I woke up to light pouring over my closed eyes. It was a gentle and soft though, one that felt warm but made me squint also. I groaned and rolled away from it, annoyed, but then remembered something. My bedroom was not on the side of the apartment block that got sun in the morning... I wasn't in my room.
I sat up quickly, my eyes flinging open. I looked around as I remembered I had slept in Clarke's bed last night, something I never expected to happen, but never-the-less here I was. I had never seen Clarke's room before, but I knew he always had one here. I guess Henry closed it off when Clarke wasn't around, which was a lot.
It looked like Clarke may have made some recent changes to the room though as the furniture felt very modern. I was in his king side bed, complete with what felt like a white leather bed head and one of the nicest mattresses I had ever slept on, and smooth dark coloured sheets. The bed was in the middle of the room and to my left was a large glass window which nearly expanded the whole wall, where the sun had come from and woken me up obviously. I realised though I could see a large part of the city from here...a view I knew I could look at for a while.
On both sides of the bed were bedside tables, and in front of the bed opposite me appeared to be a closest. It was built in though, clearly seen from the large sliding black wood doors, but one was slightly ajar to relieve some of Clarke's suits. Slightly to right of this though I saw a door, but it wasn't the door out as that was directly to my right. This door seemed to be a part of another small room that when I looked at it, it opened.
Out stepped Clarke clean and showered and wearing nothing but a towel and I realised it was his own bathroom. I forgot this place had five bathrooms.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Clarke told me slowly ruffling his hair slightly.
"You didn't," I shook my head slightly, bring the sheet up closer to me to keep me covered. "The sun did."
"Ah, sorry, I should've shut the curtains," he said awkwardly, looking out. "I like to have them open in the morning. I never used to get up this early and see it. Work changes that."
"Oh, crap, it's Tuesday, you have work...and I have school," I said shaking my head quickly.
"I didn't even think about that, should I have woken you up?" Clarke asked slightly worried.
"No, no, I don't have class til ten-thirty," I told him calmly. "I'll have to get home first though..."
"Right, course. I can get a car for you," Clarke nodded immediately, "but we still need to finish talking."
I almost forgot we hadn't actually had our talk, rather just got distracted a lot. Clarke did open up to me last night, it felt like finishing this talk would be easier.
"Yeah, okay," I agreed.
"I'll let you shower first, and Rosa is already sorting out of breakfast for us," Clarke explained.
I frowned. "You told Rosa I was here."
"Well, not in so many words, but yes," he shrugged slightly. "She doesn't know why, don't worry."
I showered as Clarke changed in his room. His shower was nice...I mean the water pressure was consistent and I doubted he ever ran out of hot water, it truly made a good shower. I changed back into yesterday's clothes as I had nothing else and slowly made my way to the dining room where Clarke was already waiting.
I sat down next to him and while I felt those same nerves kick in yesterday when we went to talk, after last night I had a much clearer head. I always felt good after we spent time together, but there was something reluctant in me that was still trying to tell me it was wrong. Whether or not something casual was what I needed, it didn't change that Clarke was...Clarke.
Clarke glanced at me as I spooned some eggs onto my plate. Rosa had made a mini feast with eggs, bacon, toast...the works. Clarke seemed to already have eaten and he just glanced at me before he finally spoke.
"Well, I think we can safely say after last night we can't just ignore what's going on," Clarke said.
I nodded slightly. "It doesn't necessarily mean it's a good thing though."
"Not a good thing?" Clarke said surprised. "I don't know about you, Rory, but we are both pretty damn good at that. You can't deny there's something going on here. Even if it's just sex."
I started to shake my head. "You're still my boss, and I don't have any romantic feelings for you."
"Neither do I," Clarke shrugged. "You don't have to have feelings for someone for the sex to be good."
"I know," I said softly, "but that doesn't change our work situation."
"Our work situation is better than ever, and I would argue it has to the do with the sex. I mean, instead of fighting we have sex. If you want to talk about tension, that's the tension right there. Our hate is channeled into that instead," Clarke explained to me. "Besides, no one at work has to find out, it's easy to keep it separate."
"Are you trying to negotiate a sex deal right now or something?" I frowned. "Are you suggesting we keep having sex when we want?"
