There was some mildly bad news here--Liam was gone.
Well, it's not like he just up and left me alone. Or maybe, if you thought about it, it would seem that way... But as far as I knew, all he had done to notify me of his disappearance was leaving me a note scrawled on paper first thing in the morning.
I had woken up disoriented; I'd spent the night reading in bed and drinking peppermint tea. While Liam was busy sleeping the night away, I was delving deep into the works of John Grisham. I was quite fascinated by certain characters in The Reckoning. But I suppose that also wasn't the best idea. Despite having a lot of fun reading and sitting comfortably in bed, I was also just setting up for an exhausted, sleep-deprived day tomorrow. Which, of course, meant that I was woken up rudely at 9 am from the touch of paper on my face. He couldn't have just put it on the nightstand?
Light streamed in from the windows in the bedroom, smacking me in the face as I opened my eyes. I felt the urge to rub my temples when I noticed how screwed up everything around me was. I wasn't under a blanket--I was sprawled awkwardly in a weird position while tangled in the covers. Several books--paperback and hardcover--surrounded me in almost a circle.
Drifting out of bed and the room like a ghost, I made my way downstairs before I realized it. The distinct scent of robust coffee seemed to echo through the air, and I was drawn to the smell. But, unsurprisingly, when I opened the fridge, we had simply run out of creamer. I had to chuckle at myself for how I had just opened up Liam's fridge like that, though. Like all of this was somehow normal.
I still hadn't accepted the reality we were both in. The one that said we lived together casually. The one that stated that the world was changing around me while I was too. The one that completely denied the past with Markus. If that was all true, then what had happened to the reality before I came here?
This place... was like a black hole. It had erased my consistent worries about Markus, it had shown me something that I would have never seen before. I had grown used to seeing beautiful sunshine and light flow through the room. I accepted that dust was seen only in the light. The scent of nostalgia and must engulfed me--and I inhaled it deeply with every stuttering, halting breath I took in my wake. There was something magnificent simply beyond the walls of our thoughts, and we had yet to find out just what it was. Every time a silent word was spoken, or a gesture motioned to something else, there was a sense of peace.
Liam and I... where are we right now, in this sort of place?
It'd been a week since that night with Liam and his violin. And yet, it'd also been a week since I'd heard it.
The song he played had stopped altogether. It was like... it just disappeared, along with the obvious emotions behind it. Whatever had caused it, I didn't dare to ask. It seemed like a forbidden territory. If I asked, just what kind of answer would I receive? Or would Liam reply at all?
Either way, without the consistency of the violin, the days seemed lonely. Hours spent in the library were silent and justified. There was no lovely background melody. Even the man himself came in there to chat with me--but those interactions felt odd. Like he wasn't really meant to be there. Perhaps he felt the same way, having stopped so suddenly and all?
At the same time, maybe it was a relief he'd stopped, to both him and me.
If the whole violin thing wasn't already concerning, then there was something else worrying me even more.
Precisely a week ago, when we'd sat down to eat the food I'd made, I don't remember eating it. In fact, I don't remember any of that night at all. All I know about it is that I sat down with Liam... and then woke up quite late in the night. That's when I heard the violin for the last time, high and aching and wallowing. Like it was almost shrieking in pain. That's when Liam...
Stopped playing anything at all.
I remember very vaguely having a sort of dream while I was sleeping, but I can't pinpoint anything down except a couple of things. For once, there was a glimpse of--at least I think it was--a wooden box. And then a knife? For whatever reason?
While I was becoming increasingly curious about this affair, I was also becoming more and more nervous about asking. I'd only seen a couple of sides of Liam, and I didn't know if I wanted to see more than the happy-go-lucky ones I knew. Some part of me was intensely inquisitive about it; but at the same time, I didn't dare ask.
Although even that was bothering me, once again, there was something else that came to throws with me: If Liam actually wanted me here and wanted to be honest, then why hadn't he just told me about it beforehand?
