I tossed and turned that night. "Chi was the son of Wang Wook—the first one. Darn, I forgot there were two," I muttered under my breath. "I mean is…or was?" I sighed, giving up my attempt at drawing a mental family tree for Chi. Despite the flood of memories that I'd had when I arrived in Goryeo, there were still many finer details that had slipped through the cracks of my memory…or had maybe never even been there at all. Add that to my overall confusion over whether to refer to Chi—who was both a historical figure and a real-time person to me—as an "is" or "was," and it was clear why sleep was miles away.
I sat up in bed and stretched. No point in trying to force something that wasn't coming. I really did need sleep, since I'd be up early to help Chi give instructions to our new field recruits. But Seung-Ro's haunting words refused to leave my brain. It wasn't even just his words, but how he said them. Not as generalizations—although they certainly could be taken that way, at face value—or even as predictions, but like he knew that they would come to pass.
I shuddered. There was nothing particularly threatening about Seung-Ro, with his kind, middle-aged face and Gandalf-like beard. Yet I felt that there was more to him than what met the eye. Nothing sinister, but something important.
So now, besides trying to figure what that important thing was, I was also hurting my brain trying to remember who Historical Figure Chi married. More than one person, probably, knowing Goryeo history. I shuddered a little at that thought and moved on. Quickly. But was there a Ha-Na? He seemed to care for her so deeply, it seemed impossible that there wasn't something between them. Or maybe there was something, but it was squashed before it could really get anywhere, in favour of a more eligible woman.
Another involuntary sigh escaped my lungs. It was probably the latter. Sad, but unfortunately, probably true. Not for the first time, I wished that I'd paid more attention to my Korean history before I became a part of Korean history.
Suddenly, the thought hit me. Could I change history? There had to be a reason I was here—people don't just land in a completely different time for no reason. Do they? I doubted it. So that left me with both a revelation and a dilemma: what was I here for, and how could I make it better?
Obviously, it was no coincidence that Ha-Na and I shared a similar profession and skillset, so that explained part of it. But still…
I couldn't get Seung-Ro's words out of my head. "I know you will too." I shuddered again, not because, I realized, the words were confusing, but because they were foreboding. I knew that Chi inherited the throne at some point, although I couldn't remember when. So the hard times that Seung-Ro had been on about would come eventually, and maybe, if I was still in Goryeo, I'd have to be the one to help him. More than that, I knew I would.
Seung-Ro had told me so.
I briefly considered the sensibility of coming right out with it and asking Seung-Ro for some details, or at least some more context, before discarding the idea completely. I could maybe probe him a bit if he started spouting crap again, but coming out and blatantly asking for details was surely a way of getting thrown in Goryeo prison. Not a place I wanted to be.
Getting to my feet, I pushed myself off the bed. It was warm and inviting, and I was tempted to try to get some sleep in, but I knew I'd probably just lie there thinking anyways. If I was going to do mental detective work, then I might as well do some field work too. After all, field work was always the thing I did best.
I slid my door open, then carefully slipped into the hall, letting my eyes acclimatize to the dark. Once I could see clearly, I tiptoed down the hall. I was surprised by the complete lack of guards, but I guess they were busy near the entrances to the outdoors. Not anticipating night creepers like me. I listened with intense focus, trying to catch any hint of deep, sleepy breathing. But there was none. I must have been in the guest wing.
I continued my path up the hall. "If anyone catches me, I'll just snap my eyes shut and claim I was sleepwalking," I thought. "Worst I'll probably get is an herbal tonic." At the end of the hall, I rounded the corner, finding myself in a main hall. Two guards stood by the door, but they were facing the door, not the hallway. If I was quiet, I knew I could blend in to the lantern-lit shadows without being seen.
As I made my way past the throne room, rounding another corner into another hall, I heard voices. I froze. Should I stay and listen in? Or should I just value my life and turn back while I still can? I'd decided on the later, when I realized who one of the voices belonged to.
"My darling, I'm so happy you've come home!"
