Chapter 1: Apprehension

"Why can't you just trust me?!"

"Why should I trust you?"

".... we've been friends and co-workers for years now and you still don't trust me?"

"Well yeah… You have a habit of getting a little….. Extreme?"

"B-b-b-b-b-but... can't you just meet him once? My brother won't stop nagging me every second he can ever since you came over with Matt and Sarah!! Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee just do this one favor for me, pleaseee Juliet."

".....You know those puppy eyes aren't going to work on me, Haruka."

*Sigh* I should have known something was up since she's been staring at me at the office for the past 3 hours since I came in. Those eyes don't lie and that's probably the only reason why I agreed in the first place. If I can spare a couple hours in exchange for my sanity, meeting up with Haruka's brother for dinner isn't the worst thing in the world.

…. Probably.

I still have an hour left before I can clock out and get it over with but just thinking about it makes me nervous. I haven't been on a date or even been alone with a guy I'm not related to in 3 years. At almost 27, that's kind of a long time considering I'm not even interested anymore.

At least it is to all of my friends. They don't understand why I'm not interested in seeing anyone, male or female, despite my age and history. We've all noticed the eyes that seem glued to our group whenever we go out. Why did I have to make friends with such short people?

I don't want to stand out but that's kind of hard when I'm at least 3 inches taller than the next person.

I haven't wanted to stand out ever since… A long time ago.

*Sigh* Better get back to work before I make myself stay longer with OT.

---

Managing to spare myself OT, I ended up getting to the restaurant 20 minutes earlier than I had intended. I didn't mean to get here early. Actually, I didn't really want to come at all. These never end well in the dramas Haruka got me hooked on. Then again, I don't think there was one that came close to my history. It's always the guy that has Underworld connections. Or both. If I really was actually interested in finding someone, I would have looked there. I wouldn't want to drag someone into this mess like I was.

Hopefully they leave me alone. At least a little longer before they find out I'm still alive.

Staring out into space, I realized the panic had started to rise. My eyes dilate and my hands start shaking. The body I've lived in all my life doesn't feel like it's mine anymore.

Not like this. I don't want to remember. Don't bring me back. Remembering is the first step to exposing myself.

I probably could have passed out on my feet if I didn't hear a familiar voice and a large body suddenly appearing in front of me.

"Earth to Juliet? Anybody home?"

The body becomes just a hand waving in my face before I snap out of it. Even without a glance, I know who it is. Haruka's brother, Kou.

I have a bad feeling about this.

Chapter 2: Kou

"Huh? Uh, oh. Hi Kou," I look up and respond with a forced smile. If he noticed, he doesn't make any indication of it. Feeling the stiffness in my joints fade, I'm thankful for the distraction.

"Have you been waiting long?"

"Not really, I just got here myself."

"Phew, that's a relief. Let's go then."

"We're not eating dinner here?" I'm confused now. Why would Haruka tell me Kou wanted to eat dinner together and to meet up in front of our favorite restaurant if we weren't going to eat here?

"Sorry for making you come all the way here but I had a few too many snacks at work and I'm not that hungry anymore. Are you okay with just going to a cafe or something instead?" Kou smiles as he says this.

He's clearly lying but I'm grateful we're not going to be spending over an hour just eating. The inkling panic I was feeling just moments prior hasn't faded yet and just the thought of collapsing now is mortifying.

"Sure, I'm down. Desserts at Mango Mango?" I respond with a smirk. I introduced the dessert place to Haruka years ago and after she brought him there too, he was hooked.

"You 'ready know, duh."

If I didn't know better, I would have thought he lived in New York all his life based on how comfortably he's adjusted since moving here when Haruka first started studying here.

The short 2 block walk is relatively quiet despite the loud city noises all around us. Aside from asking the typical "how you've been"s, we just enjoy each other's company. Something about the quiet with Kou has always been comforting to me. Typically I prefer to keep people at arm's length but around him, I can't help but feel like it's not that much of a bad thing.

Before I know it, we've arrived and I'm smiling wide, ready for a sugar fix. I hear a snicker from behind me and frown.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think that you were looking forward to this than I am," Kou says with a smirk.

I try to come up with a witty come back and only pull blanks. Feeling a warm flush roll up my face, I spin on my heel and storm inside. "Well, it's been awhile," is all I respond with before I'm inside and talking to the staff.

Seated by the windows, we people watch while we wait for the desserts to come.

"Where do you think they're going to?" Kou asks, pointing at a couple walking up the block.

"Hmmm probably grabbing dinner like normal people. Ramen or something, unlike us."

"What's that you always say? 'Life is short, eat dessert first'?"

