The first thing that Ryan did when he got into his car was break down. How had this happened when he had thought that he was doing a really great job of winning her over? Secondly, how had he come to this point? He had done the right thing for the first time in his life and yet his life was still in shambles. His marriage was broken beyond repair and this child too like the other one would be born to a family that was broken.
Was that all that bothered him? Why was he feeling this deep sense of loss and despair, as if a part of his heart had been torn apart and shredded into pieces? The hole drilled straight into his soul and all he could do was howl as tears dripped down to wet the front of his white shirt. To think that he had even dressed up in order to support her. She didn't want him. She couldn't stand the sight of him that was what was happening and yet he had fallen head over heels in love with her.
How ironical. Maybe he deserved it for all the tears he had caused her, but hadn't he worked hard enough to show her that he had changed his ways? Hadn't he told her many times already that the two of them could still be a family? Then what was it that she wanted? Soon enough he found himself started up the vehicle and driving off to God knows where. All he knew was that he drove all through the night and stopped only when he came to a familiar set of heavy doors with a number of steps leading down to the main path.
The church. His mind registered. In his moment of distress he had driven off to seek help from the only person who had ever accepted him. Mrs Beufont. That woman who was in everyway a stranger but had opened her doors to him and had welcomed him with open arms into her fold.
"Ryan?" A surprised voice whispered even as he walked inside her little office that still looked the same way as he had last seen it.
"I don't know what to do." He cried out. " No matter what I do she won't believe me and I am feeling this pain in my heart that I can't explain at all." He sobbed as he fell down into one of her seats. "Every thing I do ends up.on disaster and I don't know what it is that I am sound wrong."
"Ryan..." She whispered even as she moved forward from behind her desk to comfort him. "I am assuming you are talking about Katrina, Right?" He nodded.
"Imagine my shock when she gave me this." He said as he gave the red folder to the concerned woman. After some swift perusal she finally understood what it was he was talking about.
"You have fallen in love haven't you? And she still does not trust you."
"You think that may be the only problem?"
"Most definately. She must have loved you to have endured everything you put her through and now she is scared that you will repeat the same thing. Have you even told her of your true feelings? That you love her?"
"I didn't know until now. To think that it took losing her to find that out?" He trailed off lost in his own thoughts. "You think I should tell?" He suddenly looked up and asked.
"Most definitely. It will allow her to link your actions to those emotions. I don't guarantee that it will work, but be patient. A woman's heart is won over through persistence and perseverance. She needs to see that she can rely on you and that you are serious and that only comes through being consistent and very persistent." She told him.
"You think that by telling her of my true feelings and showing it will win her over?" He asked still looking incredulous. It all seems so simple that he wondered why he had not thought about it himself.
"If you mean it, maybe. But it will be her decision wether to believe you or not." The woman smiled. A smile that lot up her face giving new hope to a heart that had previously been crushed under the weight of rejection. "Don't give up just yet and even if it comes to that, that it does not work out, at least you know that you have tried your best and for it you know that you have become a better human. God's plan for your will never be disappointed and that if not anything else should always give you hope." She said. The comforting hand that was on his shoulder giving a slight squeeze at the culmination of that advice.
"Right. Trials are the tests of our faith."
"Exactly. I see that you are still holding on to your faith?"
" I am. What I have found despite all these trials is the most peace I have had in ages and that, I cannot let go for things that have never worked out for me before." He told her.
"I am glad to hear that. Anyway, you must be hungry. Why don't I get you something to eat and maybe you can rest up as I prepare to meet up with the group? I am pretty sure that they will be very much excited to see you again."
"You think so?" He beamed. It had been a while, but that Bible study group was something that he would never forget. After all, meeting these people had spelt out the beginnings of a new phase in his life. One that he could now say that he was proud of and would never let go of, now that he had found his way.
"Sure. It's not a Wednesday but I asked them to meet since I have an important piece of news that I have to share. Maybe you should also be present in order to hear it."
" I would love that and I want you to know that I really appreciate everything that you have done for me."
"Glory be to our God who has allowed me to be of service to you."