Chu Ling didn't say anything for a long time and Bai Mei Li didn't rush her. She had her head down in obvious contemplation. Chu Ling had thought that she'd hidden all that under her smiles and pleasant personality. She didn't want people knowing about that, it was so shameful… but that wasn't what was most important. She didn't want people judging Fei'er. She was just a innocent child, and it wasn't fair for her to have to live with such a stigma.
There was also Fei'ers father… Chu Ling couldn't help but shiver a little at the thought of the man. It had been a miracle that she'd been able to get away, she didn't want to risk raising his attention. She had no faith in being able to get away from him again.
That man just wielded far too much power. Even though she trusted that Fan Tao and Chai Ying were completely capable of handling that man she understood that the sanctuary wasn't ready to have so much attention placed on it. If possible she would prefer to just stay under his radar. That was why she hadn't left this place once since she'd gotten here a year ago.
"I…"
"I answered you honestly about what I do and what I'd noticed about you because you asked and I respect you and our friendship enough to be honest with you, but understand that doesn't mean that you have to spill your guts to me if your not ready too." Bai Mei Li cut her off because she could say anything. She'd been watching her closely and she could tell that she wasn't ready to talk about it. It was more like she felt obligated too since Bai Mei Li had noticed. "I won't say anything about this, but I am here if and or when your ready to talk." She took a sip on her tea before looking to Chu Ling again.
"Thanks, it's not that I don't trust you. It's just it's hard… it's." She paused her brows creased as she struggled to find the right words to express what she was feeling.
"It's okay." Bai Mei Li had stood up and walked over to her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "We barely know each other. It would be stranger for you to suddenly feel comfortable sharing such sensitive information with me. Just remember that this is what I did for a very large portion of my life." She smiled reassuringly at her. "Stuffing down trauma and pretending like its not there doesn't work. It always finds it's way out one way or another."
"Thank you." She was still looking down. Now that Bai Mei Li knew she found it hard to look her in the eye.
"You survived while raising a child you could of rejected. Your strong and your teaching Chu Fei to have your kind of strength. Be proud… Not ashamed." She patted her shoulder once more and then sat down. "So what are you cooking me for dinner. I need at least two different kinds of meat."
Chu Ling laughed. "Alright how about fish and pork?"
"A hotpot… I agree!" She grinned and then looked to the children again. During their talk Xiao Jun had fed Fei and was now feeding himself.
She got up and went to them. She went down and touched the bowl and then held her hand over the sandwich. She channeled her fire Qi and warmed up his food. After giving him a kiss on his forehead she returned to the table.
"So what did you do in the other world?" Bai Mei Li asked when she came back to the table.
"I was a chief. I appeared on a few celebrity chef T.V programs."
"Well that makes sense. Now I don't feel so bad about sucking when compared to you." She chuckled and started to clear the table. "Oh no you don't. You cooked, I'll clean up sit back down. I'll brew another pot of tea." She said when she saw Chu Ling trying to sit up and help.
"Alright but just because I know I'm cooking tonight too." She was slowly but surely calming down and getting comfortable again. She felt relieved that Bai Mei Li wasn't pushing her to explain herself and had instead just went back to their light hearted conversation.
She got what Bai Mei Li was trying to tell her about holding it all in, but she just wasn't ready. Since it had happened those few years ago she had just placed it to the back of her mind and had just kept it there. She felt more comfortable this way… mostly because thinking about that man frightened her. She didn't want Fei'er anywhere near him and his family. Especially when she was still so young and defenseless.
She looked to her daughter.
This peace… she just wanted it to last a while longer. She wanted Fei'er to grow up in safety and happiness. She had no intention of keeping her origins from her. She just wanted her to be old enough… strong enough to handle the consequences of the truth.
"I don't believe there is a right or wrong way to consider your daughter while your dealing with this. I mean as long as you love her and the decisions that you make and you're putting her interests above your own. I can see that your doing that and that's all that's important. She'll understand."
"How do you know she'll understand? What if she hates me?... Or him. Is it strange that I hate him but I don't want her too?" Chu Ling had always felt confused about that. She hate Fei'ers father to bones, but she'd never wanted her daughter too and she didn't understand why.
"It's not strange." She said while washing the dishes.
"What do you mean?"
"You clearly know what it feels like to be filled with hatred. You love your daughter you want her to grow up healthy and strong and happy. How can she be truly happy if she's filled with the same emotions you're dealing with. So of course you don't want her to hate him." Bai Mei Li explained in a calm tone. She didn't ask any questions because she knew that Chu Ling wasn't trying to come to terms with what happened to her. She was just asking questions about her doubts towards how she was raising Chu Fei.
"When should I… I mean how old should she be when I… talk to her about this?"
"That depends on Fei." Bai Mei Li brought the tea pot with with newly made tea to the table along with the newly washed tea cups. "All children mature on their own time. It also depends on how much you shelter her." She poured Chu Ling another cup of tea then sat down and poured herself a cup as well. "As a mother you have a natural desire to want to protect her from everything… but even on earth I never believed that this was the correct way to protect a child… especially a girl. The less she knows and understands the less likely she'll be able to protect herself. This was dangerous in the relative peaceful China not to mention here where the strong can quite literally do what they what. The more she knows and understands the more prepared she'll be to protect herself."
Bai Mei Li had never thought sheltering children from everything was the correct way to protect them. On the contrary she felt like this was doing little more then handicapping them.
"Bu… but she's a child…"
"For now yes, but that will only last so long and then she'll start cultivating. I have no right to tell you how you should raise your daughter. I would just remind you this world is not earth and I don't think it's safe to raise her as though this were earth."
Chu Ling didn't refute her. Although she wanted to she knew that Bai Mei Li was speaking the truth. This was the cultivation world and although women were practitioners too their place here was still considered far below men. No matter how talented they might be their talent was only appreciated because of its potential to be passed down to a son.
"I will consider what you've said… I know it's truth. It's just that…"
"I know you just want her to have a normal childhood… like we had right?"
"Yes. You know… Ice cream and watermelon smashing. Going to the beach and making life long friends. I want her to be able to smile and laugh genuinely." She didn't want to raise a spoiled self entitled brat who doesn't have the ability to see anyone other then themselves.
"You will raise her to be a good woman because she has you a role model. Look this is years in the making. Take it slowly. I have no doubt that you will raise her properly."
"I know, I know. I jus…"
Before she could finish her sentence there was a loud explosion and then the earth immediately shook violently afterward.
There was moment of silence where Chu Ling and Bai Mei Li turned and looked at each other. There was understanding in each other's eyes. They both turned and looked at the children then bolted toward them while preforming hand seals.
Chu Ling grabbed Chu Fei and Bai Mei Li grabbed Xiao Jun and then both of them ran toward the door.
Bai Mei Li formed a giant ice shard and threw it towards the front door blowing it away. The ice shard splintered and then smelted flowing around her. She aimed it at the apartment door in front of them and broke through that door as well.
Fan Tao had said that she was the only one in the building right now so she wasn't worried about harming anyone.