It was almost like... he didn't trust me with the information.
~~~
~Ramona~
13 years ago
"Although some might have called me young, I knew deep down in my heart that I was just as capable of doing anything that an adult could do. "
That was essentially the motto of our friend group, really. Us--Marie, Lee, Sybil, Bethany, and, of course; me, Ramona. While being the provocative and crude little kids we were, we were also the kids that everyone in school respected. The kids that weren't about to take shit from any adults.
We were the ones who pointed a finger at the ones who patronized us too deeply, we were the ones who tested the teachers to see if they actually minded our actions. We were the ones who chose to antagonize every person other than us in view simply for the basis of our experiment.
Which, of course, the experiment was to see if any adults out there didn't like us.
Although we all worked together on our so-called "noble cause", there was only one person in the group whom I felt I truly connected with. That would be Sybil.
She was quiet and respectful of the other kids there, even when they hurt her feelings. Sybil was always willing to calm someone down or comfort them when they were sad. But the thing I liked most about her was that when an adult made her mad, she went full-out insane on them.
And yes, it's exactly what you think it is. She'd rather kick and scream and break her little neck then have to listen to someone older than her. It was quite a spectacle, really, seeing her hurl insults at them and squirm out of her parent's grasp. She was the #1 rebel in school. For that, she earned herself a bit of a reputation in our group.
When we walked through the playground, children parted their groups and conversations to let us through. As we went through the halls, everyone shut their mouths and simply stared in awe. Everyone let us cut in front of them for lunch. And of course, with that kind of power, there came some consequences.
For one, Marie and Beth were often taken to the principal's office on account of them attempting to steal all the answer keys to the tests. But when they failed, they would resolutely deny the accusations and then try to beat up the teachers. Because of this, they nearly got expelled.
On the other hand, Lee, the smartest in the bunch, hacked into all of the school Chromebooks. Using her expertise in the field she managed to change the ownership of every computer, which made it impossible for the teachers to control what they did in class. Everyone was too busy playing games and screwing around to notice that Lee was getting hauled off to detention for the rest of the year.
Sybil might have been the most talented of all of us, though. While I was busy cheating on my exams and trying to get more people to join our group, Sybil was off doing otherwise. I suppose, since she was our leader and all, she'd be required to do the most insane thing that we could possibly think up. And she most definitely did.
Sybil had snuck into the superintendent's office while he was out for the day, charmed his receptionist into letting her in, and gone into his computer using a password Lee had given her. While inside his computer, she downloaded several dozen toxic virus programs that infected all of his files. Not to mention that she also deleted several thousand and destroyed them permanently.
When she came back from that duty everyone applauded her great feat... just before she was also yanked from recess and suspended for a month.
While everyone off celebrating with her, I was off doing my own business. When she came back to school in a month, we all greeted her back warmly, but she seemed different. Sybil said that she didn't want to be a troublemaker anymore.
"That's weird", we thought. She was our leader, after all, so why would she have a sudden change of heart? It wasn't like we couldn't go on without her; we had so many more people who could join. But we were concerned about her--what had happened in that month alone?
I decided to confront her by myself. I asked her many questions about it. "What happened to you?" and "Are you alright?". She responded simply, "I'm perfectly okay. I just don't want to be immature anymore."
I asked her why she didn't want to. When I did, she obviously stiffened, her muscles taut as her eyes flew wildly around our surroundings. Finally, with a heavy sigh, she spoke words that I would be too hurt in the future to ever forget.
"Ramona, you don't need to know the reasoning behind it. Besides, it's not like I would even trust you with the info. Everyone else is thinking about stopping too."
Not long after that, they had all ceased talking to me, and I was alone.
It's not a tragic story for the ones listening, but it is for the author. I lost all my friends in a single conversation, and with it, all my hope that someone would eventually come to like me.
I've always been so goddamn pathetic, after all.
~~~
~Ramona~
"Uh...are you awake...?"
