She caught a cab and was surprised to find that it was the same cab driver as before, she laughed and thanked him before giving her home's address. She entered the house, it was desolate, empty and lifeless. Like her.
She went to her room, the grey walls seemed bigger and the space seemed too large. She took off her pants and twisted her body so that she could see the two scars. They were long and paler than her skin, her fingers trembled as she touched them. Since she had been young, she had hidden the scars. Whether it was stockings, pants, make-up, anything. She refused to get into a situation, such as swimming, where she would have to show them. Even Eliza had never seen the burns and scars that decorated her body. All hidden away. She put on a long dress and went to the kitchen of the main house, her house's kitchen was barely enough to make a meal. Plus, her fridge was empty due to her own irresponsibility.
She had to travel across the lawns before she could reach the large mansion that belonged to her father and Dianna. The last time she had been here, it was just as lifeless as her place. However, Dianna's return and happiness had caused flowers to bloom, rather her gardeners had. However, there were new plants planted in the gardens, pots of flowers inside the house, and the windows were all open. Alisha marvelled at the sights, she wondered how long it had been since she had liked an area of the damned mansions they lived in. Eliza was still asleep at the hotel at this time, so she would only have to worry about James and Dianna, however they both usually woke up a few hours later. She hummed the song she had been before, however the tune was happier and brighter, just like the mood around her.
Her humming caught the attention of their house's head maid, Roselia. Roselia had a wonderful attitude towards Eliza and Dianna, however she was polite to James and rather rude to Alisha. The maid had been hired by Dianna, and knew about all the events in Dianna's life. She knew how terrible James had been to her and what Alisha's existence meant to Dianna. However, she couldn't be rude to James, he was too powerful. No one, save Eliza, cared about Alisha too much, and Alisha never spilled the beans. So, when Eliza wasn't around, Roselia would take her anger out on Alisha. Of course, it was petty things and mean words. Roselia wasn't evil, just angry.
"Ahh, the bastard enters the mansion." Roselia coldly smiled and Alisha rolled her eyes.
"And she greets the maid that can't do her job professionally." Roselia rolled her eyes now.
"Well, hurry up and leech off your parents, what do you need?" Of course, Roselia still had to do her job. She didn't want to, however she was still a maid.
"I'll get it myself. I just wanted some toast." Alisha grabbed some bread and butter and turned on the toaster. She placed the bread inside and turned to the maid. "How are you?" She felt kind.
Roselia sighed, she couldn't be bothered to be mean so early in the morning. "I'm doing swimmingly, cleaning and the rest. How are you, bastard?" She couldn't stop herself.
Alisha laughed and replied "I want to die and I want to live. Just balancing them around." Roselia felt concern in her heart, however her biases pushed them down.
"You should go see a psychiatrist or something, you crazy b***h." However, there was a trace of concern in her words that Alisha appreciated.
"I'll skip the quack procedures. I don't think I could handle something like that again." She laughed.
"Again?" Roselia couldn't stop herself.
"Yep." Alisha grabbed her toast and left the main mansion, she couldn't be bothered to answer any questions. The only good thing James had done for her was the psychologist he had gotten her. She simply pretended to be fine and when James thought she was fine, he let the psychologist go. Perhaps she was better, it had been a long time since she had faced all her atrocities.
"I wonder if I'll ever be able to get over myself." She wondered aloud. However, her words didn't carry on too far, she would never find out.
Hours passed and Eliza returned to the house, she dropped into Alisha's room. "Lisha, I like someone." She announced.
"George?"
"How did you know?" Eliza turned and stared at her sister dreamily. "He's just my kind of person, the way he talks, jokes, looks, his personality, the things he likes and does. How did you even know I would like him?"
"I know you, I know him. You're good for each other."
"I agree. What should I do? Should I tell him? No. What if he says no? Alisha, what do I do?"
"You tell him. If he says no, it's his loss. You move on and find someone else. Got it?"
"You're right. Yeah. Ok. I'm doing this."
Eliza always acted quickly after making a decision, she grabbed her phone and called George.
"Eliza, why do I have the pleasure of greeting you this morning?"
Eliza giggled, making Alisha feel a touch queasy. Ugh, young love, she thought. "Can we meet for lunch today?"
"Of course we can! Where do you want to go?" He sounded a touch nervous. Alisha knew that George liked Eliza a lot, she knew that he fell for her on the day he met her. It was fated.
They fixed a time and place, and were on their way. However, Eliza had to talk to her sister first.
"Alisha, I love you."
"I love you too."
"No I mean it."
Alisha's silence caused Eliza to look down. Eliza felt like one day, Alisha would just disappear. Alisha broke the silence a second after with a chuckle. "I mean it too."
Eliza felt her heart lift, she sighed happily and touched her sister's arm. "I know."
