It feels unbearably hot when I wake up. Wrapped in the blankets and Lucien's arms, all I can think about is getting fresh air. I claw at the fabric, pulling it away from my burning skin, but it's still not enough. Damn this heat-loving vampire.
"Lucien," I begin, turning to face him, "you made it too hot."
He doesn't even open his eyes. "I haven't done anything at all."
"Liar," I grumble, pushing at his chest. "It's too hot."
Finally, he cracks his golden eyes open and stares at me. I glare blearily back at him.
"You have a fever," he says, brushing my hair away from my forehead.
I groan and roll away. "There's medicine in one of the cabinets," I grumble, dangling my leg off of the bed.
"I'll get it." Lucien pulls me back onto the bed. "You stay and rest. I'll bring you food as well."
I nod and lay back down. As much as I hate being stuck, I can't risk being sick for long in this situation. If it really goes badly, I suppose I might even die. After all, we're completely cut off here and, well, I don't want them knowing how much medical knowledge I have.
Lucien comes back into the room with the tea cart. I can't help but giggle at the sight. "Why, thank you, dear," I say with a false air of granduer.
He frowns, leans over me, and puts his hand on my forehead. "It must be worse than I thought," he muses.
"Oh shush," I reply, batting his hand away. Then I see what he's laid out on the cart: hot tea, hot coffee, and hot soup. "Ughhh, nothing cold?"
"You need to break your fever," he says, and passes me a tablet of medicine.
"So?" I ask, even though I know perfectly well why. I drink the tablet down, hoping it hides any tells I might give away.
"Your body is hot because it needs to be hot," he sighs, "But I have a washcloth for your forehead."
"Thanks," I mumble, taking it from him. For the first time today, I take a good look at his face. He seems irritated. "I'm sorry…" I murmur.
He frowns. "What for?"
"You're mad I got myself sick, aren't you?"
He stares at me in surprise, then chuckles and lays back. "Well, you're half right. Adrian should have known better."
So he told Lucien about the day in the garden. I suppose it did start there.
"I told him I was fine," I reply, "And then I worked all day yesterday…"
He tilts his head. "You both should have known better." He pokes my nose. "You humans are so delicate."
"Vampires are too," I reply defensively, "in some ways…"
"Yes, I suppose you do have the luxury of thinking that way." He strokes my head, and I find myself closing my eyes to the soothing sensation.
"You really must be sick," he muses, "for your guard to be this low."
I crack an eye open to meet his. "Maybe it's just lowered overall."
"Hmmmm?" He tilts his head to the side. "I thought you didn't trust me."
I shake my head. "No, no, I do. That's the problem."
Lucien throws his head back in a laugh. "You shouldn't have told me that."
"I don't mind," I shrug. "Besides, you wanted to know."
"I do," he says, and leans in with his golden eyes glimmering. "And now I know I can push you even more. I don't know why I keep underestimating you."
"Because...I want you to," I reply sheepishly, and he laughs again.
"So I'm outwitted by a human? That's quite the feat you're attributing to yourself, Adelaide."
At that, I raise my eyebrow. "Well, it's that, or you just keep making the same mistake. Which do you think is more likely?"
"Well, you may have a point, then," he chuckles. "But I'm inclined to think.." He reaches out and plays with a lock of my hair. "that you're still hiding things, and you're hiding them well."
"That's right," I reply with a nod. "Those are the things that I'm not telling you."
He leans in, his face taking up my whole field of vision. "So if I ask the right questions, you'll answer them?"
"Why do I have to keep telling you I won't answer a question I don't want to?"
"Because you haven't refused me yet." His eyes narrow slightly as he smiles.
I narrow my eyes back. "You just haven't found the right questions."
"Hmmmm." Lucien finally leans back, closing his eyes, and I sigh in relief. He cracks an eye open when he hears me. "Not so fast."
I shouldn't have been so obvious. "Come here," he says, patting his lap."
I shake my head. "The bed is more comfortable," I argue.
"But I'm more cool," he replies. "Weren't you complaining of the heat?"
"Fine," I sigh, and move over to him. He picks me up like a cat and sets me on his lap, pulling my back to his chest.