"Ahhh, you know me so well," I respond as I turn my head to look at him and spot the waitress coming with the sago jelly cup and a green tea and mango crepe cake slice. My eyes must have started shining because Kou turns around as well. Out of the corner of my eye, I think I see him make an awkward expression but a split second later, it's gone.

'Hmm never mind,' I think to myself before looking down and grabbing my fork.

"If you're not going to start, I'm going to do the honors," Kou says to me with a smile.

"HEY! HEY! HEY! You can go ahead and start but not on my mango! That's mineeeee," I complain as he downs 2 slices of the mango around the crepe cake.

"You were taking too long," he smirks. I can only open and close my mouth like a goldfish before huffing and begrudgingly digging in.

"I'm glad. You seem better."

*Huh?* I have no idea what he is talking about.

Kou chuckles for a moment before answering the question clearly written all over my face. "You seemed a little off on Saturday. I wanted to talk to you then but it didn't seem like the right time and Haruka refuses to give me your number, even after all this time."

"That's what you've been bothering Haruka about??? By the way she was practically begging me to meet up with you, I thought there was more going on..." I respond, tilting my head to the side. A bit confused but also pretty amused, I try not to start laughing outright to his face. "She probably wants you to suffer as much as she did."

"Suffer?"

"Yeah, as a treat for being sweet I'll pay this time."

"Huh??"

Chapter 3: Release… Sike

He's clearly confused now and the relief from before is completely overshadowed by it. Before he can react, I get out of my seat. Spotting his hand dart out to hold me back, I slap it down, give him a "sit down" smirk and run up to pay the bill.

"Come on, let's go," I laugh to the frozen statue still sitting in his seat. "I'm going to leave you here if you don't move soon."

"Huh? Uh, what, yeah uh gimme a sec," Kou says as he snaps out of his stupor and rushes to grab his bag and jacket.

"I'll wait for you outside," I add with a smile.

Once outside, I look up at the sky and breathe onto my suddenly cold hands. The starless darkness reminds me of that night. The source of my trust issues and anxiety. Before I can even take a mental step down that rabbit hole, Kou comes out in a hurry.

"It's cold out here, why'd you come out first?" he scolds.

"Because people want to get their fixes too, duh," I answer while pointing.

"Okay fine, fair point," he relents. "Can you at least tell me what you mean by Haruka making me want to suffer? What did I do to make her want to do that to her beloved older brother?"

"Hmmm nothing. She probably just wants you to go through the same struggle she had to jump through too."

"Struggle? What does that have to do with your number?"

I smile wide from ear to ear. "What number? I only have a work phone and unless you're under the work category, you don't need these digits. If you just wanted to see and make sure I was okay, then this was it, right? Tomorrow's only Tuesday and we both got work. Haruka was bothering me all day already and I still have to deal with the standard work bull tomorrow too."

"Yeah, you're right. We should get going then. Which train are you taking?"

I can see that he has more to say and ask but is barely holding himself back. It's kind of sweet and endearing honestly. If I wasn't the way I am, I'd probably have fallen for him by now. Smiling, I answer with the opposite direction from the station I know he needs to take to go home.

"At least let me walk you to the station then."

"I'm a grown ass woman in a city that never sleeps. It's not even that late and I'm sure Haruka wants to know that you'll stop bothering her already."

"... Okay, see you next time then," he sighs and gives me a hug, discreetly dropping a piece of paper in my pocket, before walking towards the F train station on 2nd Ave. He turns around to look at me one more time and I wave before I walk towards the 6 train at Astor Place.

I'm going the wrong way but Kou doesn't need to know that. I go uptown towards the Bronx before transferring to a downtown train and walking to my apartment 8 blocks away from the Mango Mango we were just at.

After greeting the attendant, I get in the elevator and soon get to my door. Taking off my shoes, I re-lock my door and set up a different alarm before collapsing on the couch.

It's only at this point that I let my body release the stress I've been trying to hide all day. The only place and time that I can allow myself to remember the grief and pain from that time in another city in what seems like another life. Tears threaten to spill out of my eyes and I hold back the urge to scream.

My work phone pings with a text which I ignore.

Followed by another text.

Then a call that becomes a voicemail.

When another call comes in, I'm ready to leave the damned thing on the couch and go to my room to grab clothes and cry in a hot shower.

Except I don't when I see the caller ID.

"G, what do you want from me? How many times do I have to change my number before you get the hint that I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore?"

"J, shut the fuck up, stop crying and turn on your pager."

Chapter 4: Alphabet

Just that one sentence is enough to bring me from the verge of tears to instant panic.

I bolt up and instantly dark spots invade my vision.

