I knew I wasn't in my room in the penthouse when I woke up, because I knew it didn't look anything like the room I was supposed to be in. This room was bigger, had a desk, a chair in the corner I knew that shouldn't be there. I breathed slowly looking down at myself. I wasn't wearing any clothes, in fact I had just managed to wrap myself in the white hotel bed sheet. I knew what it meant, I knew that it hadn't been a dream and I could hardly believe myself.
I hesitated before even slightly moving and turning myself over to look to the other side of the bed. I breathed out again when I saw Clarke, also naked, in the same bed as me. I had actually done that, I had had sex with Clarke. What the hell was I thinking? Why couldn't I stop it? Oh, god, I need to get out of here.
As quiet as I could I snuck myself out of his bed to prevent him from waking up. I grabbed everything in sight I thought was mine, like my dress, and my bra...I made sure to sneak out without another sound. I made my way to my room quickly, locking myself in there the moment I got back. I lent against my door and I breathed slowly. I couldn't think, I couldn't wrap my head around what I had done. Was I insane? This was Clarke. Clarke who I had seen with a girl or two now, with Alicia especially, not to mention how rude he was...even if he had calmed down and apologised since then.... I mean I worked for him. It was wrong! I had to be crazy.
I decided I needed a shower, or maybe three, but I knew I needed the hot water to touch my skin to help me calm down. In truth I spent probably half an hour in that shower, maybe longer, cleaning myself and trying to make sense of it. I knew I couldn't have feelings for Clarke, I didn't have those types of feelings anyway. I wanted to regret it too, but somewhere inside me, I didn't. I could remember how it felt, how he felt, and it was good. I guess the act itself wasn't something to regret...maybe just the fact that it was Clarke.
After being hold up in my room for nearly two hours I started to get hungry and I knew I had to emerge to get food. So slowly, I walked out of my room making my way to the dining area to see if any breakfast had been delivered. I wasn't sure where I expected Clarke to be, maybe I imagined him asleep as he had been the last time I saw him, but stepping into the dining room and seeing the food, I realised was very wrong.
There he was, sitting at the other end of the table. He didn't notice me straight away, in fact had his head submerged in some papers, a pen in one hand and a piece of toast in the other. Was he getting some work done, this early?
"Rory," he said, suddenly noticing I was there, as I was frozen in place. "I was wondering where you got to."
"Yeah, ah, I needed a shower," I admitted with a small shrug.
"And breakfast I can imagine," he noted. "Please, sit down eat something. They've brought up enough food for ten people as usual."
I hesitated but eventually walked myself to sit in the chair across from Clarke. I decided not to look him in the eye and focus on what looked like really delicious food. I poured myself some orange juice, grabbed a plate and started to fill it up.
"Rory," Clarke suddenly sighed, as I put my full plate down in front of me. "We should probably...talk about what happened."
I didn't want to answer him. I couldn't talk to him about it, not yet. I had barely worked it out in my own head, how was I meant to verbalise the gibberish going on in there?
"I guess," I eventually said, realising that probably didn't sound too great.
"Yes, well-."
Clarke never really got to start his sentence because he was interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. He glanced down at it, reading the caller ID before he sighed.
"I need to get this, sorry," he apologised quickly. "It's Pierce."
"Oh, get it, it's probably important," I insisted.
He nodded and picked it up. I thought he might leave the room but instead he decided to have the phone call in front of me. So I sat their silently eating away whilst I listened. I couldn't hear Pierces end, only Clarke as he would speak then pause and talk again.
"Pierce. How nice to hear from you so soon," Clarke said, like her really meant it. "It was an excellent party, really. No, no, not too late at all, as late as expected for a party so good. Ah, yes I did speak to him before I left and he emailed me this morning. Yes, he does seem quite promising, had a great pitch too. Well, yes, I'm actually looking at them right now, they're in front of me. Ah we don't leave for another couple of hours. Great, he wants to meet now. I can do that and make my flight, no problem. Yes, yep...okay. I'll see you soon."
