Chereads / My Final Breath / Chapter 32 - final dream (1)

Chapter 32 - final dream (1)

The dream started simple, she was in the kitchen. She had just walked in, it felt unbelievably real.

She grabbed a slice of bread, spread some butter and munched on it. She had let her scars breathe for once because she assumed no one would be awake at this time. It was too early for the family to be moving. She went to Diana's stash and was about to take a pill when she heard footsteps from the stairs. She had forgotten about her clothing and was more focused on hiding the pills. She quickly returned them to their bottle and pretended that she was just eating some bread. "Morning!" She muffled.

"Alisha? You're up early." James commented before grabbing a bag of potato chips. "Ahh, the joys of eating air." He grinned at his own joke before popping open the bag. Alisha smiled politely.

He noticed that she was wearing a short dress for once, it was a night dress, and had not covered up her legs. James, though usually uncaring of his older daughter, had been concerned when a beaten up girl had greeted him years prior. She had a black eye, however her pupils were full of resolution, her arms had scratches and bruises decorating them. He was scared that any child looked the way she did, so he took her to the hospital immediately. There, he was shown her entire body as she sat in a singlet and shorts, the scars on her legs, the burn that was peeking from the side of her singlet. He'd never been so scared in his life just thinking of what the girl had gone through. When he had gone to pet her head, she had flinched, as if she was ready to be hit.

After that time, he hadn't seen a single scar on her body. She kept them so deeply hidden, he almost forgot about them. In the moment where he saw her body, he felt guilt coursing through his body. Alisha noticed his gaze and yelped. A blush covered her face and her eyes began to tear up. "Sorry! I-I'm sorry!" She ran away, her brain wasn't working and she didn't know else she could do. She tripped in the middle of the stairs, twisting her ankle, and slid down. She, as most people would, screamed and simply lay in complete dismay at the bottom of the stairs. James, who had followed her to her house, managed to watch her final tumble. He quickly ran to help the girl.

"Are you okay?" He asked, as most people would.

"Not particularly, but thank you for helping. I'm fine without it." She quickly got up, yelped because of her ankle before falling on her butt. Her eyes were teary again. James laughed, by accident, before receiving a helpless look from her that he found rather adorable. Alisha hadn't shown him a moment of weakness in years, he had forgotten how fragile she was.

"Let's get you upstairs." He picked her up, princess style, and took her up the stairs. She was shocked for a moment and then began asking him to put her down. "I'll drop you if you don't shut up." Quietness filled the house, once more. He noticed that Alisha was blushing furiously and was crying, however there was a peaceful and grateful look on her face. A flower of happiness bloomed in his chest and his heart fluttered, he wondered why he had been so cold to her. He put her on her bed and grabbed a first-aid kit. He lifted her ankle, making her squeal in pain. "It's swelling up so I'm going to wrap it up… let me put some ointment on first." Once he finished, he touched her scar and looked at her fearful eyes.

She was ashamed.

"How did you get these scars? I don't believe it was a group of hooded bullies." He asked.

"Why not? Everyone else believed it." She sighed.

"Because you wouldn't have left her for me because of money. You barely use the money I give you." His eyes were glazed too, it was a question he knew the answer to, however he needed to hear it from his daughter.

"They're nothing to be proud of. They're scars, they're ugly, they're imperfect." However, they were memories of her mother. Painful memories of her mother as a reminder to herself that she would never face the demons of her past. She cuddled her legs to her chest, however she felt a jolt of pain from her ankle so she loosened her grip.

"They're yours. Memories of some sort. How did you get them?" He repeated. She felt drawn into her father's eyes and tears fell from her own, confirming his answer. She suddenly felt compelled to be honest, she wanted to trust James for once.

"M-mmmm- I, um. These were- I was… M-mm-mama?" She managed to muster. She began to cry, she hadn't told anyone, ever. They were her secret with her mother, her mother she hadn't seen in a very long time.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" He asked, this time he didn't have an answer.

"I-i, um, I love her?" She replied. However, even she was unsure as to whether it was love, or fear that had driven her to hide it. Fear of seeing her wretched mother ever again. "O-or I-uh, I was told… n-not to tell anyone." Her little voice shook, scared her father would be mad. She knew, deep inside, that he wouldn't hit her, however her fears and pain had broken through that and were convinced that he would be mad.

She saw his arms rise and screamed "don't hurt me!" she gasped and covered her mouth. However, his hand continued and circled her body and hugged her.

