"Heonae, he's gorgeous." I marveled as the tiny fist grasped my pinkie.
"He is, isn't he?" Heonae couldn't keep the pride out of her voice. "Although, I think it might be because he eats so much. He's wearing his mother out." I could see from Heonae's face that she meant what she said; her eyes were tired and rimmed in dark circles, and her face was pale. Still, her gentle, loving tone told me that she didn't really mind.
"How are you feeling?"
"Honestly, much better. That first day after I had him was difficult. The hardest part is the tiredness. Some days, I wonder if there will ever be a time that I don't feel tired."
"Heonae, are you sure everything is alright? I mean, you did have a rough birth, so I'm sure it'll take time to heal. But you do look really exhausted."
Heonae nodded, her lips forming a straight—if somewhat forced—smile. "I'm fine, I promise. I just…" she sighed as she trailed off, as if finishing her sentence would require more strength than she had. "I never expected that Ju would have to leave only four days after I'd given birth. We waited so long to have a child…I had hoped that he could be here with me longer to celebrate."
"I can understand that." I reached out and touched her shoulder but didn't offer any additional words. I knew that sometimes, there were no words that could make things better.
Heonae brushed a tear away and gave a shaky laugh. "I suppose I'm just being emotional."
"Hormones." I nodded in agreement, before fully realizing what I had said.
Heonae quirked an eyebrow at me—a trait that was both adorable and highly reminiscent of her brother. "Hormones?"
"Ah, you know…life changes. Especially for us, women. We go up, we go down. Depends on the time of the month. I'm sure that giving birth is an even bigger change."
"It is," she agreed. She lightly stroked her son's forehead. "A hard change—but a good one."
"I can imagine." I hadn't noticed how wistful my voice sounded until I'd spoken. When met Heonae's eyes again, I realized that she knew.
"I'm so sorry, Ha-Na," she said, her expression sympathetic.
"Oh it's—" I trailed off. I could lie and say it was fine, but I knew that Heonae would see right through it anyways, and I didn't feel like pretending any more than I already was. "I've made peace with it," I finally answered, truthfully. Or, at least as truthfully as I could.
"It must be hard though. My brother…he's always been a good and kind man, but since our father died, it was as if he always carried a sadness with him, no matter what. You changed that. I hadn't seen him look so happy since he was a little boy."
I swallowed, my throat too tight and painful to speak. "I'm sure his wife will be good for him."
Heonae exhaled, blowing a stray piece of hair off her face. "Of course, she will be. Anyone can be good for anybody. Whether or not they're the right person is a different conversation."
My head whipped around in her direction. "You don't think she's the right person for Chi?"
"I know she's not." Her tone was straightforward. "You are the right person for him, so how could she be?"
"Heonae." I smiled at her and squeezed her hand. "You're a good friend, and it's sweet of you to say that. But we don't know that for sure. Maybe Chi and…and his wife will be a good match after all." As I spoke, I ignored the painful clenching of my stomach muscles at the word, "wife."
"Oh, she might be a good match," Heonae agreed, dully. "But the right one is a very different thing. You know, when Ju and I wanted to marry, it was a bit of a struggle with my aunt." She rolled her eyes. "Never mind that; it was a complete struggle. She was insufferable. Even though our union was also good for the kingdom, she found every reason to look for other matches for Ju."
"That must have been…annoying."
"It was a nightmare."
"So, how did you—"
"How did we end up together after all?" Heonae's expression softened with the reminiscence. "Ju finally told her that he would abdicate to Chi if she didn't give her blessing."
"He really threatened that?"
"He did. He wouldn't have really done it. He didn't need to—he is at a higher level than my aunt. But it sent the right message. No matter how weak she accuses Ju of being, when it comes to me, he has always been strong."
I thought back to the dinner that I had had with Ju and the Queen Dowager. She was an intimidating presence, for sure, but he was always able to keep her in-line.
"Chi's marriage would be good for the kingdom," Heonae mused. "But…not so good that he couldn't marry another instead."