A voice resounded through my thoughts like a bullet, and I knew that I was awake before I could even open my eyes.
My head laid down on the dining table, I pulled myself up while attempting to readjust my glasses, which were fumbling around on my head. I just barely noticed a drop of drool on the glass before immediately wiping it off, flushing slightly.
Thoughtful fingers tapped my shoulder, and I silently observed Liam. With his arm folded behind his back and a cheerful smile on his face, he reached his remaining hand out towards me. "Here. Need help?"
I fought the urge to snigger at that. "Nah, I'm okay."
Rubbing my eyes, I noticed that the light in the room had dimmed considerably--at least, it wasn't morning anymore. The room was silent, seeming to carry a heavy burden on its shoulders. Everything smelled faintly of the perfume of Autumn, quiet and calm and lovely. Exhaling deeply, I lifted myself out of the chair and stretched my weary limbs. I really shouldn't have stayed up so late...
I offered to help Liam with the groceries, which I saw were all lining the kitchen counter. He accepted with an extravagant showing of every dimple on his face, to which I had to give a bit of a smile. It was always nice to see him grin like that, even if it was just at something simple like groceries.
And as we were putting things away, Liam asked me a question I was surprised he hadn't taken the initiative with beforehand.
"Hey, what's your favorite food?" Liam stopped pushing a sack of flour into the cabinet midway. He was just holding it up midair awkwardly now.
I blinked at that for several moments, trying and failing to think back to what I ate at Markus's. "Um" was all I could muster.
Liam snorted at my response, cramming the flour way back into the end of the cabinet before slamming it shut. "I didn't take you for much of a picky eater, anyway. Do you want to know mine?"
I unwrapped a plastic bag filled with Sprite cans. "Sure."
From the corner of my eye I noticed how much he was smiling, like his eyes were about to explode with the sheer force of happiness. I had to admire that. There weren't a lot of people out there who could do that.
"Sushi."
~~~
~Ramona~
It was much later in the day when I heard the call of my name fly into the air.
I was dozing in the library, my eyes falling shut every few seconds. A book had snapped shut in my palms, the sun cascading over the shelves. I blinked before the realization of my name bubbled to the surface of my mind, my eyes adjusting to the bright of the room.
My hair had slipped over my cheeks and stuck to my face, so I hazily dragged it off. I tried to put it behind my ear, but my glasses were bent awkwardly above my forehead. I sighed at that heavily, pulling myself out of the chair I was sitting in and letting the door creak naturally as I yanked it open.
The living room and kitchen were surprisingly dull--Liam had closed all the windows and curtains. My eyes fluttered shut as I heard my name being called once more by Liam, this time more urgent than the last.
Shuffling up the stairs, I reached his office before I realized it, stopping as my breath caught. Pressing my head against the door to listen inside, I heard no movement. Quirking an eyebrow, I shoved my way into the space.
My eyes immediately fell on the mess in there. Piles upon piles of different books, slammed lazily on the floor. Paper stuck out of pages, bent together and crammed everywhere. And then the star of the show, Liam, casually lying on the floor covered in said books without a word.
He snorted when he saw the look on my face. "I didn't think you'd be that surprised at this, Ramona. Haha." Liam's eyes settled gracefully into my gaze, and with a gentle smile, he gestured for me to come closer.
The door shut behind me as I shuffled near him, squeaking on its way. I shivered as Liam held up a sheet of paper to me, his eyes twinkling like it was the happiest he'd ever been in his lifetime. Jade green shuddered awake, blinking softly in a sort of elegant manner.
"You said you wanted proof that Pluto wasn't a planet--I found it."
My lips fell into a flat line. Wait, when did I say that? At all?
I shrugged lightly. "Sure."
Not quite knowing what to do about the paper, I scanned the sheet for just a moment before handing it back to him. "You got me there, kiddo."
I swore I saw Liam bite his lip at that, but it might have just been my imagination. He spun the sheet around in his fingers for only a moment before folding it cautiously back up. Opening a random book by his left foot, he slammed the paper into a page before shrugging like nothing happened.