"I said stop crying not to start crying, you fucker! Fucking hell! J..? J? J?! J?! Bitch, respond before I slap you up and make you respond! ..."

Whatever he says after that gets drowned out. I can't hear or think straight anymore. All I can focus on is the day I lost everything.

I should have known better not to pick up the phone.

I should have known better that I would never be safe.

I should have known better not to get complacent and feel like the silence meant that I was safe.

Dropping my phone and gripping my head, I suddenly can't feel my hands anymore. The numbness spreads to the rest of my body and I can't even feel myself breathe.

---------

"J, what the FUCK!"

"Stop shaking her, you idiot!"

"Huh...? What? Who? Why? How?" I didn't even realize I had passed out. I have so many questions but apparently the girl with G has all the answers before I can even vocalize them properly.

"I'm the new B and I hacked your locks. Sorry about that. This idiot would have attracted a lot more unwanted attention if he came alone. We're the only ones that know that you're still alive. G hadn't even told me about you until an hour ago. There was actually a wire here so G knew something was up when you stopped responding. I disabled it already so we can talk but we can't stay here for long. As forgiving as they are for retirees, I don't think Alphabet execs will like finding out one of their prized soldiers that was reported dead somehow suddenly coming out of the woodwork."

"Why-," I start to ask before she cuts me off.

"Because before becoming 'B', I'm his girlfriend- er fiancee now I guess. I only became 'B' because the higher ups found out and didn't want G to be with a civilian."

"But-"

"I was in the army before so I'm not completely a dead weight."

"Then why-"

"Because let's be real, Alphabet isn't all that bad. They're just like the CIA or FBI but buffed up and more secretive."

"And-"

"I'd rather spend my life knowing where the dimwit goes and -"

"Chill, woman! Stop talking before you give her second hand embarrassment," calls G from the kitchen. "And let her finish asking before you answer her. Like fuck you're probably freaking her out."

Getting flashbacks to experience from years ago, I instantly am on alert. "Boy, why the fuck are you in my kitchen? You better not be stealing food from me again if you know what's good for you!"

"Bitch please, you're out of shape. What are you going to be doing with all these calories? So much delicious food and it's all going to waste being eaten by just you. Sharing is caring, hoe. I haven't seen so much treasure in years," retorts G.

"So you're saying that my cooking isn't good enough for you? You better shut up before you start having to make your own meals," snaps B, her pale face contorted in a deep frown and quickly reddening.

I can tell that I'm going to get along with her already. Prior fear forgotten, I start to giggle. "Nah B, he's probably just sad that he can't have free food anymore. You make him go grocery shopping and stuff, right? Or at least you drag him shopping anywhere to carry the bags."

Her face pales and then flushes in a deep, awkward blush. "Oh... yeah. You're completely, right."

"Hmm plus I smell congee(1). Let's hope he's not trying to poison us," I add with a smile.

"Us?"

"Of course. I might be the one that passed out but it's not like I'm going to let you guys stare at me eat. Plus food tastes better eating with other people. It seems like I have a lot to catch up on too."

(1) congee: a type of Chinese/ Asian rice porridge made with A LOT of water. Basically the chicken noodle soup of Asia for when you're sick

Chapter 5: (re)Gain

Well apparently, I had a lot to catch up on. Aside from B and G's relationship, T retired while D, V and X died. A and S were still alive and kicking which brought a smile to my face. They had found the traitor that tried to kill me, I, which didn't surprise me as much as I thought it would. I guess the years we spent butting heads because I had a bad feeling about her made sense.

A bunch of irrelevant information about random places they've gone on missions in Asian countries like Japan, the Philippines and Burma that I didn't really care to listen all that much to was shared as well. I'm pretty sure G only brought them up to try and make me cook for him again.

The only problem was with the organization behind I. Only speculations about either the Feral or Insects were plausible leads. Either way, both crime syndicates were extremely dangerous and whichever they were, they were on the verge of finding out that I was still alive. Failing was never an option for them and the leader that finds out is sure to punish everyone that was sent to kill me. And my family.

Thoughts of the horrendous fate I brought to my sweet, happy and supportive family only invites regret to claw at my heart.

"Don't you still have work in the morning? Are you going to be alright on so little sleep?" B asks, interrupting my thoughts.

"Huh? What? Oh uh, yeah.. WAIT OH SHIT WHAT TIME IS IT RIGHT NOW???"

"Almost 4, my dude. Have these past 3 years been that cushy for you? I should have retired too instead of roping B into doing manual labor again, goddammit," G curses.

