James slaps me on the back after practice, a little harder then necessary. He's of the ones who doesn't want me in the team but he hides it well. I ignore the slap because we both that if it came down to it, I'd beat him to a pulp easily.
" great practice," he says, " We're all just so happy to have a new recruit. Especially someone who's as great at you." I can hear the bitterness and sarcasm in his tone but I ignore it and give him a nod in response.
My minds been somewhere else lately. I can't get stop thinking about her. Especially since she hasn't been to school all week. Maybe she's sick? I would ask her sister but considering the way she acted when she found me and Emma together I don't think she would like that.
I'm worried about her though. Is it really a coincidence that the day her sister finds out about us, she disappears. Maybe I'm overthinking things, I sure hope I am. But what about her scars? To do something like that to yourself, you must have been in a pretty bad place. I wonder what put her there, and I wonder if her family has something to do with it. Maybe she's not as crazy as I thought?
<<< I lean over the toilet for the second day and throw up, though most of it seems to be blood. My body aches something fierce and I'm tired as hell. All this because I dared to talk to Jake. Because I dared to 'steal' Amy's man, I'm rewarded by having the current man my moms sleeping with teach me a lesson. Her last boyfriend was worse than this current one, but he's just as bad. My mom goes through boyfriends like she goes through clothes, constant and never the same one for a long period of time. But the one thing they all have in come though is that their all monsters, finding pleasure in beating and raping me. I looked unrecognizable. My whole body was bruised and hurting. I was allowed the week of of school but that was it. But chance of rest I'll take, even if it's spent hurting all over. My mom even gave me an actual plate of food. Which means she knows that I'm barely hanging on. But I am determined to get through this, which means re-evaluating some choices I've made. The main one is talking to Jake. That's what got me in the most trouble and I can't have that happen again. The more trouble I get in the more my family hates me and I just want to be loved. So I need to forget about him like I said before, but this time I won't give. No matter how much I want to, I will not talk to Jake. ~~~~~~~ I feel like I've made a mistake. When I was healed I went back to school and I made sure to have little to no contact with him. I stopped going to the library and instead decided to hide out in an empty classroom nobody used anymore. If he spoke to me I made sure to either ignore him completely or give short answers. I was cold and heartless towards him and I hated every moment of it. During history he would stare at me a lot or would pass me notes. I didn't read them, in fact I didn't even look at him. But I did keep the notes, I think he knew that which was why he kept trying. But eventually though, he gave up on me. No more notes, no more stolen glances at me, nothing. But then the whispers started and I felt my heat being crushed. Rumors spread about his escapades with some members of the cheerleading squad. Amy was furious about that but thankfully Bohr didn't try to blame me, even if their was a little more yelling and crying at the house than usual. I know why my hurt aches so much just from hearing about his adventures but I don't know how. How could in the short time I've know him, I've fallen for him. I don't love him because I don't believe in that stuff, but I definitely have feeling. But maybe this is for the best? I would have gotten my heart broken by him and made a fool of myself. At least this way I won't end up another notch in his belt like the other girls. <<<< I can't believe it's taking me this long to realize this simple fact; women will never be understood. Emma being the prime example. I knew she was reluctant to work on the project with me, but what happened in that week to make her so distant. It's not like I can use the project as an excuse anymore since the teacher decided to abandon the idea. She claims she's having too complaints from students and parents that's she's scraping the project. She then called us a bunch of babies. Now instead we're going to Write an essay on something in life that some people take for granted. It had to be deep, meaningful, and due at the end of the nine weeks. All this sums up to the fact that I have no reason to talk to Emma. But considering her behavior lately and the few times she's actually spoken to me, she wants nothing to do with me. My feeling are starting to become a confused and tangled mess. I'm starting to become pissed that she's ignoring me but I also want to talk to her. I have so many questions to ask her. Like are being hurt? Do you need help? But I probably won't be getting any answers. I've reverted back to my old ways, sleeping with a lot of girls. My main focuses have turned to girls, parties, and football. And yet, no many how many girls I fuck, I still can't get her out of my mind. I can admit to myself all I want than I'm sleeping with other girls to forget about her and get her out my thoughts. But there's always that one small part of me that knows that in some twisted and fucked up way, I'm doing this to make her jealous. I'm disgusting I know. But I just want her to talk to me, Is that so bad? Maybe I should force her to talk to me...but what if my theory's correct and she really is being abused? I don't think she would like that. I need the truth, but I'm not sure how to get it. ~~~~~~~~ I know on the door before I can talk myself out of it. I've walked over to their house so I can talk to Emma. I need to know how she is. Sometime, in the short time I've known her, its stopped becoming about sex. Which is a little scary and weird cause I can't remember the last time I've felt like this so quickly for someone. Amy opens the door and I can see her surprise, which quickly gives away to happiness. " Jake," she says leaning against the door and batting her eyelashes, " Did you come over to see me?" Taking a deep breath, I steel up my courage and then speak, " No. I actually just came over to see Emma." The smile that was on her face was replaced with a glare that could kill. She's pissed. I knew she liked me, but I wasn't going there, no matter how hit she is. It's one thing to sleep with girls Emma probably doesn't know, but sleeping with her sister is a no-no. " Sure," she says sweetly, " Come on in, she's in her room." I have my guard up going in but I follow her in, as she leads me upstairs I get a few glances at their house. Considering the fact that the houses here are nice houses you would think that this family would at least be middle class. But that's not what it seems on the inside. The furniture looks old, but not necessarily ugly and ratty. The kitchen is pretty small with just the basic appliances. I wonder what their using their money on? Clothes? But that wouldn't make sense because while everyone Emma dresses like a sexy homeless person, Amy dresses like she's going to the club. and from what I've seen, their mom wears expensive brands. so where is the money going? I stop when I realize she's taking me to what seems to be their attic. " why'd you stop," she says when she realized I'm not right behind her, " You said you wanted to see Emma. Or did you change your mind?" " No," I say taking cautious is steps forward, " But she sleeps up here?" There are plenty of other rooms downstairs. Amy just shrugged and opens the door. I step in and my eyes instantly find Emma. She's sitting on an old couch that looks like it's practically following apart, reading a book. Emma bolts up off the couch when she sees us, her eyes straying to me and then back to her sister. " Look who's here to see you," Amy says stepping back towards the door. " Isn't it a nice surprise, but if I were you I would make this little reunion quick. Moms coming back soon."