"Don't you really want to go back, hija?" I looked at my grandma as we watched something on the television. I could not help but sigh at her question.
"I still don't want to, grandma." Grandma's forehead furrowed. She just smiled and chose not to speak.
"The truth is, mommy and I met at school yesterday. She visited me." I just bowed when I said that. She sighed at my statement.
"Your parents are worried, Jane. They've been looking you for a long time, but I'm not the one to decide that. They still respect your decision." she said. Suddenly my tears rolled down for no apparent reason.
"Grandma, I know they don't care about me. If so, why did it take two years? I don't want to go back to them, grandma. I don't want to." I uttered, a bit shaking.
"You can't be alone, Jane. Eventually you'll need your parents too." She stroked my hair lightly. "Not all the time, I'm with you."
"Grandma..."
"So right now, you decide. Choose what you can build for yourself. Go back to your family, hija." She gently said and hugged me.
I hugged my grandmother and we stayed like that for about a minute when we heard a knock. I stood up to open the door. Maybe it's Aunt Gisselle. This is the time when he comes home.
"Thank you, Jane." Tita came in with her luggage. There was no smile on her face that was new. Tita is always happy. I closed the door tightly before going to my grandmother and following my aunt a look who went in the living room. Aunt hurried up to her room and even heard the loud closing of the door.
"What happened to aunt, grandma?" I asked as I got closer to her.
"I don't know either, hija. Probably, she's just tired." I heard my grandmother answer.
"Oh, go to sleep Jane and I have a check up early the next day." I nodded before escorted her to her room and waited for her to fall asleep. When I heard her deep breathing due to tiredness, I kissed her on the forehead before leaving her room.
"Good night, grandma."
I went to the kitchen first to make some milk. I haven't been sleepy yet. It's also Saturday tomorrow so I can stay awake.
"You trust so easily,"
"They will surely leave you, honey."
Mom's words lingered in my mind as I drink my milk. She didn't know anything, yet those words send some unknown feeling to me. Despite my trust issues on my former friends, maybe she's right. I trust so easily to my new friends. For me, Cheska and the others are the ones that I need.
They made me feel wanted that I didn't feel towards my parents. They're the ones who made a move to be with me even though they knew that I am a loner type of person
Suddenly my phone on the table rang. It was a call so I immediately answered it. Why would dad call of a sudden?
"Hello, dad."
"Hey, honey." I tried not to sigh as I heard his cold voice. Some part of me is missing him.
"Why did you call?"
"I just want to remind you about our deal, still remember?" he said. I can still hear his assistant Jay, calling him on the other line.
"I'm not yet ready dad." I said. I feel pressured to where this conversation will go.
"I know, you want to be free, but for Pete's sake, Jane. You're only sixteen. You're not in the legal age to live alone."
" Dad, I'm independent," I sighed. " You don't need to worry about me. I can live with grandma."
" Manang Flores will no longer be with you, Jane. She'll go back to their province after your graduation." I was stunned by what he said. "Jane." The authority is in his voice. "You need to go home. I know what you did when you saw your mother."
"So you knew, dad?" I asked, bitterness is evident on my voice.
"She told me," I heard him sighed. "Don't be a rebel, hija. Even if you don't want to be with us, you still need your family, who will supported and loved you."
"But I didn't feel that," I gulped the lump on my throat. "You didn't g-give time to me. You always p-pays attention to my sister and brother because they are your favorites."
I felt my cheeks were now shred with tears. I became sensitive to this kind of topic. I bit my lips so that my dad won't hear me.
"Jane..."
"No dad, it's fine. I know. I just feel so unwanted that I can't do anything about it. Y-you always focused with your businesses and all, that you forgot about your other daughter." I said. "You don't understand my situation, daddy." I ended the call before he could answer. I just can't take it anymore.
I just cried in my palms and never stopped sobbing. I don't know what to do anymore. He somehow right, but saying things like that is not bearable for me.
My father is a cold man, yet he knows how to understand people. He knew how to deal with something uncontrolled. That's what my dad is. He has a kind heart, yet he only shows it with our family and relatives.
I just missed the bond that we had before. I was nine years old that time. Those times were unforgettable. We used to play outside our garden and my mother would just watch us. We will run there like crazy. Then, my sister Jace and brother Jack will join us. He was always by my side as I achieved something in school, in my ups and downs. He is my first love. He was my favorite among all the members of our family.
But after our business grew internationally, he became more busy and even went to the point that business is more important. That it is the first priority before us. Those days were nightmares to me. The family that I had, lost so easily. The bond we want to have, were also gone. It was as if the love for each other had disappeared. Only business is always on their mind.
Mom's always busy at her own hospital. She also help father to manage 'their' businesses. They're just business-minded now. She never give attention to me. She's always strict and even colder than dad. I didn't know their story to why they ended up together. I'm still thankful to them because I was born.
While my sister Jace and brother Jack are twins. They never separate. They're that close. We're close too but their bond together is different compare when they are with me. They are also the favorite ones.
I don't want to feel jealous towards them but I can't help it. I envy them because our parents' attention is always with them. I can't help but to think that, Am I still belong here?
Sometimes life is too hard to be alone and sometimes life is too good to be alone. Being alone is also a choice. It's either you need to stand on your own, or let people help you stand, risking your everything that may broke down easily because you trusted them.
And I chose to be alone, carrying the burden and jealousy I still feel until now. The feelings I don't want to have.