Pushing all the books off his side, I swallowed before I spoke. "So, is that all you wanted me to come up here for?"
He met my gaze so intensely that I thought I might pass out. But surprising me, he slipped a quiet smile in. "It was for my proof, sure, but I also just wanted to make ya laugh with my whole being-covered-in-books thing."
I had to force out a chuckle at his sudden mood change. "Alrighty then, Liam. Thanks for making me laugh, then."
From the corner of my eye as I left the room, I saw Liam's eyes flutter shut... and then, afterward, a burdened sigh escape his lips.
What?
~~~
~Liam~
11 years ago
Most of the time when we went out here, it was for special occasions. But as Kathryn got her clothes on and that determined smile on her face, I knew that this was going to be different.
The woods just beyond our house were vast and full of creatures we'd read about in books. Birds, flowers, and streams crossed together in a blur. Sunlight poured through the trees and stems, burning a hole in our vision with the sheer brightness. Even though it was nice out here with all the nature, we had always been advised it was dangerous to come out often. So, trying to be good kids, we obeyed.
But there was a part of me that always wanted to rebel. I wanted to come out here every day in the summer, to take in the fresh air and to really examine the wildlife. I was hoping that this would be one of those times.
One of my favorite parts about the forest was the creek that ran not far from our house. It bubbled and occasionally flooded, but since it was small, it never made much of an impact on us. Several stones worn into a path over the waters stood daring like a wall, and Kathryn was the courageous among us. She hopped delicately onto the rocks, spinning herself around on one toe just to flash a sheepish smile at me. Kathryn made it to the other side then, gesturing for me to follow her.
I saw her smirk from the corner of my eye. She was probably going to make fun of me if I was unable to get across without her help, though. But through that, if she was willing to smirk right now, I was willing to take up the challenge.
One foot on the first stone. Two on the second. One on the third, and then only one on the fourth, because my left foot was busy dragging in the water. I stiffened as I pulled it out, water splashing onto the fifth stone like it was nobody's business.
That's when I knew I was falling. My breath caught in my throat ungracefully, air flying out in a gasp. My hands flew upwards to the sky, and just before I imagined hitting my head on the fourth rock, two hands firmly grasped my wrists.
A foot slammed into the earth like an anchor, and a heavy grunt sounded before I was being yanked back into the air, nearly collapsing onto my sister. "You gotta be more careful there kiddo." She gave me a cheeky grin, rubbing the side of her head where she'd probably hit it somehow.
She patted my soaked jeans, scraping off a bit of the mud that had made its way on there. I blinked at her for several moments before realizing that she was staring at me, curious about my reaction.
I flushed, embarrassed at not moving. "T-thank you, Kathryn."
She beamed at me one last time before pointing her finger right in front of us, opposite where I'd almost fallen into the creek. The world seemed suspended for a few minutes then, making our way silently across the viridescent earth. Twigs snapped beneath our feet, leaves fluttering from the skies to our palms. Every few minutes, I saw how Kathryn's lips would part in amazement at the life growing around her, every hitch in her breath another creature seen.
The scent of lilac and dirt crawled up from the ground and into the air, and before long I noticed Kathy smiling with every inhale. She was just... overjoyed to be out here, wasn't she?
I don't know if I was the same way.
But what I did know, however, was that some part of me escaped my body when I had seen the clearing just ahead.
The brush cleared from our path, and the trees lessened to the point where there were none at all. The sky was sharp and periwinkle with a fading summer, sunlight streaming in like a river. Beryl grass flourished. The dead leaves no longer crinkled with our steps, but stopped abruptly. All signs of other trees disappeared completely, and we were left with only one other thing in the open space.
A tree that stood lower than all the others. Still more graceful and elegant, sprawling it's branches in a curved line. Tiny leaves covered its wood, swaying in the breeze as we approached it.
It was a willow tree.