"Fuck, yes and yes. In that order. I'm going to take a shower. You guys can sleep in my parents' old room. Everything is still where it used to be so help yourselves. G, don't fuck it up and one of you make sure to wash the dishes. Yes, I will need a wake up call at 07 and before you get any ideas B, I'm not interested in this monkey. I'm happy for you two and glad you found each other. 'Kay bye and night. Sweet dreams if you have any nowadays," I ramble on and rush off.

"Uh is she always like that?" B nervously asked.

"Like what? Kinda air-heady and frazzled? Yeah that's normal."

"I heard that, dipshit!" is the last thing I say before showering and rushing off to sleep.

----------

I don't know how I managed to do it but I get to work on time. B trying to gently tap me awake and G literally yagga-ing(1) me off my bed probably have something to do with it.

Sighing, I take a seat at my desk and think about what I will need to do. B had asked if I would need help packing up some essentials so I could leave my apartment, at least temporarily until the situation gets safer. Going through the motions of my work, I organize the necessary files and graphs needed for the next meetings while debating my options. Even just being at work puts everyone here at risk.

Suddenly a message through the company line pops up with a chilling cryptic message that makes me freeze on the spot.

'Good luck saving Romeo.'

"What are you staring at so intently?" Haruka asks, popping up from behind me.

Jumping in my seat and turning my head in fear that she saw the message, I'm only semi-relieved to see the message magically closed on its own. "Geez, don't scare me like that! I was just spacing out. Didn't get much sleep last night," I sigh, hoping she buys the story.

"Hmmmm I wonder why???? Brother came back pretty early last night...." she responds, obviously fishing for information and most likely jumping to some wildly wrong conclusion.

*Sigh* "I had a lot to think about. The anniversary is coming up too."

"Oh, that's right," Haruka says, obviously wilting from disappointment. "Are you going to take off again?"

"Yeah, I go every year remember? It'll just be a week or two at most without me. You can find someone else to bother."

"It's not the sameeeee... I like bugging you the most <3," she says holding up her index fingers and thumbs in the shape of hearts. "Can we go get lunch now at least? I was waiting for you to slow down with work for almost an hour already!"

"Okay, okay calm down child. Let's go then."

(1) yagga: it's a reference to a meme/ vine where people would pull on someone else's ponytail and say "yagga". I use it a lot as a joke replacement of yanking something irl

Chapter 6: Losses

Ramen eaten and the majority of the work day over, I make my way over to my manager's office. I take a slow deep breath and knock.

"Come in."

Gripping the door handle more than necessary, I steady my nerves and walk in. "Hi Erica, I'm sure you know what I'm here for."

"Yeah, same as always right? Just next week?" Erica had always been really understanding but I expect the request I'm about to make to cause some backlash.

"Can I get the next week after off too? I can work from home for the whole two weeks after hours if needed, but I don't think I'll be able to come into the office," I reply as calmly as possible. Behind my back, my hands are clenched in fists in an attempt to keep my knees steady and anxiety at bay.

Her jet black eyes stare daggers at my grey ones. Brows furrowed, leaning back in her chair and nails tapping her desk, panic begins its grip on my heart. I haven't had to ask for permission like this in years and the lack of discipline shows in my tremors.

"You haven't taken many sick days so I can log those. This is a little sudden but I'll email you anything you need to work on. I have plenty I want to ask but I get the feeling you won't tell me the whole story anyway," Erica finally relents. I'm surprised but thankful regardless of her reasoning. The way she seems to have such a heavy tongue makes me a little suspicious but I reciprocate her respect for my boundaries.

However, on my way out of her office, she adds something surprising, "Do your job properly this time, J. I don't want another phoenix up in here."

I immediately whip around and stare at her, a completely different darkness fills my eyes.

"I'm just an observer. Don't glare at me and remember to come back in one piece."

"Who else knows?" I cautiously ask.

"No one here that I know of. If something else happens and you need a resignation letter, I'll draw one up. Cleaning up after people seems to be the only thing I'm really good at after all. Now go home, it's almost six. I'll get your PTO through the system."

"Yes, ma'am."

----------

Opening my apartment door, I get blasted by the smell of sweat mixed with hot fragrant air from the kitchen.

"What the fuck...? You guys are still here?"

"Shhhhh, you're distracting me," is the only hurried response from G. I watch him on the colored mat, playing DDR (1) and hitting the arrows on my TV almost perfectly.

Giggling, I see B walking over from the kitchen with two glasses of room temp water. Handing me one, she says, "I'm surprised anyone still has PS2s at home, let alone working mats."

"Well yeah, that's the easiest way to exercise without feeling like a chore for me," I confess. "It's not nearly enough to keep the muscle from before though."