Clarke hung up the phone with a sigh, only glancing at me as I continued to eat. It was hard to stop myself eating really, the food was my comfort.
"I'm sorry, I have to go," Clarke told me as he started to gather his papers up. "Lesley finally is ready to set his terms and get this contract sorted out and if I leave now I can get it done before we fly out."
"Yeah, go," I nodded. "Do everything you can to secure this company."
"I won't have time to come back here, I'll be cutting it close," he muttered. "My bags are packed though, so I'll just have to send a car for you and meet you at the airport. Is that okay?"
"Yes, yes of course it is," I nodded. "Do what you've got to do and I'll meet you at the airport. Remember we take off at three though."
"Three, got it, I will be there at two," he told me, grabbing everything and walking out of the room as quickly as he could. "We...we can talk later."
"Yeah, fine," I nodded at him. "Go, seriously."
I only saw him briefly as he walked out of the hotel in his work suit with his documents, and when the elevator doors shut I sighed in relief. I didn't know what the hell I was going to say to Clarke and I was glad I had time to think it over, or at the very least, get time to talk to Ava about it all, expect it was still early in the morning for Ava so that had to wait.
I decided to make sure I packed my stuff and make sure I had gotten everything and tried to use that time to think, but it seemed I couldn't form a real thought about the whole thing. Every time I tried to think about how I felt all I ended up thinking about was last night. I could see it, in my head, I remembered everything, every detail, every touch...oh god, and I really liked it. I liked the way it felt, the way he held me, and touched me... okay this isn't working, I just need to go home.
The car showed up on time as I had planned and found Clarke had called about the arrangement changes, and the driver told me that Clarke had informed him that I should go through security if he was going to take too long. In the end, that was actually what happened. We waited around for a while but eventually Clarke texted telling me to board the plane and he would meet me on the plane. I went through security and eventually boarded the plane and as Clarke promised with only five minutes to take off he boarded the plane.
We sat one in front and one behind so it was kind of hard to talk, and when we did it was only about the meeting he had just come from. It seemed like Lesley wanted to buy in and once he touched back down in New York he would start getting the ball rolling, as the numbers Lesley had shown Clarke were more than promising.
It was exciting for Clarke and I could see that in his eyes, and it meant that he was completely distracted from the conversation we were going to have before, and I was honestly relieved about that. We touched down in New York and as we made our way through the airport Clarke was immediately on his phone. We had a car waiting for us and the whole ride Clarke sent emails, after emails. Before I knew it we were at my apartment and Clarke and I briefly said good bye before I rushed out of the car not giving him a chance to say anything else.
"Hey, you're back."
It was late Sunday night now and Ava was home, sitting in the lounge room with the TV on. I put my bag next to the couch and sat down next to her.
"Are you okay?" she frowned slightly.
"No," I admitted immediately. I didn't think I would jump straight into it, but I was in such a state I felt I had no choie.
"Why? Did the trip suck? Was Clarke awful?" Ava asked, sitting up.
"No..." I said again. "Oh god, I didn't want to come out with this when I immediately got home."
"Okay, what are you talking about?" she said to me, facing me with concern on her face.
I breathed out heavily because I desperately wanted to tell her to get it off my chest but I was also terrified of what she would think. "I...well I slept with Clarke."
Ava didn't speak straight away, I think she was definitely in shock, but she was definitely trying to process it.
"Now, when you say...slept, you mean...?" Ava said slowly.
"Sex. Yes, Ava, I had sex with him," I sighed. "I...wish I could tell you how it happened, but honestly, I can't."
"What do you mean you can't? It can't just happen, out of nowhere, Rory," Ava said throwing her arms up. "Were you super drunk or something? I mean I know you super drunk, and you are horny and out of control."
"No," I admitted, with a slight eye roll. "I had a few champagnes but nothing to even close to feel slightly drunk. In fact, we argued right before."
"Argued like how? What were you arguing about?" Ava asked me curiously.
