A day felt like a month. Nagmistulang dalawang taon ang dalawang linggong pagkawala ni Teacher Kim. He would call me everyday when I wake up, when he wakes up, and before I sleep. His calls were the only comfort I get throughout my miserable days without him. And then, some porn.
I realised I haven't watched porn since I lost my virginity to Teacher Kim. But since he was gone, I came back to watching porn again, every morning when I wake and every night before I sleep. But not because I was horny. I wanted to learn more, how to please my prince charming better when he returns.
For two weeks, I've turned grumpy. Not only for missing my Teacher Kim, but also, I was getting tired of everyone's prying and intrigues about the mystery prince. But, well, also, it was that time of the month too.
The butterfly gesture news hit my brothers' morning coffee after the night I slept alone in Teacher Kim's bed. My alibi was my bestfriend Jessie, but then, in another news, my kuyas learned that Jessie was caught that same night in a naughty crime of pulling the fire alarm of her boyfriend's, now ex-boyfriend's condo.
Ngayon sila kuya, they only half-bought the alibi that I was sleeping in Jessie's room while she was out disrupting an entire condominium neighborhood. The other half, they think, I have a boyfriend and I was lying about it.
"Kuya, 'wag mo na nga ako ihatid pati sa loob. Paulit-ulit ka naman eee."
"Hindi. Tara na. Lalakarin ko na lang ulit papunta sa building ko. Dun na ko dadaan sa butterfly garden mo." Pasungit na binanggit ni kuya Jared ang butterfly garden. Apat na araw na niya akong hinahatid diretso hanggang labas ng library. Hindi na rin sobrang aga kung pumasok kami, 'di bale nang ma-late daw siya pero ayaw na niyang magisa ako sa madilim pang campus, tulad ng usual na pasok namin.
"Sino yang nagaantay sa lamesa, ha? Boyfriend mo? Yan ba?"
"Ewan ko sino yan. Wala nga kasi, wala kong boyfriend. Akin na nga yang bag ko!"
"Aray ko naman! Nanakit ka ah.. guilty ka talaga e. Naku, naku! Makikita ko ring yang damuho na yan."
"Sige na, dumiretso ka na sa class mo. Late ka na."
Lahat ng nakakasalubong namin ni kuya Jared since last week, pinaghihinalaan na niyang boyfriend ko kahit hindi ko naman mga kilala, kahit nga yung cute na jeepney driver na madalas namin mataymingan na masakyan, nadamay na.
Si kuya Jael at kuya Jako naman, mala-imbestigador sa panay tanong sa'kin tungkol sa mystery prince ko, nagaabang na may mahuli silang clue - tuwing dinner namin gabi-gabi, buong dalawang araw nitong nagdaang weekend, at panay din ang text nila ng mga ebidensya kuno, signs, at clues kung sino nga yung guy.
Si kuya Japo lang ang medyo kalmado, pero naninikip naman ang dibdib ko sa pagkaguilty kapag nagsisinungaling ako sa kaniya.
Hindi naman masyadong affected si mama nang malaman niya. In her best Miranda Priestly way, binigyan lang niya ako ng isang bitter na payo about men:
"Men are just boys in disguise, and boys are men but with a brain of a child. They are damaged species, Cece, don't let them fool you. Their evolution ended after Alexander the Great. Be a Cleopatra in a world full of Ariana Grande, don't say thank you, just say next."
Habang si dad naman, kunsintidor. Tila ba kinilig din siya noong napanood niya ang video. Siya lang ang tanging kakampi ko sa dilemmang ito.
"Cece!" bati ni Mecky
"Eyy.. o, akala ko dinaanan mo si Balong? Asan siya?"
"Susunod na yun. Nakasalubong kasi namin kuya Jared mo pagbaba namin ng kotse, ayun, nakalusot, nagtago. Baka daw kasi masundot na niya mata ng kuya mong panay banta. E, since friend ka raw niya, ayaw niyang masaktan niya kapatid mo."
I snickered. "Baliw talaga yun. Ewan, parehas silang baliw ni kuya."
"Hot topic pa rin yung sinimulan ng mga kuya mong search for the mystery prince sa social media. Eventually, the secret will be revealed din, you know."