"You seem to be doing just fine putting on some fat, girl. I doubt your curves would be this nice otherwise," B comments while poking my hip. "Come on, let's leave the dancing monkey to play. I helped myself to your kitchen if you don't mind. I didn't think packing for you was a good idea so we didn't do much of that. We should all leave before tomorrow though."

"Ah, right. I'll probably need your help packing a bit but I don't think there will be that much."

It didn't take long for G to join us and complain about how I made him break his perfect combo. Dinner with other people at home really gives me a wistful feeling. As per B's suggestion, I wash all of my laundry from the past 3 days as well as clean up everything that had been sitting in my closet, awaiting my return.

Leaving this apartment, even temporarily, stabs my chest. It was the last place I saw all of my family in one place.

The first and last place I was truly happy.

(1) DDR: Dance Dance Revolution. PlayStation dance game from before Just Dance and Dancerush Stardom. The home system is vastly inferior to the arcade set up but having a game at home is a blessing to lazy nerds like me no matter what.

Chapter 7: Game Start

Before I know it, three days have passed and it's now Friday. Haruka wanted to take me to the airport and do something together before I left for the week since Erica let us all go early today but I lied saying I had to finish packing and my flight was at five a.m.

The main lie being that I needed to pack. I was going to catch a flight, not at five a.m. but tonight at nine p.m. and not to where I usually would be going around this time of year.

Sleeping on B and G's couch after daily workouts with them was really doing a number on my body. I could see the definition on my muscles coming back while I woke up every day more sore and more crabby than the last.

Stretching my sore body out, I take one last look around their place before the three of us leave, having freshly washed up from the last much shorter work out/ sparring session. I had showered first because I needed to transform back into the J I looked like years ago. Full smokey eyed, black lipped make up and my naturally wavy hair from being tied up all the time, now pin straight. Wearing skin tight leggings and an oversized half zipped up hoodie over a black sports bra that shows off my extensive shoulder, chest and back tattoos, I look just like an ABG (1) on her way to the gym to show off instead of actually working out.

At the airport, we don't get on a commercial plane that I normally would get on. There's a private jet waiting for us, going straight to the current Alphabet base camp. However, walking through the terminals, I can tell I'm attracting lustful gazes. The lollipop in my mouth definitely doesn't help my case but I need the sugar to help me sleep faster on the flight. I haven't dressed like this in years and if I wasn't consciously making a point to ignore all of them, I probably would have started to feel self-conscious by now.

One gaze in particular catches my attention. The vibe is different from the rest of the horny fuckers or appalled, judging glares from the conservative folks. I turn my head against my better judgement and the shock would have registered on my face if I didn't try my hardest to frown and glare at him.

'Why is Kou here? Does he recognize me? Does he know where I normally would be going? How much does he know?'

"What the fuck are you lookin' at, bitch?" I snap as exaggeratedly as I can.

His head tilts to the side at an angle, a habit that he had unconsciously picked up from me when thinking in deep thought. He looks so cute and endearing if G didn't tug my hand and force me to walk away, my cover would have been completely blown.

"Welcome aboard," the pilot greets us when we get onto the jet.

On the outside, it looks just like a regular plane just a lot smaller but I can feel the power of the engines vibrating the whole aircraft. I would have gotten really excited if I wasn't preoccupied with my thoughts and going to be sleeping the whole ride anyway. Taking my seat alone as far away from the couple as possible, I take out the note that Kou had slipped into my pocket on Monday.

'You won't give me yours but here's mine. Contact me if you need anything' it reads followed by his number. I couldn't bring myself to throw it away before and still can't find the will to get rid of it. Instead, I tuck it into the back of my phone case. I won't use his number but knowing it's there somehow reassures me that I will get through this.

Being a liability, I left my regular work phone at my apartment right before we left and will turn on my main phone when we get to the base camp. Staying at B and G's place for the past couple days I didn't need it before but I do now.

In this game of cat and mouse, this is where the line begins.

(1) ABG: Asian Baby Girl or Asian Baby Gangster

Chapter 8: Kou POV: ???

I have so many questions. So, so, so many questions.

Staring at the slim figure strutting away from me, I wonder if my eyes were deceiving me. That girl was definitely Juliet. I have never seen her looking or acting like that before but that was, without a doubt, my little sister's best friend. At least I think it was...

When I get home and spot Haruka watching a new popular k-drama, I leave my suitcase and shoes by the entrance and drop down on the couch next to her.

"What k-drama is this?" I ask, hoping to distract myself and not let my overly observant kid sister notice something is on my mind.

"Why do you care? You refuse to watch them with me anyway," her response comes out with a pout. "What is Nii-chan trying to hide from me this time?"

