"You looked like you had a good time today," Chi said as we walked back to the palace together, both of us happy and covered in dirt.
"I did." It was true. Besides trying to upend Halmeoni's garden, I hadn't really gardened for years, especially since my visits with my parents became shorter and shorter, and usually also packed with late-night and early-morning thesis writing sessions. "Everyone was really nice. You were a good example."
"Of being nice?" Chi raised an eyebrow at me.
"No!" I laughed. "That too. But also, working hard."
"You didn't expect me to work hard?" From his tone, I could tell he wasn't actually offended.
"Not like that." I elbowed him, not really thinking about what I was doing. "You're a prince, Chi. Even though I call you by your given name." I shot a playful smirk at him. "No one would have expected you to actually work if you didn't want to. And yet, you did. It says a lot about you."
"Perhaps it seems flippant to say, especially since many have to work long, hard days doing physical labour for their living, but I enjoy working outside. I may be a prince by birth, but first of all, I'm a person. We are all people."
I leaned close to him, about to elbow into him again for the truism, when I felt his arm curve around my shoulders, pulling me in closer. I'd felt his touch before—his hand over my mouth when he caught me snooping on Ju and the Queen Dowager, the light, consoling pats on my shoulder, his fingers lacing through mine—and yet these moments almost seemed to always occur subconsciously, with Chi pulling away when he realized what he was doing. This time, though, he held on. And this time, I let him, leaning in further.
Chi had always, from the first moment I met him, been a real person. Before I met him, when he was in his rightful time, and I hadn't even been thought of yet, he was a real person. And even though I'd known this since we met, so much of my head had been preoccupied with the historical Chi, rather than who Chi was in that moment. With me.
As I felt his long, slender fingers lightly wrap around me, finding their rest on my shoulder, it was as if his realness had been confirmed for the first time. That, for the first time, I was aware of who he was as a flesh and blood human, with a warm, beating heart. He may have been a Goryeo prince, while I was a struggling, twenty-first century student, but when I spoke with him, we were both our true selves.
Slowly, I allowed my eyes to meet his. "Yes. Yes, you are." Like magic, my words seemed to have an instant effect on Chi. There had never been anything but kindness in his glance, but I'd also seen him hesitate more than once, almost as if he didn't want to reveal too much. Except, I knew, because I recognized that look. I'd seen it in myself. As a botanist, I'd spent countless hours analyzing data and planning experiments, considering perfect conditions and temperature control, and hand-picking through seeds to find just the right ones. But seeing the look in Chi's eyes at that moment was the first time I'd ever seen anything close to a flower blooming. "You're one of the most real people I've ever known."
Chi swallowed. I felt his free hand envelope over mine, but I kept my gaze leveled with his. The hazel in his eyes had never been more vivid, but it also revealed something other than his usual brightness. Something like sadness. "Ha-Na," he began, his hand folding over mine. "There's something I have to…"
"There you two are! Just the pair I wanted to see!"
Seung-Ro.
In that instant, Chi ripped his eyes away from mine, letting his arm drop from my shoulders and his hand from mine in one go. Even though I knew, deep down, that Chi was only doing the proper thing—he wasn't going to keep our interlocked, intense stare-down pose in front of Seung-Ro—his sudden movement, combined with Seung-Ro calling us a "pair" felt like an instant, painful rejection. "Seung-Ro. You were looking for us?" Well, at least Chi's voice sounded just about as dejected as my heart felt.
"I was. Planting went well?" He scanned our messy outfits—and probably, guilty faces—with an appraising stare.
"Yes, thank you," said Chi.
"Yes, thanks," I parroted. Then, after a beat, I added, "I noticed that you couldn't be with us after lunch." I heard a little, surprised noise beside me, and when I turned, I could see that it was Chi, trying to hold back his laughter. I smiled at that. Seeing him back to his normal self made me believe that we could maybe forget the moment that had passed between us before.
"I had other matters to attend to." Seung-Ro��s answer was short, but it wasn't sharp. That was the maddening thing about Seung-Ro; he could get away with saying pretty much anything he wanted because he didn't say it with a lot of emotion, so it was hard to respond.
I could learn from him.
"Great, hope they went well," I deadpanned back.
"They did." Seung-Ro nodded at me. "Your Highness, I still do need to talk with you."
I could almost feel Chi's flinch beside me. He hated being called "Your Highness," except…well, except when I called him that. Whatever reason Seung-Ro was calling him that, it was clearly to get his attention. "Of course. I'll see Ha-Na back first, and then we can discuss whatever you'd like to see me about."
"It's ok." I smiled at Chi, although I was finding smiling a bit hard, at the moment. "You go and talk. I can get back myself."
"You're sure? I'd much rather see you safely back…" Chi frowned in protest, until he heard Seung-Ro clear his throat.
"Miss Ha-Na is a very capable young lady. It is still bright out, and I'm sure she'll be fine seeing herself back."
"Really, Chi. It's ok." My smile didn't come any easier this time around, but Chi and I both knew I was obligingly faking it.
"Are you sure?"
"Of course."
Chi nodded. "Alright then." He began to turn around, but then stopped. Almost as an instinctual afterthought, he reached out and took my hand, pressing his thumb on top of mine. "I'll come and see you later," he murmured, so quietly, I was almost sure that it was so that Seung-Ro wouldn't hear.
Of course, Seung-Ro probably could. He always did. But I liked the idea of a "secret" meeting with Chi later. Whatever we—or rather, Chi and Ha-Na—were to each other (and I was pretty doubtful of what, exactly, that relationship was), our meetings would likely never be more than working together or moments where Chi caught me snooping and had to deliver me back to my room. And yet, even with the few moments we'd had, I'd never felt like I knew another person so well.
That thought alone made me want to cry.
It was also the thought that drove me to not cry. I forced another smile, pressing the tip of my thumb against Chi's palm. "I'll see you then, Your Highness."
Chi gave my hand one last squeeze, before letting go and walking off with Seung-Ro. I watched him walk away from me, biting my tongue to bring myself back to reality. It was crazy—not only was I—dare I say it?—falling in love with someone, I was falling in love with someone with someone who I'd only known for a week. And who lived in Goryeo.
Clearly, therapy was needed.
But, unbelievably, falling in love wasn't my biggest issue. As I watched Chi walk into the distance, all I could wonder was why the sight of his disappearing back felt familiar to me. And why did I feel that this wouldn't be the last time I'd have to watch him walk away?