few weeks before the present
after first-week training with Maria I fell into the bed and my body filled with pain even though my progress is amazingly fast I still feel stress on my body and most of all my mind, I don't remember my private life but I think I probably was around second year in high school because my mind isn't as mature as an adult who experienced hardships and pain in his life.
The training is mentally hard for me to continue 5-6 hours of hard training.
I change laying on the side in the bed.
maybe I should use Infinite Deception of Words to make myself more powerful faster.
I am a type of man who wants to enjoy his life and this training isn't really fun.
as I doubt if I really going to use my warping reality power to make things easier.
I remember why in the first place I didn't choose to use it because of sentences I heard in certain anime, bleach,
Mayuri Kurotsuchi , who is the captain of the 12th Division in the Gotei 13 said To Szayelaporro Granz ( an Arrancar in Sōsuke Aizen's army and the Octava (8th) Espada)
"There is nothing in this world that is truly 'perfect'. Though it may be a rather large cliche, it is still the truth. It is the ordinary people who look up to 'perfection' as an ideal and seek after it. But in truth, what is this idea of 'perfection' truly worth? Nothing. Not a single thing. I detest 'perfection'. To be 'perfect' is to be unable to improve any further. There would be no scope for 'creation', not a single gap in one's knowledge or one's ability. Do you see now? To true scientists like you and I, 'perfection' is tantamount to 'despair'. We aspire to reach greater levels of brilliance than ever before, but never, NEVER, to reach perfection. That is the paradox through which we scientists must struggle. Indeed, it is our duty to find pleasure in that struggle. In other words, the second you allowed yourself to spout a ridiculous word like 'perfect', in truth, you had already been defeated. That is, if you wish to be treated as a scientist."
this words effected me deeply because when I thought about it I really realized that if I use my power to grant me the power to be the strongest, the richest, the smartest in this world It means to be perfect in this world nobody will be able to challenge me and eventually my life will be filled with nothing.
so I decided I would follow those words who showed me the realization of the disadvantage of being perfect to try to improve myself with my own effort.
as my resolve got better and I have fallen asleep.