Well, crap. Alright then, so much for that. "This business trip just sucked more than usual. Client was being a pain," I try to make up excuses so I don't have to tell her the truth. Not that it worked, obviously. For someone that acts so air-heady and bubbly, Haruka is way too sharp. Maybe it's because she's known me her whole life but she can read me faster than the light novels she's gotten hooked on.

"You know that's bullshit, Nii-chan. You also know I'm not going to let it go until you spill the tea. After bothering me all of last weekend, you think you're getting away easy? Aw hell nah," she snickers and starts poking my ribs, knowing how ticklish I am. It's honestly not fair that she's not ticklish too.

After about ten minutes of relentless tickling, I give up and call mercy. Out of breath, I tell her what I saw, "Juliet was there at the airport. Or at least I think it was Juliet."

"Hmm? She said her flight to see her family was at five a.m. though. Maybe she just wanted to get there early so she wouldn't have to go there at some ungodly hour in the morning? What do you mean you think it was her though?"

"The girl was dressed and acting weirdly. She snapped at me and asked me what I was looking at like I was a stranger. And she was dressed in all black: leggings, a huge zip up hoodie, long, straight black hair and she had shoulder tats. Also, she was eating a lollipop for some reason."

"Juliet doesn't eat candy though, you know that. And I've never seen her wearing something like that before. I don't think that she has shoulder tats but now that I think about it, I've never seen her shoulders. Even at the beach or pool she'd have a cover up on to hide her burns. Hmmm.... are you sure it was her?"

"I think it was... the more I think about it, the less confident I am that it was her," I answer.

Talking to Haruka makes me doubt myself more and more but I can't shake the feeling that I definitely saw Juliet. Something doesn't line up and I'm not sure figuring it all out is a good idea.

Three years ago when Haruka first found Juliet, she was unconscious and barely breathing. On the brink of death, Juliet was rushed to the hospital to be treated for gunshot wounds, second and third degree burns, as well as smoke inhalation.

While nothing and no one came back around to find Juliet, someone had visited Haruka and told her to be a good friend and let her live a good life. Juliet and Haruka had barely known each other for more than a couple months at best in university. Regardless, Haruka did her best to take care of Juliet and they became the best friends they still are now to this day.

Haruka never described the person to me but I tried my best to trust my sister's judgement. Even though something about this whole situation was really sus (1), I didn't know what I wanted to do. Haruka wanted to do nothing and just be a regular friend to Juliet no matter what because she knows that she's a good person.

I want to find out what's threatening the charming girl who always has a sad glint in her eyes, even when she's smiling and laughing. If only I could protect her from that sorrow somehow. Despite the desire to get closer to Juliet, the person that visited Haruka had always put me on edge. Whatever Juliet is in danger of had found Haruka once and could surely do it again.

Our parents requested I come to the States with her when she wanted to study here and I willingly did so I could protect her. At this point, I couldn't tell who I wanted to protect more: my beloved sister who I crossed the globe for or the one I want to spend the rest of my life with regardless of the mysterious clouds surrounding her identity.

(1) sus: suspicious

Chapter 9: Remember

"Who the fuck are you?"

The jet stopped at a nearby airport and we walked towards the awaiting Jeep where I got bitched at before I could even blink. Without missing a beat, I clapped back, "Don't worry about it. If you matter enough, you'll find out eventually." I regretted it a little then wondered why I felt guilty when I've said and done much worse in the past. Maybe these years have made me soft after all.

"Bitch! You wanna walk back or something?" she snaps.

"Calm down, E. This is J and she's back. Shit happened so she was MIA for awhile but she's back now," G cuts in. "Now let's go and meet up with Alpha before he has all of our heads."

"Tch," she seethes, walking back to the driver's seat to wait.

"Glad to see you still haven't completely lost your edge, J," G comments as he tosses our bags into the trunk.

I sigh. "Can't tell if it's that much of a good thing yet though." Staring out into the open expanse of land and wondering how much I missed the clean air and bare sense of calm.

On the drive to camp, I finger the outline on the back of my pager, wondering what Haruka and Kou are doing. Unconsciously, I smile slightly. They're both so sweet but the less they know, the better. Watching the people I love tortured and murdered in front of me once was more than enough for the rest of my entire existence.

Then I remember the message I got at work. Stiffening, B next to me notices and eyes me but doesn't say anything.

'Good luck saving Romeo.'

I hadn't told B or G about it because I was caught up on learning that Erica was probably a cleaner or at least related to one. Despair over what could potentially happen started its cold embrace over my entire body as I started to shudder and imagine the endless possibilities, none of them ending well.

