"It is the time you have spent on your rose that makes her so important. - Antoine De Saint.
As expected the dinner proved to be quite eventful if the number of suspicious glances moving in between them and around the table were anything to go by. The air was tense with unspoken words and it tortured Mirena to know that she may have been the main cause of it. Had things between them escalated this much?What kind of life had she been living if her only son was now staring at her as if he somehow expected the worst from her? The looks of steel coming from Katrina were also had to miss. She must hate her, Mirena thought. All the pain and suffering their ambitions had brought these children. Suddenly Mirena felt very remorseful.
"Look, I am very sorry." She said, setting her forks down. "I have not been the best mother Ryan and for that I apologise." The other two stopped eating and turned to look at her with wary looks that were full of surprise. It was unexpected, she knew so, but Mirena had been intending to do this for a quite a while now. Being estranged from her own children had taught her a lot and had shown her how dismal her present life was. What more, what she had with Marcus could not even be called a marriage and in the last several years, his actions had opened her eyes to their sorry state and to her own loneliness even as she realised how weak her character really was. She hated herself and the person she had become. Not that she had ever been that attentive to such things but with time,Mirena thought, life awakens one to such realities. She could not even look at herself in the mirror anymore.
"Mother..." Her son started to say, to rebuff the statements that she had made, but she would not let him. There was no way she would allow him to make up excuses for her. He would mention his father and her husband. That she knew, but with this new resolve that she now had, Mirena also knew that she had to learn to take responsibility for her own actions instead of always blaming the man that she had been shackled to. He had been her choice after all and no one had forced to marry the monster that had wrecked her life and that of her children.
"No. I should have done something. Said something. I knew how you felt about things and yet, I still pressured you. I pushed you into a loveless arrangement when as a mother, I knew fully well of your relationship with Malisha. I allowed my fear to guide my actions." She finished.
There it was again. Katrina found herself thinking. Did she truly prefer Malisha over her? Katrina wondered.
"Do not get me wrong. I have nothing against you Katrina," the woman said, seeming to be reading her mind or is it her expressions that in one unguarded moment had turned sour revealing the true essence of her thoughts. "I am also quite aware that she was your friend." She continued. "When this arrangement was springed on you, you had no choice but to end that relationship. It was not fair and for that I also apologize."
"Like I had a chance?" Katrina laughed bitterly. "By then Malidha was long gone and very expectant seeing that she found out before me.I cannot really blame you though, I probably deserved seeing that my very best friend also suffered because of me."
"Katrina..." Mirena reached out to comfort her, but Katrina pulled away.
"No, if we are to talk about blame then I am also on the wrong. I am not so disillusioned to think that I am innocent in this. After all I did d want that princess wedding and my crush on your son albeit in my teenage years had led to this." Ryan gave her look. "Don't look at me like that? Why do you think my father agreed to that stupid arrangement? It was to make me happy apparently."
"But you acted match maker for Malisha and I?" Ryan whispered shocked at this new revelation.
"Well...it doesn't matter now and now that I am in this way," she patted her burgeoning stomach. "I kind of understand Malisha's situation and how she must have felt. I really should never have agreed to that arrangement." She said as she turned to look up into Ryan's face apologetically. " Like I said, you are in no way bound to me or to that commitment. I totally understand if all you want is to move on and will not keep you from being in this child's life. If anyone has to blame for all your sorrows then that person is me."
"Katrina..." This time it was Ryan who spoke as he reached out to hold her other hand. " I know and I am here because this is where I want to be. Nothing is compelling me to stay, well that is apart from my child that is." He laughed a little uncomfortably. "And I have messed up alot. For once I want to do the right thing. If you allow me, I would really like to try and make things work out between us...With you too mum." He smiled at her and Mirena's heart flattered even as he took her hand with his other hand, the expression on his face being one that she had thought she would never see on her son's face. "We have all been cowards but all that, despite the consequences is still water under the bridge. We just have to murk up all the dirt and start all over again. Right?"
"Really?" Tears were now spilling out of Mirena's eyes and staining the front of her white blouse.
"Really. I have not been the best of sons I am aware and yet you still somehow tried. I would like to have a clean slate too." He smiled. What had started out as an awkward dinner had culminated in a tear fest. Relationships that had long been torn, broken apart by fear, anger and betrayal appeared like they could now have a new lease in life. It was all touching really, but Katrina still had her reservations. There was no way she would continue to stay confined and trapped within the bounds of a loveless relationship. The peace that she had gotten from getting that off her chest though was in itself rewarding, but in no way did it mean that she would stop her quest of finding herself. That was something that she owed first and foremost to herself and secondly to her unborn child and the generations to come. She needed to be strong,to be a strong woman. One that would prove to her father and her grandmother that she could really stand on her own and prosper outside Dominic Maracheli's interference.