"I don't think we should stop this, no," Clarke told me looking me up and down. "I'm stressed out, I'm stuck in a fake relationship with my friend...and when I sleep with you all it's gone, and I just feels good."
"I..." I wasn't too sure what to say.
"You ex fucked you up bad, right? That's what you were trying to tell me last night, yes?" Clarke asked.
I curled my lips together and nodded.
"Right, so casual sex instead would probably work much better," Clarke shrugged. "You can't deny what goes on when we get close together...as fucked up and confusing as it is, it keeps happening and I say why the fuck not?"
"You're not seriously that unhappy, are you?" I frowned.
"Of course, I am, Rory," he laughed a little. "This...what we have, feels good and it's the only time I can forgot about my father and my job and the pressure...and be me. You can't deny it's helped you too."
As much as it pained me to admit it, Clarke had a point. I hadn't felt so relaxed and stress free in a long time. Not even my college work was stressing me out. I knew that sex could be therapeutic, but not like this. I mean, I guess it all came down to the fake that it's Clarke I'm doing this with. I can't deny we have chemistry though, actually we've have the best sexual chemistry I've ever felt in my life. We also hadn't fought in weeks, and I didn't want to fight with him. I didn't realise how much my ex-boyfriend had damaged me and how much I needed something like this to make me feel better.
"How...would this work then?" I said slowly, looking up at him. "If....hypothetically I agreed to some sort of...arrangement, how would we go about that exactly?"
"Well..." Clarke said slowly, sitting up straight. "We'd have to set boundaries and rules I suppose."
"Like work being off limits for all...sex stuff?" I asked him. "Because you can't be seen by anyone cheating on your 'girlfriend' and I can't be seen having sex with my boss."
That got him to smile a cheeky grin. "Work is off limits, even to talk about it. Sounds best."
"And maybe only...here," I said slowly as he frowned. "I mean, we only do it here. I have a roommate so it could be awkward and we're secluded up here. It won't be odd if the guys at the front desk see me a lot either because I work for you."
"Okay, so only at my place," Clarke nodded. "Sounds good, anything else?"
"If... if it interferes with work or our lives or it becomes too much, we stop," I nodded quickly. "It can't interfere with anything else."
"Well, I don't think we'd have to worry about that," Clarke shrugged. "We're both pretty emotionally fucked up people and good at keeping this separate. It's literally just sex...nothing else. So, is that hypothetical now a yes."
It was insane to agree to something like this surely. I had to be out of my mind that I was considering this. It was easy to consider the sex though, because I really liked it and I didn't want it to stop. It was easy to consider that it did help me after my break-up, and it was finally allowing me to move on and accept what had happened. It was easy to consider that it was helping take the hate out of Clarke and I's relationship. It was easy to consider that just sex was exactly all I wanted right now. It wasn't easy to consider it was Clarke Watson. I realised, of course it was the only con.
"Yes...okay?" I finally spoke. "If we can keep it completely casual and follow the rules we can do this."
I saw a smile crack in the corner of his mouth. "Okay then. Perfect."
I saw him glance at his watch but try to hide it. Guess he was trying not to be rude. "You should go to work now. I'll be fine by myself, you know."
He sighed slightly. "Fine... I'll see you tomorrow then?"
"Yeah...at work," I added.
I wasn't sure if this whole deal had made things better or more awkward. I felt less confused though because I felt like it had a place. An agreement of just sex was something compared to the random encounters we were having. I was also relieved it didn't have to end. My last couple of boyfriends had been good, I couldn't complain, but it wasn't like Clarke at all. I suppose he was more experienced in lot of ways and it definitely showed. If I knew one thing right now I needed to talk to Kieran, and soon.
"And where the hell were you?"
In all the chaos I had forgotten one thing. I actually instantly felt bad...like a pit of guilt in my stomach.
"Ava," I said slowly as I shut the door to the apartment behind me. "I thought you were at work?"
"I swapped shifts today, which I could've told you if you were last night," Ava said, crossing her arms over her chest, she knew I was up to no good.
"Right, yeah, sorry," I said quickly. "I should've texted you last night. I just got distracted."
"By what exactly?" Ava frowned.
"I...I well stayed over at Clarke's," I told her innocently.
