"Are you really sure about this?" my mother asked for the hundredth time. Even during our ride to the airport, she kept asking me if I am indeed sure of my decision.
But despite the reluctance in my heart, I have to.
"Yes," I said, smiling a little at her. My mother merely shook her head in reply, and her already swollen eyes were again starting to glisten with tears.
I took her hand from her side and squeezed it a little before saying, "Mom, if you can, will you please check up on Ansel from time to time? I know I'm asking for too much, especially now that I am leaving him, but," I trailed off as the words that I wanted to say got stuck in my throat.
'I love him, and I will always be worried about him.'
"I know, and I will," my mother said as if she heard my thoughts.
"Thank you," I replied, my voice soft as a whisper.
"Alina." My mother raised her other hand and touched my cheek. "I know you are a fighter. I may not know the real reason why you are leaving, but I know you would not be leaving if you had another choice. I just hope that you don't bottle all your emotions up."
Hearing those words, I felt a sudden pang in my chest. I don't know if I have any other option, but after everything that happened in my life, after every terrible thing they did, I feel like I had no other choice but to leave.
And even if I chose to stay, with them trying to ruin everything for us, will there even be a change?
"M-mom, I—" I stammered out, unable to continue. My eyes were once again starting to get blurry with unshed tears.
I honestly wanted to tell everything to my mother. I wanted to unload all the heaviness in my chest to someone, because as my mother said, I have been bottling up all my emotions, and I'm scared that soon enough, my heart would burst from all the pain.
Even I wanted to escape this pain. I wanted someone to know how much it hurts, that right now, even merely breathing is hard for me.
But I rather keep my pain to myself than let my mother know of it. I don't want to leave her with such heavy load, especially since she's going to be alone from now on, and I know that, despite trying to seem strong, my mother is also hurting, and I just don't want to add to her pain anymore.
"I love you," I said, my voice trembling. I touched her hand on my cheek and tried to force out even the smallest smile.
"I love you too," my mother replied, and despite the tears running down her cheeks, she tried smiling at me. "Just remember that this is not the ending yet. You've just opened another chapter in your life, and this is just another beginning."
***
I instantly knew what Christina meant when she said those words. I must admit, I never thought that Christina would be the one behind the news. I thought that someone accidentally found out about my past with Ansel and then tied my name to the existing rumors about his ex-wife.
"I see that you have finally learned how to use that head of yours," I replied, chuckling a bit. She indeed caught me off guard by spreading the news about me and Ansel and making me the antagonist in the story, but I would never give her the satisfaction of seeing that.
I never expected that the impulsive Christina who would not hesitate to push someone off of a flight of stairs would actually learn how to control herself and work behind the shadows.
She must have learned a lot from the mistakes she did in the past.
'But people don't change that easily.'
"Guess what," Christina clenched out, her voice taut with anger, but after pausing for a few moments, her usual arrogant tone returned when she said, "I never thought you are such a thick-skinned woman."
"Well, they say I'm always full of surprises," I replied, my voice dripping in sarcasm.
"I never thought you would come back and ask for a contract from the ex-husband that you abandoned," Christina said, ignoring my earlier remark. "I truly pity the employees working for this project. They just had to sign with a supplier with nothing on her except for her callousness."
I clenched my hand into a tight fist after hearing her say those words. "My company won the bid fair and square."
"Well, the employees don't know that."
It's true. Despite not knowing anything, people tend to believe rumors even though they knew that those claims might be groundless, and based on those rumors, they would start making assumptions even without knowing the truth.
The employees don't know anything about me nor what happened in the past, but despite not knowing anything, they believed the rumors about me and made assumptions based on those groundless rumors. It will not be a surprise if they would also believe that my company got this contract just because I begged Ansel for it.
And I guess they already did.
"I will make sure that you would be removed from this project," Christina said with a threatening tone. "I told you, I will make you regret ever returning."
Before I could open my mouth to reply to her threats, Christina continued, "This is just the start."
After saying her last words, she finally ended the call, leaving me in the silence of my room. I was not able to refute her words since as sad as it might sound, what she said is the cruel reality, and honestly, there is also a small part of me that is scared.
Christina's threats were surely not empty as she already made her first move, and knowing that she has an upper hand right now made me fear for all the hard work Luke and I made for our company. I don't care if my reputation is tarnished, but my reputation is now tied to this company that Luke and I devoted our years to.