Perhaps this certain plant was just so strong and powerful that the entire forest had parted its instinct from it. Maybe its influence ran in its roots, deep and thoughtful like its branches. But you could think about it all day and it still wouldn't make a difference--that willow tree was something that needed to be etched into the world itself.
Kathryn took the initiative for me, delicately parting the way for us to enter the tree's branches. As I ducked my head under her arm, however, I noticed that the tree wasn't as perfect as I thought it would be.
There, carved into its very trunk, were the names of several people. Or rather, their initials. Some people put their names in hearts with others. Some were collective, in groups. But there had been many, many humans before us. We were not the first to come over that creek and through the greenery. We were the first, however, of our kind--kids who lived close by, willing to do whatever it took just to come close to the tree's magnificence.
Kathryn would be a better example of that, though, because I saw the flash of metal before I saw her step around the tree for an open space.
I sat there and gaped at her for a beat until she quirked an eyebrow at me. "Oh, so you didn't think I'd come prepared?" Her fingers twirled Mom's favorite kitchen knife round and round, as if she was ready for anything. I nearly gulped at that, slightly terrified of just what she was going to do to that already-pockmarked willow.
She flipped the knife upwards in her palm, carefully addressing the timber before slicing into it. Bark chipped off her marks roughly, falling to the mulch around us and disappearing into thin air. I supposed she might get a couple of splinters from this activity.
Her eyes flickered to me once she finished, quietly observing. That was essentially my signal saying, "Your turn". Swallowing, I grasped the knife in slightly-trembling fingers, and along with it, I took a burden so great that I wouldn't be able to handle it.
My eyes caught on her carving. A large heart, the top filled with KATHY. Now, I supposed, it was LIAM that I had to draw first.
My heart thumping loud in my chest, and the breath catching in my lungs, I just barely etched my name into the wood.
It read,
KATHY + LIAM, 2009
~~~
~Ramona~
I do believe... it only took a couple more days after that until everything came crashing down.
It began on another lazy afternoon of reading, really. I was busy with The Outsiders while Liam was even busier attempting to wack around the Internet router. He said it'd been "acting up lately", but I think that was just an excuse to try and kick something around. I didn't have a phone or TV or anything, so I could only just assume that everything was working perfectly.
Every five seconds another unholy swear came out of his mouth, and it made me flinch and want to giggle at the same time. It was strange to see him get so worked up over an electronic. You'd think the guy'd be a bit more sentimental and "artsy".
But during this unsurprisingly silent day, a sound so brutal and grating came crashing through our hearing. A high-pitched ringing sound, echoing out over the entire house. It couldn't have been anything else except the noise of the doorbell.
Everything froze. All breathing halted harshly in our lungs. The clock on the wall stopped at precisely 3 pm. And the AC unit shuddered before ending completely. Anything everywhere in the house had just... stopped existing altogether.
Our eyes stuck onto the door. The environment, the air around us, turned absolutely frigid with the pressure of curiosity.
I heard the pop of a knuckle cracking in the resolute silence. I heard the racket of feet shuffling over to the door. And I heard the sound of a head bonking against the doorframe casually.
I heard it all. The exchange between someone else and Liam. The "thank you" that Liam told the other person. And the slam of the door as Liam hit it with his heel.
Liam trudged to the dining table, the object in his hands slapping onto the table. White flashing through my vision, I noticed what it was: a letter.
I gave an enormous sigh of relief at that, strolling over to Liam and poking my head over his shoulder as he sat himself down at a chair. Using a kitchen knife, he carefully sliced the letter open as to not rip it open completely.
But none of this mattered when we opened it up. Nothing that we'd done, nothing that we'd attempted to do to fix anything made a difference anymore. All of this, the casual chats we had, the days of leisure and sobriety vanished.
And then, we were just alone.
We were alone in this little world of ours, because of just what that letter said. Who knew that a sheet of paper could determine the entire fate of two people?
It said,
I know you're in there, Ramona.