It's Saturday afternoon and my grandma just had her check-up today. Aunt Gisselle is not with us when grandma had her check-up schedule because she is so busy, I just offered to accompany grandma today. Her check-up is already finished so we plan to go home after buying the prescripted drugs prescribed by the doctor.
We got out of Dra. Quintos' clinic when I suddenly stopped walking. I held my grandmother on her arm to support her so she felt me stopped at my track. When we got out, I saw a sophisticated woman and she was talking to someone. She's with her lab gown suit today, just like the old time. It's mom.
"Jane, what's the matter?" Grandma questioned. I hope she doesn't see me. I shook my head and chose to continue walking. Grandma did not see the woman I was referring to.
I saw my mother again as I glanced at their direction. They are still talking. My mom looks so sophisticated. Yeah, maybe she also knew Dra. Quintos. She's a doctor too.
I was about to turned my back from them when someone instantly grabbed my hand. We were outside and I was shocked because people are looking at us. I almost screamed. I looked at the person who grabbed me just to saw Ethan smiling cheekily.
"Jane, it's really you." He said. He looked at grandma and greeted her. "Good afternoon."
This man is also polite,huh?
"Good afternoon, hijo," Grandma greeted back to Ethan. "I'll sit on the bench over there first. I'll just talk to my friend." She pointed to the bench near this clinic. Someone in her age was sitting on a wheelchair.
"Jane, I'll just talk to my friend near the benches here." Grandma said as we were leaving. I glanced at the part where the benches where lying and I saw an old woman waving her hand to us. She's maybe the friend of my grandma.
"Yes, grandma. I'll just wait for you." I smiled. I guided her to the benches and greeted the old woman who's name is Belen. I left them together first as I roamed my eyes around while walking with Ethan away from them.
"That's your guardian?" I turned to Ethan who was looking at grandma's.
"Yes, she's my nanny before." I answered him as I arched my brow to him.
"By the way, your mother is h—" I didn't finish what he was going to say.
"I know." I stopped him. " What are you doing here?"
He didn't answered me but instead he diverted the topic. "You don't even have a reaction? You don't want to approach her?" He looked at my mother's direction where I saw her recently. "She's talking to my mom."
"Ah ... I don't want to. She will just disown me when she saw me like this." Ethan stared at me from head to toe. I just wore pants dyed blue long sleeve blouse and a flat shoes. I was a little embarrassed so I kept a little distance from him.
"They're coming." He whispered and I just realized that his arms are on my shoulders. I kept on removing it but instantly stop when I realized what he just said. I did not realize that the ladies came close to us and I was confronted by them realizing my mother is in front of me again.
There was an unreadable emotion at the stares she threw at me. She was next to the woman she was talking to earlier who I think was Ethan's mommy. She's also beautiful. Ethan got his thick eyelashes on her.
"Mom, Dra. Valdez. Good afternoon," I heard Ethan greeted them as he's next to me. I can even feel his hands pinching my shoulder. I suddenly removed when I saw my mother look at his arm in mine.
"Hi, good afternoon." I followed Ethan too as I greet them even though my heart was pounding loudly. I am nervous for no apparent reason.
Is it because I saw mommy again after my two years of disappearance? Or because until now, the pain that I have always felt because of her is still here. I hid from them for two years, but in this simple encounter they will see me like this.
"Is she your girlfriend, Ethan?" I regained from my deep thoughts and looked at the lady beside mom. I turned to Ethan who looked at me and hesitated.
"No, mom. She's my friend, Jane." Ethan answered. I looked at mommy to see her reaction. She just stood in front and I could not traced any emotion on her face. I feel uncomfortable talking to her as I know she's been—scratch that—my dad's been looking for me.
"Oh, is that so? You're really beautiful hija. You look like someone I can't determine." She said I just smiled. Maybe she's pertaining to my dad as I resembles him more than my mother.
"Thank you." I held my breath when Ethan suddenly grabbed me again by my arm tightly. I did not even expect that. He's making moves with me?
"We'll go first, mom. We have a project to do." Ethan's excused. He's just saying those things as if we're classmates even though we're not.
"Jane..." My mom called. She's looking at me now. "Be safe." she added.
I just nodded as I felt chest tightens. I did not realize that Ethan was walking with me towards Grandma's place.
"You'll be fine, right?" I heard Ethan whispered to me. "Don't cry."
He looked at me. Pity was stain on his eyes as he looked at me and I don't want that. I don't want someone to pity me for just things.
"I'm not crying." My answer. He just turned to me and raised his hand to wipe my cheek. I did not realize I was in tears. " Let's talk if you're ready. I am always here for you. I knew you completely now." I just held his hand holding my cheek. I removed it before I faintly smiled at him.
"I am okay, Ethan. Thank you." I left him alone after I bud goodbye and approached Grandma who was just sitting on the bench. I smiled first so that she won't notice it.
I just lied. I am not fine. I am not okay. That word is just so useful to conceal what we truly feel.
'I am okay.'
A phrase people used to say that they're fine even if it's not.
And I am one of those people.