I shrugged slightly, and the argument suddenly felt distant and unimportant. "A client actually, it actually wasn't that big a deal. Henry worked with this client last and he had been avoiding those flies, so I took over and he didn't like it. So I accused him for not trying and he said he cared so I said I cared which is why I helped...it was all kind of silly."
"Do you have feelings for him?" Ava frowned.
"No, oh god no. Definitely not," I said it like it was a reflex.
It was a thought I had had nearly the whole way home and if there was anything I knew about what had happened last night, I knew it didn't involve romantic feelings. I was attracted to him that I could admit to, but not like I wanted to date him or anything. Sex was one thing, a relationship was another, and I still didn't even see Clarke as friend.
"Okay, okay," Ava nodded slightly, "but you don't hate him anymore, yeah?"
"Yeah, I think the whole hate thing is gone," I shrugged. "I mean, I don't exactly think he's great though, but he's not as bad as I thought."
"Well, it's not hate sex then," Ava informed me. "Maybe it had to do with the tension between you two? Did you talk to him about it at least?"
"No, didn't get a chance. He had to go to a meeting before we left and he was late on the plane and then I just came back here," I told her shaking my head.
"So, you don't even know what he thinks of it then?" Ava asked.
I sighed at her and sunk into the couch shaking my head. "I think you can try analyse this all you want but we are never going to figure why it happened, honestly. I've tried to figure it out, and nothing."
"Fine," Ava groaned slightly, slumping in the couch beside me. "Was the sex good at least?"
I paused as I glanced at her before I sighed again and nodded. "Yeah, I mean like....really good."
"Like how good? Surely not...the best?" Ava said slowly.
I curled my lips together before I nodded again at her and her eyes widened.
"No way. Better than Isaac after he said I love you?" Ava asked me, recalling the last time I had used the phrase 'best I'd ever had.'
"Somehow...yes," I shrugged. "Better in a different way though. I'm not too surprised though considering how many girls he's probably been with. I mean, he's a womaniser. Bet you saw the article about him while we were in Paris. God, now it makes me look stupid for sleeping with him. I mean he made out with some random the night before and I yelled at him about it too."
"Yeah...I did see that...hang on," Ava said, suddenly standing up.
I frowned at the sudden confusion she had showed on her face. I watched her as she picked up her phone which had been on the dining table and started to do something on it before slowly making her way back to me.
"The first time I read it I thought one of the girls was familiar," Ava told me, scrolling as she got closer. "I figured maybe it was celebrity or something and I just couldn't make it out, but now I think I know."
"What are you talking about?" I frowned at her.
She gave me a kind of sympathetic look before she handed me the phone. She had opened the photo of Clarke kissing someone from the club, or that's what it looked like anyway.
"I don't recognise her," I shrugged.
"Well, I do," Ava told me, "because it's you."
"What?!"
My eyes focused on the picture as tight as they good trying to find features I could recognise. I couldn't really see the face but I realised I didn't need to. I looked at the hair, the red hair that shown in the photo, like mine was, and the tight black shirt was the same one I had worn that day, and if I looked hard enough, I could see my ruby ring I always wore.
"Holy shit, that is me," I gasped. "Oh, Jesus. I was so angry at him about this, and it was me?"
"You kissed him in a club?" Ava asked.
"Oh, no," I shook my head quickly. "We almost did. This time I was drunk, like really drunk. I got out of there though before anything could happen. We just got...close, which must be when this photo was taken. Eh, oh my god, why am I such an idiot? I don't think I've ever done anything this stupid in my life."
"I would argue with you to make you feel better... but I literally can't think of anything worse you've done," Ava admitted with a shrug. "Sleeping with your boss is up there."
"Ehhhh," I groaned, putting my head in my hands and sinking into a ball. "This is the worst thing I've ever done."
"It's up there, and definitely different for you," Ava told me, as I glanced at her through my hands. "What are you going to do when you go back to work?"
"I don't know. Ignore it, pretend it never happened, just get on and...work," I said plainly.
"You can't just ignore it," Ava sighed. "You need to talk about it with Clarke, otherwise work will be even more awkward than it has been."
"Well...I can't try."