A warm hand covered mine and the raw biting chill slowed its clawing in my chest. B slowly shook her head side to side from her seat next to me with concern painted throughout her dark obsidian eyes.

Taking a couple slow, silent deep breaths, I manage to calm my thundering heart back to around 75 bpm.

There's no way that I can break down now. If I can't even last the trip there with my own thoughts, how would I be able to survive the ridicule that I'm sure to get for disappearing?

Way too soon E stops the car and tells us to get out. I look out the window and see a multitude of faces, some familiar but most not.

Opening the car door, I look down to ensure I don't twist my ankle on my first step back into this world. Before my foot even hits the dirt, I hear a familiar voice.

"How's the phoenix been doing since ditching the rest of us?"

Chapter 10: Alpha

Taking my time stepping out, I slowly stretch to my full height and then casually lean my weight to the left.

"Hmm, depends on who's asking," I answer with a bright smile. I know exactly who it is but the banter is fun nonetheless.

"The one that missed you second most here, obviously. Welcome back, J. Glad to see you haven't bit the dust yet," the big, muscular, blonde giant jokes back.

I laugh, "Glad to see you haven't gotten more grays while I was gone, Alpha."

"I wonder why? Seems like you haven't changed at all since you recruited you all those years ago. Still going to be the cause of all my grays. Come on, I'll walk you around," A says while swinging my backpack over his right shoulder and holding the smaller duffel in his other hand. Pointing at B and G, he adds, "They can take care of themselves."

"Ooh, free labor? Don't gotta tell me twice!"

A only chuckles and starts slowly walking ahead, not stopping to wait for me to catch up to him. Which I do skipping like I'm completely obvious to the various types of stares directed at me. It's not until we get to his office, out of earshot and sight of everyone else, that A stops walking and his expression turns solemn.

After closing the door and placing my bags on the floor, he starts speaking in the same speech-y voice I respected and missed for so long.

"I am sorry about calling you 'our phoenix'. I didn't want you to be surprised by everyone else calling you that but it was one of the worst ways I could have warned you," he starts then pinches the bridge of his nose and continues. "Not much has changed here except for some of the people. You were some sort of a legend and some of the newbies looked up to the achievements you made while you were still here."

"Aye, aye captain. So basically you just missed me a lot and I'm going to be fighting unrealistic expectations for a bit, right?" I interrupt, knowing that if I don't stop him now, we might be standing here for some time.

Temporarily rendered speechless, A just stares at me. "Yeah, I guess you're right," he laughs. "I forgot you had a tendency of stopping my reports early. I missed you a lot, Tay. Glad you're back," he says, giving me a big, warm bear hug.

"I'm surprised you still remember that name too. It's been a long time..." I whisper softly.

"How could I possibly forget when you decided to show up here looking exactly the same as you did when I got you out of trouble 8 years ago?"

"You mean took me out of the frying pan and threw me in the fire? My company wasn't great back then but learning how to be a spy or soldier was hardly a plausible future going down that path."

"I saved you from a life of petty crimes and theft so you would be less bored and actually do something productive with your time. Which I guess wasn't that much better in the long run for you," A retorted.

He looked around his office for a list of where the few spare rooms were and we set off, with him carrying my bags again, of course. Upon arriving, we dropped off my bags and took a quick tour of the base as well as a reminder of wake up and meal times that hadn't changed since 3 years ago.

Looping back, the girl that was staying in the room next to mine came around and froze the second she saw me. Eyes widening, she covers her open mouth and starts squealing .

Assuming she's one of the fans Alpha had told me about earlier, I give her a smile and a small wave. She starts vibrating in place and I wonder how the rest of the newbies will react to my return. It'll be really easy if most of them are like this girl but I'm not quite naive enough to actually believe in such a positive possibility.

Sighing, A tells me I need to work out and eat more just as he started to take off. Basically ensuring my timely attendance at the line up times for training and meals.

' You've lost so much weight, I could snap you like a twig,' my foot. I bet I could still give his old ass a run for his money in a duel.

Chapter 30: Plot

In the hallway, we bump into a nurse that tells us to go to see the doctor on duty for a check up after we see Kou.

I already had my suspicions in my room but seeing the hallway proves that we're not in a regular hospital. The building is comparatively small but the basics are all set up the same in organization clinics so we can easily find first aid items without the hassle of going through a public hospital, waiting, and being asked questions that we cannot answer.

Kou's room is on the same floor as mine and just down the hall. Haruka is asleep on the cot the medical staff gave her and doesn't stir when we enter. Z pushes the wheelchair so I'm next to Kou's bed then leaves to wait outside.

