I am in the bedroom right now while lying alone in my bed. It was like this bed and my room is my escape zone from everything. I can do what I want. I can cry on my pillow, get excited as I see my idols performing on stage and receiving their awards, writing my unidentified feelings and emotions I feel, and I can be crazy for watching funny videos and other stuffs just to make myself happy.
These are just the things and acts I can't show to other people. It was hidden just for myself, and I dont want them to see that side of me.
Maybe I'm overreacting and judgmental for prejudging people who didn't saw it yet. They say, think ahead of it. And I am really like that. It was like overthinking of things over and over again until you get tired of what you are thinking because you can not find an answer.
And I can't just be like that. I can't be like a person who ease her own mind when she starts to overthink. Overthink all of the things that's been happening in our society. That whenever we find hope in every thing we see, there's this something that will make us lose that hope.
I remember what Ethan told me. That I am not the way I am. I am not showing my true self to others. That my real self is concealed when I am with people. I am just afraid that when they will know what I really am,,m what my personality is, they will leave me too. Jut like what I've experienced from my childhood friends.
Maybe he's right. I'm not like this before. I want to make fun and just play around with my so-called friends back then. They were my neighbors and also my classmates.
But things just don't go that way. Not everything is like that. There are things that I need to let go. And one of them are my old friends. They're very bad to me that I find it toxic to be with them. That as time goes by, they can be dangerous if I stay with them. That I loss them.
My childhood is like a rollercoaster ride. I felt happy and broken at the same time. I lost my happiness that I felt before. From my family and my friends whom I trusted the most.
My phone immediately rang and saw the unregistered number calling me. I would not have answered it but someone motivated me to answer it.
I sighed before answering the call.
"Hello?"
"Good evening, ma'am Valdez." said the voice on the other line. Its female voice is commonly heard in hotels.
"Yes, who is this?" I asked.
"Mr. Valdez wants you to attend the family dinner this coming Sunday."
" What?"
" Sorry ma'am, but your father said it so. I will send you the details." she said and suddenly hang up.
I don't know what to do anymore. They knew. I know dad give me some time to live with this simple life but why did he manage to invite me to a family dinner when in the first place, I don't want to be with them.
I know, I may be sound rebel but these things don't matter to me anymore. I just want to get rid of their expectations and disappointments if I do things that they don't like.
I will not attend though.
I just went out and thought of drinking milk when I heard Tita's voice in the living room. I glanced at it and saw she has a visitor.
She's been very busy than usual. Sometimes sh comes home late or maybe the next day. I wonder what she's been doing from her job. She's a secretary of a well known CEO who still goes here but she also needs a rest though.
"Auntie," I called when I saw her enter the kitchen. He smiled at me and I noticed his eyebags.
"Sir Waltridge is here with his son, Jane. Can you help me take care of them?" She said. I nodded before consuming the remaining milk I had made.
"Give them coffee," she said.
I followed and brewed coffee for the guests. Why all of a sudden would these people visit our house? Maybe that's just too important.
When I finished, I took it and headed to the living room where the guests were. Their back is facing me around as they sat on our sofa that's why they did not notice me. When I got closer, I immediately put the tray with the brewed coffee and slice bread. I looked up suddenly when I first landed on the man I did not expect to see.
"J-james?"
"Oh, you're living here?" he said smiling as he looked excited. We fixed me and looked at the man next to him.
"Good evening Sir Waltridge." I greet Tita's boss.
"Good evening too, hija." Tita's boss looks kind so I'm comfortable with him somehow. I just did not expect to see the man I bumped into back then when I ate halo-halo with Aling Dahlia.
"You knew my son?" Sir Waltridge asked with a smile that surprised me.
Is this man his son?
"Yes, dad. That beautiful lady is the one I've been looking for." James answered that made my heart beat faster. It was like a whisper yet
"A-ah, it's just a coincidence, we don't really know each other." I replied.
"Oh, I see."
Tita came to say that they're going to eat. I refused because I did not know why my heartbeat suddenly quickened. I just said that I'm going to bed.
I was about to go up when suddenly someone took my hand. I looked at it and at the person holding me. It was as if I was constantly palpitating because my heart was beating so fast. I don't have a tow but why do I feel this unexplained heartbeat?
"Are you okay, Jane?" James questioned worriedly I immediately removed his grip.
"Yes. I'm perfectly fine. And don't call me by my name. We're not friends." After that I went up to calm my heart.
What's happening to you Jane?