It was stupid of me to think that no one would notice anything had changed even without Adrian saying anything. As soon as we return to the main room so I can eat, Dante and Lucien examine our twined hands and trade looks. Lucien grins victoriously and Dante passes him another red gem with a sigh.
This time, I can't ignore it. "Alright, what is that?"
"A bet, obviously," replies Dante nonchalantly. Virgil looks up from his script in the corner, looking guilty.
I narrow my eyes at him. "Just how much have you been betting without me realizing?"
"Oh, just the occasional things I find interest in," replies Lucien lightly, but I don't believe him for a second.
I zero in on Virgil. "It's been on everything, hasn't it?" He nods, turning pink and hiding behind the anthology. I sigh and fold my arms. Dante's expression is as cool as ever, but Lucien's grinning away. "Well, normally I wouldn't care, but I have a feeling that whatever you're betting for has to do with me, yes?" I can feel Adrian start to slink away behind me, and I grab his arm. "You too." I drag him to the table and sit down.
"You might as well just show me," I sigh. "I mean, it obviously affects me, right?" I focus my attention on Dante, who just smiles and leans over to pull something from under the sofa.
...Several somethings, actually. He places little velvet bags on the table, each stamped with the flower of the four men's families.
I feel my heart sink. I should have known better. "I'm going to get myself some food," I say, leaving the room as quickly as I can. "I'll be back in a bit."
I concentrate on cooking to give me time to calm my roiling thoughts. I should just be disappointed, but instead I feel conflicted. It should be obvious that they were just using me for this bet, but I also doubt that this long-running bet could possibly be their motivation for everything. And besides, I tell myself, they've stopped themselves without me having to burn them, and they've been surprised at how far I've gone. But it's hard to cling onto that hope with such heavy despair pulling at my heart. The food finishes cooking - too quickly - and I sigh and return back to the room.
"So," I sigh, setting my food on the table. "What exactly are you planning on using your 'winnings' for?"
Virgil tilts his head. "What do you mean? We already have been."
Now I feel even worse. "I don't… I don't understand."
"Adelaide," begins Lucien, "I think you're misunderstanding a lot here."
"Where, exactly?" I shoot back. Tears threaten to spring from my eyes, but I try to push them back with anger. "Haven't you been betting on how I would act? How far you could get me to go?"
"It started out that way, yes," admits Adrian. "But we've changed the system since then."
I turn accusingly to him, and he looks at me with pleading eyes. "Really, I mean it. It went from betting, to...earning, I suppose."
I frown at him. "I still don't understand. And I don't know what you're using them for."
Dante cuts in. "We've been using the gems as currency in games every night. Those of us that don't have you, that is."
I narrow my eyes at him. For once, he doesn't seem perfectly composed, and his gaze doesn't quite meet mine. "Originally, yes, they had a purpose. But now they are just currency."
"And that purpose was…?"
"Whoever had the most would take you home with them," replies Lucien.
I can't respond. So it was originally a game to...decide who gets to keep me?
"The original idea was," he continues, "that you should go with whoever you had the most chemistry with. Hence the "earning" when various things happened."
I nod along. "Okay, you're right that it's not quite as bad as I originally thought. But I still resent being treated like a commodity."
"But-" cuts in Adrian, "we realized that was a poor idea. You can't commodify affection, after all. And….we felt bad."
I raise my eyebrows skeptically. "All of you?"
"I did," mumbles Virgil.
"You were also losing," adds Dante.
I turn my gaze back to him. "You don't seem contrite."
"....No." But his usual carefree attitude is gone. "However, I realized it was useless. So I suggested we simply use it as currency instead."
"Your dynamic with everyone is different," explains Lucien, but he stops when tears finally start spilling out of my eyes.
"That's logical and all," I manage to gasp out, "but that doesn't make me feel much better."
"Adelaide…" Adrian takes my hand, but I pull it out of his grasp.
"Can't you all….can't you all just use me in one way instead of several?" I cry, and run out of the room.
I don't know where else to go but the garden. I run straight to the weeping willow and climb as high as I can without peeking out the top. It's not loud, ripping sobs like it has been before. I wish it were. It's just a constant flow of hot tears, that won't stop no matter how much I try to catch my breath. I cling to the tree and eventually just give up, instead just listlessly waiting for the tears to stop.