"I am too, Mother. I wanted to be here for the birth. I'd never forgive myself if something happened to Heonae." This must be Chi's cousin, Ju, I realized.
"She always was much too delicate to be a queen."
"Mother. You certainly weren't saying that when you had me marry her."
"She did her duty. We are now secure. That was because of her family connections. That does not make her fit to stand beside you."
"She's my wife." Ju's voice remained calm, but it was dangerously low. "That makes her the best person to stand beside me."
A heavy silence clogged the air, and both were silent for several long moments. Finally, the queen dowager spoke again. "Why, of course she is. No one ever said otherwise." She gave a light, tiny laugh. There was nothing warm about it, though. "However," the tight grasp of the argument-settled air tightened. "That does not mean that she will be forever."
"Mother, what does that mean?" Ju's voice was sharp.
"Nothing out of the ordinary, my darling. Your wife has had a difficult pregnancy, and her body never was very strong. I would hate for anything to happen, of course…"
"It won't." Despite the strength in Ju's voice, I could hear a slight quiver of fear. He really loves his wife, I thought, slightly in awe. Personally—and I don't think anyone would blame me—I'd always found the whole historical multiple-consort thing pretty icky. But hearing Ju defend his wife, along with the genuine concern for her in his voice, made me realize that, maybe, political marriages were really just that, at least emotionally.
"Of course," the queen dowager's voice was soothing, hushing. "Still, if anything were to happen—for any reason—you may be left without a consort. And for a king of Goryeo, that simply cannot be."
"Don't tell me to take another wife, mother. I already have other consorts, so Goryeo will never be without a queen. But," Ju paused. "Heonae is my wife. We are expecting a child, and no matter who I had beside me on the throne, I would be alone without her. So don't make useless suggestions to me anymore."
"Yes, of course," the queen dowager said, curtly—although even I could tell she didn't mean it. "Since you are with a consort, we need to think of who your cousin will marry."
"What about Chi?" Ju asked, sharpness slicing his tone.
"For him to be unmarried…well, it simply is unnatural. A man needs a good woman beside him. Always."
I heard Ju let out a long breath. "Mother, I'm sure Chi would thank you for your concern, but I don't think that he's worried about—"
"Well, he should be. He may not be king," I detected a hint of smug satisfaction in her voice as she spoke. "But he is still a prince, and a representative of our kingdom. He needs a wife."
"Have you even spoken to him about this?"
"There is no point. I've already chosen his bride."
"Mother!"
"Shhh, lower your voice!" Actually, I was glad Ju's had been so loud, as it masked my own, audible gasp.
"Mother," Ju's whisper was more of an angry hiss. "Did you arrange this without my consent?
"Oh, do not worry so much, Ju. It hasn't precisely been arranged yet. But the stars are aligning, nicely."
I was leaning in to listen more, when I felt something warm curl around my shoulder. Something warm and human, to be exact. I started to gasp again, when a hand came around my mouth. The fingers were slender, yet strong, but at the same time, they were only covering my mouth, not restricting me in any way. And they were oddly familiar…
I turned around to see a pair of hazel eyes staring back into mine. Chi. "What the…" I mumbled through his fingers, but he applied a bit more pressure, shaking his head. He motioned his chin towards another hallway leading off the one we were in, and, taking the cue, I joined him in an awkward side-step to the corridor.
Once we were safely sectioned off far down the hall and tucked into a dead-end crevice, Chi bent his head towards mine—not an easy feat, considering the height difference. "What are you doing awake?" He asked.
"Sorry. I couldn't sleep, so I thought..." I'd snoop around.
"So, you thought you'd take a walk." That was a nice way of putting it.
"I'm sorry."
"Remember what we said about apologies." Chi rested his hand on my shoulder again. "Although, I should apologize. I must have frightened you."
"No, I'm fine," I lied, although I knew that I'd never be able to fool him with my shaking.
