I don't know how many hours or days have passed since the incident. I merely kept myself busy by staring at the window overlooking the garden beside my bed, watching strangers laugh in happiness, hurting myself with what-ifs - with thoughts of a future that vanished in a blink of an eye.
'Why am I even here?'
I think I'm already well enough to leave, but why haven't the doctors agree for my discharge yet? Is there still something wrong with me?
I've already lost everything, what use is there in trying to survive?
'I don't have the energy nor the will to do anything anymore.'
I don't know what time of day it was when a nurse suddenly entered my room. I ignored her presence, thinking that it would only be the usual routine check-up, but then the nurse stopped beside my bed, and spoke, "I want to give you something."
Even when she said those words, I did not respond, and even if I wanted to, it is as if my body wouldn't listen to me.
"I saw what happened," the nurse spoke quietly. "To you."
Still, no response came from me.
'So what? She saw what happened. Would admitting that even change anything?'
"I find it so unfair," the nurse said with a trembling voice. "I saw what happened, and I just found out what you lost in the process."
I was suddenly reminded of the day I fell, and that woman's expression right before I lost my consciousness suddenly flashed before my eyes. I couldn't help but close my eyes tightly at the memory, the anger once again resurfacing in my chest.
"I am not allowed to do this." The nurse grabbed my hand and placed a tiny object on my palm. "But I feel so angry that someone could get away just like that after stealing someone's life."
After mustering all the energy left in my body, I shifted my gaze down to the object on my palm, and even though it was a rather small item, it felt like I was carrying something very heavy.
After saying words I couldn't comprehend, the nurse finally left, all the while, I kept staring at the flash drive she placed on my hand.
I may have an idea for why she left this to me.
But honestly? I am just too tired to do anything.
I kept enduring all the hurt they gave me, but now that they robbed me of everything, why should I continue tolerating them?
'I'm just—'
***
The moment I entered the building, I instantly felt the stares that were boring onto my back. From my peripheral vision, I noticed that some people were sneaking glances at me, and some were even blatantly staring at me while whispering to the person beside them.
I might be wrong. They might not be staring at me, and maybe, I am just being overly conscious after what happened last Saturday, nevertheless, I cannot shake off the feeling that something was wrong.
But despite the possibility that my past with Ansel was finally revealed, I decided to hold my head up and ignore the anxiousness that was bubbling up in my chest.
I am not guilty of anything, and I should not act like one.
I went straight towards the floor where the project team was located. The conference room where we usually hold our meetings is situated right beside their office, making everything convenient for the team.
Once I am outside of the conference room, I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the worst. I knew that there have been rumors going around the company about the supposed ex-wife of their CEO, and if those rumors were to be heard by the members, I couldn't even imagine what would be their reaction towards me.
After a few seconds of trying to calm myself, I wrapped my hand around the doorknob, my hand as cold as the steel knob, and pushed the door open.
The moment I stepped foot inside the conference room, the atmosphere suddenly changed. The usual chatter that I grew accustomed to from the past few meetings turned into heavy silence, and the eyes that immediately shifted towards me were not filled with their usual friendliness.
'They knew.'
It does not take a genius to know that I am not welcomed here. They did not even try to hide their emotions the moment they saw me, and I am not callous enough not to realize the hateful gazes that followed me as I walk towards the long table in the middle of the room.
Just like how fast they welcomed me, they turned their backs on me.
"Let's start the meeting," Paul announced, a hint of apprehension evident in his voice, and I noticed that he is trying his best not to catch my eyes.
The meeting went fast. We were talking about the minimal customizations that they were requesting for the products, and compared before, where the meeting would be filled with laughter and chatter, the meeting today was quite formal, and the atmosphere was rather heavy.
And just like that, the meeting was finished.
The second that Paul announced that the meeting has ended, everyone left the room as fast as they could. Before, they would hang around and talk, but now, they ran away so fast as if the room was on fire.
Last weekend, I decided that I should do something about the issue. Although it is not entirely necessary that we have the usual friendly atmosphere, and even though the meeting today was rather concise and efficient compared to the previous meetings filled with chatter, I cannot help but want to prove myself to these people and try to bring back the usual atmosphere that we have.
I have been thinking of ways that I could explain my side to them, but in the end, those wouldn't matter if they will not even try to give me a chance to explain.
"Rachel," I called out after Rachel who was about to leave the conference room, and the moment she heard my voice, she froze up. "Can I have a few seconds?"
Rachel did not try to hide her reluctance when she sighed and turned around to face me. Her expression shows that she considers the situation rather vexing, but despite that, I should at least try and talk to her.
We are not entirely close friends, but I thought that if it was her, we could have a proper conversation at the very least.
Once all the members were out of the conference room and the doors were closed behind them, I did not wait for a single second before I asked, "Did I do something wrong?"
I knew that I was beating around the bush, but despite how confident I am that they knew about my past with Ansel, I do not know the whole story that is going around the company, and I wouldn't want to say something that would further incriminate me.
