Dante just stares at me in silence, and I drop my hand with a sigh. "I need to go find Lucien."
He's the one I've already felt the most conflicted about, and I refuse to let the night end without clearing things up.
Dante stays behind on the stone bench.
I don't bother knocking and just walk straight into Lucien's room. It's dimmer than usual, lit by fewer candles and hazy with incense. But for once, it's not a mystery where he is. His gold eyes glimmer at me from his cushions on the floor, and I kneel in front of him. I'm here, but now I don't know what to say. I suppose I'll cut straight to the point.
"Lucien. I want to know how far your affection goes, and where your desires lie."
There's a few seconds of silence before he replies. "You're asking for a lot."
"Will you refuse?"
"...No. But I do need a starting point."
I sigh. It's hard to know where to begin, really. "...You said you find me fascinating. Would you still be interested if you were at home, rather than cooped up?"
"Yes."
"Is this interest...really more than a fascination with my character?"
"Yes." He didn't hesitate at all.
"And it would be there without the...sexual component."
"Yes." He's starting to sound exasperated. "I keep asking you why you don't believe me. I meant it when I said I wanted to connect with you."
"I just- I just don't understand," I say, starting to lose my composure. "Dante spoke of attraction and interest, but not, not actually…"
"Liking you?"
I nod. "And, and everything you're saying and doing seems to indicate that, but, I just, I just can't believe it…"
Lucien reaches forward and grasps my arm. "Come here."
"Why?" I frown.
"You won't believe just my words." He pulls on my arm and I finally relent, letting him pull me into his embrace. He wraps his arm around my back and strokes my cheek with his thumb. "Listen to me. You doubt me because you are insecure, and because you are young. You haven't experienced much love, and you're scared." I can't look away from his powerful gaze. "And I am old. I have been in love many times, and had many other kinds of relationships besides. My conviction seems strange to you. You need a reason. To you, love has factors, and if you can identify them, you can determine whether it is 'real' or not." I search his eyes, trying to find where he's going. "But that is too narrow a way to think. Sometimes, you must simply accept the reality in front of you."
"I….can't," I whisper. "My heart won't let me believe what my mind understands."
"I know." Lucien leans in and kisses me gently, and I don't stop him. I can't. He feels warm, and soft, and comforting, so different from the impression I'd had of him for so long. He releases me and strokes my head. "I'll teach your body to understand," he murmurs. "For as long as you'll let me."
I feel warm and hot and cold all at the same time. I just curl up and let him hold me as tears slowly spill from my eyes. Eventually, the tears stop, and he stands, pulling me up with him.
"You should go to Virgil," he says quietly, wiping at my cheeks. "He's twisting himself in knots right now," he adds, and I see a slight smile pulling at his mouth.
"You sadist," I mumble.
"I could just keep you here like I want to," he argues with a smile, and I pull away.
"No, I'm going. I like Virgil, I don't want him to think I hate him. Is Adrian okay?"
"Why are you asking me?"
This time, I smile at him. "Because you know."
Lucien sighs. "He's fine. Guilty, but he'll be fine."
"Thank you." I go on my tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek, and pad my way over to Virgil's room.
I knock hesitantly on his door. I think I hear something stir inside, but Virgil doesn't respond. Slowly, I open the door. He looks up at me, eyes red-rimmed from crying. "It's not fair how humans can do that," he huffs, wiping uselessly at his eyes. "Why are you here? I can feed later, if that's what you're thinking. I'm sure you don't want to see me right now."
I shake my head and sit next to him on the bed. He looks at me suspiciously. "I'm not upset with you," I tell him frankly.
He glares at me. "Liar." He rubs at his eyes again, and I catch his hand.
"You'll make it worse if you keep rubbing. But listen to me. I was hurt, yes. But I understand now. And it seemed you didn't really want to participate."
"But...I did," he replies guiltily, looking away.
"I forgive you," I reply simply, but he still won't look me in the eye. "Look, Virgil, just seeing how upset you are makes me happy."
Finally, he meets my eyes, tears threatening to spill again. "I'm sorryy…." he half-blubbers. "I don't want you to hate me. I really like you. I-" He clings to the front of my dress and I pull him into an embrace, rubbing his head gently.
"I, I just feel so behind!" he wails. "I never want to give you up, but you're so happy to leave! You're nice to me, and it seems like you like me, but, but I just never get what everyone else gets! And I just feel so jealous!"
"Virgil...you think I don't like you as much as the rest?"
He nods, still shaking.
"Virgil, you're so silly. You were the first one who made me feel comfortable here. I like being with you. We have so much in common." I wrest his face up and force him to look at me. "Honestly," I add with a self-deprecating smile, "I'm flabbergasted you seem to care so much about me."
Virgil wails again and squeezes me tightly. "I'm just shy, okay?"
I giggle and rub his head, combing my fingers through his pale hair. "I know, I know. It seems we have a lot more in common that I thought."
"What do you mean?" he whimpers, looking back up at me through tear-soaked eyelashes.
"I…." I look away, unable to meet his gaze right now. "I'm not really confident in myself as...someone who is likeable."
He narrows his eyes at me. "Is that just a really roundabout way of saying…" his eyes start to glimmer with tears again - "that you feel unlovable?"
"Well, that's a harsh way of putting it, but...more or less, I guess," I reply awkwardly, keeping my head turned away.
Suddenly, Virgil sits up and bowls me over onto my back. "Well, I love you, okay?!" he bursts out. "So stop being so, so-"
"You...what?" I feel myself flushing, but I should know better.
This time, he looks me square in the face. "I love you."
"Are...are you sure?" I stammer.
"Who cares!" Virgil cries, gripping me by the shoulders. "Just accept it! You overthink everything!"
"Um...okay," I stutter.
"Good!" And with that, he presses his lips to mine in a sudden kiss.
Everything is happening so fast, I don't know what to think. I don't even close my eyes, just staring at him so close, eyes squeezed shut.
When he pulls away, his cheeks are blazing as bright as mine, and his brow creases in worry. "Was...was I too much?"
Numbly, I shake my head. "I'm just, uh, I-"
Virgil scoots away, his guilt deepening. "I knew it. You just felt bad for me, didn't you…"
"Dammit," I sigh to myself, and crawl back towards him with determination.
"Wh-" This time, I cut him off with a kiss, leaning over him and gripping him by the back of his head.
"Mmm! Mmmmmm…." He relaxes, finally, and I release him, face burning.
"Th-there," I mumble, covering my face with my hands. "Don't be as bad as me."
"You're serious." Virgil's voice is quiet, but he pries my hands away from my face easily. "You're really serious."
"Well, yes!" I say, flustered. "Aren't you?" His eyes are darkened with hunger, but when he leans in again, it's not to bite. His arms are suddenly iron strong as he pulls me into another kiss.
"I just...wanted to make sure," he murmurs, and pushes me down onto the bed. "Because I don't want to stop."
He kisses me again, hungrily, and it's all I can do to catch my breath. I feel like I'm drowning in his intensity, but I squeeze him back. He leans in even deeper, gripping my waist and tangling his fingers in my hair.
Slowly, his mouth travels further down, to my neck, and he nibbles at my skin for a few moments before he bites in. I gasp at the unexpected sensitivity, and he grips me even tighter as he drinks thirstily.
He's never drunk so fast before. I can feel his back arching as he pushes me down further and further, digging deeper into my neck with every gulp. I don't have time to stop him. I just writhe under him for a few seconds until I black out.