My eyes dulled. "Mecky.."
"I know, ok, alam ko. Sabi mo, hindi mo nga siya boyfriend, kung sino man yun. Which made it an even greater mystery. Everybody heard his infamous Butterfly Poem."
"I have the right to remain silent, quoting Happy Aguinaldo."
"Yea, sure. But, everyone are judges now, and investigators, and well, dumb spectators too. Fake news today spread worst than a deadly virus, before you know it, you'd be hit by an incurable one."
Napaisip naman ako sa sinabi ni Mecky, it made total sense. But the truth can also be the deadly virus that will end me. I remained silent.
Mecky's honest opinion lingered in my head the rest of the day. Nagtatalo ang puso't isip ko sa complikadong sitwasyong pinasok ko. My brain kept telling me 'Don't! Don't ruin the rest of your life' while my heart believed 'It is going to be ok. Teacher Kim loves you and he will protect you.'
Naging peaceful sanctuary ko na ang Pleasure Dungeon. I come here everyday after class, while waiting for my sundo. Sometimes, I would play with myself with some of the sex toys especially the ones that Teacher Kim enjoyed using in me.
I scanned through the dildos, there were several of them in different sizes. Teacher Kim liked to use the average size ones, I don't know why. But I like the ones that is about the same as him, so I took the one that is almost close to Teacher Kim's inhuman thickness.
"Ah, the 13 inches. Glad to know you miss me."
"Oh, fuck-me!!!"
"Love to."
Nabitawan ko ang dildong hawak ko sa pagkagulat ko. Para akong nalagutan ng hininga at binuhasan ng malamig na malamig na tubig. Hindi ko namalayang nasa loob pala si Teacher Kim.
"What the fuck! Why do you fucking keep doing that?"
He walked towards me. "Now, now, Cece, careful. Angels don't say bad words."
"I'm not an angel!" irita kong sambit.
He kissed my forehead gently. "Red today?"
That was a rather awkward question, natuliro ako ng bahagya. Pero napakalma rin ako at umiling na lang to say no. Tila ba biglang buhos naman ang kagwapuhan niya sa buong mukha ko, uminit agad ang puso ko.
"No, I'm done. W-wew-wait, what are you, how, why are you here? I thought you'll be back on Monday?"
"I'm massively craving for you, love. You've no idea."
Agad agad, mapusok siyang humalik sa labi ko. Agad ring dumakma at lumamutak ang dambuhala niyang kamay sa suso ko. Madiin, gutom, ganid, para siyang tigre na dalawang linggong hindi nakakain.
Wala siyang tinirang parte ng mukha ko, lahat nilamon niya. Ang mga kamay niya'y sukdulan kung lumamutak sa malalambot na parte ng katawan ko. Matunog ang mga halik niya, maungol, garalgal, para siyang nauulol sa sarap.
Sunod pa'y walang pasintabi niya akong itinapon sa kama. Napatili ako, pero mas tumindi ang libog ko. Mabilis, walang preno, parang hindi siya makapagantay. Sa isang iglap lang, natanggal agad niya ang panty ko at sumubsob ang mukha niya sa bukana ko.
Umungol siya at huminga ng malalim, tila ba may natikman ulit siyang masarap na matagal niyang hindi nakain. Halos mabaliw naman ako sa sarap na matagal kong hindi naramdaman.
"I fucking miss your cunt, love. Bloody good."
"Harder. More, please."
Mga hapong ungol ang pumalibot sa kwarto; parehas kaming gutom. Madiin, mas madiin, pinakamadiin, walang pagaalinlangan ang bibig niya sa pagsisip, paghimod at paglamon niya sa hiwa ko. Dama ko rin ang maguguhit na sakit sa sabay na paglabas-pasok din ng daliri niya sa butas ko.
"Mhmmh. Ahh! Ahh, ahhhh, mmhm. Oh, Teacher Kim, please. Yes, yes, yes! Yes! I'm gonna cum, ahh, mmhmm."
"Cum for me, Cece."