"Can I get you something to help you sleep? I'm sure Chung-Hee would get you something warm to drink." His eyes narrowed in concern. "Or are you unwell? Should I get a physician to look at you? You're trembling." His hand moved from my shoulder to my arm, rubbing it, lightly. Suddenly, he seemed to realize what he was doing, and he blushed, pulling his hand away.
"Thanks, but no worries. I'm fine." Although, if I had been honest, I would have said that I was feeling colder without his hand on my shoulder.
"I'll walk you back, then." He didn't quite meet my eyes as he said it.
We continued on our path back to my room in silence. Every now and then I had to fight off the temptation to glance Chi's way. When I did, he was focused straight ahead, although his cheeks were still flushed. Poor guy. He really took chivalry seriously.
We'd almost reached my bedroom, when Chi spoke again. "How much did you hear of my aunt's conversation?"
It was my turn to blush scarlet. "Um…not much. Just, well…she doesn't seem to like your cousin's wife." I looked to Chi, wondering if I should continue. He nodded his confirmation. "And she seems to want you to get married." I blurted out the rest.
Chi chuckled, softly. "Oh yes, I figured you'd hear her say something about that, sooner or later."
"So…you knew?"
Chi nodded. "Of course. I'm almost twenty-one, so I should have married long ago. It's only natural that my aunt would make plans for it."
"Did you…did you know that she has someone picked out for you?"
"Ah, so you heard that too."
I blushed again. "It was hard not to. Your aunt…"
"Has a thunderous voice?"
"Yes, that was exactly the word I was going for."
Chi smiled. "She does. And, in answer to your question, yes, I did know that she has someone in mind for me."
"So…" I hesitated, wondering if we—or rather, Chi and Ha-Na—were close enough for me to ask this. "Do you think you will marry her?" I was surprised at how softly, and almost vulnerably, the question came out. "Why?" I wondered, before mentally shrugging it off. I was a guest in Goryeo and I needed my allies. Chi, I knew, was my only real ally. If he married, it would complicate our relationship.
The silence settled in between us as I waited for Chi to answer. He was someone, I realized, who always answered carefully. "It's a real possibility," he finally said, although his fading smile told me it wasn't a possibility he was exactly looking forward to.
"I see. I shouldn't have mentioned it…"
"Please don't worry. I should have mentioned it before, perhaps…" Chi shifted his gaze to a nondescript section of hallway.
"No, it's fine. I wouldn't have brought it up, had it not been…"
"Had it not been for my aunt," Chi finished for me. "I suppose it seems a strange thing for me to not mention. It's a big event."
Getting married is kind of a big deal, yeah.
"Yet even though it's one of the biggest events in my lifetime, it doesn't feel real to me." Chi's voice was so distant, I wasn't entirely sure if he was talking to me or not. His eyes, I noticed, always took on a beautiful reflective quality; even when they were distant, they were never empty.
���I understand," I said, without really thinking.
Chi's attention snapped back to me. "Do you have someone that you like, Ha-Na?"
Uh, no.
"Oh, no," I clarified, trying to think rapidly. "I only meant that I know what it's like for your life to not feel real. Or for it to feel real, but not like it's yours." I paused, hoping I wasn't just babbling. "You do understand what I mean—don't you?"
"Of course, I do. And it sounds like you understand me, as well."
I nodded. "I do."
And, with that statement, I realized that I did. Somehow, of all the places I could've landed—because, let's face it, I could have landed anywhere—I'd ended up here, next to someone who, despite our differences, reminded me of myself.
Chi smiled at me, and although it met his eyes, I could see the sadness behind them. "Thank you."
"Of course." I redirected my gaze, my own eyes feeling suddenly hot and prickly.
"I should let you get some sleep." Chi moved aside from in front of my door. I started toward it, when I heard my name behind me. "Ha-Na?"
"Yes?"
"I really am happy that you're here." Chi's voice was, as usual, bright and friendly. But the slight rasp below the brightness revealed the same hidden feelings that I saw in his eyes.
I turned, looking back at him over my shoulder. "Me too."
And in that moment, I knew that I truly was.