She was like a small puppy, trembling from all the fearful things around her, and James was afraid of hurting her more, however he was more scared of what doing nothing to help her would do. He had just let her live and grow by herself, forgotten about her at times. He felt like a father to Alisha for the first time in his life. "You can depend on me, just for a bit. No, I'm your father. I will always protect you, please just let me do so."

"Yeah right, you won't even admit to the media that I'm your daughter. Thank you, Mr Richards, but I'm doing fine. Could you please leave now?" Her eyes had become cold at his statement. He realised how foolish his words had been. Ever since he had reunited with Dianna, he had, for some reason, forgotten that he had done regrettable things in the last few years. However, he had to fix his own mistakes.

James left her room, and Alisha's world felt too big again. Too big a prison for her small body. She felt happy that her father had helped her, her heart had fluttered with happiness and embarrassment, however she believed that he would never be able to love her. No one around her would be able to. It was just pity, the broken child with the scars. Who wouldn't feel pity? She hated it, all the pity. I am not pitiable, I'm strong, she reminded herself. Her tears betrayed her thoughts.

James was a man on a mission, fuelled by anger. Anger at himself but more anger at a woman he hadn't seen in years. He called the service Alisha had, and quickly found her location.

A woman, in a small house that was near no one else, sat on her porch and stared at the desolate views around her while smoking. She noticed a car pull up near her home, it was quite fancy, however she assumed someone had lost their way. She didn't feel like helping, she never felt like helping, so she stayed on her seat. The door opened and a crisp black shoe emerged, followed by a face she had not seen in many years. "James?" she stared, bug eyed and shocked.

"Hello, Gwen." He noticed that she was the same height as Alisha, she also had similar hair and their eyes looked similar. However, his eyes matched Alisha's more.

"What brings Mr Rich to this part of the world?" She snarled. She knew that Alisha lived with him, however she knew their child would never spill the beans on her abuse. She was too broken.

"Why did you hurt her so much?" His question brought shock to the woman. She raised her brow and cackled.

"The b***h spilled? I thought I had scared her too much." James felt his heart rise in anger, her laughs were taunting at the years of abuse his daughter had to face because of his own weakness. He had broken Alisha more than this woman. "I hurt her like I wanted to hurt you. Me, the prestigious Gwendoline Barker thrown out because she was pregnant, and where was the father? He told me to abort. She looks just like you, her eyes, nose, lips, everything. It maddened me. Me who got a thousand bucks every month as hush money from my family. Did you know that she kept care of me? She would wash me up when I came home drunk, even after I would scream and kick and blame her for my misfortune. I loved her, yet I despised and hated her for something she couldn't control. Do I regret hurting her? Yes. Of course I do. But it makes me so happy to see you burning with rage, I finally hurt the irresponsible man that impregnated me when I was too young to care for it. I hadn't even gotten a degree and I was kicked out of every place I knew. Her abuse, her scars, even if I made them you caused them. You hurt me, so I hurt her." Of course, her words were wrong. She was in the wrong for hurting the child, however she wasn't completely sane. James was responsible for Alisha as her father, however that didn't mean she should hit Alisha.

"You're wrong. You hit her, you burned her, you sliced through her skin. I may have left you, which was wrong, but that doesn't justify your actions. I need to ask Alisha if she wants you in jail, I don't think she'll say yes. But I'll put you in anyways, I can, you know? Gwen, you're more broken than the child you broke." He turned and left, he wasn't going to do anymore. He called the press, he needed to right his wrongs. However, he wouldn't let Alisha's scars be revealed unless she let him.

Alisha sat in her grey room, trying to distract herself from her mind, when she heard a knock. "Come in."

"Alisha, I met your mother today." James announced immediately.

She stared at him, frightened by his statement. "O-okay?"

"I plan on announcing you as my daughter, will you let me talk about your story?" Though his words seemed cryptic, Alisha understood what they meant. She didn't know the answer. She thought for a second before nodding. She had a second shot at life, she wasn't so scared of people anymore. She was scared of James, her mother, Dianna and any murderers, however she wasn't scared of the general public. They were just people that were too interested in her life. Everyone knew that she was James' daughter, however now it would be confirmed.

