I just couldn't get him off my mind.
Yesterday he called me but I had blocked his number.
From two days I'm missing him more , don't know why .....
His smile, his teasing , our fights ... everything thing is swirling in my mind.
I remembered the few moments when he showed a side of his which no one had ever seen, his eyes looking at me lovingly, his voice as gentle as it could be trying to sooth me as I was suffering from fever one day at my tuition in my 10th grade.
That day it was just 30mins and our class will be over, so I was enduring.
No one seemed to suspect that I was unwell because I acted very normal. But he caught on to a frown on my face
He said " Casolina are you alright? "
I replied " yeah I'm fine, why do you ask? "
He said looking at me " You don't look too good, tell me what's the matter are you ill ? "
(What a capability he has when even my best friend can't tell the difference, he can guess that something is wrong with me just by looking at my face.)
I said I was suffering from fever.
He sat beside me trying to distract me of my discomfort.
Then he said " you are very sensitive after our marriage if you keep getting fever like this how will I take care of you? "
I thought that his flirting machine has started it's engine. But looking at his eyes i saw something which I have never seen before. His expression showing how honest he was when he said about our marriage.
Then the rest of the 20 mins he spent gazing at me lovingly and longingly.
Well i was so distracted that I actually forgot i had a fever , kept asking him why was he staring at me.
He replied with a smile saying " Why is it a crime to look at someone i love?"
I still can not forget that moment , his expression, his inexplicable gentleness, his eyes which couldn't hide his love.
Remembering these all things now , I think of the possibility if he has ever looked at any other girl with the same expression in these 3 years.
So right now it's 12am i have unblocked his number , sent a msg saying I have decided to stop writing the story. He was quick to respond just like before one month when I called him for the first time after 3 years.
Our conversation:
Me: i have stopped writing the story.
He: which story?? ( i have informed him earlier that I was going to write a story about us , he was ecstatic and encouraged me. He said he supports my idea.... And now he doesn't even remember about it. GREAT ISN'T IT?)
Me: (was going to type leave it , it doesn't matter).
He: I want to talk to you
Me: ?
He: we can talk on whatsapp right..??
Me: ?
He: You blocked me everywhere TT
Me: why should I talk to you?
He: we are friends..
( that hurt me like a hell, i don't understand after confessing each other's feelings , knowing that I love him , knowing that I can never get a chance to spend even a day with him in my life.. he wants me to take him as my friend.....like seriously!!!!😢 My crying machine has already started)
Me: we are not friends anymore.
He: why??
Me: My wish ( i have already lost my mind... i said this because last time I told him he had to stop contacting me and he was like..yeah your wish!!)
Me: Good Night..(before he could type anything...i have to end this conversation)
He: ok Good Night but pls don't block me again..!
Me: ( Blocked him right after he sent this text).
I prayed to God a lot saying to keep his thoughts out of my mind..
It has been over a month and I keep getting dreams about him coming to visit me.
I dreamt about him crying for me .
I dreamt going to buy shoes with him and another friend of mine, we brought a pair of black shoes with yellow lining.
He is very capable he is not even letting me have a good night sleep.
In daytime I'm immersed in his memories.
In night time he comes to my dreams.
You guys are asking for updates, I'm sorry for being late but I will give more updates when I'm in a calm state of mind.
This small update above is the only thing I can do for you guys..
Again I'm sorry...!!