mean for it to turn out like that. We've never had the way we operated be questioned. Jedi were always held to above reproach of questions. Everyone listened to us and when we found Force Sensitive individuals we never thought twice about bringing them back to the Order without a second thought about what fallout would be. I even had to argue on my stance to take you in because of your age," Master Wamo tried to be the to placate things.
"Wait so now I was almost to old to be a Jedi? And you would have left me there!"
"No that's—well yes but—"
"We must take into consideration the age of Jedi candidates when we find them. Older individuals will already be corrupted by their emotions and are more susceptible to using them when being trained in the Force. When something like that happens their training becomes corrupted and will inevitably fall to the Dark Side. We can't take that chance so we look for young children who are still pure to train."
I was quiet for some time mulling this over. It was pretty sound stuff. Just from when I felt Zavart use his Dark Side on and around me I could tell it was not something I wanted to touch a whole lot.
"Alright so then what's the cutoff age when you look for people who are Force Sensitive?"
They both exchanged a glance and a knot started to form in my stomach.
Master Shaddoc started off slow, "We try to not think of it as a cutoff, but we don't consider most individuals that are older than infants."
"Babies, you—you don't go looking for anyone that's older than a baby?"
"It helps with the training. They have no attachments to their families and aren't corrupted by their emotions like I said—"
"YOU KIDNAP BABIES FROM THEIR FAMILIES!!"
I shoved away from the table and the knot in my stomach became more painful than sick.
"YOU TAKE THEM AWAY SO THEY HAVE NO MEMORIES OF WHO THEY WERE! AND YOU TAKE AWAY THE ONE THING THAT MAKES THEM A LIVING BEING AND TELL THEM NOT TO FEEL!!"
My whole body was shaking now. I don't know what's going on but I was lost in the realization of it all.
"YOU TRAIN THEM TO NOT HAVE EMOTIONS AND TELL THEM TO CALL YOU MASTER AND—"
The epiphany hit me like a whip wiping away the fury I was just feeling. I looked at the both of them who were still rooted to their seats.
"You're no better than Gany'sha."
A silence muffled the world around me. The two of them started moving their mouths but I heard nothing. My heartbeat thrummed erratically in my ears and just got louder the longer I stood there until I finally turned around and walked down a corridor.
My feet took me to my room where I stepped in and locked the door behind me. The thrumming grew louder and without meaning to I walked over to the refresher and threw up in the toilet.
____________________________________________
"So where we headed?"
"Figured we'd go to one of the biggest places of Twi'lek slavery there is and begin our search. Nar Shaddaa, any slaves either start there or eventually go through it so for now it's the best place to start. I still remember the symbol on their ship so we could look for intel about them too."
"What's the planet like?" I draped my robe on the back rest and crashed into a seat behind the Captain. She was busy checking a bunch of read outs and making sure the course was correct it seemed.
"Pretty much what you'd expect from any kind of place where crime is the number one thing to do. It's a moon controlled by the Hutts but it's basically a mini Coruscant if you look at it a certain way. There are no police, there is no law except whatever the little gangs that have carved everything up want there to be," she flipped a switch and a Holo-display illuminated the cockpit showing a 3D model of the planet.
"I have some contacts that I can get ahold of and people that owe me who can get us in touch with those who are more in the know about the slave trade. It could take some time though seeing as how everyone doesn't want to step on each other's toes. Fighting happens all the time but open gang wars tend to draw the attention of the Hutts who are really in charge and crack down on everyone."
"So being discreet is the best option for us. We already have the Empire looking for us after what happened on Coruscant, we don't need criminals either—"
"The government and criminals should be a cake walk to sneak past, I've been doing that for years. What's really going to be trouble for us are bounty hunters. My ship was probably tagged the moment we tried to approach the Jedi Temple and then again when we left the planet. I'll have to find a place to get my ship ID changed so it won't be easy for them to find us but that won't hold up for long."
"Is that your personal experience talking or a gut feeling?" I side eyed her.
"Both, I've crossed paths with a few bounty hunters and heard stories about others. I am not keen on any of them," she replied back while reaching up to an overheard switch behind her.
She swiveled her chair back to the front and fiddled with some things.
She seemed engrossed in her work.
"So does that symbol on the back of your jacket represent a family crest or is just a nice design?"
There was barely a hesitation between her switch flipping but I thought I heard it all the same. Another piece of the puzzle.
"Don't you have food and a shower to get to? I'm sure you didn't get much of either while chained up all that time."
"The Jedi are having a talk with the kid so it would be kind of awkward to intrude on that."
"YOU KIDNAP BABIES FROM THEIR FAMILIES!!"
That stopped whatever comment she was going to make next. So did the sound of a chair scrapping the floor.
"YOU TAKE THEM AWAY SO THEY HAVE NO MEMORIES OF WHO THEY WERE! AND YOU TAKE AWAY THE ONE THING THAT MAKES THEM A LIVING BEING AND TELL THEM NOT TO FEEL!!"
"YOU TRAIN THEM TO NOT HAVE EMOTIONS AND TELL THEM TO CALL YOU MASTER AND—"
It was silent for a few moments after that. Then the pounding of feet was heard quickly leaving.
We both stayed quiet after that for a long time. Neither of us knew what to do, me being the socially inept person having only dealt with Ugnaughts and a terrible Master. The Captain had her own reasons I didn't know about.
Finally, after what seems like forever, she spoke up, "Looks like your excuse to leave is over. I'll let you know when we're about to leave Hyperspace."
I threw her a look of silent pleading. I really did not want to go out there in case the two Jedi were still in the common area. But her complete disregard of my plea to stay went unnoticed as she, again, turned back to her instruments.
I stayed sitting for a few more seconds but finally got up. Her and I weren't that close for me to make any forms of begging to stay. And my malnourished stomach did need food. I grabbed my robe and moved silently to the common area, really hoping no one started any awkward conversations with me.