I know...I know I shouldn't feel this hurt. I know it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was. But I feel more angry at myself than I do at them. They were just doing what vampires do. I was the one not keeping up my guard as a thrall.
I find myself staring up at the night sky, hoping the sun will come out before they find me. Lucien is probably big enough to drag me in while transformed, but...maybe I can squeeze in some alone time before that happens. In the sunlight.
"Adelaide."
I start at the voice. It's the last person I expected: Dante. That's right, he's found me here once before.
Through the fronds, I see him standing across the pond, waiting. I don't move.
He walks around the pond and sits down on the bench. He doesn't look up at me as he speaks. "I...underestimated the emotional capacity of humans."
I still don't respond, and he continues.
"I usually pride myself on understanding that humans are mentally no different from vampires. That they are not to be underestimated. I considered myself above such supremacist thinking." He scoffs. "I'm ashamed that my thinking was in any way similar to the council," he adds bitterly.
He pauses, and I wait in silence for what else he might say, my heart pounding despite myself.
"At the very least, don't think of Adrian or Virgil in the same vein as you think of me. Virgil was losing, like I said, but it was somewhat misleading. He never wanted to tell us what you did with him. And as for Adrian…" he chuckles wryly. "Well, naturally he was bursting with excitement whenever anything happened, so he was more than willing to share. But his actions would have been the same."
Well, I'll grant him that.
"They…" He sighs in frustration, and I find myself intrigued. I've never seen him uncomfortable before. I start slowly moving down the tree.
"I can take responsibility," he says finally, "but please forgive them. Their little hearts would break if you put up walls now."
I land on the ground behind him. "And what does 'taking responsibility' mean to you?"
"It means…" he hesitates. He won't turn around either. "It means losing privileges that I had been taking from you. It's only fair." But there's still something about his tone that seems off.
"Dante," I say, putting my hand on his shoulder, "face me."
He turns enough so I can see his profile. He looks calm enough, but it's not right. I can barely believe my eyes. I walk around to the front. Sitting down, he's at eye level with me.
I put my hands on his shoulders. "Your real face."
His dark eyes flick back up to mine, and the facade crumbles. Pain, guilt, worry - it's all scrawled over his face in a way I never would have expected. I can't hide my shock, and he tries to turn away again.
"No, don't," I hear myself saying, and I take his face in my hands. "This...this is a much better apology than your words," I tell him gently.
He sighs, and I can see his cheeks turn slightly red as he looks away again, frowning.
"But I don't understand," I continue. "I thought all you wanted was- I thought all you saw in me was a toy."
He still looks stubbornly away, refusing to meet my gaze. I run my hand over his cheek, and his expression wavers.
"Dante, there's no one here to hear you," I say quietly. "And you should know me well enough to know that I don't treat emotions as weaknesses. And-"
He finally looks back to me, and my own voice threatens to break. "I know I'm more fond of you than I should be, so, it would be nice to know I'm not alone in that."
"I don't know...how I feel," he says finally. "More than I expected to, but beyond that," he heaves a wry sigh. "I know better than to make assumptions. But-"
I wait in silence as he finds the words, or perhaps the courage to say them.
"But some things are undeniable," Dante continues, lifting his head. "It is a fact that you are not my usual taste, and yet I find you irresistibly attractive." I flush bright red at his words, but he continues unheeded. "It is a fact that your defiance, usually irritating, is somehow refreshing. And it is a fact that I am irritated when you are elsewhere, and want you by my side at all times. But."
"But it is also a fact that you are apart from your usual company, isolated and starving for things that are lacking here," I finish, nodding. "I know. I'm young by your standards, but I'm not naive."
His dark eyes hold mine. "Good." After a few seconds, he sighs and rubs at his temples. "I'm not Lucien. I don't care for strife."
"We can't help the way things are right now, with us," I say, "but there's also no need to force change, or put up pretenses."
His eyes narrow slightly. "What are you trying to say?"
"Don't put up pretenses or walls, and neither will I. We can just let things happen as they would naturally."
"You'll get hurt."
"I told you, didn't I?" I stroke his cheek again. "I'm not afraid of pain."