Living chair, I giggle to myself. Wow, maybe I really am sick.
Lucien starts stroking my arm, and I look down at his hand. "That. Why do you do that now?"
"Hmm?"
"You're suddenly so much more touchy."
"Oh, so you noticed? Well, I just stopped holding back." But something about his tone tells me that's not the real reason. Or at least it's not the only reason.
"You said you're not the jealous type," I muse, "and I believe you. Competitive, perhaps. What's the real reason?"
He tilts his face into the back of my head. I can feel him smiling as he does. "I realized touch was your love language."
"Oh." I pause a moment. "Well, that's just not fair."
Lucien chuckles into my hair. "You could always stop me. It wouldn't be the first time you've burned me."
"Don't you ever think about why I burned you?" I ask pointedly.
"Of course." He leans back, tilting his face to the ceiling. "You were angry. You were angry because I didn't listen to you."
"Because you wanted strife," I correct. "I don't just retaliate when I'm angry. I don't like walls, remember? I want to form connections."
He leans forwards and wraps his arms around my waist. "Then connect with me."
"Equal connections," I emphasize, trying to ignore the blush creeping up my cheeks. "And I don't want to form a bridge where I'm the only one reaching out."
"It sounds like you have experience with that. Reaching out with no one else reaching back."
"Yeah." I don't know what else to say.
"And yet," he takes my hand, "you still reach out." He stretches my arm forward. "Even though there's no one reaching back."
"But you are reaching back," I reply, confused. "Aren't you trying to show me as much?"
His hand closes tightly around mine. "You don't think I'm manipulating you?"
"Well, you are," I admit, "but not in the way you're implying. You're trying to..bypass a few things, but I think in the end you seek the same thing as me."
"Hmmm." He puts my hand to his lips and I reflexively squeeze.
"Plus," I add, "Dante's using far more dirty tricks than you are." His arm around my waist tightens. "You…" I try to turn to see his face, but he's holding me too tightly. "You just don't want to lose to Dante, do you?" I giggle a little.
But my prod backfires on me. "Oh?" Lucien leans forward, tilting me towards the ground. "Are you telling me not to 'lose'?" He flips me over and looms over me. "Should I try harder? Use more 'dirty tricks'?" He leans in more and more with every word, eyes narrowed in a catlike smile.
"N-no," I stutter, trying and failing to meet his gaze. "You know that's not at all what I meant."
Lucien lowers himself until he's pinned me down, just holding himself up by his elbows. "You want it, don't you?"
I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to calm myself. Heat spreads through me, a completely different kind than before. "I do, but-"
Something soft touches my forehead - he's kissing me, again. I turn my face to the side, hoping he won't try anymore.
"Relax," he finally chuckles. "I just wanted you to admit it."
"You!" I open my eyes to glare at him. "You could have just asked normally!"
"That's less fun," he teases, poking my nose. "Besides. You don't have to worry about me."
I raise my eyes skeptically. "I'm pretty sure you're the one I have to worry most about."
"No, no." He lays down beside me, pulling over a cushion for us to use as a pillow. "I only move forward when I'm wanted. Completely." His smile widens suggestively. "But I'm also very good at making people do what I want."
"Ugh," I shove at his shoulder, and he catches my hand instead to kiss my fingers. "Would you- stop that." I huff.
"No," he smiles. "You don't want me to."
I bury my head into the cushion. "You don't have to say it out loud," I grumble. "It's embarrassing enough that it's true."
Lucien chuckles and starts petting my head. "Is it really such a bad thing? To be wanted?"
"Not at all!" I cry, shooting out of the cushion. "But this…" I sigh, feeling frustrated at my own inability to word what I'm feeling. "You-"
"I….what? Where am I failing?"
"Why do you even care?"
He seems surprised. "I told you, I'm fond of you."
"What you are," I tell him, jabbing at his chest with my finger, "is horny. And interested in me like...like a pet, or, or, I don't know, a character in a book! That's different from…"
"...Love?" he finishes.
"Well, yes," I reply sheepishly.