Rachel let out a sigh and fished her phone out of the pocket of her black jacket. She went through her phone for a moment before handing it to me and saying, "here."
On the screen of her phone was a screenshot from a group chat talking about me and Ansel. The same set of pictures that were sent to our group chat were also sent to them, and apparently, someone found out about my past with him.
They said that the woman from the picture was the CEO's ex-wife, the one from the rumors, and even though my face is blurred from the pictures, it did not take long before someone revealed my identity.
The original message going around, the one with our pictures saying that the woman is their CEO's ex-wife, did not really say anything incriminating about me, but the existing bad rumors about the infamous ex-wife made the employees come up with their own conclusions.
Now, I became the gold-digger ex-wife who coerced her ex-husband into accepting her company as their supplier.
'Talk about convenient.'
"The stories are getting out of control," Rachel spoke after a few minutes. She was leaning back onto the table while staring at the phone in my hand. "There were already rumors about you, but those rumors became worst after those pictures got out."
Sighing, I gave the phone back to her. I have to admit that even though I told myself that I will not be affected by those false stories about me, I couldn't help but be both angry and sad after reading all those conversations that a bunch of strangers had about me.
Most of them haven't even seen me, but they talked as if they knew everything about me.
"Before, they were saying that you are after his money," Rachel spoke, her voice lacking the usual friendliness. She is also avoiding looking at me, and I know that perhaps, she had also already made her own assumption about me. "But now, they are saying that the settlement he gave you wasn't enough, that's why you are now running after him and forced him to give you the contract."
The absurdity of those rumors is beyond me. I did not accept a single cent from that family when Ansel and I divorced, nor am I asking them now. I did not coerce anyone to get this contract, nor did I imagine even getting it.
But no matter how much I explain these to them, no one would believe me.
People only believe what they want to believe. The truth is not as interesting as those false rumors that they have been spreading, hence, who would even want to listen to the boring truth?
"I'm sure you know how much we love this project, so," Rachel trailed off, and for the first time today, she finally looked at me, her eyes almost pleading.
'As if she's pleading for the villainess to stop with her evil ways.'
And despite the lack of continuation, I knew exactly what she wanted to say.
"Do you think that I am the kind of person the rumors make me out to be?" I said, staring at her, hoping that my eyes would deliver the sincerity behind my words.
"I don't know," Rachel said, sighing. "I don't know you too well."
I guess that's true. For them, even though they welcomed me to their team with open arms, I'm still an outsider, and also, I don't think I have shown them anything that would make them choose to believe me.
'I guess, here goes nothing.'
After taking a deep breath, I spoke, "Even though we haven't been working together for a long time, what I've shown you for the past few days is the real me."
Rachel's expression did not change, and I didn't really expect her to change her mind that easily, hence, I continued. "I am as excited as you all are about this project, and not because of the reason you are thinking."
I've read from one of the screenshots that Rachel showed that some employees thought that I am only working for this project because I want to hold on to Ansel, or that I wanted to ruin the project because I wanted to exact revenge at him for divorcing me.
I could only scoff at how ridiculous their assumptions are.
"I truly wanted this project to be successful," I spoke once again, smiling sadly at Rachel. "I know how much potential this project has, and I know that once it is completed, it would make a lot of people happy, and it would also fulfill a lot of dreams as it did for me."
I might only be rambling for Rachel, but these were my honest feelings. And even if I won't be able to change her mind, at least I know for myself that I did something.
"I never did anything that may harm this project nor do I ever plan to."
After my mini-speech, the room was suddenly engulfed with silence, and I don't know if I should even say something. I don't exactly have the energy to say anything anymore. After seeing all those messages that Rachel showed me, my earlier eagerness to face this issue head-on suddenly vanished, and I don't think I would be able to do anything about it anymore.
'But is that it? Are you really giving up, Alina?'
"I am not the only one you should be saying those words to," Rachel spoke after a few moments. She was looking at me with a hesitant smile on her face. "Honestly, I want to trust you. I don't know if I am a good judge of character, but I felt your sincerity during the few times we worked together."
Her words came as a surprise for me, and I couldn't help but smile widely at her words. It may not be much, and I still have to face hundreds of employees who think of me as a villain, but at least, there is someone who wants to believe me.
"But don't expect the same from others," Rachel said quite sternly. "Almost all of the employees knew about you, and you know how rumors get worst every time it gets passed."
"I know, but still, thank you so much."
After talking for a few more minutes, Rachel and I went out of the conference room. The atmosphere between the two of us became rather strained, but I could see how Rachel tries to act normally around me, and her intention is all that matters.
When we arrived in front of their office, I immediately noticed the heavy atmosphere surrounding the room, and the members' expressions were rather somber.
As if noticing the same thing, Rachel asked, "Is there a problem?"
After hearing her question, the other members merely looked at each other, and no one was willing to respond to Rachel's inquiry.
But after a few moments, it was Paul who finally answered Rachel's question.
"We have a major problem. The pipes that should be installed by next week, they won't be arriving anytime soon."