I exploded into a massive burst of juices. Parang iniipit yung buong katawan ko, tapos binibitawan, tapos iniipit ulit. Ilang putok, dobleng ungol, dinig kong may matunog na paghigop si Teacher Kim sa bukana ko.
"Ah, fucking miss you, Cece. You taste so fucking divine."
"I want you, all of you. Don't hold back. Inside me. I want you."
"You begging make me so hard. I'm gonna fuck you so deep, Cece, it will hurt so good."
Sa isang iglap, nakapaibabaw na sa'kin si Teacher Kim, my legs were wide open, while most of our clothes are still on.
My back arched and my head bent up when the familiar hot longing and the massively biting pain of his entrance filled me full. He wasn't gentle, he was hungrier.
"Ohhhhh, fucking good. So fucking tight, Cece. I fucking miss this. Feels hot good inside you."
"Mhmhm. It hurts. It hurts, so, fuck, Ah!"
"I know."
"But.. don't stop, ahh!"
"Not, even if you beg."
He thrusted hard, way, way, deep inside me, fast and brutal. I felt like I was drowning and desperately gasping for air as I accustomed myself again to the incredible pain of his humungous thickness and eternal length.
I felt his balls bouncing against my taint. I reckoned, halos buo na niyang naipapasok ang kahabaan niya. He was hitting something inside me that I've never felt before. It hurts so bad but I didn't want him to stop.
With brute strength, he flipped me left and right, side by side, padapa, patihaya; there were no pauses, he just fucked and fucked and fucked in all crazy positions. I cried on his every thrust, he growled on my screaming moans. We were animals, hot and sweating animals.
"Oh, Cece, it's fucking amazing being this deep inside you."
"It's, ahh! Yes, yes! It hurts so good. Yes! Yes, yes, yes!"
"Yea? You want me to fuck you deep? Like this? Ah, yeah? Hurts good? Yeah?"
He fucked me with hard punching thrusts. I cried, screaming, shaking my head, but I didn't want to tell him 'stop'.
I was in my back, my legs up; his one massive hand was in my neck, lightly but intently pressing on my throat, almost choking me. I felt him tensed.
"I want to cum in your mouth, Cece. I want you to taste it, swallow it."
Madiin, sagad, mabilis, marahas siyang naglabas-pasok sa butas ko.
"You want my cum, Cece? Yea? Ahuh? Beg for it, Cece."
"Please, cum for me Teacher Kim. Please."
Madiin, sagad, mabilis, marahas siyang naglabas-pasok sa butas ko.
"You have a fucking beautiful mouth, Cece. Suck my fingers! That's it. Yea."
Madiin, sagad, mabilis, marahas siyang naglabas-pasok sa butas ko.
"Ah-fuck! I'm gonna cum. Fuck!"
Mas madiin, mas sagad, mas mabilis, mas marahas siyang naglabas-pasok sa butas ko.
"Ah-shit! Fuck! I'm cumming, ah fuck! Yes. Fuck! Open your mouth --"
Bigla niyang hinugot ang ari niya at mabilis na ipinasok ang ulo nito sa bibig ko. His one hand holding the back of my head intensely, while his other one, jerking himself off too fast than I could see. He cried screaming as he came bursting inside my mouth. Halos mabilaukan ako nang idiin niya ang ari niya sa lalamunan ko ng bigla.
I felt it in my tongue, his hot cum filling me full. Pinaghalong tamis at pakla ang lasa. Dahil sa madiing pagungos ng ari niya sa loob ng bibig ko, halos sumabay na lang din sa pulso ng pagputok niya ang paglunok ko sa mga likidong lumabas sa kaniya.
He was panting heavy, sweating and drunk. When intesity of everything started slowing down, he laid on the side, roughly pulled me to him so he can cup me, his head rested on my nape.
"Love.." malambing niyang sambit.
"Hmmm?"
"Sorry, I couldn't stop myself, I forgot to wear a condom."
"Are you really sorry?"
"Err, no."
"Figured."
"It felt great without it. I don't want to wear again, love."
"I don't think I could buy pills at the drugstore. I look like a kid."
"I'll take care of it. So, it's ok?"
I paused. "Yes."