Grabbing his hand, I feel for his pulse and look around for lasting damage from the bullet wound. I clutch his hand like a lifeline and whisper, "I'm sorry for getting you involved. You must live so you can judge me later." I do the same and say similar words to Haruka before leaving with Z to the doctor.

He gives me a progress report and my healing is average at best. I will still need to stay under observation since I have a concussion from something knocking me out when I had just managed to escape the fire and my fractured ankle. Everything else is on the mend so I don't have much time to rest before getting forced back to work with crutches.

After that visit, I never went back.

Haruka getting to work from home turns into a blessing for me as well. I haven't seen her for two weeks since I started going to the office again. While my injuries are not completely healed yet, I can walk with just a brace and my ankle will never be the same anyway so I don't fret over it. Erica somehow knows everything before I return which helps with both of us being away from the office for so long. Z moved into one of my spare rooms to "take care of me" but really it's so she has a cover story to stick around. Afterall, someone needs to be able to snoop around while I'm out of commission.

Aside from minor transactions, the Insects don't seem to be doing much within the Northeast coast. After hours G and I have been looking into them but there hasn't been much movement beside small transactions here and there. Even Rey and Izzy have been suspiciously quiet.

"Everything okay?" Haruka asks from behind me.

I take a moment before looking at her from my spot against the wall next to my desk. Pinching the bridge of my nose for the fifth time today to make my head stop spinning every time I stand up gives temporary relief but still takes a minute before my vision stops swimming.

"Uh, yeah. I'm good. Just busy playing catch up and stuff," I answer giving her the easiest grin I can muster.

"You look even more tired than before your break. I'm sorry for bringing you out so far…"

"Nah Haruka, it wasn't your fault. Some things are just unavoidable. How's your brother doing?"

"Kou-nii is doing a lot better now. He's back at work but bare minimum. No more trips or extra meetings for now." Haruka still looks really stressed but nothing I say can really help that.

"That's good. His company is letting him take it easy." I actually didn't want to know. I had asked to be polite but the images of him getting hurt keep replaying whenever I close my eyes. At least it was good news.

Haruka sticks around for a moment, shifting her weight back and forth. It irks me a little but lunch break is a hard time to avoid conversation.

"What is it? You already know I can't say no to most of your requests," I ask.

"Is it okay if I come over tonight? It's been awhile…" Haruka's signature puppy eyes come back.

"Ugh, yes, sure. Just stop looking at me like that!"

My place will be empty anyway so it's not like I have a reason to say no. There was reported movement from Izzy near the Canadian border but Z was going and B was her back up since G was leading comms. Naturally, none of them were allowing me out anywhere near anything potentially interesting.

A satisfied smile on her face and a glint in her eyes, Haruka skips back to her desk. She's planning something, as always, but it's usually harmless so I just ignore it.

Instead of going together, Haruka says she wants to grab some stuff from home first and meet me at my place. I give her the side eye but she's gone before I can protest. Z has been eating like a horse so I make use of the time to go grocery shopping.

'No reason not to, I guess.' Stopping by the supermarket, I make sure to get yakult. Haruka's old favorite and ever since introducing it to Z, hers as well. Comparing the two of them brings a smile to my face. 'It's crack to them. Actual children on crack.'

Back at my building, I let the door attendant know I'm expecting Haruka. Punching in my code to my apartment, I think about what to cook for Haruka that Z will like too. The raid isn't that far so she'll probably be back at some point in the night.

Comfy home clothes on, Kpop blaring and comfort food ready to be plated, my mood has lightened considerable but the edge is still there. When the intercom rings, I'm a little confused. I had told the lobby attendants to just send Haruka up.

"Hi Ms. Juliet, were you expecting guests?"

I understand immediately. He said "guests."

"Can you put them on the line?"

"Of course."

"Thank you." My hands won't stop trembling. My stomach lurches and I hold back the urge to hurl. Possibilities of who could be there race through my head. I lean on the wall in an effort to steady myself that doesn't work.

"Juliettttttttttttttttt, I just wanted to surprise you! Why is your security so tight?"

'Huh? Haruka? This is what she was plotting earlier?'

"YES, this is what I was plotting before! You never saw Kou-nii once in the hospital and he's been bothering me, worrying like he's your brother or something! Geez, it'd be easier to bring him to the office or to drag you to my house than deal with you," Haruka's distinct huff sounds through the line.

My hands have stopped shuddering and instead are on my forehead to calm my twitching brow. "Just give the phone back to the attendant. It's just you and Kou?"

"Yeah…"

"Okay, just give the phone back." Seconds later I give them the okay to be sent up, clutching my abdomen as if my life depended on it.