I wanted to tell her the truth, I did. I wanted to see her reaction first before I told her what really happened. However her expression of disappointment told me that I couldn't tell her. She wouldn't understand and I knew it. I really didn't want her to judge me on this one.
"Are you kidding, Rory?" she asked me, throwing her arms in the air.
"Nothing happened," I lied quickly. "I went over to talk to him and it got late so I stayed in the guest room."
"So you actually talked?" she questioned me.
"Yeah, we worked it out," I shrugged. Oh god, I needed to end this conversation before I had to lie anymore. I just wanted to get out this situation. At least until I had spoken to Kieran. "Hey, sorry can we talk about it later? I'm just going to be late for class if I don't go soon."
Ava frowned at me slightly before she shrugged. "Okay...sure, but we will continue this later."
"Definitely."
I got to class on time by some miracle, especially due to the subway being late. I suddenly envied Clarke having cars to take him everywhere. I texted Kieran to find out where he was and he told me we could met after class as he'd be around. Kieran took 'part-time' classes as he liked to call them. He wasn't sure on his career yet but he knew he liked taking classes, so this way he could eventually do something with his time at college. Ava didn't attend college so there was no chance she could be around.
"Hey, what was so urgent you sent me ten text messages?" Kieran asked as he appeared in front of the table I had claimed at the campus café.
"I didn't send ten, don't exaggerate," I rolled my eyes as he sat down.
"Ten long sentences in one message is the same as several messages," Kieran explained. "Whatever though, this has to do with Clarke doesn't it?"
"What makes you say that?" I asked him.
"Well, I haven't seen you get flustered over anything lately expect that," Kieran pointed out. "I take it you talked?"
"Talked is one word you could use, I suppose," I muttered.
"Oh my god, you didn't," Kieran said, leaning over to me. "You naught girl."
"Shut up," I said hitting him slightly. "It just...kind of happened again."
"You two must have some mad attraction," Kieran said, leaning back in his chair. "Are you still confused?"
"Well, in a sense, no. I mean, you were right about just the sex thing," I told him. "It's what I want. I don't want a relationship. I like being single."
"Well, I don't blame you after you Isaac," Kieran shrugged.
"Oh please don't remind me," I rolled my eyes. "My love record and dating record aren't great and I definitely don't need to remember that."
"Yeah, the dating is probably my fault," Kieran said, butting his lip.
"Yeah, it is. The last guy didn't even call me back by the way, and it wasn't a bad date," I told him. "Anyway, not the point. I need some of your Kieran wisdom again. I need make sure I'm not screwing up my life."
Kieran laughed at me and I realised it was probably a stupid question, but I could be over dramatic about things. Especially when it was something I wasn't sure of.
"You know my stance on this," Kieran smiled slightly. "I think sex is good for you, and as long as you have ground rules you'll enjoy yourself."
"Well, we have ground rules down believe it or not. It stays out of work. I literally couldn't handle mixing the two, it's weird enough with him being my boss and I've slept with him more than once," I said to him. "He did point out that we have a crazy physical attraction though, I guess it's one of the reasons I agreed to it."
"You guess?" Kieran suggested.
I shook my head at him in annoyance. "Okay you were right about needing something like this. I'm twenty-one I can't believe I've never had casual sex before. Honestly, that's not why I'm freaking out though. I'm actually...happy with the situation now. It's Ava I'm more worried about."
"Ah, she didn't like the arrangement I take it?" he asked.
"I...didn't tell her yet," I admitted shyly. "I stayed the night at Clarke's and she knew that and freaked out from that. She'll think I'm out of my mind and that it's a terrible idea. Not to mention she's literally in a new relationship and we've barely talked about because I've been so preoccupied. I've been a terrible friend."
"She's your best friend, she'll understand," Kieran assured me. "I know I said she was a romantic but she's also open-minded. She might take a bit to come around but she will, and I know you won't be able to deal with lying to her. Plus you can bond over boys too. Then you won't have to come hassle me constantly for advice."
I smiled slightly at his joke. "I'm worried she'll judge the hell out of me."
"She might as its part of the Ava charm," Kieran said sarcastically. "I promise though for sure, she'd do anything for you, which includes understanding. Okay? Stop freaking out, enjoy life."