If other companies found out about this false rumor about our company getting the contract with the Chadwick Group because I coerced the CEO for it, I'm pretty sure that it would be a huge blow for us.
And the second chance I worked hard to create for myself may come crashing down before I knew it.
Yet despite being scared, the emotion that I am feeling the most right now is anger. There is truly no one who could surpass Christina over shamelessness. It is as if she forgot what she did to me before, acting like she never once ruined my life, and now, she is making me out to be the villainess in front of everyone in order to justify her acts towards me.
'She's ruining my life once again.'
"Alina!" my mother shouted from the first floor, and I was suddenly shaken out of my grim thoughts.
I must have been too preoccupied with my thoughts that I did not realize that my mother had already returned home from her restaurant. After hearing her call, I immediately went downstairs and straight to the kitchen where I found my mother chopping something on the counter.
I absentmindedly greeted her and went to sit in the dining area. Once I sat down, I was once again swamped by my thoughts that I wasn't able to notice my mother talking in front of me.
"Alina?" my mother called, her voice rising a bit.
I blinked multiple times before I realized that my mother said something just now, and I was not able to hear it. "Yes?"
My mother frowned at my reaction and said, "Is there something wrong, Alina?"
I shifted my gaze down to my hand on top of the table. I can never lie to my mother, but I also don't want her to worry by dumping my problems onto her.
"Nothing," I replied, and even to my ears, I didn't sound convincing.
"Alina," my mother said as she reached out for my hand on the table. "I know my daughter too well. With that expression on your face, it does not look like it's nothing."
I let out a sigh once I heard my mother's words. I could never really hide anything from her, and even though she never forces me to tell her the whole details, she would always tell me not to bottle up my emotions in my chest, and to at least learn to rely on someone.
"Mom," I spoke after a few moments, my voice soft, and a hint of hesitation can be heard. "Why am I here?"
The answer to my question may be rather obvious, but truthfully, even I don't know if the answer I have is the right one.
"Because my daughter is a worrywart," my mother responded teasingly. She squeezed my hand slightly and continued, "And because you said that you need to finish some work here."
That's right. I came here because I was worried about my sick mother, and I merely extended my stay because of the contract with the Chadwick Group, but once it's done, I would return to Japan, and then forget everything that happened here.
That is obviously the correct answer, but why doesn't it feel right anymore?
I came back thinking that I would only be staying for a short while. I've reiterated multiple times, not just to myself but to other people, that I would leave once again and never to return. I've tried to detach myself from unnecessary emotions and tried to push people away as I believe that there is nothing here for me anymore.
I told myself that I have nothing to worry about because once I go back to Japan, I could once again reset my heart and heal the pain that I have experienced here. I even told Ansel that he has nothing to worry about as after the completion of our contract, I will never show my face in front of him again.
All the time, I was too preoccupied with wanting to go back. I never thought of staying for long.
But isn't that just running away? In reality, I just don't want to get hurt again, and I'm just using the excuse that I would be leaving soon as a safety net.
I wanted to detach myself from this place. I kept reassuring myself that I have nothing to worry about since I will be leaving soon, but that was just me being scared that I might experience once again the pain that I have felt in the past.
But is being scared of experiencing that pain once again enough to be an excuse to run away? Wouldn't I be just taking the easier way out by running away?
And isn't that the reason why I hate myself even until now? That I had to choose the easier way out.
I can't run away now and once again suffer for a long time because of a decision I made.
If Christina wants to fight, then I will not decline her challenge.
Right now, I have way more leverage than her compared to the past. If I chose the easier way out by ignoring her provocation and leaving once the contract is finished without even clearing my name, I would perhaps regret it for my whole life.
I will not cower anymore. I will not let them walk all over me as they did before. I will fight back now, and I will make sure that they will experience the helplessness they made me feel in the past.
I will not sit back and let them ruin me once again.
"What wrong?" My mother spoke, her voice laced with concern. "Is there a problem with your client company?"
I shook my head as a response to her question. Now that I finally decided on what I'm going to do, and now that my mind is clearer, my chest suddenly felt a little lighter.
'Surely, it would be such a waste to return to Japan without even accomplishing anything here.'
"Mom," I said, smiling at her. I placed my other hand on top of hers and said, "I'm sorry, but I think I'll be staying here for a while."