When I reached the school he was there in the parking lot standing in the place where I used to park my vehicle. He was there with his arms crossed across his chest. It was my favourite pose of him.
"Hi Thesika," he said, when I looked at him.
"I brought something for you Alex," I said and gave him the windchimes that I had brought for him.
"I too brought something for you," he said and placed a small gift wrapped box in my palm. What will be there in it?
He left before I could say anything. I stood there staring at the gift he gave. It was wrapped in shiny red gift paper. What will be there in it, I wondered. Does it really matter? Nay!! He gave it, I will accept whatever was packed into that little box. Is this the time? Can I say that I am in love with him? I just pulled the strings of the yellow ribbon. My heart beat fast while I was unpacking it. Before I could unwrap it fully Anushiya came to me like a devil. I just slipped the gift that he gave me quickly into my bag.
I don't want others to know about it. I just wanted to treasure it within myself. I don't want others to know what was going between us. What is going in between us, I wondered. I knew my feelings towards him but what about him? How did he about me? I don't know. I cannot judge him.
Whenever I felt that he took a step towards me, he just disappeared for the next two or three days making me wonder. He really does a very good job of it. He constantly confused about his intentions but I did not mind... I don't mind it. As long as he was there to confuse me I would be happy to get myself confused.
How does he see me? Does he see me as a friend or does he see me as a close friend as he said or does he see me more than that? He doesn't give me the slightest clue.
I know he cares for me. He cared for other members in the club the same way too. Or does the care he shows towards me much more than the care that he showed towards others? He always helped the people in the club - that made him an excellent leader. He never allowed anyone to feel low about them. He helps them to come out of it and face their problems. This makes him a good person but how does he see me?
He was not a guy who would show preference to the girl whom he loved. I too did not show him any sign or say anything to him. I did not want to ruin our relationship. May be he does not see me as how I wanted him to see me but I was sure that he saw me as his friend who was there for him when he fought with his other friend and he was left alone. That was enough for me.
He hates to be alone. He likes to be surrounded by people. I didn't do anything for him compared to what he did for me. I just comforted him when he needed. It did not have to make him fall in love with me, whereas I can list lot of things that made me fall for him. I would have fallen for him even if he had not done anything but the things that he did for me made me feel that I did not deserve him.
I can share my feelings with him. I can say that I am in love with him. Expressing my love towards him does not scare me. I was ready to accept his rejection too but I can't take it if he stops talking to me. Being there without talking to him will kill me. I can't even bear thinking about it.
He has expressed his views about love. According to him the love that comes at this young age is nothing but infatuation. True love can never come in this age. He says we can't be sure of what we like or want at this age. So how can be sure about love.
How can I say that I am in love with him? He believes that love is nothing but the attraction that a girl and boy feel towards each other. What he says is true. At this age we can't even be sure of what we want. This thought made me laugh. I can prove it wrong as much as he thinks his view is right. I know my feelings toward him and I am sure of it and I know it's not what he thinks.
I allowed my thoughts to wander. It was the time then Anushiya shook me and said, "Come to the world, Thesika, he is gone."
I was embarrassed. I never knew that she noticed me.
"Whom you are talking about?" I asked her even though I knew with all my heart that she was talking about ALEX.
"Alex, who else." she said.
"What about him?" I asked her, trying to act like I had no idea about whom she was talking about. But she caught me out.
"Don't act innocent, Thesika. You know about whom I am talking and what I am saying," she said, with a doubtful look on her face.
"I have no idea," I said to her, looking away from her.
"Ok Thesika I am asking you now! Do you love him?" she asked. Her eyes revealed that she would be persistant if I didn't give the answer she expected.
"No," I said, trying to keep the certainty in my voice. But I didn't fool her.
"Don't pretend, Thesika. I can see it in the way you look at him. You look like a love sick puppy who wants care from the master." she said.
I knew what she said was true.
"He is just my friend and nothing more than that," I said, pretending to be angry.
I was thankful when her dream boy walked past. She got distracted. I used that time to escape and ran to class and never gave her a hint about anything. Whenever she asked about it I just acted as if I was not interested in that topic.
It was time to go home. Anushiya asked me to drop me at her place. I didn't want to go. I wanted to see what he had given me but she was making it difficult. When I moved to the parking lot, he was there waiting for me near my scooter. Anushiya was with me and I Couldn't talk to him, not when she was around. If I make a little mistake she will figure out everything. I gave him a worried look hoping that he would understand that I couldn't speak with him.
He just turned his head and laughed and it took my breath away. How can a person like that ever exist in this world? I shook my head to make my head clear.
"What Thesika, are you alright?" Anushiya asked me.
"I am fine; just felt that some insect was flying near my ear." I said
When I reached my scooter he already taken his bike and left the school.
It was already 4.30 when I reached home. I ran up to my room to open the gift that he gave me. My cell phone blinked. I nearly got 8 texts and everything was from him. I opened the text and read it.
"I am sorry, Thesika. Don't misunderstand me. When the shopkeeper asked me what he should write? I didn't know what to say. So I asked him to write your name in front my name at the back. I am really sorry, Thesika. Don't be mad please. . Please reply. I wanted to tell you in the parking lot itself but your friend was there. So I didn't want to create a scene. If you are angry with me shout at me but please don't stay calm," was the sum and substance of all the eight texts.
I got to the menu and clicked the reply option and typed "Relax Alex. I just came home now. I went to drop Anushiya home. I would never misunderstand you no matter what you do and I would never ignore you," I typed and pressed the send button.
"Thanks I thought you were angry with me," he replied.
"I like your gift," I replied.
I don't even know what he gave to me but I was sure I will like whatever he gives me.
"Thanks, Thesika. I liked your gift too. It makes me feel that you are around me whenever it jingles in air. I like it a lot. Listening to it makes my thoughts calm down. I will text you at night," he replied.
"Ok," I replied and reached for my bag to take the gift.
I unpacked it quickly and looked at it. It was a keychain. It was cylindrical in shape. My name and his name were written on a grain of rice and placed inside the cylindrical shaped box.
When the grain of rice turned in the liquid inside it, my heart skipped a beat. I was happy. Looking at it evoked some strange feelings in my heart and in my mind. Tears ran down my cheeks. Why does it make me cry? I am not sure.
I crying have never been new to me but shedding tears of happiness is something I had never done before. . What was happening around me? I feel strange. My life is exactly as I wished it to be. Fast, like a blur when I travel by my scooter and when I hit the speedometer to the maximum. Going in top speed doesn't scare me but my life was moving too fast. I am afraid that I will fall down somewhere. Even though I am afraid I can feel a strange and thrilling sensation when I ride my scooter. I like it.
I have cried a lot when people whom I have been with for long, leave. They are forced by circumstances to go away. I don't want the same thing to happen with Alex. So I take every step carefully as I don't want to lose him. Losing him will kill me. I cannot take that heartbreak.
I glanced at my watch. It was late. I started to do my homework. I have lots to study, loads to complete. I started to do my work. When I glanced at the key chain he gave me, it made my skin tingle.