Had I not been too ignorant and stayed by her side would I have felt less guilt?
There was no way they could save her. I heard them talk how she had been enduring the pain all the while until it started to take an adverse effect in her health. I was known later on from father after I caught him talking with the man in white suit who was probably a doctor.
"Iam sorry Mr. Yusaku but that is the truth..." The man in suit pauses, speaking more cautiously this time, "Speaking of the head injury.." [because of falling off from the top of a high staircase] He remove his glasses and puts them back on, "Even if the incident had not taken place she was not going to survive-"
Before the man could finish his sentence father took him by his collar in rage, shooking him until his teeth rattled and glares so sharply at him that the man seem to choke by his words, "Dare you. Say no further."
"Calm..down Mr Yusaku." Trying to get hold out of his clutch, "Didn't we already talked about this matter?"
"...." He begin to slowly loosen his grip.
"We did warned before the medication so that we won't have to put you in false hope."
He looses him finally and let him goes off.
"-That she won't be living long. And you know you saw that coming as well." He releases a sigh of relief.
"But...I-"
The door creaks.
"Papa?" I walked in, ashen faced with shock "Is that true!?"
"I... this is not.. let me explain-" He hesitated, expression turning wary after becoming aware of my presence.
"Is that true?" I clenched my black dress in a deep hope to what I heard was all in my head.
"Iam sorry."
Just two words and how the answer came to be as clear as sky now, was what amazed me. Mother's last words before her death, came flash back to me and I realised the meaning behind her saying.
"I.. I hate lies papa." In stiff and broken. You lied. You lied to me!" I cried.
He gives a look to the man and the man nod his head in agree walking out of the room apologetically and left us to be alone.
He approaches me carefully and crouched down before me, "For your sake." He utters it and felt my numb broken by his embrace. "We had to do this for you, to protect you. We needed to, so that you won't have to be in misery."
I sobbed quietly, "Why did you hide?...."
In a guilt voice, "I was told to. I made a promise to her to keep this from you because she never wished you to know about her condition."
He release the hug and a small smile seem to appear in his face, "It wasn't easy pursuing her for a marriage. Do you understand what Iam saying?"
I stood there still sobbing softly.
"If it wasn't for your sake..." He was growing lonelier and sad when he talked about the woman he loved so dearly. "She was worried about your future, because she realised she wasn't going to be there all her life for you. She wished for a person when you would need a shoulder to cry on. And that is why we are here Ame-Chan." He was seen calm and composed to restrain his pitiful face from appearing any sad but he was shattered inside.
He takes the handkerchief out from his pocket and starts to wipe away my tears, "It's rather good to see someone off with a smile than in tears. She will be very upset if you see her off crying." He pauses to check my weeping face if it had made me calm down. "Now, let's bid her a good bye?"
Indeed, her encouragement to have my own bedroom because I was a cry baby to sleep alone; It is not surprising Iam still such a cry baby now. All their secret conversation and father taking her aside relating to business matters were all to cover up her illness. In reality when she was taken away, she was given medication for pain. But it were only to ease her sufferings no wonder why they used to have appointments behind my back.
She put me through this to adapt myself become aware of the world around me. Everything she did was to give me some love, care and a family. Despite that the child in me wouldnt be able to forgive them for leaving her in dark.
I held my last tears and nods then walked out with the man in hand to bid mama goodbye for the final time....