Um, yeah—he won't be able to take his eyes off me.
I took in a deep breath as I left my bedroom to head towards the dining room. I had never felt more uncomfortable in my life. While my robes had all been pretty throughout my time in Goryeo, these ones were especially opulent in a rich, purple tone. You could call them regal. Very inappropriate for someone who wasn't going to be a princess and was trying to give the impression that marrying a prince was the last thing she wanted to do. Add in the elaborate flowered hair style Chung-Hee had given me and the heavy chandelier earrings, and I wondered if it wouldn't be better for me to beg off sick.
I was practically asking for the Queen Dowager to hate me.
Truthfully, I also felt uncomfortable because I didn't feel like myself. Even in my non-Goryeo life, I was usually grubbing around in leggings and baggy sweaters. Definitely not dressed to the nines. To squash the discomfort, I tried to mentally double back to what Chung-Hee had said before she finished helping me get ready; "Remember that you're the chosen one, Miss. Prince Chi may have no choice but to honor the woman his aunt selected for him, but in his heart, he chose you. Hold your head high tonight."
I was surprised by Chung-Hee's feistiness. She'd always been wise, but also so polite and mild-mannered. In all honesty, even I didn't like the idea of seeing myself as "the chosen one." Chi wasn't that type of person; of course, he'd have to honor and be faithful to his wife-to-be. But he'd also want to be that. That was just who he was. As much as it hurt, I would never want to be the person who made anyone's life miserable or who made herself an invisible wedge between a couple who could, of no fault of their own, only try their best.
Still, Chung-Hee's advice held some use. If I was going to make it here for…well, for as long as I had to, I needed self-confidence. Whether or not fake self-confidence would work, only time could tell.
I tried to follow her advice as I walked towards the dining room. When I finally got close, though, I started to panic. How was I going to even approach this lovely little family get-together? I'd pretty much been in the fields and in my room since I'd arrived. Did I need to be announced at the doors? Should I knock? Let myself in?
I was spared a complete panic when I felt a familiar hand on my shoulder. "I'd hoped I would see you before we went in," the also-familiar voice murmured.
"Chi!" I kept my voice to a whisper as I spun around. Albeit, an excited whisper. "I mean, Your Highness." I needed to keep decorum for the Queen Dowager's sake. I tried to smile too, but Chi caught on pretty quick.
"I'm sorry," he said taking my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.
"Don't ever be," I returned, holding his hand tight in mine. "Chi—" I started. How was I going to phrase this? Sooner than later—much sooner than I'd even though—I'd have to figure out how to function on my own here until—well, until however long I'd be here. I needed background info. The type I could really only trust Chi to give me, and the kind I'd need to be able to survive.
"Mmm?" He pressed his thumb over my enclosed fist, coaxing me on. "Don't worry, either—my aunt never comes quietly. You can relax."
I managed to really smile this time, before turning my attention back to the task at hand. "I was wondering…I mean…" I swallowed. This wasn't easy. With everything that had happened over the course of the day, coupled with this new, overwhelming task, I felt a headache coming on. "I was wondering if I could ask you some questions about the past." When I finally blurt things out, it comes out like a shot.
Chi raised his eyebrows. "The past?"
"Yes. My past." When his eyes widened more, I quickly added, "I mean your past with me."
"But surely…" He trailed off, and I knew what was bothering him about my statement.
"Don't worry. I may not always remember everything, but I remember you. I'll always remember you." It was so true, I could almost feel my longing to forget everything I was about to say and simply soak in whatever time I had with him. "But I was so young at the time, that there are some things I surely don't remember as well as you do. I want—I need—to know more about them. Especially before…" I swallowed. We both didn't need for me to continue.
"What would you like to know?"
I was about to reply, when I heard the rustle of silk in the hall. I dropped Chi's hand like a shot, before two guards appeared. "The Queen Dowager, Your Highness," one addressed Chi. Chi nodded in response, turning it into a bow when his aunt emerged. I followed suit.
"Ha-Na. So glad you could make it, my child."
"Thank you for inviting me, Your Majesty." I kept my eyes on the ground, both as a token of Goryeo etiquette, and also, so that she wouldn't see me grimace at her calling me her "child."
"Of course. I haven't been able to see as much of you as I might have liked. It's been so busy with the imminent arrival of my grandchild. That will change very soon."
"How is Queen Heonae?" I asked, trying to repel the icky feeling of the Queen Dowager's last words. "I haven't seen much of her lately."
She sniffed with obvious distaste for her daughter-in-law. "She is well, thank you. The child is overdue to arrive, but the palace physician has seen my son's wife," she grimaced. "He assures us that she will deliver within the next few days."
"I'm glad to hear so." I bit my tongue before I admitted that I was feeling guilty for having not seen Heonae for so long. I really should have been seeing her more regularly, and had for the first couple weeks of Chi's departure but the last week had been busy, and if I was honest, seeing Heonae reminded me too much of Chi.
"Ju will be joining us today," Chi remarked from beside me. "He's such a good husband. He didn't want to leave Heonae's side but she convinced him that she wanted some time alone."
"Oh good. I haven't met your cousin yet."
The Queen Dowager's posture stiffened, and for a moment, I wondered if I'd made a mistake in referring to Ju as Chi's cousin. Chi smiled at me. "He mentioned the same about you. If he hadn't been so busy lately, I'm sure he would have met you by now."
The Queen Dowager cleared her throat. "We should wait for the king in the dining room."
Chi nodded, graciously. "Of course, Aunt. You first, please." Once she was headed into the dining room with her back towards us, Chi caught hold of a single finger, giving it a quick squeeze of reassurance before letting go. "Good job," he mouthed.
I tried to smile back, but as we walked into the dining room, the only uneasy thought that filled my head was, "let the games begin."