James called Dianna and met her at a cafe attached to their mansion. "Dianna, I need to do something. I don't think you'll like it, but I have to do it." Dianna was worried he was going to divorce her more than anything. "I plan on announcing to the world that Alisha is my daughter and telling them her story. There's parts you don't even know, so I'm going to tell you the full story now…"

Dianna listened carefully, she was shocked at hearing some parts. She didn't know about Alisha's scars. No one did.

"James, of course you can tell the world all of this. I can't believe that you hadn't already, what the hell dude? That's crazy, you just ignored her for years? You… you're the worst sometimes." She sighed, her response making James blush guiltily. He knew that he was the worst, however he still had time to right his wrongs.

Alisha had to go to the conference too, however Eliza joined her. It was late in the afternoon, Eliza was rather confused about the contents of the conference.

"Oi, Lish, what's the conf about?" She whispered.

"He's announcing me as his daughter…?" Alisha answered, also confused. She didn't think he'd go this far, however she didn't think it was out of love. Maybe an element of responsibility powered his pity to go this far. James asked Alisha to sit next to him, Eliza on next to her and Dianna on his other side. It was unusual because Alisha usually just sat next to Eliza and no one else.

"Good evening, today I've called this conference to tell a story. However, questions can only be asked at the end. This story will show you a side of me that's rather terrible, however, it's time to right some wrongs. Reputation only goes as far as family.

"When I was younger, even until recently, I wasn't the greatest husband. I've had affairs throughout my life and my relationship with Dianna, however after her first miscarriage I hit an all time low. I was in a bar when I met another woman, a woman so beautiful and enticing I couldn't help myself. I spent three months with that woman, and I think she thought that she had a chance with me. However, she was just another plaything to me, I didn't even use contraception. She became pregnant, and her family was angered by the matter so she came to me, the only place she could go. I kicked her out and told her to get an abortion. She, who had been shunned by her family, friends and all those around her, couldn't get an abortion. She gave up and used the thousand dollars her family paid her to keep her quiet to live in a small house, far from everything and had Alisha. However, she lost her sanity. My daughter came to me, twelve years later, with a black eye and scratches covering her, asking me to please take her in. She has scars on her body, two long scars on her shins, a burn mark under her arm-pit, scratches on her back and belly. All hidden. She seemed so strong I thought she didn't need me. I was wrong, I hurt her more than I thought at every stage of her life. I can only wish for her forgiveness, though I don't deserve it. However, she is my daughter, someone that I won't let get hurt again. So, my announcement must ring through all your ears, Alisha Richards is my, James Richards', daughter, she always has been and she always will be." The entire room was silent for longer than a moment. Alisha was frozen in her seat, her eyes seemed to be iced. She felt her father's hand around her own, and when she turned to his face, she saw kindness. However, when she looked at the room, she saw pity. Overwhelming pity.

Alisha grabbed the mic, not thinking of consequences and spoke sternly "Please don't pity me. Many children in our foster care system experience similar or worse things. My mother, though bad, is just the result of her family and friends' treatment. I've never hated her, I never will, so please don't hate her. I am just as capable as anyone else, so don't look down or judge me." Alisha's words startled everyone in the room, yes they pitied her however no one was able to look down or judge her. Though she was quiet, the entire world was aware of what Alisha Richards had achieved, whether it was charity or movements or even her mind. She was as smart as her father if not smarter and was known for her kind heart.

Eliza squeezed her sister's hand, and Alisha saw a proud smile on her sister's face and felt relief. Eliza had never looked at her with pity or anger, always kindness. The closest feeling of love she had ever felt from anyone was from Eliza, however in her heart she feared that even Eliza didn't love her.

A reporter spoke up "Mr Richards, why did you choose today to speak up about this?" James looked guilty.

"I was reminded of my own mistakes today. I do feel terribly for my daughter, but I somehow forgot about her scars. She hides them so well, I didn't realise how much I had hurt her."

Alisa hoped she would never wake up, however she realised that she was watching these scenes unfold. They weren't reality. They were what she had always hoped for somewhere deep inside her heart. She had hoped that her father would care for her, that he would love her, that he would tell the world that she was his daughter. She wasn't anyone else's daughter, she was his daughter, why wouldn't he ever admit it? They looked so similar it was laughable to everyone how sternly he believed that she wasn't his daughter. Even Diana found his rejection of her rather saddening because it was so pathetic, no one on the planet believed him.

She wanted to wake up, she didn't want to see a happy family, not the one she had always dreamt of. She didn't want to witness her dreams because reality was too depressing for her to bear, she didn't want to feel the pain that she would feel when she would wake up.