For several minutes, we just cupped and cuddled. He would give pecks of kisses every 10 seconds; his hand happily fondled on my breasts and nipples; he'd also trail his fingers all over my skin, then he'd stop in my pussy, tickling me lightly.
"Did you came straight from the airport?"
"Yes, why?"
"Thought, I smelled the airline's first class scent in you."
He chuckled. "Did you really? Do I smell bad?"
"No. You never smelled bad. Even if you do, you'd smell good for me."
He chuckled again. "You do have such a huge crush on me, don't you?"
"Ha! Ang kapaaal! Grabe - Yes, I do." We both laughed.
He raised himself up so he can see my face fully, then he kissed me lightly.
"How do you taste?" I teased.
"Don't! No, don't make me think of it. I'm going to kiss you, because I want to and I love you. But, just, don't remind me what just happened."
"Like, I just swallowed your cum?"
"You little fox!"
Then he leaned in and kissed me with great passion, tongue and all. Hindi ko na napansin, naka ilang missed call na pala si kuya Japo; he texted too that he was on his way but it was several minutes ago. Gusto pa sana ni Teacher Kim ng isa pang round pero agad na kaming nagbihis at sabay lumabas sa broom closet door sa loob ng library.
"Cecilia."
"Kuya!"
Parehas kaming napahinto ni Teacher Kim nang bigla naming makasalubong si kuya Japo sa isang row ng bookshelve. Parang tumalon naman ang puso ko sa kaba, instantly, I felt guilty.
"I've been looking for you, where were you?"
"Ah, eh -- "
"Sorry, my fault. Catched her awhile ago. I just got back from London this afternoon. Thought, I'd check with her how she's doing with her self-review."
Kuya Japo, trying to be polite, smiled. But it was obvious in his expression, he was suspicious. Tila ba naglalaban naman sila ng tinginan ni Teacher Kim, I had to interrupt.
"Welcome back ulit, sir. Ehh, I'm looking forward to our, ano po, Monday review again. Medyo, I start to feel pressured na rin for the competition kasi," I faked a laughed.
"Don't be. I am confident, you'll be very well prepared."
"Ay. Hope so. Sige po. We'll go ahead."
"Teacher Kim," kuya Japo nodded.
"Ah, of course. And see you Monday, Cece."
Hanggang makarating kami sa loob ng sasakyan, tahimik lang si kuya Japo. Dama ko ang tila makapal na tensyonadong hangin sa pagitan namin. Parang natatakot akong huminga.
"I cleared out the library looking for you. Then, you two, just popped out," his voice stern.
"Baka nagkasalisihan lang tayo kuya." I tried to be calm, but deep inside it was chaos.
"Is it him?" his voice low and stern.
"Huh?"
"Your rumored boyfriend."
Parang biglang hinugot ang lalamunan ko, nabitin ako bigla sa paghinga. I realised, I took a long pause - shit!
"No, kuya."
I didn't breathe - 10 seconds, 30 seconds, 1 minute. I couldn't look at him, but I sensed his head turned to me.
"Why do I feel you are lying to me, Cece?"
I swallowed huge, my jaw tensed. Hindi ko magalaw leeg ko, diretso lang ang mga mata ko pero patalon-talon ang tingin ko sa iba't-ibang bagay sa harapan ko. But I just stayed silent.
Kuya Japo started the engine of his car, I was startled. Then he drove out the school and hit the highway. Buong byaheng tensyonado ang loob ng sasakyan. Hindi na ulit siya nagsalita. Parang gusto ko matunaw, magsuka, umiyak.
Pagdating sa bahay, agad agad akong dumiretso sa kwarto ko. I closed my door at nagpaikot-ikot ako sa kwarto. I was hyperventilating, I was in real-life-major-panic attack.
"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. He knows. He knows, I'm lying. What do I do, what do I do? Fuck, I need to call him. No. What's he gonna do? Shit, shit!"
I don't know why but I thought I should go and see kuya Japo. Pagbukas ko ng pinto saka naman bigla siyang sumulpot, we were both startled at the almost bump.
"Kuya!"
For like half a minute he just stood on my door, intensely staring at me. His face stern, but there was a subtle creased on his forehead, like he's pained or something. Hindi ko naman alam saan ko itutuon ang mga mata ko.
