He took me by the hand and bend his right knee then observs me and nuzzle the back of my palm before he kisses there, "Only if I were strong enough to protect you...."
He says it again giving me a sad look that was overflowing in guilt, "They were right to call me a coward. I couldn't do anything in the end..." He was almost in the verge of tears but he suppress there surprisingly. Indeed it will be a shame to cry before a girl. "How could I come to see you when Iam ashame of myself? It was because I didn't want to lose you I was insecure that you might have grown to hate me now."
Why didn't I see it coming? Silly him, "So this was it?" I smile casually looking a little surprised by his reaction. "You don't have to apologize. Wasn't I the one who dragged you with me?"
"...But..."
"And well didn't I said I will protect you?" I pat on his head and brushes it and he seem to take a like in it as he finally smiles back in a way of reconciling with me.
"So easily you say... stop being this kind to me or I might not able to see you the way I saw you before..." His whisper was almost too quiet for me to hear but I heard him say dummy in the end.
We resolve all our misunderstandings and I thought everything else would go back to how it was, even so we grew apart. He was someone was very close it my heart after my brothers. He grew quieter and calm more reserved than the boy I once knew. He would often refuse to play with me or intentionally avoid contacting our eyes during conversations.
Ironically that was our last sincere and heart to heart talk....
A year passed quickly away.
The year that was preparing for my downfall, turning my world up-side-down. The year that was going to snatch away everything from my grip. Like a doll tangled in the strings, lost in her world. Destiny is a really funny thing....
"Mama?!" I screamed in panic leaving me in dazed. I watched the woman before me in horrified expression. Tired and Pale face. Blood. And Breathlessly. The sight of her bruised lips, coughing blood as she struggle to breath was trembling my heart. Losing her balance that causes her to trip off and rolls down the staircase before I could reach out to her, all appeared to be in a slow-mo as if the memories were a dream. Her body laid there stiff. I saw her lips mumbling, her voice absorbed in her own words, eyes fainting and finally giving herself away to the darkness.
I cried out loud in disbelief, "No!!!" The stairs was stained by mother's blood. My shaky legs was almost giving it away and fell right on my feet and watched the scene in dumbfounded.
It became apparent to every eye that she was losing her appetite. I was told that it was only a mere ill so what is father keeping it out? He would often tell me she was soon going to be fine whenever I insisted to meet her while restricting every visitors but the truth is her health was only worsening. I witnessed the spirit in her eyes gradually disappearing when I accidentally happened to peek the nurses treating her. And I still believed she would eventually go back to her healthy state once her treatment was done. Just like I was able to survive from the beast.
Surprisingly one fine day after months of staying bedridden she comes to drop in my room and I was quickly aware of her presence, "Mama?" I was playing a dollhouse with my Mr. big Bunny in the bed. "Why did you come here? You need to go back." I told her in worry.
She looked unrecognisable with her wrinkles shrinking and how she had grown so thin, "I wanted to see you. Have you been a good girl?" There was a tone of tiredness in her voice.
I held the words in my mouth and nod my head instead because i was afraid for I might soon burst into tears if I come to speak. And watched her distressed face without an eyes off.
"All I did was for your sake because I love you. Remember." She says it as if she was hinting me something. "Now give your mommy a big hug?" That was the very last smile I saw on her face.
I hugs her back tight holding back my tears as though it was our last reunion, "You're going to be fine mama. And we are going to be okay."
"I know...." She barely utters it.
"Now let's go back to your room mama or father might find us."