"Hmmmm…" His golden eyes bore into mine. "I think your definition is too narrow."
"Okay, fine," I admit. "I want healthy love, then. WIthout power dynamics."
"The differences between the strong and the weak are just facts of life," he replies.
"The idea of "the strong" and "the weak" is a false dichotomy that ignores all the subtleties and complexities of life," I shoot back. But instead of arguing more, he smiles gently at me.
"Yes....that's right…" he murmurs, stroking my face. "So why are you so intent on keeping yourself on the weak side?"
"I don't...know what you mean," I reply. I search his eyes, but find no answer there. "Weak side?"
"I don't mean holding to your place as a thrall, or anything like that," he adds. "That's outside of your control. I mean internally." He taps on my sternum. "You'll take what you can get. You wrote the other day that it doesn't matter who loved you; that you would take it.
I sigh and look away. "I did technically say it doesn't matter who. What I meant was, I could fall in love with all kinds of people. I could fall in love with anyone, that humanity or gender didn't matter to me." I look back to meet his gaze. "But...you're also right. I know that growing up in this world has broken me...in that area. I want to be wanted. Even if I know rationally that it isn't healthy, or true, that if I'm not guarded enough, I will take it just because I'm so starved for it."
"So...you're trying to build walls that you want to tear down," Lucin muses. "Usually it's the opposite. You are strange."
I shrug, turning to lie on my back. "Well, I'm in a strange situation. Plus, well…" I turn my face away, embarrassed."
"Hmmm~?" He seems to sense why I'm hesitating.
"Well, sexuality just makes it a mess. Makes it harder for me to stop...me." I admit, my cheeks hot.
"You seem to resent your own sex drive," he chuckles.
"I didn't have a problem with it until I was locked into a house with four horny vampires who have no sexual interest in each other," I shoot back.
Lucien lets out a laugh. "That's fair." He sits up on his elbow, leaning his chin on his hand. "Maybe you'll get lucky. Perhaps they'll send a woman who's upset the council here as well."
"That," I grumble, poking him in the chest. "Is not a solution. Adding another vampire is never going to be a good thing in this place."
"Hmm, that's true," he smiles. "We would be incredibly bored if you were unconscious all the time."
"Yeah, I realized that yesterday," I sigh. "And here I thought that people could entertain themselves normally and be satisfied."
"Well, that's why we're here," he replies with a shrug.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"The four of us caused trouble for the Council because we chose to entertain ourselves with people rather than things." His smile seems almost...nostalgic?
"You...have no intention of playing nice, do you?" I narrow my eyes at him.
His smile widens into something a little more sinister. "Of course not. Especially not with you around. It hasn't even been a month and I've had more fun with you than I have in the last...oh, few centuries."
"Despite your best efforts," I add wryly.
Lucien laughs, pushing back his hair. "Yes. Who knew all I was missing was a little human neophyte?"
"Neophyte?" I sit up on my elbow as well. "I am not a neophyte. And I won't bend to their strictures to become one, either."
His smile turns sinister as he reaches out to stroke my face again. "Oh, Adelaide. That's not the only way to become a neophyte."
It is according to the law. Is he saying he would turn me himself?
Lucien seems to read my thoughts. "I'm old, Adelaide. Very old. The Council is like a pack of noisy dogs to me." He lays back, settling into his cushions.
"Huh." My mind is whirling now, with dangerous thoughts. I can feel my heartbeat increasing just from the adrenaline. Of imagining the world without the Council, but on a larger scale. It had always been so hard to picture, before now…
I realize he's watching me with his little sly smile. "Gives you a lot to think about, doesn't it?" he purrs.
"Hmph." I push at his shoulder. "I'm not telling you."
"You don't need to," he smiles. "Your face is so easy to read."
"Stop reading it then," I reply, turning over onto my side. But I'm glad he thinks as much, even if it doesn't give me much of an advantage.
I find myself feeling drowsy in the following quiet. Well, sleep is probably best for me right now. Can't go without feeding these four bastards for long. As I sink into unconsciousness, I wonder vaguely if vampires could diagnose sickness from taste. That would be nice…