"Cece, you have an abundance of love and affection from a lot of people around you. As your brother, that's what I wanted for you. Kaya kaming apat mong kuya, kampante, that you wouldn't want any other kind of love and affection anytime soon. But this, rumor, going around, Cece, we take it seriously, especially, that you are not giving much details about it. Peach, I understand kung bakit yung tatlo mong kuya, si Jared, di mapakali sa pakikialam, despite how they turn out annoying to you. We wanted you, Cece, so badly. Ilang pasko kaming nagdasal at humiling na sa susunod na pasko, ikaw na ang darating na regalo sa'min. We swore as brothers na kung ibibigay ka samin, we will do everything in our power to protect you and make you happy. But we also know, you're gonna grow up and make decisions for yourself someday. But nothing will stop us from being your brothers. Cece, we are not going to put a wall around you and keep you from the things that make you happy. We never intended to. That's not what Jared is doing. There is something you are not telling us. And it hurts us too, like you don't trust us anymore."
I bursted into tears at napasandal na ako sa dibdib ni kuya Japo. Parang dahan-dahang hinuhugot ang puso ko sa bawat salita niya.
"Kuya, no."
"I need to know, is it him?"
I cried even harder at tumango ako ng marahan. His chest rose, like he took a very deep inhale and a very slow and subtle exhale.
"Cece, this, you know, this -- "
"I know. Alam ko kuya how complicated this is. How completely wrong this is. I know, you all think, I'm just naive little Cece. You'd say I'm smart, but it was just things I learned from my books. That I'm inexperienced, I know nothing. I know things kuya."
"No, Peach. We don't think you're naive. For a time, we thought, we might have sheltered you too much. But time and time again, you've proved to us that you are wiser and smarter than all of us combined. This is not your fault, Cece -- "
"And it isn't his too," sagot ko agad.
His expression turned surprised. "He didn't lure me, trick me, or seduce me, kuya. I did."
"What?"
"I seduced him. Because I wanted him."
"Cece. You just think that, but ---."
I sobbed even harder. "No. Kuya, please. Don't tell them yet. I'm gonna figure this out."
"W-wew-wwait. You said, seduced him? Because you wanted him?" Mas lalong nangasim ang ekspresyon ng mukha niya at tumigas ito na tila ba makikipagaway siya. "A-a-I want to ask, something, Cece, but.. now, I'm scared to know your answer."
Napayuko ako, I think I know what he wanted to ask, nagpigil naman ako sa paghikbi habang hindi ko na mapigilan ang buhos ng luha ko. Then he went inside my room and paced, as if he realised something but he didn't want to believe it.
"Cece, have you, him, did he, are yo -- "
"Yes, kuya," I shut my eyes.
"Fuck!!!"
Hindi ko napigilan, humagulgul ulit ako sa iyak. Para akong dinadaganan ng mabigat na semento, parang akong nililibing ng buhay, para akong sinusunog sa kugon. I was scared, terrified, like I was looking at the end of the world.
"Kuya.."
"No! Cece. NO. Th-this. Ugh! This is not acceptable."
"Please?"
"Hh-hh-how do you think, ha-hhow -- i-iin what world, Cece, do you think, this would be ok for me? Huh? He's your teacher! And you're not even 18 yet! God damn!"
"Please, kuya. Please? I love him."
Napatitig na lang sa'kin si kuya for a long time, bewildered. Tumahimik na ang hikbi ko pero tuloy-tuloy lang ang luha ko. Para akong nanlalanta, pero hindi ako makagalaw.
Lumapit siya. "Cece."
"I know. I know, kuya. I know."
"I don't know, Cece. I don't know how this will all be ok. This is like 'Thirteen Problems and One', only this is real, not like the games you created. We cannot choose between 13 and 1."
"I can solve both, kuya. Just give me time, please."
Humalik sa noo ko si kuya Japo, pero hindi ko na ito naramdaman; namamanhid na ang buong katawan ko.
Bigla namang pumasok si kuya Jared. "O, anyare dito. Aaayyyy. Bakit ka umiiyak!?"