After a hug, the girls separated and awkwardly shook hands before Eliza left. Though they were sisters, intense moments of love felt rather odd regardless. Eliza went to the main house, though she didn't particularly enjoy it, she understood why Alisha agreed to live separately to the rest of the family. She remembered very clearly the day that Alisha had asked to move out, it was years ago, when Alisha was fourteen. Eliza had assumed that her parents would be strictly against the idea, however they both simply nodded. She still sighed at the idea of being treated differently that her sister needed to move out. When she had suggested that she live with her sister, her parents almost got mad at her for thinking such a thing. She had seen Alisha behind them as they lectured her about why she shouldn't even suggest such things.
Alisha looked sad. It was as simple as sad. Her eyes stared at the backs of their heads before turning to the floor, her foot kept shifting and she suddenly didn't know what to do with her small hands. Eliza had her first bout of anger that day, fury against her parents for making her beloved sister cry. Though small, even Eliza felt like Alisha had lived through things she couldn't imagine. She remembered seeing her sister flinch when her mother had approached her, though her mother didn't hit her, she saw her sister ready to be hit. She remembered seeing that her father didn't notice and that her mother, for the first time since Alisha had entered their home, looked concerned for the child. Instead of doing something, ELiza heard her mother say "leave" before turning to hug her. The hug was tight and almost choked her, however Eliza felt her mother's fear too, as if she knew how the child felt.
Eliza had seen Alisha leave and she couldn't do anything, she hadn't been taught to be a wild-tempered and needy, spoiled child, she was a good girl. However, she didn't know that her act then would prevent Alisha from ever opening up to not only her, but everyone around her. Throughout her short lifespan, Alisha kept her doubts, worries and fears locked in her heart. She maintained a cold, perfect image that not even her husband could break. Her tears weren't warm to anyone but herself.
Alisha remembered her sister crying more than herself on her wedding day, sad that she would be moving away forever. However, Alisha found it a touch ridiculous because she hadn't lived with Eliza for a very long time. She didn't realise that even though their houses were different, their homes were the same, at least to Eliza. The difference between a loved child and an unloved child could be seen clear as glass in the two women. Though Eliza seemed put together, she actually was put together, she was emotive, smart, loved and able to love. Alisha was smart, she could love, however she could not accept love, nor could she show her emotions. She feared the hatred that came when she showed her emotions too much. In her heart, Alisha didn't have any parents, she only had a sister. However, her sister had parents, her sister had a community she belonged to. Alisha simply had herself, and it would always be that way for her.
Alone in her room, Alisha reflected on her life. On her loved ones, she wondered why she loved them. Why she felt like she would never be loved by them and she realised that she would never be worthy of their love. She was too tainted. She stared at a stain on her dress and realised that she was staring at a version of herself, stained and disgusting. Self-loathing was normal for her, it was difficult to not loathe herself. She was gross. She remembered the only truly kind eyes to gaze on her and realised they weren't Eliza's, they were of someone who was willing to protect her enough to jump into an ice-cold river. Someone they didn't even know. What a wonderful person, she recalled. I wonder if I could ever have someone see me that way again. The thought floated in her head, bouncing and boiling until it metamorphosed into something completely different. No one will ever love me.
Alisha decided to visit the Main House, it was mid-day now and she had spent her time wallowing in her hatred for herself. She quickly grabbed a few of Diana's pills and downed them, she felt some of her anxiety calm down. In her calmer state, Alisha decided that the antidepressants weren't working for her as well as they used to. She didn't want to increase her dose any more, she wasn't ready to die yet. Her decision rested at one place, she needed to find another method. She, of course, had other available options, however she had abstained from them for a while. She wondered if it was time to head back down the path she had abandoned in her past life.
In Alisha's room, was a stool. The stool had a pillow area you sat on, that pillow lifted to reveal another pillow, this one had a zip. Upon opening the zip there would be lots of fluff, within that cotton would be yet another pillow. Inside this much small pillow were pills. This time in her past life, she hadn't beaten her reliance. Her body was still drawn to the pills however her mind was refraining. Unfortunately, the temptation was incredible. She wanted, so badly, to go down a path she had been drawn to since the night before. Seeing the powder in the air and around her, seeing it taken by the boys, she remembered how good it had been.
No. No, Alisha you cannot go down this path. She slapped her cheeks and balanced herself out again. She decided that she needed to leave the houses, leave everything before she ran to the bag inside the pillow inside the pillow, under the pillow. in the stool.
She found herself at the Peaks, the very top, lying on a picnic mat, eyes closed with a hat covering her face, wearing pink overalls with pale stockings and a short-sleeved shirt. Her hair parted and tied in two plaits, spread across the rug as she napped. She didn't bring her phone, only some money stuffed in her bra, and had a small pocket knife in her left pocket instead. The breeze moved around her like a cat, brushing her legs, her torso, her arms, hair, and nose. It woke her from her nap because of how nice and ticklish it felt. She rose slowly so that she wouldn't feel dizzy and stretched her body.
Then, she saw a face she hadn't seen in years, one she hadn't wanted to see again. Hair, brown like her mother's and eyes that looked like her grandma. She stared at the person she blamed for the scars on her legs more than she did even her mother.